a/n: I was thinking that since I've written for HMC so long, I really should have more one-shots. So here you go!
Mainly film-verse. Lots of fluffy cotton candy with a bit of spice tossed in ;)
"The Pretty Punishment Game"
Long before getting married, Howl had run across husbands lamenting the secret "codes" of their wives.
Howl didn't understand their confusion. He had always understood women to be profound beings, but they weren't exactly secretive. A certain Mrs. Pendragon, for example, usually expressed exactly what she meant.
If Sophie slammed a window after he made a joke, it was simple: she meant she thought it was a fantastic joke.
If she went to bed early and didn't turn back his side of the covers, she meant she wanted him to pepper her with kisses and sneak in from her side of the covers.
If she burst into tears, well, that one... She did not mean to panic and teleport her mother to their living room. But he only did that once.
But a woman's sighs (and by "woman" he, of course, meant Sophie) were the most telling messages of all. They often came at unexpected moments, such as in the middle of a meal, or if she really felt like shaking things up, after a heated moment of intimacy.
Or like right now.
Hearing the deep sigh all the way to Markl's room, Howl poked his head out on the balcony. Below on the twilight-stained lawn, Sophie appeared graceful as a moon goddess with her silver-spun hair as she watered their garden. For a second Howl doubted he had heard anything at all.
Out fluttered a second sigh.
The wizard leapt from the balcony. He floated down to join her, his colorful jacket billowing as he landed.
"Sophie, dearest."
"Hello, darling."
Slipping his arms around Sophie's soft waist, Howl watched her wave her watering can over the flowers, glassy droplets bobbing the heads of the heavy white blossoms. Clouds of rich purples drifted all around their flying castle.
"Cariad," he coaxed, "what's wrong?"
"Hm? Nothing."
"Those sighs say otherwise," he said. He propped his chin on her sweet-smelling head. "Come on, tell me."
"There's nothing to tell, Howl," she protested.
"Truly? Cross my heart?"
Sophie scoffed. Howl hummed when she leaned back into him, patiently waiting. Although fierce as an eastern gale, Sophie had trouble sharing her burdens.
"I'm not… I don't feel pretty today, that's all."
Howl frowned. That wasn't what he liked to hear. "Sweetheart, we've talked about this. It's not nice to share Calcifer's diary entries."
"Don't tease Cal when he's away. Anyway, it's fine. It's only a silly feeling."
"No, Markl's beard disguise is silly. It's not good how much this bothers you."
Sophie pushed him away. "Throwing stones in glass houses. It's perfectly normal to be uncertain about one's appearance."
"Not like this, it isn't."
"Enlighten me, oh paragon."
"I have the most beautiful wife in the world, but alas, she needs glasses."
"You are incorrigible!"
"One day!" Howl answered the challenge in her brown eyes. "Give me one day and I'll make you see my point."
"How can I, when you haven't got one?"
Tutting in mock chagrin, Howl reached for her again. He skimmed her wrist as she darted away, and soon their feet padded a swift hunt around the hydrangea and azalea bushes, white and pink petals whipping into the air beneath the starry evening sky. He almost caught her when she swung the watering can at him. Remembering a certain incident involving weed killer, Howl yelped a quick spell, magicking the can out of his wife's hands before gently tackling her to the green lawn. Fingers and grass threaded. Two hearts thumped in fierce competition.
"Get off me, you lump!"
"What's that? I'm too incorrigible, I can't hear you."
"Markl's in the house," Sophie warned breathlessly. Her eyelashes fluttered when his lips brushed her ear.
"He's upstairs finishing a book. Now pay attention, Mrs. Pendragon," the syllables puffed softly. "From here on if I catch you thinking poorly of your looks even a smidge, prepare to be punished."
"Hah! Says the man who tears up about spiders!"
She started saying other mean things, too, so he kissed her. And kissed her.
A languid bit later, he propped himself up on his elbow as she returned to watering the plants with red dusted cheeks, and his determination grew.
He would make a self-lover out of Sophie yet!
The first opportunity happened after dinner.
During the first month of their engagement, Sophie had confided to him she thought her knuckles hadn't recovered from her curse. He sometimes caught her studying them, like tonight while washing the dishes. He snuck up behind her and entwined her wet fingers with his.
"Howl, I'm busy," Sophie grumbled, jutting at him with her hip. He grunted but didn't return her space.
"You're doing it again."
"Doing what?" Markl piped from the table where he finished eating his dinner, rice grains wobbling on his small chin.
"Nothing, sweetie, your father is only giving me a hard time."
"Honest Sophie isn't honest," Howl sang, earning himself an elbow to the ribs. He wheezed loudly, then smirked when his adopted son waved his spoon and giggled.
Before his wife could elbow him again, Howl lifted her sudsy fingers to their faces. "Was it these?"
"No," she denied.
Howl pecked her thumb. Then he gagged. "Yuck, soap!"
"What are you even doing - hey, stop licking me! Hey!" Sophie laughed in surprise, squirming in his hold.
"Mm, honey fingers, my favorite," Howl lolled around her sweetened pinky after using tasty transformation magic before dotting kisses along all her knuckles.
"Gross!" Markl shouted. Hastily, the child climbed off the bench, wagging his head in disgust at his parents. Howl hid behind Sophie and buried his grin in her neck as Markl scolded them, appearing the miniature adult in his suit. "Ugh, how many times have I told you? Not in the kitchen! See, this is why I can't bring friends over. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw up!"
The wizard thoughtfully watched him stomp up the stairs. "Hmm, fear of public affection. I wonder who he takes after."
Sophie swatted him. A sticky palm print glistened behind.
Nighttime brought the second challenge.
Howl had just tucked in a sleeping Markl when it floated down the hallway: another damned sigh.
Sophie had the bathroom door open and stood gazing in the mirror, her toothbrush hanging loosely out of her mouth as she touched the silver braid draped across her chest. Her nightgown fell open at the back.
Howl leaned on the door frame.
"What are you thinking about?"
She rolled her eyes. "Not now, I'm tired. I want to go to bed."
"What a coincidence. That's where I'm going. Where I'll lie, staring at my lovely wife, wondering what's going on in that brilliant, tormented mind of hers -"
"Hooowwwl."
Mollifying, he complied when she angled her back towards him to finish fastening her nightgown. His palms rubbed soothing lines up and down her shoulders, using a little warming spell to draw out the tension until her head drooped. Sophie removed her toothbrush and gripped it against the sink.
"My hair," she mumbled.
"Yeah?"
She wrinkled her nose. "It's practically a sea creature."
Getting the gist, Howl trailed his fingers over her braid, gently unraveling the locks until they hung in waves. "Lovely, moon-frost goodness," he murmured before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. A tiny poof of silver sparkles wove into the strands, smoothing as they went.
"Moon-frost?" she snorted, then, "That's cheating."
"It is not, it's enhanced hair care, thank you. This beauty is all yours."
"Hm." She turned and searched his eyes. After a moment, she smiled and looped her arms around his neck. "All yours, too, I guess."
It's going well, Howl thought smugly the next morning.
His self-appointed mission felt easy because he loved Sophie and enjoyed pampering her. Any self-perceived "flaws" she had pointed out, he had lavished with his devoted attention.
But with excuses to touch her all the time, it became easy to get distracted from his plan, and he soon suspected Sophie of teasing him. After all, self-esteem couldn't be built overnight. Deflection seemed easier than vulnerability, even between spouses. So when Sophie sat up in bed with tousled hair, blinked sleepily at him and said with a secret smile, "I don't like showing my neck," what was this husband to do?
"Darling, darling, wait, we need to get up. Markl will be awake soon and, breakfast, ahh…"
Sophie melted under him as Howl nibbled her throat, his warm palms sliding slowly along her sides as he swept his mouth over her collarbone.
"Surely you don't mean this delicious neck," he purred. She smelled amazing.
"It looks like… a plucked chicken - oh!"
Curling his hands around her hips, he soothed her hot skin with his tongue and chuckled when she threw her arms around him. "Good thing I like chicken." Didn't like her neck, huh? Then he'd give her a reason to hide it. With a playful growl, he dove down…
A knock startled them.
"Mom, are you okay? I heard sounds. Is dad being weird again?" Markl's concerned voice rang through the bedroom door.
Sophie stifled a snicker. Howl glared at her as their son continued shouting, "Dad, you better not be doing anything weird! Grandma Honey said there are things a man should and should not do. A man can be exciting but he shouldn't be too wild, or his wife will call him an animal and go to her mother's -"
Sophie shot up in horror, throwing Howl off her. "Markl, that was a private conversation!"
"Oh. Well, can I come in?"
The couple glanced down at their half-dressed states.
"No!" they both yelled.
"M-Meet us downstairs, we'll start breakfast soon!" Sophie added.
"If you say so."
The light footsteps faded, and the laughter Howl had been dying holding in exploded as he collapsed atop a bright-pink Sophie. Even after twelve smacks, he couldn't stop.
Sophie got her revenge before lunch.
Markl went to school, and the weekday morning bustled into a familiar routine. Side-by-side, the couple measured potions, wrote prescriptions, Sophie holding open satchels while Howl muttered unintelligible incantations and did flashy magic then beamed confidently at her afterwards.
When business came to a lull and Sophie fetched her hat, Howl plucked a blue hyacinth cluster from its vase before walking to the window to admire its tiny, star-like flowers. After all the talk of insecurity, he couldn't help catching his reflection.
Comparing himself to the vivid hyacinth, he lamented aloud, "With a face like this, how is it I inherited such insipid, pond water eyes?"
To which Sophie, upon hearing this, casually remarked, "You know, I once skinny-dipped in a pond."
Howl blanked for a full five seconds.
Sophie opened the front door. "My mother's here. See you in a couple hours, darling." She blew him a kiss and left.
For the first time since initiating the punishment game, Howl wondered who exactly was being punished.
However, upon Sophie's return, Howl received barely a glance as she dashed straight past him.
He hurried to catch her on the stairs. She covered her face.
"What's the matter?"
"Maybe I'm the animal!" Sophie cried. That's when Howl saw her bright red ears.
He nearly collapsed again from laughter. Angrily his wife tried to pull away, but he hugged her fondly.
"We can compete for the title?"
His poor shoulders might not recover from the beatings.
After that, the day passed relatively simply. There might have been a fierce compliment battle and a few affirmation barrages, but the term "simple" was subjective in the Pendragon household.
Finally, the sun had enough of their antics, and it stretched on the horizon in bright splashes of oranges and lemons, eagerly ushering in the night. Howl joined Sophie with a second watering can, and together they peacefully tended to their fragrant little garden, the flowers swaying in the breeze.
His wife sighed. Howl froze before he registered the positive lilt.
"I've been thinking about what you said," Sophie ventured, "and... I think it was a good idea."
Howl dropped the can.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"No take backsies?"
"No, why would I?"
With a whoop, the wizard snapped and off went his clothes!
Sophie gasped, flinging water in surprise. "What are you doing?"
"Going skinny-dipping!" cheered Howl. He planted his fists on his bare hips and wiggled his toes in the lush grass. "This feels amazing! Why haven't we done this before?"
"Because it's cold!" his wife sputtered when he turned and sauntered towards her, but Howl didn't miss the delighted roam of her gaze.
"You want the magic way or the fun way?"
"I want you to put your clothes back on!"
"The fun way it is!"
The can disappeared. Sophie shrieked when he gathered her up, his fingers reaching for the buttons on the back of her dress.
"Howl, what if Markl sees?" she hissed.
"Who?"
"Oh, you -!"
"I sent him to your mother's." Tugging her collar down, Howl nuzzled her bared shoulder, sighing contentedly at the pleasant scent of her skin. A grin lit his face when his wife returned his embrace, but then he felt something wrap and tie around him. Blinking, he looked down.
He barely registered the frilly apron before he was tripped and pushed flat on his back on the cool grass. The multicolored sky overhead spun. Dazed, he jumped when Sophie straddled his stomach and braced her palms on either side of his head, her knuckles curling in his black locks.
"I wasn't finished talking."
Howl cleared his throat. "This position wasn't made for talking."
"You interrupted me, so I'm going to finish what I was saying, and then we'll discuss why you used magic on our son during a school night."
"But the skinny-dipping…"
A warm finger touched his mouth, and Howl swallowed. The glimmer in his wife's narrowed brown eyes sent his tender heart pounding. Really, how could he not find her beautiful?
"Quit distracting me. Now what I meant to say," she continued quietly, "was you were right. I do worry about my appearance a lot."
Sensing this was no time to gloat, Howl comfortingly rubbed her thighs and nodded, waiting as she gathered her thoughts.
"I don't know why I don't think I'm pretty," she confessed. She looked down and chewed her lip. "It started sometime when I was young and has since built into this enormous block in my mind. I don't like feeling this way, but I don't know how to fix it. I just feel as if... I'm disappointing you, being like this."
Howl sat up and held her, pressing their foreheads together. "Never," he said firmly. "Do you know how many mornings I wake thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life?"
"But that's different."
"It isn't."
Sophie sighed, and her soft breath brushed his chin. "You're just used to me, that's all."
"No, I desire you."
Their eyes locked.
Heat creeped up Howl's neck. "I mean it," he vowed. "Your looks, your personality, everything. You're all I ever think about. You're beautiful to me, my cariad."
His wife's cheeks blazed like their window box peonies. She buried her face against his chest. "The things you say while you're naked!"
"The things that I do, too," Howl chuckled, tenderly stroking her back.
"I desire you, too, Howl," Sophie mumbled. "And… thank you, for today and yesterday. Your love makes me feel beautiful, you really cheered me up."
"Good good good. You know what would cheer me up?"
Howl fell back against the grass with Sophie stretched on top of him. Coquettishly, he tapped his mouth. With a cute curl of her lips, Sophie obliged with a sweet peck.
"I love you, Mrs. Pendragon."
"I love you, too, Mr. Pendragon."
-fin-
(Elsewhere in Market Chipping…)
Shaking her golden curls, Honey Hatter Smith placed a mug of chocolate milk in Markl's hands before snuggling him into her side on the settee.
"Don't worry, my little pumpkin, tomorrow I'll give your parents a scolding they won't forget!"
"Thank you, Grandma Honey," Markl sniffled, cuddling against her. Then he quickly buried his face in his drink so she didn't see him smile.