Let this be my contribution to the silliness that is today. I'm too busy for actual pranks!
April Fool's.
Raven had never put much stock into the holiday. If it could even be called that. Back in Mistral where the tribe had been, they'd never celebrated it. Not because they were above pranking one another; almost a day did not go by without someone messing with somebody else. A dead squirrel in a sleeping roll, spiking drinks with hot sauce, alcohol, or both. The Branwen Tribe for all its infamy were not mere monsters who reveled in bloodshed and depravity.
They were kind of that, she'd admit, but they were people too. They liked to have fun now and again.
Even then however she had never taken part. Pranks were mundane and idiotic, a low form of humor. Not unlike puns, or fart jokes. Something that Taiyang Xiao Long seemed enamored with.
Those she could handle just fine. Pranks too. Although everyone had their tolerances, what could and could not slide without due reparations. And when she'd awoken that morning to a bucket of ice-cold water falling onto her bunk, she had wanted to tear out Tai's eyes. Then she slipped on the ice cubes and ended ass up, soaked and trembling from the chill. Anger too. Only Summer's swift intervention prevented her from removing Tai's skull and beating him with it.
Physically possible? Raven doubted it, but she was damn tempted to try.
After a terse morning and a silent breakfast spent glowering at the blonde they had gone to class per usual. Tai managed to either forget the morning's events entirely or decided since he'd been spared, she wasn't that angry with him.
Except he was wrong. So, so wrong. And since stringing him up by his family jewels was "excessive" and "just plain wrong" - Qrow's verdict, she was fine with it - she had to settle for something else. It had to be good though, better than Tai's had been, and only absolute victory in this brewing war of theirs would be acceptable.
"It's not a contest, Rae," Qrow had drawled, trudging after her as they slipped out of campus mid-afternoon. With lunch starting most students and faculty were inside which made it the ideal time to sneak off. "And do we gotta leave now? They're serving burgers today."
It also made it the ideal time for Qrow to whine like a girl.
Raven paused at the Bullhead landing pads and turned. A sweet smile on her lips, tossing her charcoal hair as she folded her hands behind her back.
"Do you want me to tell Summer your secret?"
Her brother's eyes widened, and his usually pale face turned pink. "You wouldn't dare."
Raven arched an eyebrow and her smile widened. Qrow, using the two brain cells he had, groaned, and followed her into the airship. One hour later and a laundry list of excuses to the pilot saw them returned to Beacon before their next class could begin, skulking about with a writhing container of contraband. By keeping to the rear of the buildings they avoided all but the janitors, all of whom merely watched them curiously before continuing with their tasks.
No simple prank would suffice for her revenge. No, this had to be grand. Excessive, even. Nothing short of complete and total annihilation would do. While she saw to stowing away their ill-gotten goods, she sent Qrow away to find the other part of her master plan.
When he returned with an empty barrel not long after Raven felt giddy with anticipation. Bags were opened, the barrel filled, and with that her vengeance was all but complete.
Now she just needed to get Tai in a compromising position! She could lure him out somewhere with flirtations and he'd come running. Would she compromise her pride to do that though? Absolutely not, which was why she had Qrow, her willing accomplice.
"Rae, do we really have to do this? I think you're taking things to- Erk!"
A better minion she could not have asked for. Smiling at the head locked beneath her arm she grinned, ruffling already messy hair. "Play your part, brother, and we'll be finished. It's all in the spirit of the holidays, isn't it?"
"I don't think bodily harm counts!" Qrow gagged. "Not my throat!"
"I fell! And I'm certain they both saw my underwear as a result!"
"I did too! I'm suffering here and you're making me -"
"Revenge will be swift, and sweet!" Raven squeezed Qrow before letting him go, yanking him up by his tie and scowling. "I will have justice, Qrow. Now go and bring Tai here while I get everything ready."
"Sum's not gonna like this, you know."
Raven flashed her teeth and set her hands on her hips. "Summer insisted we embrace things here, brother, and that's exactly what I'm doing. If she's going to blame anyone then she had best blame herself."
"I don't think that's how it works."
"And I don't think you're going to get Tai by sitting here and bitching." Raven waved her hands at Qrow. "Now go. Shoo. Go fetch."
With Qrow off on his task that left her to get things ready. Not too heavy, the barrel had been easy enough to lift, if cumbersome. And the spot she had picked for her masterpiece couldn't be better!
Clambering up scaffolding with one hand Raven set the barrel close to the edge. Only a small nudge and the barrel would topple, showering whoever walked beneath with its contents. Her face split into a grin and she cackled, quietly, testing the platform before taking a seat behind the barrel. She'd only need to wait. Wait, and then savor her victory when it came.
"Wait" had no real quantity, no tangible period of time tied to it. When she had sent Qrow off she expected to spend five minutes sitting idle, ten at most.
Fifteen passed and she began peering around the barrel for any signs. Twenty and she had taken to chewing on her thumbnail, knees drawn to her chest. Had Qrow just left? Sold her out? No. He was an idiot but a loyal one, if reluctant. He knew she would make the rest of the week hell for him if he disobeyed her, so what kept him so long? Why couldn't she have the revenge she so desperately deserved?
Twenty-five minutes later and she heard his voice approaching. In the shadows between buildings and elevated Raven doubted she would be seen. Even so, she pressed against the cool concrete behind her and sank behind the barrel, keeping her breathing low. When Tai's rumbling laughter sounded, she sniggered, putting a hand on the wooden barrel and trembling in anticipation.
This would be her crowning moment… For the day. After this her teammates would learn to never challenge her when it came to pranks.
She would reign supreme!
The pair drew closer, and she strained her ears to listen for footfalls. Twenty feet, then fifteen.
Ten…
Raven shoved the barrel and watched it topple over, water sloshing out bodily and shimmering scales spilling with it. Qrow yelped and took a jump back, bumping the scaffolding she sat on. Tai cursed.
Metal snapped. Raven's yelp turned into a squeal as the scaffolding buckled beneath her, sliding across boards and sailing off. Aura helped with the fall but she still ended up winded, coughing as she picked herself off the grass. A board narrowly missed landing on her and she growled, silently cursing her brother's insufferable Semblance.
But she had won. Tai would be soaked, covered in fish, and she had beaten him!
Except the silence that followed hadn't been at all what she'd anticipated. Screaming, cursing, panic. None of it came. She listened with her back to them, heard the slap of fish against concrete, the steady drip of water.
"Uh… Rae?"
Raven stood and dusted herself off, smirking. "Let me guess, he's so stunned he's speechless? I knew my prank was too good."
"Not exactly…"
What? She turned around and spotted Tai first, dry as could be and, much to her utter confusion, looking terrified. Of what? Her prank? Why would he be afraid of a few fish?
"Miss Branwen…"
Oh.
Raven's eyes drifted down slightly, beholding a nest of blonde hair that had once been pulled into a neat and tidy bun, now dripping with a fish flopping in honeyed threads. Emerald eyes burned at her beneath glasses, a vein pulsing beside them. She took a step back and an uneasy smile worked its way to her face, raising one hand and chuckling.
"Ah, hey there, Glynda. You uh…" Scales on her purple blouse, cardigan hanging off one shoulder. A stack of papers gone limp on one arm. "You look good!" Raven grinned. "You lose weight or something?"
Semblances were cheating. At least that is what Raven decided as a fish rose from the ground and slapped her across the cheek. Not too painful but thoroughly humiliating. And as a hand shot to her cheek, she looked at Ozpin's young aide in shock, then growled and reached for her.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing!"
Another fish, another slap. Raven bat it away, then went pale as six fish rose from the ground. She barely turned before her feet were yanked out beneath her and the ground turned upside down. Or she did. That made a lot more sense. While blood rushed to her head, she struggled against the invisible hands holding her, then grimaced when Glynda held the fish inches from her face.
"Two weeks of paperwork, ruined. Reports, mission briefings, financial records, all soiled by this inane joke." Glynda scowled and dropped the tarnished papers at her feet. "Do you have an excuse for yourself?"
"Uh… April Fool's?"
Raven folded her arms to cover her face and sputtered as water splattered against her, fish bouncing off her. Not that she was an expert, but she was fairly certain this constituted animal abuse. Or at least hazing. Something about this had to be illegal.
"Help me, you assholes!" she howled, peeking through her arms. Qrow and Tai had taken several steps back and found something infinitely more fascinating in one of the walls. "Traitors!"
Raven devolved into a string of curses and sputtering please for mercy. The fishy assault continued, and without her teammates coming to her aid she had been left dangling, left sparkling with scales and with a stench that she would not wash away for a week.
At the far end of the alleyway Summer Rose peered around the corner, yelped, and hid again. She pressed her fingers together and chewed her lip, then glanced up at Ozpin.
"Sir, are you sure it's wise to allow this to continue?"
Ozpin hummed into his mug, then looked down at her. "Miss Rose, how do you imagine a Huntsmen grows old?"
Summer pursed her lips, wringing her white cloak. Raven cursed again and she cringed, glancing around the corner before sighing. "I don't know, by being good?"
"Yes, but there is something else you must bear in mind, too." Raven strung together a colorful series of words that made Ozpin nearly choke on his drink. Summer's face went bright red, and she groaned, then yelped. Raven sailed out of the alleyway and into a bush. Her legs jutted out, and just as she peeled herself free a fish struck her forehead and sent her back down. "While we fight as a profession there are some battles you do not join. You either solve them by alternative means or avoid it entirely."
Another sip. "And this, young lady, is not a fight we want to take part in."