April Fools! Ha, no, this was not an update of Say I Do (‿ )
Anyway, cover pic is from margo-sama on Tumblr!
Opposite Day
Tired eyes stared at the file.
They sigh.
"Really? We're going through with this?"
"I think it's good for them. They've been through a lot after all," Another adds, manicured hands reaching for their drink.
"But isn't this kind of..."
"Unethical? Illegal?" Someone grunts.
They shrug. "More like inconvenient, really. It's gonna be a headache tomorrow that's for sure."
"Ha, it's a good change of pace from the tension lately."
Several heads nodded in agreement, some still expressing their displeasure.
"Well, I guess that settles it," Beady black eyes twinkled, "Plan 401 will go through for tomorrow!"
"...Why did we even do this if you're just going to decide anyway?"A tired voice remarked.
"Oh! I just wanted to share these cookies I made."
Silence.
Someone sighed. A crunch. The sound of chewing.
"No matter what happens, I'm looking forward to tomorrow that's for sure."
Katsuki huffs, breath slowing as the dorm came in sight, slowing his run into a walk. He rolled his shoulders, groaning at the cracks.
Beads of sweat pooled into his already soaked tank top, some sizzling in the cool night air. His whole body was covered in a sheen of sweat, making him itch to fucking finally get to the showers.
His quirk might be based on sweat, but that doesn't mean he didn't love washing it away.
Nearing the dorms, Katsuki groans when he sees the turned-on lights in the building.
Just fucking great.
The shitty extras are holding another one of their game nights or movie nights or whatever-the-fuck you call them nights that ruined his sleep.
Hearing a cacophony of loud voices from the living room, he gets more pissed off—such noisy little shits.
He banged open the door, fire blaring in his eyes.
"OI SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU EXTRAS! I COULD HEAR YOU FROM ALL THE WAY FROM MARS DIPSHITS!"
Around 19 pairs of eyes swiveled in his direction, all simultaneously becoming quiet.
Katsuki smirked, chest puffing at how he finally shut them up, and now he can get a shower and get some fucking sleep–
"Bakubro!"
"Bakugou!"
In less than a second, the whole class swarmed him– mostly the extras who clung onto him as 'friends' (ugh), their voices shattering his eardrums.
On instinct, he grabbed the nearest one and exploded their face.
"Gah!"
"Kaminari!" Ah, it was the charger. He always seemed to be the one with the most explodable face.
Katsuki snarled at the others, palms crackling menacingly. "Alright, assholes. What the fuck is your problem, ha?! You got absolutely negative seconds before I send you all to hell!"
"It–"
"Oh my god, you–"
"Dude, ha, get this–"
His fingers twitched when they crowded him again.
He could literally feel his non-existent patience snap. The sweat that coated his body started to crackle, body heat rising.
They kept shouting, and his sleep was waving him goodbye, so fuck them he's going to explode their assess off to the Moon–
Someone grabbed his arm, dragging him away from the swarm and deeper into the living room. Katsuki swore, not liking being manhandled. He grabbed hold of the hand, releasing an explosion against it. His expectation for the stupid idiot– who dared to touch him– to let go immediately was stomped when the smoke revealed hardened unaffected skin.
"Shitty Hair, what the hell?"
The red-headed idiot opened his mouth, about to answer. Then frustration flashed across his face, shutting his mouth.
Ha?
What the fuck was that?
"Oi!" Katsuki wrenched free from the hold, grabbing the other's shoulder. "Answer me, asshole!"
Shitty Hair looked constipated, struggling with something.
Oh, crap.
Did the asshole need help getting his rock-hard shit out? Because goddamn if he thinks for even a second that Katsuki's gonna help with that, he's gonna have to sleep with one eye open.
Shitty constipated Hair released a frustrated groan and stomped over to the coffee table, pressing a silver disc(?)
The face of Principal Nedzu popped up, looming over the room.
No, fuck anyone who says he jumped back in surprise. And fuck anyone who says he clung on instinct to the nearest person. Over his dead body would Katsuki admit clinging onto shitty Todoroki Shoto just because of a hologram.
"Good evening students! I hope I didn't interrupt any of your beauty sleep."
His fingers twitched, a vein popping at his neck. That little shit principal. He sure as hell didn't look guilty with those freaking twinkling eyes.
Is it animal cruelty if he tore them out?
"Fucker," Katsuki growls, managing to stomp down his impulse to explode the shit out of that shitty projection device.
He had no time for this shit!
"Ehem, well," Nedzu cleared his throat, clapping his hands together. "As you all know, UA has been on the brunt of attacks for the past months. While you may all be heroes-in-training, you all are, first and foremost, students and children. We want you all to remember that."
His expression softened for a second. And for that second, Katsuki could see the hybrid as a teacher and not a sadistic maniac.
A second.
Then that asshole's eyes morphed into morbid glee.
"Which is why we've prepared a little gift! After all, tomorrow is..."
Tomorrow? Ha, what was up with tomorrow? A birthday? Some shitty anniversary? It was March 31 today, so–
Oh no.
No.
Oh, fuuuuck no.
Shiiii–
Nedzu smiled, canines gleaming. "April Fools Day! By now, you'll be feeling the effects of our gift."
Katsuki froze, palms instinctively crackling against an unforeseen enemy. He fucking hated how his hands itched to go to his neck, stomping down memories of white-haired freaks and dust.
"But no worries! It's completely harmless and will wear off by this time tomorrow!"
Yeah, if that asshole principal was 'harmless,' Katsuki was a fucking bunny who shits sunshine and rainbows.
"Well, I'll leave you all to enjoy the gift and," A smug expression replaced Nedzu's innocent one, "Classes will proceed as usual tomorrow! Goodnight~"
The projection shut off, the lounge lights flickering randomly.
Silence.
.
.
Then–
"WHAT. THE. FUUUUUCK?"
The rest of the class grimaced, others looking unbothered with their earplugs.
Katsuki growled, wanting to rip off their earplugs and blow them up just for spite. Any other day, he would– oh, he definitely would– but right now, he had other priorities.
One is understanding what the fuck was going on.
He hated a lot of things. Hell, a fucking book can be made just from listing down the shit he hated. No, scratch that. He could sell a series on it.
And right at the top of the list was, in all-caps and flaming, NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS GOING ON, FUCK YOU, YOU'RE NOT BETTER THAN ME.
Katsuki whirled on the one who started all this, stomping over. The fucking Shitty Hair was already tiptoeing away when he was grabbed by the collar and dragged back.
"Haha, Bakugou–"
The idiot shut his mouth when he felt crackling heat at the back of his neck. Inwardly, he sighed at losing another one of his shirts to his best friend.
Katsuki dumped the red-haired man on the couch. Ignoring his cry of pain, he swiped the projector and threw it at Shitty Hair's face.
"Ow!"
Katsuki grunted, crossing his arms over his chest and loomed over the extra. "Don't explain."
.
Wait, what?
Katsuki shook his head, tongue heavy in his mouth. Seeing the look of exasperation and defeat on Kirishima and the rest of the class made his blood boil.
"YOU FLUFFBALLS! WHY ARE YOU GENIUSES HAPPY?"
What.
WHAT.
What the fuuuuuuck.
He screamed in frustration, his mind whirling through what just happened. Okay, Katsuki. Think god fucking dammit. Think.
Point: When he arrived, every single one of the shitty extras was running around like stupid-ass headless chickens
Point: He hasn't heard a single one of them actually get through a single sentence (no that ain't his fault)
Point: The sadistic principal mentioned a 'gift' taking effect
Point: What he wants to say ends up being the opposite of what gets out of his mouth
"SON OF A PONY!"
Ugh, god fucking dammit! Of all the fucking gifts they thought of, they chose the most annoying quirk.
"Those motherlovers! I'm going to take care of them!"
So goddamn annoying because now he sounds like a weak-ass shit and can't even get a single curse out.
A snort.
Katsuki snaps his head so fast to the sound, crimson eyes blazing. He zeroed in on yellow hair, the black streak serving as a target.
"YOU FINDING THIS SAD, PIKACHU, HAH?!"
"Oh shirt."
"Denki, walk!"
He charges, hands reaching to throttle the stupid human charger for even daring to laugh at him that motherfucker–
"Guys! Fucking go! Ah– I uh– fuck– I don't mean fucking wait!"
All his fight swirls down the drain when he recognizes the voice.
What.
Katsuki stops right before he could murder this poor excuse of a pokemon and turns to face green.
"Deku– you–"
No, fuck no, he wasn't gaping. And even if he was, it was because Midoriya Izuku swearing means the end of the world.
"Ah, yes, I mean to curse! Ugh, yes! I don't mean no! I'm just not trying to get no one fucking agitated with this blessing. Ugh, dammit! That's what I mean!"
Call him sadistic, but he felt a whole better after seeing the greennette suffer under this stupid ass quirk too.
(And maybe hearing Deku, of all people, swearing did things to him, but he'll fucking explode his secret All Might collection before he admits that)
Katsuki snorted, "Just keep talking nerd, I like hearing your beautiful voice."
Deku gaped at him, a blush spreading across the freckles that annoyed Katsuki whenever he looked at them. He swears to God, he's this close to just grabbing the shitty nerd and–
Wait.
Katsuki's face heated up, just processing what exactly left his mouth. His traitorous mouth that just made itself public enemy no.1
"K-Kacchan, you– you hate my voice?"
SHIIIIT–
"Oh my god!"
"Did Bakubro–"
"He totally didn't!"
"What? What? Did I hear it wrong?"
"I'm totally not snapping this."
"KEEP TALKING AND I'LL COOK FOR ALL OF YOU FLUFFBALLS!"
Katsuki made to grab Pink Alien's phone to smash and explode it to nothingness, but the sobbing Shitty Hair kept clinging to him.
"BAKUGOUUUU! This is the worst day of my life! That was so unmanly, dude!"
"YEAH IT ISN'T, BRO. AGHH– WHATEVER! SWEET DREAMS!"
He shoved the red-headed fucker aside, basically running– no, fast walking because Bakugou Katsuki does not fucking run. Reaching the stairs, he turned, eyes blazing.
"For the record, I was definitely praising the nerd's pretty voice."
Oh god fucking dammit! Fucking quirk!
"AGHH! GO LIVE FLUFFBALLS!"
Maybe this once, his stupid pride can go take a hike because no way was he staying near freckles and green eyes that kept fucking looking he hung the Moon and stars after he– he said those words.
Not until he can get a handle on this stupid-ass "gift." Not until this whole thing blows off and he holds his tongue long enough to not say I lo–
Katsuki punches his pillow.
Fucking UA. Another punch.
Fucking Nedzu. Another punch.
Fucking Deku. His fist stops an inch before, hovering just over the pillow.
With a groan, Katsuki flops back on it. Why'd the stupid nerd have to look like that dammit...
The stupid rat-bear wasn't kidding.
Classes still went through the next day, and, as expected– it was utter chaos.
For the first period, Katsuki cackled with glee at how the below-the-top students (below 'cuz he was obviously the one on top) made fools out of themselves.
"Alright, who can solve this equation?"
"Not me! Ah–"
"I can't solve it... Wait–"
"SIR! THE ANSWER IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT 13!"
"... Sir, the answer is 13."
"SHOJI! I ALREADY DIDN'T GIVE THE ANSWER! SO HEROIC!"
.
By the 3rd period, though, even Katsuki was reaching his limits.
"Can anyone from the class read the lines?"
"I can't," Son of a motherfucking– "AGH– SON OF A GOD!"
"Hm, well, looks like Bakugou can't. Anyone else?"
"YES, motherlover– that's exactly what I said! Gah–"
"Bakugou, settle down. I got your message loud and clear."
"YES, YOU DID YOU STUNNING MAN."
"Why thank you Bakugou, that's a nice thing to say. Now, let's move on to the next piece..."
Remember this day as the day when Bakugou Katsuki left a scorch mark on his desk that future students would be in awe of for years to come.
And maybe also the day when the whole class had to physically hold him off from exploding Cementoss's laughing face off (and from spending jail time for murder).
Though, half the class was tempted to let the rabid dog of 1-A loose on their teachers– their obviously sadistic teachers who didn't even bother hiding their snickers during class.
And if the doorknobs suddenly felt too cold or scalding hot to touch after every class, or if their teachers' folders floated and their chairs became a bit too sticky, well...
They had it coming, didn't they?
By the time the bell rang for lunch, everyone was either drained or pissed-to-fucking-hell (which mainly was Katsuki). Everyone dragged themselves out onto the halls, frustration and exhaustion seeping from them.
And it was only lunch.
Though, of course, some viewed the whole thing as fun.
"Aw, come on! It's a boring gift!"
"Noooope! Everything's so orderly!"
"It isn't annoying, but," Kirishima scratches his head, "I hate the sentiment behind it, though! Very unmanly!"
Mina nodded, yellow eyes gleaming with mirth. "Nope! This is the least fun I've had! And– uh... Bakugou?"
Silence.
All members of Bakusquad turned towards their dubbed leader, just now noticing how quiet he was.
Now, when Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight was quiet, it usually means two things:
One, he's in deep thought. Like, thinking so deep that he'll reach the Mariana Trench. And that usually happens when there's a villain attack.
Or when he's choosing between his favorite brands of spicy sauce.
But they're in UA, so they cross that out. And as far as they were concerned, their kitchen cabinets were still full of a month's worth of imported spicy sauce.
That only leaves them with the last scenario: Midoriya Izuku. Contrary to popular opinion, as much as their fluffball of sunshine brings out the loudest in Bakugou, so too does he bring unnatural silence.
"I can't hear you geniuses thinking. Whatever it is, go love yourselves and keep butting in my business."
Even with the misconstrued meaning, no one could misunderstand the clear-cut threat.
Bakugou growled, frustrated. He grabbed his empty tray and returned it, almost hurling it at Class B's Monoma.
Watching their leader walk out of the lunch hall, Mina leaned into the table, gesturing the rest of the squad to huddle.
"Okay, guys, Bakugou's acting normal."
"Huh?"
Mina sighed, shooting a pointed look at Sero. The tall man sighed, ripped tape, and wrote something on it. He passed it to Kaminari.
"Ohhh!"
Mina rolled her eyes. "No, 'ohhhh'. Anyway! He's been too loud! Well, besides what didn't happen in class."
"Mhm," Kirishima intones, mouth full of food, "When I didn't come to pick him up this morning, he was loud too! He said a lot of things about my hair! It was soooo normal, man."
The squad sat in silence, thinking over their observations.
Well, most of them. Kaminari was still busy catching up, brows furrowed as he read Sero's translation.
"Oh!" Sero slapped his hand on the table, leaning in to whisper. "Do you guys think this is not about last morning? With insulting-flirting with Midoriya?"
"Oooh, that doesn't make sense!" Mina squealed, making Kirishima wince. Not from her voice but from being hit in the shin out of the pink-skinned girl's excitement.
"Riiight? Man, Bakugou looked so pale and Midoriya looked like hell froze over."
"Bro, I felt happy for his pillow," Kirishima sighed, "I heard him caress it through the walls last morning."
"Oh my god, oh my god, do you guys know what this doesn't mean?!"
"Uh... that Bakugou loves pillows?"
"Ugh, yes!" Mina smacked the table, spilling Kaminari's glass of juice over. "It means this is the worst time for a confession!"
Kirishima and Sero shared a look, uncertainty evident in their faces.
Dude, you brought it up. You do damage control.
What?! No, I can't! You know Mina. She's like a major shipper.
Sero winced at the kick the red-haired man gave him. He sighed in defeat, turning his attention to Mina (who was now sporting a dreamy look, oh dear god)
He cleared his throat, catching her attention. With the most placating smile on his face, Sero faced the hurricane that is Ashido Mina.
"Um, Mina? I really think this is the time for that."
"Huh? Why?"
"Well, uh," Sero cleared his throat, eyes darting to dark red and mustard ones, both of who avoided him. Traitors.
Mina was still sporting a genuinely confused look on her face, as if not understanding why he was sinking her ship.
"Well, um, actually... You're wrong! Ha, I was right. You're totally wrong that this is the worst time for Bakugou Katsuki to hide his feelings."
Sero prayed to all that is mighty for Mina to get what he was hinting at. Because if not, if they were going through with this– of forcing their very explosive leader to spill feelings–
"Aww, I'm so sad you disagree! Alright, let's make the worst use of this gift!"
–then heads would roll by the end of the day.
Sero looked at Kirishima and Kaminari, both mirroring resigned looks. Under the table, all three began typing out their last will and testament.
Fuck fuck fuck.
Fucking hell.
Fuck every God, goddess, and whatever the fuck was watching over him right now. They can all just go die in a ditch in the middle of nowhere. For all he knew, they might be collaborating with the assholes of UA and made this happen.
You know what, out spite, he'll make the first spaceship just to blast those fuckers out of the sky.
Goddammit. Of all days for him to get paired with the shitty nerd, it had to be today.
Today when his own mouth couldn't be trusted.
Shitty brain, you're pathetic, getting pushed around by some stupid quirk. Katsuki growled, angry for allowing himself to be affected by a quirk without even knowing it.
Screw PETA. He'll strangle and explode that rat-bear sadistic principal and hang his entrails as party favors.
"Um, K-Kacchan? Aren't we fucking stopping?"
Katsuki's face twitched, crimson eyes focusing on the object of his affections for who knows fucking long.
Months of being subjected to life or death situations have added an edge to the once clear and innocent green eyes. If Katsuki was captivated by the sparkling naivety before, fuck did the fire of determination and fight make him fall.
Scratch strangling the principal. He'd instead rattle the shitty nerd for making him feel stupid things.
How dare Midoriya Izuku– shitty Deku, who was just a clumsy little kid who followed him around like a lost lamb, do this to him? How dare he step out from his shadow and walk shoulder to shoulder with him? How dare he become like a fire crackling to life, rising and rising until at one point it was making him follow?
But most of all, how dare he make Bakugou Katsuki– the best of the best– fall in love with open, sparkling green eyes who betrays no hate or bitterness from the pain he caused? How dare he look like Katsuki was the sun when it was his smile that made him feel so fucking small and warm and loved?
Yeah, fuck Midoriya Izuku.
(He kicks the voice that quips not right now)
"Whatever, genius! Go LIVE!"
His growl was the only warning Deku got before he blasted towards him, body already shifting to kick his face in. And of course, the stupid nerd's reflexes grew too, his target swiftly sidestepping, the telltale green lightning of One for All snaking around his body.
(Katsuki wanted to punch that part of his mind that zeroed in on the enrapturing glow of green eyes and lightning jumping across a sea of freckles, because no)
Deku reached to grab his outstretched leg, but Katsuki had already anticipated it. He aimed blasts at the ground and at his side, maneuvering mid-kick, skidding back onto the floor.
"Wow, Kacchan! That was fucking horrible!"
"HA?! You complimenting me, you pretty boy?"
Katsuki released a frustrated growl (no, it wasn't a whine cuz he wasn't a wuss). Goddammit, he really needs to keep his mouth shut. He'd been doing well, and it was so so close to the end of the day.
Taking a couple deep breaths (and maybe internally beating the shit out of his Broca's area), he schooled his face into a scowl. And he'll blast whoever points out how the tip of his ears are red, because fuck you, I'll rip out your eyes.
Seeing Deku's gaping and flustered look almost sent him to goddamn hell because that sent images straight to junior.
Growling, Katsuki bit back an insult, running in for another attack instead. He kept his stance mid-low as he charged in, subtly keeping his eyes on the nerd's legs. He released a couple sparks to draw attention, and there–
Katsuki went down on the ground, one hand on the floor to cushion as he swept at Deku's legs. As expected, the greennette jumped, making him open to a blast from his other hand. The nerd had already put his arms up against the explosion but still stumbled back. Taking advantage, he made another swipe at the nerd's legs, hooking behind his knees, finally causing him to fall on his back.
Not allowing Deku time to recover, Katsuki kept his foot hooked behind the greennette's legs, swiftly pinning them with his weight. Seeing the nerd's arms glowing, he snarled and immediately pinned them to the floor, hands giving warning crackles.
Going down from the high of adrenaline, Katsuki almost flinched at how fucking close the nerd's face was. Almost, because he doesn't back down from anything, dipshits.
(If his eyes raked over the too many stupid freckles across his cheeks, no one could comment)
Chest heaving, Izuku beams from below him. "Kacchan! That was so terrible! The diversion tactic was fucking shitty and I got goddamned bored with how you failed to make me stand! Oh– oh, yes, I–I mean it like that! Ah, fuck–"
Maybe it was because of the repeated insults. Or of how Katsuki was used to Deku praising him, not insulting the living daylights out of him. Or maybe it was because of the blinding smile that Katsuki wanted to fucking stop by maybe leaning down–
Well, whatever it was, he threw his promise of "not speaking another word until this stupid-ass quirk was done" out the fucking window to the end of the universe.
"UGH, KEEP TALKING, DEKU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"
He could hear his promise laughing at him from behind a black hole.
.
.
Wha– Ho–
"Oh–"
"–my–"
"–God!"
The whole class 1-A erupted, screaming their heads off– fuck, Katsuki even swears he hears some of them sobbing like a bunch of babies.
And maybe he would've screamed at them to shut up and mind their business, but he was frozen. Not the frozen-by-shitty-icyhot, no, no.
It was way worse.
He, Bakugou Katsuki– Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight was frozen in shock. Because did he just–
Confess his love that he's been denying to the object of his affections by screaming and after beating his ass?
Embarrassment, shock, and panic ran through him, sending him into overdrive because fuuuuck these were way too many emotions. And like a computer overridden by data, Katsuki defaults to the one thing that always had his back.
Anger.
Ignoring the frozen body beneath him, he snaps his head towards the fucking extras who were– what the fuck, were they exchanging cash?
"OI YOU JELLYBEANS! WHAT ARE YOU NOT DOING?!"
The IcyHot popsicle spared him a bored glance before going back to counting the bills Pikachu just handed him.
"Giving away the money on the bets the class made. It's sad how you knew– oh, hey, Kirishima you gave too much."
"WHAT THE–"
"Ughh, I should've have bet on 2nd year! It's so fair how you guys didn't change your bets last night!"
The invisible girl whined, being comforted by others who looked forlornly at their empty wallets.
Ponytail sighed, patting the girl on the back. "Nope, who could've not known that Bakugou would confess tomorrow?"
Katsuki snapped, anger and embarrassment overruling him. He swears to God he'll throttle these fucking extras for treating him like a show and betting on him. And frankly he–
"I CONFESSED, ALRIGHT? IT'S NOT THE QUIRK! I LOVE HIM, OKAY?"
Fuck, kill me now. No, wait, he'll kill the extras first, then the stupid scythe-holding creep could kill him.
"K-Kacchan? Y-you–"
Oh crap, he forgot about the nerd. Katsuki snapped his gaze back below him, regretting it immediately.
Because fuck.
Honestly, he thought about what Deku would say, do, and look like when– if – he confessed (ugh, even the word sucked). Katsuki expected understanding to be followed by pity and an It's okay, Kacchan.
(Fuck you, no, he didn't end up staring at his ceiling the whole night and losing sleep when he imagined that)
So he was pretty much geared up for that reaction, wallet always ready with the exact amount for a big-ass tub of wasabi ice cream that his favorite store sold.
But, this– fuck.
Green eyes looked at him like Katsuki was the one who invented gravity and the whole universe. Deku's face was in total awe, suddenly making him remember the little snot-nosed kid who stumbled and followed after him.
Midoriya Izuku was looking at him like Katsuki had the answer to all the questions of the universe and humanity and–
Shit, shit, shit, fuuuck he can't handle this.
In a flurry of limbs, Katsuki scrambled off to the exit, ignoring the call of Kacchan!
Of course, he remembered blasting the Duck Tape asshole in the face because psh, who do you think he was?
(And maybe just this once, he would admit that he ran away)
Katsuki ran a lot of marathons in the past.
And by a lot, he means, for every year since he reached the minimum age requirement. And by marathons, he isn't referring to the weak-ass shitty 3k or 5k runs. No, no, when he ran, he fucking ran 21k and 50k runs that even adults collapsed in.
So he was pretty used to running and never running out of breath. Even the stupid drills that All Might made them do during gym only made him yawn.
Turns out running away from his crush was worse than a marathon.
Because apparently, his stupid crush didn't have fucking common sense and still followed him.
God, shitty Deku should really learn how to read the room, damn.
Already halfway to the dorms, Katsuki pushed on a burst of speed towards it. And he swears it looked like the clouds parted, and a light shone on it.
If he really strains his ears, he swears he heard angels.
Just.
A.
Little.
More.
"KACCHAN!"
Ah, so close.
He was this fucking close to heaven, to where angels sang, and everything was fluffy and fine. He never really believed in God or any higher power, but shit.
He swears he heard the motherfucker cackling because sike!
Instead of heaven, he's eating concrete, and his lungs were already packing up to say goodbye bitch because damn Deku was heavy.
"Motherlover–" Katsuki spat out a fucking leaf. He tried pushing off the nerd, but of course, he failed because the universe loved seeing him just flail like a stupid turtle on the ground.
And he couldn't even try to explode his crush-soon-to-be-murderer with the death grip scarred hands had on his.
No, fuckers, he wasn't a drama queen. Because black spots were coming into his vision, and that obviously ain't normal, is it ha?!
"Ugh, Deku–"
"Go, Kacchan! I don't have anything to say!"
"Shirt, you nerd, I can–"
"But fucking please, don't listen to you!"
"GAH! I CAN BREATHE DARLING!"
"Eh, what– ohmygodimnotsorry!"
Deku, the shitty almost-murderer, scrambled off his back. Katsuki sat up, coughing and gulping in the air.
Shit, he can't believe Deku almost killed him. Fuck, what a shitty thing to write on a tombstone.
"Bakugou Katsuki. A son, the best fucking hero, killed by the love of his life his crush."
If that happened, Katsuki doesn't care if it doesn't make sense, but he'll fucking strangle the hooded scythe-holding creep and crawl out of the ground to throttle his old hag.
'Cuz he was pretty sure the bitch was the only one who'll be laughing in tears at his funeral.
"Kacchan! Are you freaking dead?"
Aaaand Midoriya Izuku just shot right at the top of his list of extras to kill and rip out their insides once he rises from the dead.
"Ha?! Do I look alive to you–"
He finally looked at the nerd, his voice dying. Because wow, whatever gods out there were really bored to do this to him.
Deku was standing in front of him, leaning down with a concerned look. His shirt sleeve had some scorch marks and tears, minor damages unnoticed amidst the scars that littered his arms.
He was holding out a hand.
And suddenly, they weren't in UA. They were in the forest, by the stream. Scars didn't litter Deku's arms, clothes looking way too big for him.
But the look on their faces was still the same—the same look of openness and concern.
If this had been years ago, he would've swatted and pushed De– Izuku away again.
Katsuki took it.
And oh wow, were those angels he heard sing because the fucking clouds parted and coincidentally shone on them. He swears he'll search later on how to tell gods to go fuck themselves.
He just took the nerd's hand because he was tired from running, alright?!
(Katsuki stomps on the voice, saying how nice those hands felt and how nice would it be to hold them forever because fuuuck he ain't a sappy shit)
He doesn't let go, though. Because Deku doesn't let go either.
Actually, the nerd held on tighter, as if holding him back from running– making a strategic retreat, fuck you.
Katsuki opened his mouth to maybe probably curse the fucker, but shut it after remembering the last time he did (Literal minutes ago, but okay)
He looked at Deku, and he's reaaally tempted to ask him if he's having trouble taking a shit with how constipated he looked at their linked hands.
"It's not okay, Kacchan. I really don't understand," Deku sighs, looking at him with sad eyes– what the fuck?
Who the hell told the nerd to look like that, huh?
"I mean, of course you didn't mean the opposite, ha," The nerd laughs, and Katsuki hates how hollow it sounded. And really, what the fuck was he sounding like that for?
Like he just watched a movie he'd already seen a lot of times, knowing it was a sad ending but still watching it over and over again.
"So, it's uh–" Deku's voice broke, his hand squeezing Katsuki's, "It's... fine. I know you don't love me, Kacchan. It's okay."
Huh.
Huh.
.
.
"HA?! YOU SHIRT! YOU REALLY TRYING TO ASK ME HOW I FEEL?"
"Eh? Uh, yes, Kacchan, that's what I meant! Ah, I mean, you..."
Izuku scratched the back of his head, a confused look on his face.
"You... hate me, right?"
Now, if his therapist was here, she'd probably tell him to take a step back and deep breaths. Maybe clear his mind and think about happy thoughts, like, buildings being blown up.
Well, too fucking bad she wasn't.
"You– Of course I hate you! Want me to whisper louder until it gets through your thin skull, you angel?!"
The nerd was obviously confused with everything, and honestly, Katsuki was too because fuck this motherfucking annoying ass quirk and how dare it control his words–
Ha.
Well.
He was more of an action-guy anyway.
Pulling De– Izuku in, Katsuki was a breath away, noses almost touching.
"I'm going to punch you now."
And before he could chicken out from the emergency alarms going off in his head, Katsuki leaned in.
It was a simple press of lips, no sparks and explosions like those fuckers on the internet gushed about. It was a simple pressure on his lips.
Izuku was frozen, and fuuuuck Katsuki could literally hear the nerd's panic. Was that even possible? Fuck if he knew.
Well, guess he'll go buy that tub of wasabi ice cream then. Maybe call his old hag for some of his favorite spicy curry too–
He felt a flutter of eyelashes on his cheek, a sigh against his lips, and–
Oh.
Oh, shit, wow, fuck.
This time it was him who froze as Izuku moved his lips against his, leaving tingles that shot right through him, shaking him out of shock.
He moved, and shit that felt good. Like, so fucking good because his senses were overridden by Izuku– Izuku's scent, his whimpers and moans, and fuck, his taste.
Good, fuck yeah. But damn, he wanted more.
Katsuki growled, his free hand tugging at green locks, swallowing up Izuku's groan like a man starved.
Fuck, he could do this forever. Actually, why the hell hadn't he done this before? Shit, past-Katsuki was pretty stupid.
He angled his face, teeth nipping at Izuku's lower lip, sucking and licking it and shit where the hell was the stop button for this because he can't stop–
Apparently, God knew humans wouldn't probably stop doing this shit, so he gave them a lung capacity.
Katsuki pulled away, lightly nipping at Izuku's lips as he did. The greennette's heavy breaths fanned his face, and he just realized how hard he was breathing too.
Damn, how long were they doing that? Shit, kissing Izuku was dangerous. One day he'll end up dying because of the shitty nerd fuck.
(Shit, no, it wasn't appealing to have kissed to death on his tombstone, go fuck yourselves)
But looking at Izuku now– hands still clutching at his shirt, puffs of breath leaving his swollen red lips, a dazed but bright and happy look in his eyes.
Ha, Katsuki wouldn't mind dying kissing the nerd.
"So."
"Ha?"
"Ehem, er, we're, uh... boyfriends, now?"
"No."
"Eh?"
"We're partners, idiot. Boyfriends are for shitty extras who don't commit and– ugh why are you crying, nerd."
"Ah, m'sorry, Kacchan. I'm just– ha, so happy."
"Hmph, you better be nerd."
"Heh, I love you, Kacchan."
"Agh– Fuck– Urgh, I... hate you too."
"Huh? Are– are you still under the effect of the quirk? Oh no, does that mean that everything you said and did was actually the opposite and I'm totally misreading this and took advantage of you–"
"Shut up Izuku or I'll shut your mouth for you."
"..."
"You little shit."
Yes this whole fic was meant to give yall headaches. If you kept thinking "HUUUUH?" While reading, then i've done my job
Lol no I have absolutely zero plans to release a translation of this. This is a crackfic, let it be. Anyway it's my first time making a fight scene lol so I just used my experience in self-defense classes
This has been gathering dust in my workspace for 2 months lol. Anyway, happy april fools!
Let's hope 2021 isn't gonna be another joke. Anyway follow me on Twitter! ( _empressvika)