It was one of those days. Every moment was so surreal to her. She'd just finished tucking Noah in, looking in the mirror all she could feel was pride in her work and happiness regarding the life she'd built for herself. She was okay. Maybe some people aren't meant to have that watershed moment with their one, and that's okay.

Elliot…there was a time when his overnight absence burned her soul, he was her daily fix. And now, she's still in love with him, but she's graduated to coexist with the ache. Today, seeing him, being with him, interrogating a perp with him…it was a dance too familiar; they'd fallen right into it. This morning, when they were interrogating that poor woman, it felt like the first time. In the afternoon, when they collared the bastard, the way their bodies positioned themselves to restrain him, to push him in the car, to walk him into the station…no matter how she'd wanted to keep a wall of safety, he'd penetrated it without difficulty.

Over the past few months they've spoken, come to make their peace with each other. But the peace they'd made was as colleagues, friends, they'd never made peace as lovers, soul mates, twin flames. They'd never made love, sex doesn't make a lover, intimacy does. They'd never succeeded at being intimate to those depths with anyone else. He'd been the most important person in her life, she'd told him as much. Even after all this time, the three little words hadn't made it out of either of them. It didn't matter how removed from then they were. The rapists, the killers, the mobsters. It was still there, that fire, raging, lurking beneath the surface…waiting to consume them, to welcome them to the doors of heaven or hell, there to remind them every day that they were human, no more, no less.

She washed her teeth, sighed, and decided to catch a movie. No use in fighting a losing war.

He'd said he used to be like a lit fuse, out of control…but that fire still roared. Another day had passed him. He was a coward, he knew it. He went 10 years without her. She was his angel, his drug, his greatest mistake and the only thing he ever did right. He'd grown up catholic, had a kid at 17, knew he had to do the right thing. He couldn't leave Kathy all those years ago, he couldn't have asked Liv to be the other woman. She wasn't the other woman; she was THE woman.

Today, when he saw that perp touch her face, he gut punched him before he even realized he did so. Usually, she'd do her own knocking out, he knew she didn't like to feel handled. He'd said the fuse was under his control. It wasn't. Her heart, her smell, her voice, they set him ablaze deeper than before. A pyromaniacs fantasies.

Now, he and Kathy had parted ways. He knew better, they weren't happy. There was nothing godly about suffering in silence. Still, there were words he couldn't say to Olivia. He couldn't do that to her, he no longer felt deserving of her loyalty…to be her lover? He wasn't the guy that deserved to wake up to her, to share her mornings, her midnights, to witness her anger, her pleasure, her.

Still he walked to her building, he needed to talk to her. Honestly, they could talk about the way the new business cards had changed format. He just needed to hear her voice. What if she asked him to leave? What if she was with someone? What if she wasn't even home?

"Get a grip, you're not 12" …but he was. He was flushing red at the thought, the anticipation, the pain of not knowing. The maybes hung on his neck. He needed to see her, to talk to her. A word would be enough, it'd keep the monsters at bay for the night.

"Elliot, what are you doing here?" Olivia closed her robe straps as she said the words. Physically covering a soul that she longed to bare to him, but wouldn't, couldn't.

"I was in the neighborhood"

"Except your neighborhood is what? 45min away?" She retorted as she motioned for him to come in.

"How's Noah?"

"He's asleep, really excited to see you this weekend. Thanks for taking him to the recital, he really wanted you to be there".

"He's a great kid, really lucked out with a great mom. I told you you'd make a great mom".

"That you did. But I'm guessing you didn't drive all the way over here to tell me that".

"I don't know what to say Liv".

"What's on your mind?"

He just stared at her. Unable to tell her that she was everything on his mind, always. That he was still a coward. That what he meant by that his fuse was under his control is that he knows how to shut himself down before he goes ballistic with a perp. He thought that'd apply to all areas of his life, but when it comes to her, control seethes through his pores, unable to remain within his grasp.

"Look Elliot, we've spoken about this. I'm alright, it's okay. You left; you had your reasons. I was used to us; I was used to trusting you and I was used to our dynamic. Then I learned to trust other people. Yeah, I had some rough patches, but here I am. I'm still here. You don't need to drop in, in the middle of the night. It won't make the past go away, and frankly it's beginning to get a little insulting. I can take care of myself". Olivia felt annoyed and hurt. What did he think? She'd survived. She was fine.

In that moment, the blaze overtook him. She thought he felt guilt. Yeah, there'd been guilt. Now? Now there's only regret. Regret that he wasn't the father of her child, regret he wasn't her man, regret it was no longer his name she cried out when she slept, or his presence she longed for when she hurt. The anger he felt at himself, the resentment, it was enough to push him over that edge he'd stared at for 22 years.

He kissed her. His mouth on hers, her knee jerk reaction was to push him aside.

"wh-what are you doing Elliot?" she gasped.

"You know damn well what I'm doing. I've hated myself for years because I never did this. I never had the courage to tell you how much I love you. Or maybe I just didn't have the courage to say it with words"

"I loved you Elliot, I loved you like I never loved another man. And you LEFT me. You didn't look back. I was willing—I was willing to be the other woman, to give you a child, to be there. I held your pregnant wife as she gave birth to your child. When Sonia Paxton was murdered…it was your presence I yearned for. When Gitano, I chose you, you and only ever you…and you left me. You didn't care. Your mother said that you only leave the people you hate, I HAD TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH THAT. So what are you doing?"

Elliot looked at her and, in that moment, decided that it was now or never. "What I felt, what I feel, for you, Olivia. It scares me. There's no end to it, no controlling it. There's no crime I'm not willing to commit or rule I'm not willing to break. I killed a girl, it wasn't your fault, but I did it because it was her or you. And there was, there is no life, I would ever put above yours. I'd chose you time and time again. I had a family to take care of, all of these boundaries and walls, holding me. I said a few weeks ago, that I'm in control. I was in control then, I had limits. Today? I can't be without you anymore. And I will hate myself to the very end for the time lost. I was damaged goods, no good to you, I still am, but I can't live without loving you openly anymore".

"Elliot I'm afraid you're going to leave again, and I-I-I can't handle that, not if we…not then".

"I won't. I didn't leave because I hated you. I didn't leave because I hated my mother. I left because I wasn't man enough to be there. I hated myself, I couldn't let myself tarnish you. I love you. I loved her. I'm in love with you and I always will be. Even if you don't want me. I'm here. Here to stay".

Olivia walked towards him. Not want him. How could he think she didn't want him? Her bones ached for him. Her skin ached for his skin. She kissed him then. Tomorrow doesn't matter. No one can promise tomorrow. All she, anyone, ever has is now. The kiss deepened.

"Olivia – I love you, and as god is my witness, I will never, have never loved anyone the way I love you. You're the realest, deepest, most magical and haunting relationship I've had with a woman".

She led him to her room. In between kisses, he slid the robe off of her shoulders. She would always be that magnificent being that set his loins on fire. Undressing each other was oddly familiar, the fabric melted beneath their fingers, and every inch of skin just begged them to free another.

When they were fully undressed, they realized tears were streaming down their eyes.

"It feels like the first time in my life" Elliot said.

"It is, in a way, it is" Olivia smiled.

As they tumbled onto the bed, the urgency went away. In its place, a dull ache, pooled in their very center was born. The wonder of youth still there, laced with the care and magnetism of age.

Elliot was on top of Olivia, his eyes looking into her deep brown eyes. He recalled that years ago, a friend had called her a stone-cold fox…he was wrong, she was that deep pool you fall into and never find your way out. He never wanted to find a way out. He was happy to drown, catch his death in the depths of her.

As he entered her, a gasp escaped her lips. What was she doing? She'd kept him at arm's length for weeks, and now, there he was, buried inside of her. Moving slowly, making her feel what she'd swore she'd never allow herself to desire again. He was looking at her like a blind man looking at the sunlight for the first time in his life.

Their lips parted, moans escaping, passion flowing…it dawned on them both that in this moment they were infinite. The more they kissed, the more they moved to each other's rhythms until they found their own, the more they looked into each other's eyes, the more they became ingrained into one another. All they could see, hear, feel, think of was one another.

When it was over, Elliot held her in his arms. They stood still in silence. Words were superfluous now, their souls had overflowed into their actions.

"I love you" the words escaped Elliots lips. Olivia angles her head to his, gave him a quick kiss and said "I love you too". The sunrise signaled a new day was beginning.