"Wait, wait, wait… Buck, your therapist had sex with you during the session? You know that's not okay, right?"
The rest of the team looked at Buck from where they were seated around the table. The team had had an uninterrupted dinner, and were conversing about their favorite ways to destress, which somehow ended up going into two subconversations; sex and therapy. Or, in Buck's case, sex during therapy.
"Yeah Buck, when you said you had slept with your therapist, we thought you meant it was on your own time. Kid, had I known, I would've helped you. I'm sorry I didn't realize what you meant sooner." Bobby told him, regret and guilt marring his usually warm features.
"Help me? Why would I need help? I had sex with her. I wanted it, especially with the whole self diagnosed sex addict thing I had going on." Buck said, confusion lacing his tone as he stared imploringly at his captain.
"Buck… sweetie…" Hen started, placing her hand onto Buck's shoulder and attempted to lock eyes with the young man. "She assaulted you. She abused her power as a therapist and used your vulnerability and recent trauma. She shouldn't have had sex with you, even if you claim you wanted it. It wasn't right."
"I don't… I don't understand." He replied, his voice small and almost childlike.
"Buck, you were incapable of giving consent." Chimney added, trying without much success to get their friend to understand that something bad had happened to him.
"How do you feel about talking with Athena? You don't have to do anything official, but it might help if you talked with her about what happened, and maybe she can help explain why Dr. Wells' actions were wrong." Bobby offered.
Buck fidgeted in his seat, anxiously picking at the skin around his fingernails. He refused to meet anyone's gaze. After a few moments he cleared his throat.
"I…" He hesitated. "I guess so."
A few days later, Hen volunteered to drive Buck to the station so he could talk to Athena. Herself and Buck were both off that day, however Athena was still on duty but was happy to put aside some time to speak with Buck about Dr. Wells. The past couple days had been tense around the firehouse. Buck refused to talk anymore about the situation, and after a few failed attempts to breach the subject, the other firefighters respectfully stopped asking. They knew that he must be going through some very complex emotions, and he'd go to them if he needed them.
"You doing okay Buckaroo?" Hen asked, cautiously.
Buck startled slightly, having been in deep and slightly anxious thought before the unexpected interruption.
"Can guys even get ra—"
"Don't even think about finishing that sentence." Hen cut him off. "That sexist bullshit that stems from toxic and fragile masculinity is completely untrue. Men and women and those anywhere in between can be assaulted. Okay? I don't care if you reacted to it, it's still assault. I know you know that."
"Yeah. I guess it just feels different when it's me, you know? Like, I'd never think a victim was lying. But it's just… me. I guess I'm feeling a lot right now and I'm not handling it well."
"That's perfectly normal Buck. I'm proud of you, you know." She replied, smiling slightly.
Buck couldn't help the grin that spread across his face and the pale flush that adorned his cheeks at the comment. He didn't reply, but his facial expression was enough for Hen. She knew he appreciated what she said, but didn't know how to respond.
The rest of the drive was spent in a comfortable quiet. The only sound was an early 2000's song playing softly through the radio.
"Bobby thinks I'll feel better if I talk to you." Buck said, as he sat across from Athena in her office.
"Can you tell me a little about what happened, Buckaroo?" Athena asked, gently. She had already spoken to Bobby earlier, and from what little information she was told, she was outraged at how Buck's therapist had treated him. She kept a calm and collected facade for Buck though. She knew that her own emotions would impact him, and right now, they needed him in a good state of mind.
"Well…" Buck began.
Athena listened intently to his entire explanation, interjecting the occasional question to clear anything up that hadn't made sense, or shooting him pointed looks if he became too self deprecating. She kept a notepad in front of her, jotting down notes and quotes, in the event that Buck wanted to file an official report. She hated seeing a man that was typically so outgoing and confident look so lost and confused. He was hurting, and had spent months not knowing that he'd been through something terrible. The wakeup call must've hurt like a bitch.
"Listen Evan." Athena said, and the man bristled at the use of his first name. "You need to know that whatever happened, none of it was your fault. As a therapist, she was the one in charge. It was her responsibility to ensure that what happened during that session was therapy for you, not a chance for her to get off. Frankly, I don't care if you had sat there and begged her for sex— which I know you didn't— it's on her to always say no. You were her patient, who'd just bared his soul to her. You said yourself that you were sitting there, crying, as she straddled you. You were emotional, and not in the right headspace. As her patient, you were incapable of giving consent. Which, for the record, sounds like you didn't even consent in the first place. You didn't give her a verbal or enthusiastic 'yes'. So this wasn't on you. You are not to blame, okay? This wasn't your fault."
Buck teared up during Athena's speech, and he dabbed his eyes with a tissue. He ducked his head, embarrassed at his display of emotion. He sniffed, and looked around the plain office. There were a few framed certificates on the walls, and the desk had only a few items on it.
He felt like his mind was at war. On one side, he knew, deep down, that Athena and his team were right. But there was a persistent voice in the back of his mind telling him that he fucked up. That he deserved to have this happen to him. That he was stupid for letting it happen in the first place, and even stupider for not realizing that he'd been assaulted.
"Do you understand what I'm saying Buck?" Athena asked, shaking him out of his reverie.
"Yeah, I think so. Thanks for everything Athena." He said, earnestly.
"No need for thanks. I'm here for you, and so is Bobby, and Eddie, Chim, Hen, and Maddie. You've got a support circle who are ready and willing to do what they can to get you through this."
Buck nodded.
"Now I know you don't want to file an official report, so for now, we'll keep these notes in a folder in the locked drawer of my desk. If you decide to change your mind and want to press charges, you let me know, okay? I'll help you as soon as you give me the word."
"Thank you, again. I really appreciate all the effort you're putting into this." Buck replied.
"Buck, seriously man?" Eddie asked, unable to contain the thrum of anger that had been steadily coursing through his veins ever since he realized that his best friend had been raped by a therapist, during a therapy session.
"Eddie." Cap said, the warning clear in his stern tone.
"C'mon, you're seriously not pressing charges?"
"Wait, what?" Chim squeaked.
Hen looked at the others, slightly shocked. She'd really hoped that Buck's talk with Athena would change his mind about doing something about the situation.
"I don't see why you're all making such a big deal out of this. It happened. I'm not upset. I wanted it." Buck said, nonchalantly.
"It was rape Buck! That's kind of a big deal." Eddie retorted.
"Well then I probably deserved it." He scoffed.
The others recoiled at his admission. They had thought he was accepting what had happened and was coming to terms with it. Realizing he wasn't at fault. It was like he'd done a complete 180 and reverted back to simultaneously blaming himself and acting like nothing bad had happened.
"Don't… don't say that Buck."
"Why not? Buck 1.0 wasn't a very good person. I slept with anyone who offered. I lost that kid and then blamed him for dying. His death was on me. Just like the situation with the therapist. I shouldn't have done that to her. I mean, she could've lost her license just because she took a horndog on as a patient."
"What, you think you deserved to be raped because you were there when that kid fell? You deserve to be sexually assaulted because he died? Is that what you're saying? Because that's what I'm hearing." Eddie shot back, frustrated that Buck wasn't seeing things the way everyone else was.
Buck's defense did, however, shine a light on what was going through his head. He was still hung up over the kid's death. He never managed to properly work through it when the incident originally happened, seeing as his therapist thought sex was an appropriate way to work through the traumatizing event. Buck never had the chance to accept and let go of the burden that Devon's death had on him. Perhaps going to the funeral had helped a little, but there was more that Buck needed to do than just paying his respects.
"Okay that's not what I said." Buck growled.
"Wait I thought she was fired because they had sex." Chimney interjected, sensing that if nobody diverted the conversation, things were going to get real heated, real fast.
"Well, yes and no." Bobby sighed. "Yes, because the department thinks they had sex outside of their session, on their own time. Since he was technically still her patient, they felt that she shouldn't be working with our firehouse if there was going to be a personal relationship between them. They found that it was inappropriate. But outside the session or not, she shouldn't have had a personal or sexual relationship with Buck. So she was dismissed for that. No, because she should've been promptly fired and lost her license for having sex with her patient during a therapy session."
"Can we please just drop it?" Buck asked, irritated.
Understanding that they were making things worse, everyone clammed up. A few tense moments passed, before Hen quietly invited Buck to a video game tournament, and Cap began dinner preparations. Eddie left in a huff, and he took out his fury on the gym's punching bag. Chim snapped his gum, hesitating before deciding his best bet was to egg on the two playing video games.
"Look, Buck I'm sorry I blew up at you earlier." Eddie said, not meeting the other man's eyes.
"It's okay. You were just frustrated with me."
"It's really not okay. But thanks for forgiving me." Eddie awkwardly replied.
The two were perched on Eddie's couch, after their shift had ended. Eddie had invited Buck over to apologize, and hopefully hash out their grievances. Christopher was still with his abuela, and wouldn't be picked up for another hour or two, so the two men had more than enough time to talk things over.
Buck had pressed himself into the corner of the seat, a beer dangling precariously in his grip. Eddie sat on the other end, giving his friend some extra space, since things between them was still pretty tense. Eddie's own beer sat on the coffee table, collecting condensation.
"Look, you're my best friend," Eddie admitted, swallowing down any shame he had about being vulnerable and showing his feelings. "And I care about you. Hearing about how you were treated just… doesn't sit right with me. I'm not mad at you Buck. I'm mad at Dr. Wells for taking advantage of you. I'll admit, it pisses me off that you're not seeing it the way I'm seeing it."
"I'm sorry." He meekly apologizes.
"Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. I handled the information poorly, and took it out on you. That wasn't fair. I'm sorry Buck."
"It's cool man."
"It's not— okay. Okay we'll just stop there then." Eddie relented. "But here's some food for thought. Let's say I'm on a call, and my patient dies. Right in front of me. Almost literally slips through my fingers. It's the first time I've ever lost a victim. It really messes me up, so my captain recommends a therapist. I go to the therapy session, bare my soul to her, and I'm a crying mess. I'm highly emotional…"
Buck suppresses a small chuckle at that.
"Anyways, I'm emotional. Traumatized even. I've lost a kid's life. I've just relived the event in detail. Then, instead talking it through with me, or offering any healthy coping mechanisms, my therapist decides to kiss me. I sit there, and don't say anything. I don't say yes, and I don't say no. Next thing I know, she having sex with me. I haven't consented, and she's my therapist. Then when we're done, she basically says 'pretend this never happened, it was unprofessional. Delete me from social media.' Social media that she had added me on first. I never go back. I'm cleared for duty. I don't feel any better. And somewhere, deep down, buried in the very darkest corners of my mind, there's this teeny tiny little voice that says that this isn't right."
Buck nods along, contemplating what Eddie's telling him.
"Please reconsider. I know you know it was wrong." Eddie continues.
"I mean, I guess when you put it that way, it sounds pretty bad."
"That's because it was pretty bad." Eddie said.
Buck nods, before taking a swig of his beer. They both sensed that it was the end of the conversation. So Eddie offers to go and bring Chris home for a quick movie night. A chance to do something completely unrelated to their discussion. To have some time to decompress and spend some quality time with the kid. Buck readily agreed, and went about getting some snacks and non alcoholic beverages together. The rest of the night is spent in lighthearted laughter, Christopher's presence lightening the mood exponentially.
It's a few days later, when Buck approaches his teammates in the common area of the firehouse. They're lounging on the couches between calls. Athena had stopped by to drop off some papers for Bobby, and was taking a moment to visit with the team. Buck wrings his hands nervously, before getting everyone's attention.
"I think I want to press charges against Dr. Wells."