I found few (2) fics where Q has Hanahaki, there is no Eliot with hanahaki... so there is. :v
English is not my first language and I had quite a break from writing in english, so I hope it's readable. I did my best!
It started very in an innocent way. He just doesn't feel well. A little cough, nothing more. He probably caught something. Maybe he should be worried if he caught something in Fillory, after all, everything in this bloody place tried to kill them, but for now, he didn't have much time to worry about his health issues. He had a kingdom to rule. It could be a smoker cough, after all, no big deal. Well...
He died in the other timeline probably because of his lifestyle. He remembered that when he and Q were getting older and older he had serious health issues, for his luck Chatwin Torment was able to heal him enough to get old...
Getting old with Q.
He was too fucking lucky to get to live through it once, it would be pushing his luck, which he didn't have much in his life, to get to live through it twice. He was a mess. He called Margo the Destroyer, but he was the one. He killed, he was corrupting everything he touched. He was the murderer of his last boyfriend - that didn't look good in his relationship portfolio. Quentin was better without him, besides - he would get between him and Alice again. He did it once. He was so wasted that night, but still, he did it. That will be his life - the story of a queer boy that loved the guy who was in love with the girl.
He coughed again.
'Are you coming or no?!' He heard Margo from the throne room, she sounded angry, he should go there immediately, but the cough got heavier and heavier. Then he coughed out something. He looked at his hand, it looked like... Petal? What the hell? He did the brightest thing he could - he ignored it and went to the meeting, but the cough didn't go away and it was harder and harder to hide it. The next time when he coughed out some petals it was in front of Margo. The cough got so hard, that he fell to his knees and was in this position, coughing till he coughed out some orange small flowers, covered in blood.
'What the hell?!' Margo yelled. She was not easily scared, but what the hell was that?
'It's nothing...' Eliot tried to escape from questioning, but come on. You don't cough flowers and ignore them. Margo sent him to a Fillorian Healer since they couldn't ask their Fillorian super-nerd and Margo was almost sure that there was not such sickness in the fillory books, so Q wouldn't help anyway. He didn't want Q to know, Q was busy with the quest. He should focus on that and Eliot should focus on his kingdom. That was important, right? But Margo insisted and everybody knew that fighting with her is pointless, so after the council meeting, He went to some physician. Dear God. Medicine here was so so outdated. Like everything. But he was sitting in a small weird-smelling room.
'So... to not make this long. I'm coughing out flowers lately' Eliot said it like it was the most normal thing under the fillorian sun and by the look, he got from a physician, not shocked at all, it seemed that he was right.
'Full flowers or just petals?' Physician asked. What was his name? Odo. Or something like that. Let's stick with Odo.
'It started with petal, yesterday I coughed out few little, orange flowers.' Eliot answered truthfully. There was no point in lying, after all, maybe he will find out what is this. Probably some weird Fillorian flu, or something. Really, he had seen much weirder things in Fillory than coughing out flowers. Penny's wounds were covered in Rose's roots, so bitch please.
'What flower it was?' Odo was asking.
'How the fuck should I know? It was orange.' Eliot answered. Please, like he was able to recognize flowers. Yeah, he knew basics, but he was not an herbalist, after all, give him a break.
Odo only 'hmm'ed in a replay and turned from Eliot, looking for some book in his collection.
'So... what is it? Am I dying?' Eliot asked and then he coughed a little bit, but not "I'm going to throw up some flowers" yet, but he felt it in his throat. It was so ugly and nasty feeling, he totally preferred mundane flu from the earth.
'Yes, you are' Odo answered simply.
Eliot shook his head and looked at the physician.
'I was joking' he said after he pulled off the first shock.
'And I am not' physician found the right book and pulled it from the shelf, opened it, and started searching for the right page. 'Hanahaki disease, sickness of the unrequited love. The flowers represent love, coughing out it is immune system reaction to it. Flowers will grow in your lungs to the point that you will die.' Odo half read from the book, half explained himself. He was talking something more, but Eliot couldn't focus on what he was saying, he felt it again. In his chest, in his throat... he started coughing again. It took a good minute or two. He coughed out again the same, orange little flowers.
'Butterfly weed. You were the one who left' the physician said.
'What?' Eliot asked during wiping his mouth with his sleeve.
'The flowers, they mean "leave me".' Odo explained.
Eliot looked at the bloody flowers on the floor. Leave me. Fucking accurate. He ran away and pushed Q, so he wouldn't follow and chase him. Q deserved better than him. He was poison. It was so fucking dramatic, but it was true... and it will be kinda poetic, that love will kill him. Some fucking fillorian magic illness feeding of his love to Quentin will kill him. Wow. When he imagined his death, he didn't look that way, but was this a bad way to go?
'There is a potion, that can dissolve the flowers...' physician started.
'I sense some but...' Eliot answered as he stood up.
'It will dissolve your love to this person too. You will stop love them and you will feel numb in their presence' Odo explained and looked at High King.
That was... no. No in the million years.
'I would rather die' Eliot answered without thinking, but it was the truth. He would rather die than live in a world, where he wouldn't care about Q. Not even talking about love-love, but even friendship kind of love. No. This was not an option.
'Another way is to make this love requited.' Odo explained. Eliot's face became bitter and this was physician clue that was not an option too. So he took one small bottle from his potion-shelf and gave it to the High King.
'It will help with the cough' Eliot took the bottle, knowing that it is not a cure, but it will make his last... yeah, his last what?
'How long time do I have?' Eliot asked.
'It depends, if the object of love is away it will go slower. Maybe month. When the object is close, the flowers will grow faster, week and a half, maybe two.'
'Thanks' Eliot paid for the potion and left the physician's quarters, returning to the throne room. He lied to Margo, of course, he lied. He told her that it was some weird fillorian sickness, but he has some cure and he will be good in few days. If Margo didn't believe him, she didn't show anything... and Eliot got better, the potion was helping.
After taking a solid gulp of the mixture, he could live without coughing for eight to nine hours. He planned his whole day that way, that he would find some time to get the potion. Sometimes, before he got to sleep, he coughed out some flowers. He wanted to throw them away, but then he thought about the physician's words, that they represent his love to Q. He couldn't throw them away, instead, he washed them from the blood and was keeping them, thinking that they will get dry after few days, but it seemed like magic was keeping them alive and blooming, orange little flowers. After a week, the new flowers showed up. Blackthorn. The physician said to him that means fate and protection. He interpreted it as Eliot telling his lover to leave him to protect him. Eliot just smiled.
It would go that way probably till the end of his time, but then two weeks after the first visit in physician's quarters, Q showed up in Whitespire. When he came and pulled Eliot and Margo into a friendly 'welcome' hug Eliot felt a sharp pain in his chest and was breathless for few seconds. Like flowers tightened around his lungs and pushed all air away, but he put his bravest smile on and he joked. That was what he was doing when things were shitty. Fight it off with a smile and joke.
During Q's visit to Whitespire Eliot coughed much more flowers, but he managed to keep it secret. There were so many of them, they were covering the whole free space in Eliot's room. He could bring himself to let them lie on the floor. It was love for Q for god sake. He started to stoping servants from cleaning his room, knowing that it would spill his secret away. He took a gulp of the mixture and went to breakfast with Q and Margo. They ate in peace, talking about quest and kingdom. Everything was fine, till one of the council members didn't ask that one of the rulers check something. Margo offered to go with an angry bitch face for interrupting royal breakfast. He was left with Q alone. They were friends, right? He could manage this. The talk was a little awkward after the beginning, but then they relaxed. It was almost like old times. They laughed again.
Laugh.
Dear god.
Q's laugh and smile.
It should be illegal.
After all, it was deadly, lethal.
At least for him.
He started coughing, badly. Like he was not coughing for a long time. Not since he was getting potion from Odo. He rose from the chair and wanted to go away, but his cough made him bow and then fall to the knees again. He coughed and coughed. He couldn't breathe. Everything went black.
Quentin felt the awkwardness between him and Eliot, but it eased with time. He could do it, he totally could do it. Be friend with him, after everything. Even if he still loved him so badly, Eliot didn't love him back. He needed to accept that and move on. Fifty years in Fillory's past should be enough. Breakfast went well to the moment that Eliot rose from the chair and started coughing and fell to the ground. Q in his whole life didn't rose and run to somebody as he did then.
'Eliot?! Eliot!' then he saw blood on the ground that Eliot was coughing out. Blood and... flowers? What the hell? 'Guards!' he called for guards. Maybe Eliot was poisoned? Was this an assassination attempt? What the hell he should do? With the guards came Margo, who ordered to take Eliot to his room. Everybody went still when they entered High King private chambers and saw all those flowers. Guards started whispering.
'Bring me, physician! NOW!' Margo yelled at the guards.
'What the hell is this, Margo?' Q didn't know what to say, what to do, what to think. Everything was happening so fast.
'I caught Eliot once coughing out a flower... I told him to go to the fillorian physician. He returned telling her that this is some kind of weird fillorian flu and it will pass' she explained, trying not to pull all of her hair from her head.
'It didn't' Q said, obvious as always.
Then the guards came with the physician. Odo looked at all those flowers and sighed slightly, he wordlessly went to the high king and pulled out a potion from his pocket and bought it to Eliot's lips, but then Margo caught his hand.
'What the hell are you doing?' she hissed
'Do you want him to breath, your majesty?' he answered and Margo pulled away from her hand. The physician poured some potion into Eliot's slightly open lips. It didn't take long for Eliot to start breathing better, but still, he was knocked out. 'It will make breathing easier and cough lesser, but he doesn't have long' Odo said, looking at Queen Margo and King Quentin.
'What?!' they said at the same time.
Odo smiled sadly.
'They often chose this way with this sickness. Not to tell anybody.' the physician explained.
Eliot was dying.
Eliot was dying.
Eliot - dying.
Dying.
No.
Just no. It couldn't...
Q's brain just stopped working.
'What's wrong with him?!' Margo wanted to grab Odo's clothes to shake him, but he moved away.
'I can't say. I'm bound to keep it secret, as High King requested. His Majesty is dying for over two weeks now, he is well aware of his state and knows the way to save himself - he has chosen not to. I gave him a month when we first met, but sickness started to grow faster now, he will be gone by dawn.' he answered and gave Queen Margo the potion. 'One gulp once in four hours should keep him breathing. That's all I can do.' He answered.
'Listen to me douchbag. Tell me what the hell is wrong with him and how to save him or I will fucking murder you' Margo hissed.
Quentin was silent.
'It's too late anyway. I suggested a potion that would dissolve the flowers from his lungs. He refused. They always do. They feel a connection to the flowers. It's their love after all. He would die than lose this. High King should wake in few hours, he will explain.' Odo said and left the room, leaving Margo and Quentin alone in the room full of flowers.
They sat in silence. Expressions blank. Both lost in their thoughts.
As Odo said, Eliot woke up in two hours. He cleared his throat and looked at Margo and Quentin, sitting in his room, between flowers. He didn't want to talk about it, he should go back to pretending that he is asleep, but it was too late.
'What are you thinking?!' Margo yelled. 'Why did I have to learn from a random guy that you are fucking dying?!'
'Because there is nothing that can be done' he answered quietly, his voice sounded rusty and physically hurtful to hear, at least for Quentin.
'And how many times we heard that?! And we did somethin'?!' Margo wasn't giving up. She was furious. If her fury could heal, Fillory would be the most healthy place in the universe. 'Physician said that you can be saved, but you REFUSED?! FUCKING REFUSED!'
'Death is better than that solution, believe me.' he answered gently 'I could lose my flowers' he said, taking some mix of orange and white flowers in his hand.
'Fuck the flowers!' Margo shouted, grabbing the flowers away, making Eliot rose quickly, and took the flowers away from her with a hurt expression. 'That is some kind of fucked up magic, that you threw up. Nothing more!'
'You know nothing' he said, looking at flowers with care.
Margo didn't understand it. These flowers were everything that he will leave. His love. They were for Quentin. He couldn't destroy it.
'So tell us...' Q said something the first time since this whole mess. It was quiet, uncertain. His eyes were glassy. Eliot hated it. Maybe before he dies he should talk to Q about it? Explain it? Probably Odo could do it after his death.
'Bambi... will leave me and Q alone? I need to talk to him first.' he looked at her.
At first, she wanted to protest, but... she decided not to. She left the room, looking at the guards whispering 'hanahaki, right?' '...will die without heir'. But when they saw her, they went silent. But she had something. Hanahaki. Time to go to Whitespire library.
At the same time, Q looked at Eliot and sat on the edge of the bed, and took Eliot's hand, causing Eliot to wince. Even a simple, gentle touch was making flowers hurt him more, but he tried to swallow the pain, he didn't want to make Q take his hand away.
'Leave me' Eliot said, Q looked hurt for the second, but then realized that Eliot took an orange flower and was looking at it. 'That is what the flower means, and this means protection.' he took white blackthorn flower and let it slip through his fingers and fall on the bed.
'Why are you coughing them?' Q asked gently.
'Because of what I did. I left to protect.' he answered with a sigh 'That day... on the Margo wedding altar.' he wanted to say more, but he needed to clear his throat again.
Quentin froze for a second.
'What?'
'I'm poison, Quentin. A killer. I'm not the 'mosaic boy' that you fell in love with then. We came back here. I called Margo the destroyer, but I destroy everything I touch. I couldn't let that happen to you, besides... You have Alice. You will always love Alice. I had 50 years of love with you already, asking for another it's like pushing my luck...' Eliot explained, he tried to say more, but the cough gets stronger like he didn't have a potion just two hours ago. Maybe talking about unrequited feelings made it worse?
'No, no, no...' Q shook his head, he couldn't even wrap his head around this. He didn't know where to start correcting Eliot.
'It seems that pinning is deadly in Fillory. Basically, my love for you is killing me. Fucking dramatic, I know. But... isn't it a good way to go for me? Dramatic and all...' Eliot laughed like it was something fucking funny.
'You broke my heart that day... and you say you fucking love me?' Q didn't know from where this anger came from, maybe because Eliot was freaking dying because he was a stupid asshole?!
'I...' He couldn't say anything more, he coughed again. Hard. Flowers were covered in blood.
'Eliot, no... no no no... you can't die. Why did you refuse the treatment?' He tried to support Eliot somehow, but there was not much that he could do.
'Because if I dissolve flowers... I would feel nothing about you. I would feel numb in your presence. These flowers are my feelings to you... literally.' Eliot explained. He didn't tell about the other way that he could be saved. That was pointless anyway. It was against his feelings after all.
Q blinked.
And then blinked again.
Eliot preferred to die than to stop loving him but still broke his heart, because of his stupid reasons.
'I don't love Alice... not in that way anyway.' it seemed the right thing to say to start. 'You were the one who said, that you wouldn't pick me
'I said we, ment you. You love Alice. It's your epic love story right from the book's pages. I'm a secondary character, holiday romance' Eliot murmured tiredly and then started coughing again. Q wanted to argue, but Eliot wasn't in the state to argue. He barely could say a sentence without coughing. Quentin whipped Eliot's lips from blood, didn't know what he could do more. He wanted to argue with Eliot's stupid reasoning, but he was dying... physician says that Eliot will be dead tomorrow.
'That's not true... take some rest, Eliot. Sleep if you can.' Q said, rubbing his eyes. Remembering Arielle's death, remembering Eliot's death... first, second, third. Now he was about to witness fourth, but without a miracle at the end. Eliot hummed in response and closed his eyes.
Quentin was looking at Eliot's chest, trying to make sure he is still breathing. It was just noon, but... physician was wrong before. He looked at all the flowers, covering every space in Eliot's room. It looked beautiful but the thought of Eliot coughing all of it made it terrifying.
He had to make it right. Even if he would force Eliot to drink the dissolving potion... but the physician said that it was even too late for that. Nevermind. There had to be a way. He rose from the bed and left the room, he needed to find Margo.
She was in the library, reading about something called 'hanahaki disease'. When she heard somebody entering the library, she rose her eyes from the book and gave Q a very cold look. That made Q realize that she knew. They spent the whole day in the library, learning more and more about this illness. A potion or made the feeling requited were the only option for saving. It was already too late for the potion, Eliot was already past the stage that potion would work... and Eliot knew that Q loved him, right? Eliot was the one who denied it in some stupid belief that it would be better for Quentin.
'I can't lose him, Quentin.' she said and looked at him like he could do something.
'Me too... and he was the one...' Q stopped the sob, for tears it was already too late. He was in tears since the moment that he saw a drawing of a person who died to Hanahaki with a grotesque bouquet in her mouth. 'He was the one who broke my heart, why don't I have it instead of him?' he asked, but he knew that she didn't have the answer.
'Does he know that you love him?' Margo asked, she didn't ask for the details of where the hell that happened. Right now she had to save El.
'Of course, he knows.' Q snorted and whipped his tears. 'He believes that he is protecting me from himself.'
After that words, Margo stormed off the library. Leaving Q alone with his thoughts.
He couldn't let Eliot die. The only way to save him was "making this love required". It was for gods' sake! Eliot was just in denial... which was fucking killing him, and he was ok with that! That was so fucked up situation, he didn't even know what to think. Eliot said that he was not the 'mosaic boy' that Q fell in love with. That was how Arielle called them. Her mosaic boys. Before she started to call them peach and plum. He laughed bitterly, thinking about the day when she first time called them that. Eliot was that man. He wasn't seventy-year-old Eliot, who lived his whole life, but he was still the man that Q loved. Dear gods, the things that Eliot said about himself. That he is a poison, a killer, a destroyer. Does he really think about himself in that way? Dear gods.
Eliot was listening to Margo's speech, listening but not quite hearing what she was trying to say to him. He thought about his flowers. Leave me, fate and protection. He was not Eliot Waugh from the mosaic. Being almost alone with Q allowed him to create the person he always wanted to be. Mosaic seemed like a vacation. In the real world, he was fucked up excuse of a human being. Q deserved better... but that didn't make his love go away. It was like forbidden fruit. Made him love Q even more. Margo finally realized that Eliot kinda doesn't listen to her anymore, she left with a frustrated growl. Good, she doesn't need to see him choke on his own love.
Late in the night, Q came again to his room, he sat beside him on the bed. Eliot felt like flowers were ripping apart his lungs, but he didn't move away. Such self-destructive, masochist tendencies. If he had any strength left, he would laugh. Right now, he was laying on the bed with an open mouth, it was making breathing easier, but made his lips cracked like hell, but that won't be a problem much longer.
'I don't know what to say, El... I don't know what to say to make you believe me, that I love you. I love you so freaking much... and don't even think about that I fell in love with some kind of different version of you. God, I had a crush on you since the first meeting, when you were lying on that Brakebills sign like a wet dream' Q laughed a little bit, remembering that day, what he thought about a handsome stranger. Eliot didn't answer. He probably couldn't even speak anymore, with the roots in his throat.
'The way that you convinced Margo to do with you some stupid spells when you saw me spacing out after Scarlatti web. Yeah, I noticed that you were doing it on purpose. That talk about Logan... Even that clusterfuck threesome. I wanted you so badly. I guess I'm trying to say that I loved you before. That's so fucking cheesy, but it's true.' Q was speaking, he needed to get that all out. Maybe something will fucking convince Eliot that his feelings aren't a bad thing. That he won't destroy him.
'Mosaic life was easy, we were working, no danger above our heads, no enemies, no things to kill. I guess that made things easier, to make a move, but I love you even if we can die on the next quest. I will always love you. I will always choose you... you need to allow me to choose you because I want to, I want to choose you so fucking badly, just allow me... please.' he started crying again, holding Eliot in his arms, playing with his hair.
'Please'
He kissed Eliot's hair and sobbed.
'I don't want your fucking flowers... I want you to breathe... I need you to breathe.'
'Please'
He spent most of the night like this. Begging. He didn't know when he fell asleep. When he woke up and felt Eliot in his arms, he was so damn scared to look at him. To look at him and see that he died in the night. In his arms.
But then he felt Eliot's breath. It was deeper than at night.
'El?' he asked.
Eliot moved a little bit and opened his eyes, rose his head, and looked at Q. He still looked like shit. Pale, lips cracked, but he seemed to breathe better.
'Q' El said quietly. It was a bearly above whisper. His voice was so rusty, dry, and damaged, but he was able to speak. It was an improvement.
'El. El! You are alive!' Q exclaimed with something between shock and happiness. Eliot didn't answer, but he smiled a little bit. Margo entered the room with sorrow on her face. Probably expecting to find Eliot dead in the bed, but then she heard Q shouting something otherwise. She looked at Eliot and breathed loudly.
'Thank the fucking gods. I will call the physician' Margo said and asked guards to bring Odo again. She sat in bed, on the other side of Eliot.
The physician confirmed that Hanahaki was in retreat, but it will take time for Eliot to recover. Q couldn't believe it. He knew that there is still a lot to unpack between him and Eliot. Hours with therapist probably. But El was going to be ok. He didn't know what he said that made Eliot believe him, but it could all wait till Eliot recovers.
It took a few days before Eliot looked better.
It took a week before Eliot could speak without problems again.
It took a month till Eliot coughed out the last flower.
It was rose this time.
I hope you liked it, leave some comment right bellow and see ya 3