Disclaimer: I do not own Buffyverse or anything else you may recognize

Been wanting to do this for ages, and now I'm finally gonna do it.

This is inspired by Phillipe363's one-shots where Arrowverse characters call out the writers for their bullshit writing, as well as the one where River Song called out Moffat for the bullshit way in which he wrote her, so thank you to him.

With the revelations about Joss by Charisma, Amber, Michelle, James, Eliza, Ray, Kai, and the rest, I only feel better about doing this.

Hope all enjoy.

Joss Whedon was sitting in his room, looking at the post made against him by Charisma Carpenter on his laptop (How dare she get pregnant without his say-so?), as well as posts by Amber Benson (Her fault she didn't return for her character's resurrection, not like anyone other than Joss himself has a schedule to maintain), Michelle Trachtenberg (No one was supposed to know about the rule where he couldn't be alone in a room with her!), Sarah Michelle Gellar (He made her an icon, how dare she do this to him?), James Marsters (Yeah, he pushed him against a wall due to Spike getting too popular, kid should deal with it!) and the rest in support of Charisma.

He was their boss, he could treat them however he wanted, it was his right! That moron Ray Fisher should have just kept his mouth shut. So what if he removed Cyborg's role from Justice League? Audience still got to see Gal Gadot's ass, and Barry falling into Diana's tits!

Suddenly, a bright light shone in front of Joss Whedon, and Cordelia Chase now sat in front of him, surrounded by a heavenly light, glaring at him.

"Uhhh….Charisma, I saw your post, we can work it-"

"Looking fat, Joss, you pregnant?" Cordelia quipped, making him shut up. "You gonna keep the baby?"

Joss looked humiliated now as Cordelia said. "Oh! And not Charisma! I'm Cordelia Chase! The one and only, I'm the bitch, no one messes with me."

Joss started. "Look, you would have been the typical high school Queen Bee in any other show, I gave you character growth-"

"Yeah, not denying that, you turned me from a high school cheerleader bitch to a genuine hero with a desire to do good", Cordelia nodded. "But the crap in Season 4, you thought I wouldn't payback for that, you moron?"

"Your actress got pregnant without telling me!" Joss snapped.

"So what, she should revolve her whole life around you? Your manliness is that fragile?" Cordelia quipped, humiliating Joss more as she smirked. "And that's what you did to me over her pregnancy? It's like…..Oedipus with a sprinkle of Avengers#200. I slept with Connor, the kid of Angel, who is the love of my life, and gave birth to a…woman who was possessing me? How high were you when you came up with that punishment to degrade me and my actress? Took Orpheus and had Vamp whores suck on you like Riley?"

"I wanted to give an interesting pregnancy plotl-"

"Bullcrap, blah, blah", Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Most shows just have the actress lie down with many blankets, making an excuse for the character. Or you know, you could have had Angel get me pregnant somehow, at least that would be a good pregnancy, then me and Angel could have a family together. But no, you only like me pregnant when it's Demon Spawn. Before Jasmine, there was the Haxil Demon and the Skilosh, and the second one was literally rape, just not the usual kind, but you played it for laughs!"

Joss was now dumbfounded at being called out on his bullcrap by his own character he had mistreated out of spite as Cordelia continued. "And, you brought me back for the 100th episode, only because you couldn't get Sarah obviously. My plotline there was nice, but really? Killing me like that right in the episode I came back? You have any idea how many viewers you traumatized, along with my poor Angel himself?"

Cordelia scoffed. "And then next episode, you couldn't even have the team mourn me, no, Cordelia isn't important, even though I was in the show from Episode 1 and without me, your show wouldn't be half as popular as it was!"

Then she scoffed again. "Of course, let's not forget you continued the love triangle with Buffy, Spike and Angel in the follow-up comics instead of bringing me back and letting me and Angel be happy, while Buffy could be happy with Spike, since she and Spike with a soul, as well as me and Angel, made a lot more sense that overrated crap that is Buffy's and Angel's relationship which would be universally hated if not for the actors' chemistry, and the start of it was so creepy. I mean, an over 200 year old Vamp sees a 15 year old sucking a lollipop and falls in love at first sight? But then again, considering you're such a perv, not a surprise."

Before Joss could respond, Cordelia said. "And I'm not the only one you've wronged with your bullshit."

There was another bright light as Tara Maclay now appeared next to Cordelia, taking her own seat. "How could you underuse me like that after how beloved I was?"

Joss said. "Come on, you and Willow were revolutionary-"

"And I appreciate that, we are definitely one of the best romances in all of TV, LGBT or otherwise", Tara said before getting to business. "But outside of being her girlfriend, you didn't give me too many plotlines. I mean, there was only one episode centered around me during my whole run! Riley got more than that, and I was in more episodes than him, plus I was universally beloved other than by some people, while he was universally hated other than by some people. The trauma caused by my family abuse alone would have enough substance for like a 3-episode story arc, but no, you are too busy thinking of killing me in Season 6."

Joss started. "That was Marti-"

"Really? Then why did you tell my actress during Season 5 that you planned to kill me off?" Tara asked and Joss was silent. "I did get more to do in Season 6, like being Buffy's friend over her toxic relationship with soulless Spike, and being a surrogate mother to Dawn after her mom's death, and of course standing up for myself against everyone, Willow included. But then you just killed me off for cheap shock value? And how is a bullet a natural death?"

"Only in his messed up mind", Cordelia told Tara who nodded.

"You wanted Dark Willow? You could have just put me in a coma, or resurrected me later", Tara told Joss.

"We were going to in Season 7 with the wish plotline, your actress was unavailable!" Joss snapped again.

"Are you going to use the same excuse for the follow-up comics too?" Tara asked and Joss paled. "You could have easily done this plotline in those, brought me back, so I, Willow and Dawnie could have our happy ending. But no, you had to just do some really out-there plotlines, like the one with Twilight, and of course, continue the Buffy/Spike/Angel love triangle instead of letting Buffy and Spike be happy and bringing Cordy back so she and Angel could be happy."

"I mean, you gave us 3 Seasons of the endless melodramatic Bangel saga but me and Angel couldn't even be happy for 3 episodes with all the obstacles you threw in our way!" Cordelia scoffed.

"And really? You tried to show that I mattered only to Willow? I am hurt, because it is disrespectful to the rest who were close to me, especially Dawnie", Tara said to Joss, looking into his eyes. "The poor girl found my body and cried over it for hours. That, combined with our mother-daughter relationship, would have affected her for a long time, right up till Season 7. She and Willow could have a scene where they grieved me together, and Buffy and Spike could be added too, since I was there for Buffy, and I treated Spike better than the other characters."

"And then he pushed that bullshit with Willow and Kennedy. If you wanted to give another romance to Willow, not that anything can beat her and Tara here", Cordelia said as Tara smiled. "You could have done Willow and Faith, hell even Willow and Fred would have been better, because Kennedy is the worst character in the whole Buffyverse, and you were an idiot to even create her, or increase that pervy creep Andrew's role for the matter, and give him a senseless redemption arc to boot."

"You mistreated the two of us, Cordy worse than me, and many more characters, as well as actors and writers working under you, plus cheated on your wife", Tara shook her head sadly as she and Cordelia got up and turned away.

"Time to pay up", Cordelia smirked and snapped her fingers as Anyaka the Vengeance Demon appeared, making Joss crawl back in horror.

"Ask me for a wish!" Anyaka demanded.

"But-"

"Ask!"

Joss shamelessly wished. "I wish to have sex!"

"Done", Anyaka smirked as a portal opened and out leapt skinless Warren, his hands raised out. "Joss, please have sex with me."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Joss screamed in horror as he fainted while Cordelia, Tara and Anyaka moved away.

"I thought he'd be happy, I mean, Warren was his exaggerated self-insert in the show", Cordelia quipped as the other two chuckled, then all 3 disappeared.

Later

Joss woke up on his bed, and sat up with a gasp, looking around.

"Must have been a dream", he said to himself, then felt something rubbing against his foot under the bedsheets.

He removed them to reveal skinless Warren rubbing against his foot.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And done, hope all had a laugh, and see you all next time with some other update. Stay safe from the coronavirus ya all!