"Your usual, Captain Mermista."
"Thanks, babe." Mermista gave the bartender a wink and the woman turned pink. Well, like, pinker since she'd started that color. Sometimes they had some fun when she had business in Seaworthy, but she'd been getting a little too clingy lately. She ignored the invitation on the woman's fishy face and took a sip, the alcohol burning her throat as she swallowed. She liked a drink that hurt a little, reminded her not to get too soft. The bartender took the hint and went back to her business.
She had at least one "babe" in just about every shore town. Apparently, the whole damn coastline took the leave me the fuck alone vibe she was trying to give off to mean to please fall in love with me. And, hey, she didn't mind a little company when she got back to port but the last thing she needed was to get tied down.
Ughhh. And she was NOT thinking about the letter, okay? The letter she deffffffinitely should have just thrown out. She was especially not thinking about that total cheeseball's last line about wanting to make her his princess, or whatever.
What she should have done is ran him through with her harpoon on Day One. Out on a standard job, a commission to hunt a sea serpent (that the locals had named Bob for some unknown reason). Except when she pulled in her trap and saw that long red and yellow fishtail rise out of the water with a whole ass man on the end. She could still see that goofy grin on his face, his mustache flopped upside down and dripping down his face. The way the water on his pecs kind of glistened over the curves of his muscles— wow, okay, no.
Her face was burning but that was because the drink was strong, alright? He was JUST her meal ticket. She crunched an ice cube between her teeth. She was DONE with the whole fooling around with princes thing.
—
"Excuse me. We were told you're a sea captain?"
Mermista lowered the map she was studying and was about to just tell whoever it was to fuck off like she'd told the clownfishes who'd wanted to arm wrestle or the slimeheads who'd tried to drag her into their clearly rigged game of Go Fish. But then she got a good look at the kids in front of her.
Definitely not from around here. Polished. Pink. A lot of gold and sparkles and… some weird-ass sword. A look like the three of them combined were real low on brain cells but had plenty of gold. And adventure didn't come cheap. Fine, she'd play.
"Uh, yeah. Captain Mermista. Who's asking?"
"Your name is Mermista?" This was from the tiny one with the black hair, an archer based on the gear strapped to her back. "That's the fucking coolest name I've ever heard!"
"Wait a minute. Mermista?" The one who'd spoken first, the boy with the fancy cape and sparkly pink and purple hair, stopped glaring at his small companion and turned to study her. "Aren't you and Sea Hawk… close personal friends?"
Ughhhhhhh. Nobody had given a name let alone a title but she'd bet anything this was Sea Hawk's friend Bow, prince of some nonsense she couldn't be bothered to remember. "Never heard of him."
"Are you sure? Because we need to get to Salineas. Sea Hawk's having trouble with the Seagate." This was from the blonde with the sword who would be kind of hot if she was, like, a few feet taller. Maybe some more hair. "It'd mean trouble for the whole rebellion if the Horde attacks. We've got to help!"
Yeah, she knew. He wrote her a whole ass letter whining about it. "My dearest Mermista, my kingdom is crumbling, everyone has abandoned me, come be by my side in my hour of need, marry me and be my princess, blah blah blah." But she didn't like the way this sparkly prince guy was looking at her like he knew that she and Sea Hawk had… fuck, he probably did. She drained her glass to hide the fact that she was blushing.
Goddamn it Sea Hawk, how about you keep your fucking mouth shut? What happened to not kissing and telling? Yeah, harpoon for sure next time she saw that goober.
"Uh, yeah, that sounds like a you problem." She slammed her glass down and threw her foot up on the table, perfectly timed with the lightning from the storm outside. "You're talking to the bitch who twice ran the 100-klick Galebreath Gauntlet in less than 10 klicks. I railed the straights of Serpentine so bad they're gay as shit now. I once shot a man dead for singing a shanty before dawn and I have totalllllly fucked a siren. And because I can tell you're wondering, it's not the leggings. My ass just naturally looks this good."
"Wow!" The old Mermista charm was working at full effect because the tiny one looked about ready to give it up on the spot. The archer swallowed, her eyes wide. "You're hired!"
"Glimmer!" Bow grabbed the tiny one's arm, his brows knit. "What is with you? We haven't even discussed payment!"
Aw, somebody was jealous. Yeah, she was going to have to fuck with them about that. Mermista winked at Glimmer, taking her foot off the table with a little bit more hip action than was strictly necessary but it gave her a chance to show off the goods.
"Trust me, Glint or whatever, you can't afford me." She grabbed her price list from inside her bra and handed it over. Left titty for rubes who deserved to get fleeced at a double rate.
The three of them looked at the sum and eyes widening.
Glimmer whistled. "Wow. OK. Money might be an object."
The blond leaned across the table, trying to look intimidating. "You know what, fine. We'll just find another sea captain."
Glimmer whimpered slightly and Bow shook his head. Mermista laughed. "Good because I would literally rather set my boat on fire than go back to Salineas."
"Now hold on. I don't believe there's anyone that knows the route to Salineas as well as you do, considering you travel it so often to… for business." Bow plucked the scrap of paper out of Glimmer's hand and gave Mermista a smile that was open and friendly and also absolutely needed to be punched off his face because it knew too much about relationships and feelings that did NOT exist. He held the paper out to her, an offer. "I also have faith, Captain Mermista, that you would charge a reasonable fee knowing we're looking to help someone important to you."
"He is NOT—" Where does this royal fucker get off... Sea Hawk is nothing to... giving her a guilt trip about… you know what, she will charge whatever the… she doesn't even care what happens to Sea Hawk or his kingdom or his friends or… fuuuuuuck she was going to end up taking them, wasn't she? Stroll back into his arms like, ughhhh, who let me come back here? But if he really was in trouble, it wasn't like she could just trust these three knobs to handle it.
"Do we have a deal?" The prince smiled at her and it was just a little too smug.
Fuck. She snatched the paper out of his hand. "Whatever. I guess I could, like, maybe… take pity on you. Give you the discounted rate or whatever. Since I was basically on my way over there anyway."
"Or, you and I arm wrestle for it! We win, you take us for free!" That was the blond, who'd already slammed her elbow down on the table.
"No, wait, let me arm wrestle her!" Glimmer was jostling with Adora for a position at the table while Bow looked beyond done.
"No! Adora! Glimmer! No one is… Stop it! We'll just pay!" He touched his fingers to his temple, looking half a second from throwing them both into the sea.
"Alright. Let's get this over with." Mermista threw some coins on the table to settle her tab and started for the door. The storm was over and it looked like a beautiful day for a sail. She was doing it for the money, OK? That was the ONLY reason she was headed back to Sea… Salineas right now. "I hope you dumbasses are ready to work for your passage."
"I can help! I know how to secure a mainsail and climb the ratlines and everything!" Glimmer had shoved the others out of the way to walk directly next to her, her little legs having to work twice as hard to keep up with Mermista's longer stride. "And I'm really good at tying knots."
"Kinky." Mermista deadpanned just to watch the other girl go bright red to her ears. Behind her, friendship sparkle prince growled under his breath.
Heh. Maybe this would be kind of fun. She grinned at her makeshift crew and pushed the Serpent's Son off the dock. She posed in the front of the boat, the wind in her hair as they moved onto the open sea.
"Like, adventure. Or whatever."