A/N: Read this note, would you kindly?
As ever, we're sticking with the "Embers" Rule for this story. If folks don't like it, it'll be deleted. So speak up! Make yourself heard! Your voice matters!
Hello~! You thought it was an April Fools prank but it was me DIO! Here's an actual story instead~!
This really took on a life of its own.
Now then, a disclaimer. One can consider this an offshoot from "Everbody Loves Cookies" in which Naruto decided to try a different career path than a bakery. This story's going to be a crazy one, meant to make everyone giggle, laugh, or cackle out loud.
There's minor verbatim here from "Cookies" for the first chapter, but don't mind that. Its a one off and we won't see said verbatim again.
This going to be my final request for awhile -unless someone really throws an amazing one my way- so there we are.
New Gods is nearly ready, just need to polish it. Daddy's Little Devil and One Helluva Team won't be far behind, I can assure you of that. Afterwards, we'll see "Far From Home" updated, because that last episode blasted a bloody hole in my heart. Screw that finale! I need to write some sweet, sappy stuff just to get away from the sheer PAIN of that episode.
Alright then, this old man has kept you long enough! I'll let you enjoy this sappy little story.
As ever, I own no quotes references, themes or memes. Not a wit or a one!
Now then, I'll not keep you. Get ready to smile~!
"Tastes good, doesn't it? You'd be amazed at the range of flavors you get when cooking with chakra.
For instance, Fire chakra is surprising spicy...but when you mix it with Wind chakra...
...well? Why not join us for a bite and see for yourself?
We've saved a seat for you. C'mon! Sit down!
There's plenty of room at the table~!"
~An Enlightened Cook.
Chef of Beacon
They say an army marches on its stomach.
Can the same not be said of Huntsmen and Huntresses? Powerful though they have been, mighty warriors they may well be, peerless engines of destruction against the Grimm they certainly, but even they need to eat. We all do. Young or old, the human body simply cannot last long without food and water. Teenagers certainly. No, everyone needs to eat. Its simply the way of life.
Some are picky about their fare. Others will eat just about anything. A number prefer spicy food. More tend toward a more delicate palette.
I've made an art of it these days.
Sounds, strange, doesn't it? When I first found myself stranded in this world, I was...lost for awhile. I fought for a time, discovered a few new tricks, kept moving. That sort of thing. Thought about opening a bakery for a bit. Decided against it. I tried different careers, learned a lot of hobbies, but in the end one really stuck with me.
Cooking.
To you, being a Chef of Beacon might seem like something of an odd choice. Especially for an ex-shinobi. For me? It seemed a simple one. When you've saved the world half a dozen times over and stranded yourself in a foreign dimension, there really isn't anywhere else left to go. You've seen all there is to see, done all you can do, and at some point just don't feel like fighting anymore. Its not that you can't, or won't, but that you simply choose not to. So you try to find a hobby, something that makes you happy. Something that makes others happy, too.
Let somebody carry on the good fight.
Let someone else be the hero.
Let something happen.
My home was at peace when I left it behind; probably still is. Even if it isn't, its none of my concern. They probably don't even remember need me, and its not like I can get back to them. I've had decades to reconcile myself to that fact. When I first landed here all those years ago -when I first met Ozpin- I had nothing. I didn't want to be a Huntsman, wasn't interested in his crusade, but I helped him anyway. For a time. Gave him a lifetime or two to set up his precious schools. It paid off. Some might argue that I still have nothing to show for it.
I...disagree.
There are so many recipes out there- so many different ways to prepare food!- and I've had plenty of time to learn. I've spent most of my savings on cooking lessons and learning what it means to be a chef. There mistakes, to be sure. Loads of them. Took me a hundred years to get my craft right. Burned down a building or two. Or three. Or four.
But I learned; because I had the time. Uzumaki genes have their perks, I suppose. Or maybe it has something to do with Kurama and being a jinchuriki. I don't look a day over twenty. Eternal youth has its perks, I suppose. Never asked for it, but it lets me live life at my own pace. Oz still asks me about it now and again.
Why Beacon? Ah, if only he knew! Well, let me put it this way...
I tried my luck in Atlas for a time, even made something of a career there in the beginning, until a certain Schnee suffered a nasty bout of food poisoning. Followed by an aneurysm. And a stroke. More fool he for insulting perfectly good cuisine. He got what was coming to him. After that, I decided it was high time to move on to greener pastures.
Poor Jacques. These days he's barely able to string together a single sentence, let alone walk. Death would have been kinder. How he survived, I'll never know. Doesn't matter, I suppose. He'll pass on sooner or later. If he takes too long, I'll just finish what he started.
Winter was a good kid, though. Wonder what she's been up to. Last I heard, she was headed into the military...
Now then, where was I? Oh, right! Mistral? Too humid. Lionheart reminds me of a twitchy rabbit. Nope! Not having any of that.
Vacuo is too hot. And too much sand. I hate sand. It gets everywhere!
But Vale! Vale is juuust right. Feels like I've come full circle.
Ozpin doesn't need me to fight nowadays. I'm officially retired. Let the new someone starts something, I'll gladly finish it, but I've not seen hide nor hair of trouble these days. Salem's been...strangely quite for the last few decades since I threatened her with Kurama. Suppose that means she's building up her forces again. Maybe. Maybe not. Personally, I think she's scared.
Either way, I'm content here. I'm just a chef now. My fighting days are done.
Alright, then! Its Initiation Day! Let the hungry masses come!
What could possibly go wrong?
(.0.0.0.)
Weiss approached the cafeteria on a whim.
It was the morning of Initiation and quite frankly, she was ready to have it done.
Anxiety had kept her up most of the night; left her tossing and turning in the auditorium while the rest slept soundly in their sleeping bags. What would the test be? A written exam? An trial meant to display their physical prowess? Something else entirely? It nagged at her like an old wound, poisoning her every thought. Would they have to fight one of the teachers? Or worse...Grimm? By the Brothers, she didn't know, and the lack of said knowledge was slowly but surely driving her stark raving mad.
"Stop it." she pinched an arm as she walked to quell her racing thoughts. "You're a Schnee. You are better than this."
She'd woken before the others -as well as that noisy girl with the silver eyes!- in the vain hope of having time with her thoughts and a quick morning meal. She was beginning to regret that now. She was tired, grouchy, and frankly, she felt like stabbing someone someone with Myrtenaster.
But she couldn't show any of that to be public; because she must be better.
She had to be. She must be. Ever since Father's poisoning, Mother had been...well, better frankly, but Willow Schnee wanted nothing to do with the company that caused her so much misery. And so the burden of running the SDC fell to her children. Winter had seen sense and run away to the military at the first. Weiss hadn't. More fool she.
By the time she realized what she was getting into, it was too late.
As such, more and more responsibility fell upon her shoulders; so much so that she'd come to Beacon just to be rid of it for a time. If it wasn't meetings with shareholders, it was marriage offers -not all of them male!- or other sycophants seeking her favor. Weiss was so sick, sick, sick of it. Why did she ever want to be heiress again? Such a heavy burden it was. Sometimes, in her darker moments, she would wonder to just give the company to Whitley and be done with it.
But not today.
Lifting her chin, she approached the double doors and shouldered them aside. She mustn't falter here among her peers. Any sign of weakness here would be the death of her. She would be prim and proper and
Maybe a bit of breakfast would set her to rights.
She had heard tell that Beacon's chef was something of a prodigy. From one genius to another, she felt she'd be able to appreciate the fine cuisine he prepared...if in fact, the rumors were true. Or not. The opinion of the common folk was sometimes exaggerated after all. For all she knew, so-called "Chef" might be nothing more than an amateur. Besides, she was feeling rather peckish this morning. Even a Schnee had to eat breakfast; if Weiss could do so in relative peace and quiet, all the better...
Weiss stopped short, heels clicking ominously in the silence.
...well, that had to be a semblance or the strangest birth of octuplets she'd ever seen. How else could there be nearly nine of the same person manning the cafeteria?! They were even dressed the same! All clad in orange and black with blue besides alike, they wore dark red aprons over darker jeans and orange turtlenecks as they scuttled about the kitchen. No, wait. There was a ninth behind the counter, humming softly to himself as he worked.
"Salutations~!" The one behind the counter, likely the leader of the bunch, grinned at her. "Early riser, are we?" When she nodded, his teeth flashed in a disarming grin. "Good on ya! What'll it be?
The fresh aroma of breakfast reached Weiss as she approached and wrestled her suspicions away.
Ice blue eyes flicked over the aseembled foodstuffs, then back to him.
He was a handsome enough fellow, if a little rough. Sharp golden eyes with strange pupils, whiskered cheeks and a wild mane of spiky blond hair. Some might have thought him a Faunus, but no, she believed him to be a human. Even if he hadn't been, it wouldn't have changed anything. She wasn't Father. One must judge an individual by their skills, never their race or face.
...what do you have?"
"Whatever you like." He sang back.
A brow quirked. "Anything? That's a bold claim."
The young man grinned. "What can I say? I never go back on my word."
Ice blue eyes narrowed. "In that case, I require waffles with fresh syrup and butter, a side of bacon and eggs, and a tall glass of orange juice."
Perhaps that was a bit petty of her, to ask for so much of him. For a wild moment, she actually considered apologizing. No. A Schnee did not apologize unless absolutely necessary. But blast it all, she was grouchy, and he was just so damn peppy! How one many could be awake and smiling at this ungodly hour was beyond her.
"It'll be ready in a minute. Here." He slid her a warm biscuit on a pale blue plate. "Have this in the meantime."
Weiss accepted with a modicum of thanks and nibbled at it with the dainty grace of her station.
Her knees buckled and the world burned white as her body nearly collapsed. Bliss!
"Well?" his voice yanked her out of the daze. "How was it?"
The heiress blinked, suddenly realizing she was cradling naught but crumbs in her hands. The biscuit was gone. Her eyes widened and she glanced about in search of it, only to find empty hair. Beacon's chef propped himself against the counter with a small smile of his own, so much so that she found herself somewhat taken aback.
"I...what was that?! What happened?"
"Ah, first year syndrome," the young man tittered softly. "Never get tired of that. Here." another tray slid across, bearing delightfully fluffy eggs and bacon. "Eat slowly, now." he cautioned her. "Small bites. Don't wanna overwhelm ya."
Weiss willed herself not to snap at him and did as she was bade, taking tiny bites rather than simply inhale the meal before her. Her mouth tried to betray her and scarf it down, eager to consume the delicacy before her, but she refused to let her body have its sway. She controlled herself with crisp, clear movements, even as her eyes began to water.
It was like taking a little bit of heaven. No pedestrian fare, this! She had to know his name. And so she asked.
"Naruto Uzumaki, at your service." he sketched a quick bow. "Say, you look familiar." the blond squinted at her, vaguely reminding her of a curious fox she'd once seen in her youth. "You wouldn't happen to have an older sister by any chance, would you? About ye high?" he raised a hand. "She's got a really stiff posture; last time I saw her she was around your height."
He could only be describing one person. Weiss blinked. "Do you mean Winter? She's my older sister."
His eyes lit up. "Really! Is she here?"
Weiss frowned. "She is not."
"Oh." he seemed to deflate a little and shrink into himself, reminding her of a kicked puppy. "Well, I suppose it was too much to hope she'd remember me." he looked away with a put upon sigh. "She was fairly busy at the time. Give her my regards when you see her, would you?"
Weiss regarded him anew.
His words jogged a memory. Her sister had spoken glowingly of a young man who once prepared meals in her schoolyard days. A chatty young man with striking golden hair and whiskered cheeks. But she'd said his eyes were blue. Naruto's were gold. How odd that they had the same name...really, what were the chances?
"You're staring."
The heiress flinched, having been caught out.
"Is it the eyes? I use senjutsu in my cooking. Tends to change their color a bit. See?" the blond blinked and sure enough, those warm caramel eyes became a startling shade of blue and his pupils rounded out once more. "There, we go. How's that?
Oh, dear. It really was him. Winter was going to have an absolute fit if she stayed quiet about this. She began comprising that letter in her head. Surely nothing would come of it.
"You'd be surprised." Naruto prattled on, blissfully unaware of her inner turmoil. "Chakra has a pretty distinct flavor to it." an idea seemed to occur to him then. "Oh, don't worry. This isn't nearly enough to turn you into a frog."
Weiss gagged. "Urk?!"
"I'm kidding!" he laughed as she clutched at her throat and leaned back with another dazzling smile. "I've perfected that bit ages ago. Here." another tray slid out. "Have your waffles."
They...certainly looked good. Hard he really prepared them that quickly?
Weiss took up her fork and knife and prepared a dainty bite, trying to steel herself against what she knew was coming. She failed. Her eyes bulged, and not from disgust. The waffles were buttery soft and melted in her mouth, sending her tongue twitching in delight. A rather questionable noise fled from her mouth and she was suddenly and intensely glad no one -save the chef!- was present to witness this.
"What is this?!"
"Waffles." his smile was telling and told her he knew exactly what he'd done. "Just like you asked."
Waffles?! These were heavenly! Nay! Divine! Too late she realized she'd eaten them in her haste, and though she was now full, her eyes watered for not having more. Naruto offered her the orange juice she'd requested; it proved to be the sweetest of nectar. It left her feeling energized; awake in a way she hadn't been in years. All the stress and fatigue she'd found herself grappling with melted away just like the food she'd eaten. Her mind whirled, struggling with this sudden surge of energy.
"Feeling a bit more awake now, are we?"
Her head bobbed, sending her hair swaying. "I am. Refreshed, even? What did you put in that?"
Naruto spread his arms. "Chakra. What else? You'd be amazed what you can make with it? Hardly any calories, either.
Her eyes sparkled at the implications. If he could make breakfast taste this good, then what could he do with other meals? Just like that her mind slipped its leash, got away from her, and ran for the hills. She could see it now. If breakfast made her feel this good...!
Her gaze fixed on him. "How much would it cost to hire you as my personal chef?"
"Nope." Naruto shook his head. "Not interested."
She frowned. "I am prepared to offer you a rathe rsignificant sum...
"Sorry. Merry blue eyes twinkled back at her. "I wouldn't do it for all the lien in the world. I'm quite happy where I am."
Drat.
"Good luck, rookie." for a moment it looked like he'd pat her on the head, but he saw her scowl, and seemed to think better for it. Quick as a flash he went back to his task. "I'll see you later...if you make it into Beacon."
Her pride bridled at the perceived slight. "What kind of attitude is that? Of course I will!"
He shrugged. "If you say so...
"I do say so!"
"I'm sure you do." his head bobbed in agreement as he began to prepare another meal. "Plenty of people try to get into Beacon. Some succeed. Others fail. And you." he waved a hand, flailing it a bit. "You've clearly got a chip on your shoulder. I'd get rid of that, were I you. It won't do you any good here. You'll have to work hard."
How dare he!
Weiss felt a spark of anger ignited in her cold heart. Good food or not, Naruto's attitude clearly left much to be desired. She had chosen to come here; willingly picked Beacon over every other school. Of course she was prepared to work hard! Who was he to say whether she was worthy or not?
Huffing, she raised her chin and turned away. "Thank you for the meal, but you know nothing about me."
"Nope." the blond beamed back. "But I know your type. Mark my words, ya really ought to let that pride go."
Oh, that was it! She rounded on him and stabbed a finger into his chest. "You wouldn't know pride if it slapped you in the face!"
"Oho?" Naruto leaned forward, eyes flashing like twin gems. "Lets make a little wager then."
Aha! Her walls slammed down. So that's what he's after. "I'm no gambler, sir. You'll get no lien from me!"
"Nah," he dispelled her fears with a wave of the hand. "Ain't interested in money. I've got heaps saved from my younger days." Younger days? He didn't look a day over twenty! "Tell you what." He snapped his fingers and pointed one at her. "If you make it into Beacon, I'll deliver a meal of your choosing to your room every day. I'll even teach you how to cook, since you seem to have an eye for good food."
Weiss perked up. His skills were certainly top notch. And yet. "What happens if, by some miracle, I fail?"
"Nothing."
A bead of sweat ran down her brow. "You're mocking me, aren't you?"
"No, no, no." the Chef held up his hands. "There's no penalty. Think of it as encouragement. Of course, if you're not satisfied with that, we could always raise the stakes...
Her stomach whimpered at the idea, reminding her of the meal she'd just consumed.
"I'm listening...
Naruto held up three fingers.
"Make it as team leader and I'll be your personal chef for your entire tenure at Beacon. No questions asked."
Her heart soared. "You're on!"
"But if you don't...you have to wear...this!" he dipped down behind the counter and whipped out a hideously orange apron with black letters stitched across its surface. "Kiss the cook" it read. Weiss felt her eyes begin to burn at the sight of it. Too bright! Much too bright!
She had to wear that? No. No, no, no. Absolutely not! She'd sooner die!"
"What's wrong?" whiskered cheeks dimpled in a smile. "I'm sure your sister wouldn't have balked at a wager like this."
Weiss made a keening noise through her teeth. "I'll have you know I'm ten times the huntress she is!"
His smile told her that was a mistake. "Then you'll have no trouble meeting our little wager."
"Why you...?!"
A chime overhead silenced her before he could counter her.
"Oh, that's the bell." Naruto looked up. "Better get ready. They'll call you to the cliffs soon."
Weiss blinked. "Cliffs?"
Naruto looked left. Naruto looked right. Naruto shrugged.
"I really shouldn't be telling you this, but Ozpin's a quirky bastard." he raised a hand and beckoned her closer. Against her better judgement, Weiss found herself leaning in. "You're gonna be launched into the Emerald Forest to collect relics and fight Grimm." even as she digested that, he bulled on. "Pretty sure it'll be chess pieces this year. Oz was always fond of those." her lips parted to inquire about that, but his words rode her down for yet a second time. "Oh, and the first person you make eye contact with will be your partner for the next four years, so be careful."
Her heart sank into her stomach. "I...thank you. Is there anything else-
"Will all first year students please report to the cliffs for initiation?" a familiar voice intoned from the speakers. "I repeat, please report to the cliffs for initiation...
"Don't mention it." he winked. "Good luck! Oh! And make sure you have a good landing strategy!"
Weiss muttered a halfhearted farewell and scampered off with rosy cheeks. Inwardly, her mind began to race. Make it into Beacon? Easily done. Lead her own team? Nothing simpler. She simply needed to prove herself a good leader. She could do that-no! She would do that! She'd make that man eat his words! He'd be waiting on her hand and foot! She swore to write that letter to Winter besides. He clearly knew her. Perhaps her sister could apply pressure where she could not.
Not for sale was he? Well! They'd just see about that now, wouldn't they?
This wasn't over. He would be hers! One way or another!
How little she knew.
A/N: And there we have it.
As ever, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule. Did you like this story? Yes? No? Maybe? Speak out! Make yourselves heard! Your voice matters~!
If you thought "Everybody Loves Cookies" was a crazy ride, no, no, no. That tale merely adopted the crazy. THIS STORY WAS BORN IN IT.
So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review, Would You Kindly?
And have some previews.
Also. References ahoy!
Because why not?
(Previews)
So. This was her team.
"Oho? You're approaching me?"
"I can't eat your food if I don't get closer."
Weiss rolled her eyes at her teammate. "Both of you! Stop acting like that, or I swear I'll smite you!"
Naruto only laughed and posed harder. "WRRRYYYY!"
"By the brothers you can be such a child...!"
"What's it matter to you, old man? She's just a stupid rabbit...!"
Naruto stood slowly, rising to his full towering height. Weiss gulped, and she wasn't even the recipient of his glare.
"Just because I've laid down my shuriken and kunai, doesn't mean I've forgotten how to fight, son. I choose not to. But you?" the plate was summarily yanked from their grasp. "You are unworthy of this food. You bring dishonor into these hallowed halls. Get out. Before I have Kurama throw you out! Actually, on second thought...!"
A giant golden hand swatted Cardin Winchester into the floor. Once. Twice. Thrice.
"Puny huntsman!"
Coco laughed and elbowed Weiss. "Yup, saw that coming. Shoulda seen what he did to the last bully...Velvet's practically a little sister to him."
The doors parted with a thunderous crash.
"I knew it was you!"
Naruto looked up from the five course meal he was preparing. "Me? Oh! Hey, Winter! Long time no see!"
Weiss had never seen her sister falter before, let alone act like a blushing schoolgirl. First time for everything, she supposed.
R&R~!