hiii omf its been way too long
this semester has been lowkey hell and finals week is right around the corner! So I'm max stressed and needed a release
I miss yall so much! I can't wait for the summer and to try and finish a lot of the wip's I started over the last couple of months
please enjoy!
She loved him so much, but couldn't remember his face anymore. What could this painful feeling be classified as? She had everyone she'd ever known, her father, her friends, the face of her mother was well imprinted into her memory. And of course, she saw it every morning when she looked in the mirror.
But he…who was he?
An ex-boyfriend? He couldn't be, she knew all of them, unfortunately. And was reminded of them at least once a year when they tried attempting to rekindle their old sparks, but the flames of her heart had gone out for each and every one of them.
Maybe an old friend? No, she knew all of them too, and their group had always been closer than ever. It was only so often that a group of friends were so lucky to graduate all three prep schools together before deciding on and getting into the same college. Graduating together was another amazing feat. They all worked relatively near each other and felt no real need to leave their amazingly huge town, even meeting up weekly to have dinner and go out together.
Her life, in other words, was beyond perfect. She was a teacher and used her summers to work on her novels, one already published and stamped with a best-sellers award.
Nothing was wrong, how could it be? She had everything she ever wanted, plus her father had no say in the way she lived anymore.
So why did she feel so painfully empty? When she looked at Erza and her husband, Jellal, she wasn't jealous but longed for love just as beautiful. The same went for Juvia and Gray, not forgetting to mention Gajeel and Levy. Even Cana had Bacchus and their more than twisted relationship, but really, she wasn't jealous of the love that surrounded her.
A childhood friend to fall in love with, that would've been nice.
Maybe she wasn't the best at choosing guys to date…Loke, Dan, and Sting…they'd all lasted quite long, but they weren't him. Whoever he was.
And he…well he knew who she was. The love of his life, and how could anyone ever forget their first love?
She was beautiful, with hair that shone like the sun, a smile sweeter than candy, and whenever she said his name, fuck. He was done for the day he set his eyes on her.
He was fortunate enough to grow up with said first love, to see her go from being an absolute idiot, then onto a wild weirdo, the prettiest weirdo there ever was.
She was too good for anyone, even him. So he refused to be anything more than her best friend. He knew he couldn't be that to her forever, after the night they finally shared their first kiss.
Oh, and what a kiss it was. Her lips were softer than marshmallows, and her body felt smaller than ever in his hands. She moaned softly against him and tied her hands around his neck, fingers gingerly curled in the ends of his hair. The hazy-eyed look she gave him after they parted; he'd give anything to see that again. But as she whispered her confession of love to him as the two stood at her door that night, he had to say goodbye.
He manipulated himself out of everyone's memory and forced her to think she just hadn't met the right guy yet. He knew she would, she was beyond amazing. So it wouldn't be long before she was taken.
There was no way he would let his life drag her down; demons…they never did deserve a happy ending.
No matter how much leaving her side killed him, an angel-like her couldn't be poisoned by his darkness.
Lucy wasn't tired, but she woke up feeling tired almost every day. Coffee didn't remedy the lagging feeling that weighed her down, but surely she hadn't always felt this way. Something felt like it was missing, a part of her day that would just get her blood racing and smile spreading, a feeling that instantly reared her to take on the day.
She would lean against her counter and sip from her mug, staring blankly at her empty kitchen island.
A faint and fictional scent of breakfast wafted under her nose as if trying to coax a memory.
Mornings filled with cooking and light baking, food spread across every inch of the counter space. She faced the stove and fiddled with something in a pan, smiling as warm arms found their way around her midsection.
"Smells good, Luc…"
The blonde snapped from her distant thoughts, lifting a brow as she wondered to herself what she had just been thinking about.
Shrugging off the forgotten thought, Lucy continued with her day and went back into her room to get dressed for work.
She always spaced out like this, never finding it too concerning. Her thoughts would take on a mind of their own and play around, she liked to think. But she could never remember what had been on her mind during these moments, which should have made her even slightly concerned.
They were like midday dreams that went as soon as they came, unfortunately. People were forgetful, so maybe she was just one of those people.
There were days when Lucy didn't have any plans after work, time seemed to go by slower than usual. This was another thing about her life that consistently occured, as she had nothing much to look forward to after the workday.
Even when she was with her last boyfriend, Sting, and in the past, he'd be waiting in the lobby for at the end of the day…the elation of knowing the two had plans together was never able to make her unbearably giddy as stories would have you believe.
She was an author who wrote about love and she loved her job, mind you. It wasn't uncommon for a young female author to be popular for their detailed description of two lost souls finding one another amid various dramatic occasions.
Her most famous book, The Adventures of Iris, told the tale of a girl and her best friend traveling the mythical world of Edolas. They fought monsters, villains, and whoever else decided to stand in the way of their journeys. It was a classic adventure story where everyone focused on the love between her main characters despite whopping globs of political drama and emotional trauma. Their friendship was sweet and loving, the two went over and beyond to take care of one another. And when they finally confessed with a kiss…millions of readers felt they could die a peaceful and happy death.
It was a love that mimicked the love around her; strong, hot, and warm; the love Lucy so desperately yearned for in her subconscious. Sting, as kind as he was, could not give her the love she unconsciously searched for.
Her apartment building wasn't far from her office, making it a simple enough walk to take alone when the workday had finally finished. The streets were always relatively empty, the sound of the cars on the road beside her honking.
Jamming her key into the door, Lucy's mind wandered again, fooling her into a sense of excitement that pretended to bubble in her stomach. The smell of the food coming from her kitchen wasn't real, nor was the faint image of a smile…whose smile? Not one she could place with the face of anyone she knew.
Just as quickly as the thought flashed before her, her mind was equally quick to move on, reminding her to continue the usual routine she performed before bed.
Dinner was lonely and quiet, her eyes staring through the unimaginable ghost that sat across the table. The local news filled the silence and drowned out the distant laughs of the past that unknowingly played itself for her.
Once the lights were out and she laid alone in bed, Lucy said goodnight for her mother in heaven and another for the friends she had hidden in the stars.
Another strange sensation would make its appearance when she climbed under her covers. She couldn't help but tear up, reaching for a pillow to hold close to her chest as she shut her eyes tight.
A kiss to her forehead, warm arms securing their position around her waist, and the nuzzle of someone's nose against the nape of her neck. A rush of endorphins would slide through her, the want to look up into the eyes of the one she truly loved was her most demanding feeling.
"Goodnight, N…" Sleep overtook her form before the name of the one who cursed her could surface, the phantom memory fading and taking its euphoria with it.
Morning would come, and again Lucy's life continued bleakly, lacking the excitement and warmth she was unable to source properly.
Today was Saturday, and every Saturday, Lucy would get dressed despite not having any plans and take a walk around the city.
She took the same route; going from her house to a breakfast nook two blocks away, then to the farmers market where she would pick up ingredients for a light picnic to have alone underneath the rainbow sakura in the park.
It was a relaxing ritual that Lucy very much enjoyed. Sitting underneath the trees, even if they weren't in bloom, always had a way of taking the stress from her overworked body.
She would read with her back pressed against the wide berth of a tree, her hand stroking the air in her lap. Not that she ever noticed, being too focused on the book she was reading. The light touch of someone's nose nuzzled against her stomach couldn't be felt, nor the arms that held her waist dearly, another phantom soon disappearing in the slow blow of the wind.
Lucy stood up to begin her walk home just as the sun was setting, stifling a shriek when she felt something warm and fuzzy rub against her ankle.
"A cat? Oh goodness, you really scared me, little one!" Lucy let out the breath she had unknowingly held in, smiling down at the blue cat that looked up at her. "Blue? Did you get into some paint…Happy?"
The blonde had knelt down to pet the suspiciously friendly feline, reading the name on his tag that thankfully listed his home address.
"Hargeon? How'd you make it all the way to Magnolia?" She giggled and picked Happy up, unable to hide her smile as the kitten instinctively cozied up to her chest. "I guess I'll make the trip to take you home tomorrow, I'm glad they won't need me working on Monday so I can do some sightseeing too! Do you think you'll be able to show me around town for a bit?"
Lucy laughed as the cat meowed in response, their conversation continuing as she walked them home.
She never thought of herself as a cat person, but this cat, in particular, made her want to do nothing but open her heart, to explain her hopes and her dreams. She was weirdly close to a cat she just met and was afraid of how far the depths of her loneliness reached if she was having this much fun talking to him.
As the moon rose above them and the two laid in bed, Happy watched as Lucy fell asleep, caught up in the fatal memories that haunted her every night. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he watched his adoptive parent suffer so greatly with the absence of her greatest love.
He pawed away the trail of tears left on her face as she slept, cursing his idiot owner for leaving her all alone like this.
It made the cat sick watching her live like this, trapped in the memories of Natsu's presence.
The train ride to Hargeon was peaceful, the scenery that passed by transitioning from woodland to the ocean. Happy purred as he slept in her lap, Lucy feeling an inkling of excitement in her chest as they rode towards the seaside town. It was an activity outside of her usual routine and a refreshing change of pace since she never did much out of her ordinary schedule.
Their trip wasn't long, three hours tops. Breaking away from the more inland parts of Fiore was a refreshing experience, her smile spreading as the ocean came into full view.
"Ah...this is a nice place to live, huh, Happy? I bet you can find all the fish you want at a good price," The cat mewled in response as it sat in her lap, purring as she scratched the underside of his chin.
The early morning sun had just risen, spreading its light over the water, sparkling its reflection back onto the people.
Lucy breathed in the seaside air, letting the chill shiver down her spine as the two walked off the train platform.
"It's still a bit early, I say we check-in and get some breakfast before I take you home, hmm? I don't want to disturb your owner too soon, he might be more upset with you that way," Lucy laughed as she settled the cat in one arm, looking up the location of her booked hotel with the other.
The streets were quiet and calm, not too many out and about. It looked as though off of one street there was a farmers market being set up, her interest immediately peaked. Definitely on the list of places to visit before she left town.
Once checked in, she unpacked the things she brought along, Happy watching from his place curled up on her bed.
His tail swished behind him in anticipation. He knew Natsu would be upset for bringing Lucy out here, but they were both suffering. Happy couldn't watch his caretaker continue to reach out for her body while he slept. The frown on his face was so pained, and Lucy lived blankly without her soul. Neither deserved this fate.
After finishing the organizational task, Lucy scooped the blue cat in her arms, walking out with her purse and tucked away essentials.
The market opened just as she set foot outdoors, the blonde excitedly making her way down the cobblestone path.
Lucy planned to enjoy herself as if she were on a small, once-in-a-lifetime adventure. It had been a while since she met with new scenery or did anything outside of her normal routine.
The lapses in time no longer phased her, nor were there moments in time when her mind seemed to drift away drastically. Maybe this was just what she needed to feel cathartic, a day out of town away from her usual schedule.
Food shopping with Happy turned out to be a plus, the kitty pointing out the best stalls to go to. She had no reason to refuse him, especially since he looked so hungry by the sight of everything they came across.
She fed him a few bites of everything she ate, the vendors recognizing the cat right away.
"Natsu's not with you today? I've never seen you two without each other," One woman said as she scratched the cat under his chin.
"Natsu? Is that his owner?" She nodded in response to Lucy's question.
"They never miss the morning market, though I can say I haven't seen Happy around in at least a week. Natsu seemed a bit down without this little guy in his arms,"
"Oh gosh, we should get you home then," Lucy said as she snuggled the purring cat against her cheek. "Your poor owner must be worried sick,"
"Do you think you can guide us?" Lucy frowned, glaring at the street sign she'd already passed three times. "I swear I followed the directions correctly, my phone must be acting up."
Happy seemed to nod in agreement, jumping out of her arms and onto the ground. Lucy followed patiently behind him, glad that he was so well trained.
Though the cat was aware it would've been impossible to find going through the proper channels. That pesky owner of his went to great lengths to make sure a stupid little phone app wouldn't find him.
Lucy pouted, swearing the GPS purposely pointed her away from this building. They circled it just about three times; it kept sending her back towards the main square.
Happy hopped back into her arms as they made their way into the elevator, Lucy pressing the correct floor button.
"I think I'll have to get a cat of my own," She sighed, letting her fingers lightly dig into his fur. "I'll miss you too much when you're gone."
Her eyes scanned the door numbers, brightening when they came across the number, 701.
She heaved the cat into one arm, lightly rapping her fist on the wooden shoulder. Lucy waited patiently as she heard someone shuffling around on the inside and a muffled 'hold on'.
"Sorry for making you wait, man, I was looking for my wallet," She jumped a bit as a wad of cash was shoved in her face, the person standing in the doorway pulling a shirt over his head. "You can keep the...change…"
"You're not the ramen guy..."
Lucy stifled a laugh, shaking her head at the blank look on his face. "No, I'm sorry,"
"But I have your cat! I don't know what Happy was doing all the way in Magnolia, but I thought the best thing to do was to bring him back home,"
"He's always going someplace or the other," He laughed awkwardly, reaching out for the feline. "Thank you for bringing him home, I was getting worried. He's usually back before the next morning,"
"It was my pleasure," She smiled, giving Happy one last scratch behind the ears. "We had a lot of fun together, but I'm glad he's back here with you,"
"Me...Me too," He cleared his throat, Lucy swinging on the balls of her feet and taking a quick peek at her phone.
"Well, I should get going, you two have a nice rest of your day," She waved before spinning around, heading back towards the elevator.
He was pretty cute, she thought to herself. It wasn't every day that you met someone with pink hair, either.
Lucy found herself tearing up as the elevator doors began to close, missing the warmth of the cat already. How starved had she been for someone else to be even the slightest bit close with her?
It was an emptiness that Happy made her realize, one that didn't remind her of the loss of Sting, Dan, or Loke.
She couldn't describe it, but it was akin to the loss of a family member. A strong sense of grief washed over her, reminding her of the dreadful day she lost her mother.
She suddenly felt as cold as she did that day, the rain soaking her to the bone as she knelt in front of her mother's grave.
"I'm here, Lucy...I'm here…"
Lucy found herself feeling melancholy that night, staring up at her ceiling, unable to reach out to the emotion sitting before her.
She wondered why she felt so empty, unable to cry or scream properly. She always felt on the edge of her emotions, unable to make the leap into her sadness or anger. Because she didn't know why.
Again, Lucy found it easier to fall asleep, zoning out as she closed her eyes, the image of Happy's owner painted like a phantom in her bed.
...What?
Lucy was quick to sit up, rubbing her eyes and slapping her cheeks, even pinching her arm to try and understand what was in front of her.
It was that guy...that pink-haired guy she met for maybe two minutes? Yet here was a silhouette of him in her bed.
It looked prerecorded almost, leaning to whisper where she was laying.
"Goodnight, Lucy." He said, kissing the air gently before disappearing. She quirked her brow, a chill suddenly running down her back.
Her heart began to race, pressure slowly building up in her head, reality suddenly bending itself to reveal the hidden truth.
It felt as though a lock on her thoughts had finally snapped open, a key of some sort activated into reminding her of everything she forgot. Every phantom by her side and every explosive emotion she had for her very best friend coming to light.
"You idiot! Why did you bring her here?" Natsu hissed as he shook his cat, Happy only sighing and rolling his eyes.
"Because! You two need each other, Natsu! You have no idea what you did to her by locking her memories! She's miserable and so are you!" He glared at the frustrated demon, Natsu frowning as he set him down on the countertop.
"She doesn't remember anything, she saw me and didn't even say anything! There's no way she's miserable without me." Natsu shook his head, begrudgingly sitting to eat his ramen.
"You're crying, Natsu," Happy shook his head as his owner teared up, Natsu grumbling as he tried to eat through his heartache.
"She looked at me...her voice, god, I missed her voice." He sniffled, letting his tears fall as he ripped into the slice of pork. "She smelled so good...but I can't, Happy...I can't…"
Happy sighed, moving to snuggle his head against Natsu's damp cheek. He didn't know how to describe her pain, the distant memories she stepped into and forgot. It was the truth trying to speak to her, Natsu's own heart calling out to her all these years.
They were meant to be together, and trying to fight against that feeling only made things worse for the both of them.
Later that night, after Happy had gone to bed, Natsu sat silently by himself on his couch.
Was Lucy really miserable without him? His spell should have crafted a world to embody her happiness, people to fill the void his absence would have left. As much as it hurt him to know that she would be with other people, he still didn't want to taint her soul.
He would never be able to hold back the half-demon coursing through his veins, fearing that an explosive episode might result in her getting hurt.
A sudden knock at his door shocked him out of his thoughts, Natsu not bothering to question who his late-night guest might be. It was probably Charle coming to visit since she never liked popping in without properly announcing herself at the door.
"You fucking idiot!" Natsu let out an ungodly shriek, ducking quickly as he avoided the foot about to make contact with his face, unable to dodge the second one kicking him in the chest.
"L-Lucy?!" He gasped in an attempt to catch his breath, flinching as the door slammed behind her. He tried to scoot away from her path of rage, blocked by the dining room table behind him. He coughed, wide eyes staring up at her as she planted herself on his chest, her fists gathering the material of his shirt.
"You absolute motherfucking idiot!" She shouted again, Natsu closing his eyes as her ferocious glare made him shrink backward. "How could you?!"
"Lucy, plea—" His words were smothered into silence, her lips molding over his in a passionate and forceful kiss. Her anger pressed against his confusion, Natsu slowly trying to match her fervor and fury packed into her touch.
He allowed himself to get swept up in the touch, missing the feeling of her body against his, her smell, even her wild temperament.
"Lucy…" He groaned as their lips parted, his eyes opening to meet her teary ones.
"Natsu, what did you do?" She spoke through her tightening throat, sadness quickly replacing her frenzied behavior. "Why did you leave?"
"I…" Where to start? There was too much she didn't know, things he wasn't sure she could fathom.
"Do you know what you put me through? I felt so empty, I was so alone, Natsu. I was haunted...haunted by you every day and forced to forget who you were...do you know what that's like? You locked up my heart...I couldn't even cry, Natsu,"
He felt his chest begin to tighten as Lucy rested her head against him, crying her eyes out as she waited for a response.
Happy was right...he didn't know what he put her through. Was the spell skewed? He only meant to hide himself from her thoughts, not lock her emotions up along with them.
"I thought it would be better...like this," He began, letting his tears fall from the corners of his eyes. "I thought you would be better off without me; I thought I was protecting you, Luce."
"You never asked me, Natsu." She mumbled through her sniffles. "You never talked to me and you...just threw me away…"
"No," Natsu quickly shook his head, sitting them both up to stare in her reddened eyes. "Lucy, I swear I never meant to hurt you. I made sure you were safe, I made sure you had everyone...I just didn't think…! I made this decision on my own, you're right. But I never threw you away, I never stopped loving you…"
He pressed a pained kiss to her forehead, resting his head against her own.
"I'll tell you everything in the morning," He sighed, wrapping his arms around her. "I promise. Can we go lie down?"
"Mhm." Lucy nodded, reaching out to wrap her arms around his neck. He lifted her with ease, carrying her carefully into his dimly lit room.
Both found themselves beyond exhausted, Natsu wondering if it were a side effect of his lingering magic. He brushed off the feeling, only able to focus on the blonde he held close.
Why did he want to fight this? This warmth, their love? He already felt his heart repairing itself with her presence, the red string between them recombining as they settled into a peaceful sleep. The first restful night Lucy was able to have in a long time.
I started this as a drabble forever ago and it feels so nice to finally have completed!
this one made me tear up ugh, NaLu angst is always painful
let me know what you think! I miss hearing from yall!
I feel like the transition to her past may have been confusing, but think of it like a physical memory shes unable to remember. its the trace of Natsu's curse.
btw shes not actually an angel but he his a demon
As usual, follow me on tumblr, same username, if you have any update questions
or want to find a calm nalu community to interact with, a lot of the dudes over there are hella chill