About the Author: Ranked as the worst animal by most other animals, humans were nearly hunted to extinction by egg-eating dinosaurs in the calorific age until a few industrious humans learned how to lay babies instead of eggs. Unfortunately, the dinosaurs didn't learn how to eat babies before humans invented meteors.

Follow Buster Manwomb on Twitter at BusterManwomb. It is an objectively bad decision.

Chapter 1: The first chapter

Once upon a time there was a setting. This setting was presumably set someplace. Somewhere in this setting there was a character who was the Protagonist. This Protagonist probably had a backstory.

"I have a relationship with various side characters!" Protagonist said.

"Hi, I'm the amiable side character." Said the amiable side character. It's possible the amiable side character was actually several characters who did different things. "I have an amiable relationship with the protagonist!"

"And I'm the hostile side character!" The Hostile Minor Character said. "If I was written by a shitty writer like J.K. Rowling, I'll be comedically evil without purpose and have poorly characterized followers!"

"Is your mentor character as big an asshole as you?" Protagonist asked.

"Probably!" Hostile Minor Character said. "Also, fuck you."

"Protagonist!" Said the character who drove the plot. "There's a conflict! I need you to resolve it!"

"No!" Protagonist said. "I can't be the right character for the job, I'm just a protagonist!"

"What if I gave you new information?" The character that was driving the plot said.

"Okay, I'll do it!" The Protagonist protagonized.

"Humor!" Inserted the comic relief.

And so the Protagonist overcame various obstacles. Some things possibly happened.

"I had an amiable relationship with you, but now I'm an antagonistic character!" The formerly amiable side character possibly said.

"If it because of a conflict of goals or a clashing of ideologies?" The Protagonist asked.

"Maybe" The newly antagonistic character said.

"I was a hostile but ultimately benign side! I'm going to either become a major antagonist or a friend!"

"Why" Protaginst.

"Well, if I was written by a shitty writer like J.K. Rowling, it's because my daddy told me to, or you saved my life once respectively." The antagonistic or formerly hostile minor character possibly said.

"Can't you have gotten your preconceptions challenged and organically develop as a character?" Protagonist asked.

"That sounds like work." said the antagonistic or formerly hostile minor character shrugged.

"We're not so different, you and I!" The antagonist said.

"Bullshit." Protagonist antagonized. "Oh no, I antagonized! Could it be?"

"It's true!" Antagonized ist. "You're the protagonist, I'm the antagonist!"

"Oh no, those are antonyms!" Protagonist wavers. "Those are almost synonyms! I'm at my low point!"