The All-Knowing Squishy Human
Leah hated patrolling. She also hated vampires. So why was she protecting them anyway? That's right, Sam sucks and she had taken the first chance she found to get away from him. She growled as she ran. Thankfully, Jacob had phased back, and so had Seth, so she had her mind all to herself. A very low bar. She admitted to herself.
Focus on running. A tree. Another tree. A weird bush. Yet another tree. No Sam yet. This was boring. How did Seth like doing this? Another tree. A clearing. A possibly dead person in the clearing. A tree. Wait.
Leah doubled back and trotted into the clearing. A girl, possibly seventeen, was collapsed almost in a way that seemed like she had been dropped. She had short, brown hair, and tattoos all around her wrist, so it looked like a bracelet. Leah sniffed at her, but then jumped back when the girl groaned and threw an arm across her eyes to block the light.
Stepping forward again, Leah poked the girl with her snout, then sat down. Slowly, slowly, the girl opened her eyes and stood up. Both girls staggered back. The stranger's eyes were purple. And not the purple that you knew were contact lenses. No, this girl had purple eyes. And it wasn't a vampire either; Leah could hear the heartbeat that was frantically beating in the girl's chest.
But then, inexplicably, the stranger's heartbeat slowed, and the girl grinned. "Hey Leah," she said while looking at the large wolf that was now slightly freaked out. "Are we near the Cullens house or La Push?" Leah gave her a flat look. She was a wolf, and couldn't talk right now.
The girl seemed to understand that, and with the same grin on it, she turned around, giving Leah privacy to phase back. Once Leah was human and wasn't completely naked in the middle of the woods, she stalked over to the girl and roughly turned her around. "How do you know my name?" She snarled, holding on to the girl's upper arms.
But instead of looking scared, the stranger just stuck out her hand to shake — something that was pretty hard when her arms were stuck in the wolf's grasp — and said, "Hey Leah. I'm Taylor, the all-knowing squishy human."
Leah raised an eyebrow. "All-knowing?" she questioned, giving her a sarcastic look that she had perfected from living with a bunch of boys for months. The girl — Taylor — nodded. "Prove it."
"Your name is Leah," Taylor began, and she nodded, "Your brother is Seth. Um… you're the fastest wolf in the pack, but you hated Sam for what went on with Emily and the imprint. Seth was the one to help Edward with killing Victoria and Riley…"
Taylor trailed off awkwardly, but it was enough.
After a quiet moment, Leah stepped back, then pointed in the direction of the big house. "The Cullens are this way."
Taylor nodded. "Is Bella pregnant right now?"
Leah wrinkled her nose at the girl. "Aren't you the 'all knowing' person?"
She smiled as a laugh erupted from Taylor. "Touche."
They started walking for the house, while Taylor looked deep in thought. "What are you thinking about?" Leah finally asked, and Taylor grinned sheepishly. "I'm thinking about how to freak the Cullens out the best."
By now, they had passed through the clearing and were standing on the porch. But instead of knocking on the door, she sauntered right in as if she owned the place. Cautiously following behind, Leah was met with the sight of seven shocked vampires and two frozen werewolves.
Taylor waved cheerily at them, then headed for Bella, who was staring at them wearily from the couch. Leah winced. Bella looked like she had been sucked of all color, her stomach the size of a mountain. Carlisle unfroze first.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" He asked, moving to block Taylor's way.
"I'm Taylor." The girl said, "And you are an idiot."
"And how is that?" The doctor asked calmly, but Leah could sense the anger growing in him. But Taylor just shook her head.
"Not you. Let's talk about this outside, away from the pregnant woman who doesn't need any more stress." She whispered the last part. "But first-"
Taylor turned around and passed through the hoard of gaping vampires, pulled something out of the fridge, then walked back to Bella, sidestepping Carlile.
"Hey, Bella. I'm here to help." She said softly, "You're going to need to drink this."
Holding the cup in front of the girl, Taylor helped Bella take a swig of whatever was in the cup. The change was almost instantaneous. Bella's cheeks looked better, and she could sit up a little straighter.
"What's in that cup?" Jacob asked suspiciously, but Taylor just shrugged.
"Blood."
A subtle change went through everyone there. "You gave her blood?" Edward demanded. Taylor rolled her eyes.
"Yes, her first vampire act. But look. You can see the difference it's making."
Everyone turned back to see Bella, whose eyes had brightened considerably and was now trying to get every single molecule of blood out of the cup.
"Don't worry, Carlisle has more," she called back to the other woman, who sighed in relief. Then she sauntered out the door, without waiting to see if anyone would follow. When they all turned to Leah, she just shrugged. "I found her in the middle of the forest."
As if that cleared anything up.
After most of them piled outside, Seth staying behind with Bella, Jasper turned to face Taylor.
"How did you know what we are, and what are you doing here?" He demanded. Taylor was more inclined to speak now, after looking at the Major.
"I know things." She said simply, and the Major growled.
"Yes. I know. Explain."
Taylor threw her hands up into the air.
"I'm from an alternate dimension, and I figured out, like three years ago, that I could world-hop. I've been to so many different worlds, that I just know. " Looking around, Taylor added, "You guys pulled the short stick for vampirism. In one of the dimensions I visited, the vampires there could hypnotize humans with their eyes. All of them. And they didn't sparkle. So there was that."
"There are different kinds of vampires?" Carlisle asked, impressed. Taylor smirked.
"You guys have nothing, even you, Major, on Dracula. That guy was tough."
Refusing to get sidetracked, Jasper growled, "You're holding something back."
Taylor winced, then continued,
"When I said that I could world-hop, I meant that I could travel to a different dimension in which characters from books were real."
"So you're saying…" Esme asked, and Taylor made an apologetic face at her.
"I'm saying that you guys are all in a book, that more than a million people have read." Waving her hands in the air as if she were going to bat away a fly, Taylor continued.
"I am trying to help, though. I was honestly kind of surprised that you hadn't figured out the blood thing."
"Yes, how did you figure that out?" Carlile asked.
"Well, the baby inside Bella is half-vampire. It needs blood. And since it didn't get any, it resorted to getting whatever the body it was in could give her."
Logic.
Taylor was kind of confused by the way Edward kept glaring at her.
"Did I accidentally land on your piano when I hopped here?" She asked. Edward scowled. "I can't read your mind." He growled, but it wasn't as scary as Jasper's.
She reached over and patted his head, ignoring the way he jerked away.
"Don't worry. I'm not here to destroy your family. And besides, the Major's gift is way more effective at getting the truth out of someone, so don't worry your pretty little head."
Emphasis on little.
Taylor wasn't a big fan of Edward. He was constantly moping around, and in the middle of being mopey, he was intruding on everyone else's privacy. She didn't know how anyone else put up with him.
"And if you want proof that I'm here to help…" she trailed off. "Emmett. Give me your phone."
The big vampire hesitated, then reluctantly handed it over. Turning to Carlisle, she asked, "And what's the Volturi phone number?"
Looking wary, he listed off the number, while everyone looked on in morbid curiosity.
The phone rang. And rang. And rang. Finally, a couple of minutes later, a female voice picked up the phone.
"Gianna! This is Taylor. I'm trying to reach the Old Farts in charge of your castle -"
"Excuse me," Gianna said. "Which King are you trying to reach?" Huh. She was a professional.
"I'm looking for all three, but Aro if the rest aren't available."
"They are all here. Would you like me to pass you on to them?"
"Good, good. Pass me on, please. I'll try to get you a raise!" She added when the human on the other side paused. She could just imagine the human looking at the receiver in confusion. "Or vampirism. Whatever."
Finally, Aro's voice came onto the line. "Who is this?" He asked. He sounded bored. Well, she would give him some entertainment.
"Aro!" She called. "I have a proposition for you, on behalf of the Olympic Coven."
"Carlisle's coven?" Caius this time.
Taylor hummed.
"What's this… proposition that you have?" He sounded bored.
"Protection," Taylor said bluntly. Around her, Emmett reached for her as if he was going to try and take the phone back, but she danced away from his outstretched hands.
"I want protection for the entire coven, and the pack that they're protecting."
Caius made a noise. "Pack? You are associating with werewolves?"
Taylor laughed. "No, Caius. They aren't real Children of the Moon." Carlisle blinked at her, but she ignored him. "Currently, there are three members of this pack, but it might grow by two."
The air whooshed around the phone before Aro spoke. "Why should we give it to you?" Taylor grinned, even though she knew he couldn't hear it. They were making progress.
"I don't want the full Volturi protection for them. I just want the you-ignore-me-I-don't-raise-up-an-army kind of protection."
Aro's voice went flat. "You're threatening to raise an army?"
"No. Do you remember Bella Swan? Remember, 'She confounds us all'? Well, Eddie-" Edward growled, but she ignored it. "- finally got laid, but now Bella's extremely pregnant. In a couple of months, she'll either be a vampire -" She looked around and nodded, "-or dead."
Muting herself, she looked around to see the other vampires, who were now growling at her. Taylor rolled her eyes. "She'll be fine. A wonderful vampire."
Turning back to the phone, and unmuting herself, Taylor kept talking to the kings. "A little half-human half-vampire baby will be born soon, but as it is half-human, it won't be an Immortal Child. It'll grow, and learn, so there won't be any risks of exposure."
"And what stops us from using this knowledge from going up to Washington and wiping out the entire coven?" Caius asked, and everyone but Taylor stiffened. The girl just laughed.
"Oh, Caius. Do you think I would call unprepared? Knowledge is power. And I know things that others would do anything for." Walking away from the others a couple of steps, Taylor mentally ran through her information on the Volturi. Hopefully, she could use the same logic as the fanfictions used, the ones that she had read while in her dimension.
"If you don't believe me... here is some of the information I have. Corin can make people feel content. You have her keep Chelsea happy because Chelsea is the core of the Volturi. Without her, most people would leave, making your rule far weaker. Now, the only reason Corin makes Chelsea stay is that you have her mate locked up somewhere, in a place that hardly anyone knows about." Enjoying the awestruck way that the Cullens were staring at her, she continued. "Of course, I know where they are, but I'm not going to say it aloud. Unless you make me."
The threat was clear.
"Next thing. Didyme. Marcus doesn't know this, but -" Taylor was cut off.
"Fine. We have an alliance." Aro spat. "We'll leave you alone unless you break the law, and that includes the wolf pack. In return, you never try to overthrow us or aid anyone else. Also, you never share that information that you have."
"I agree. Carlisle?" Holding out the phone, Taylor waited for the blond vampire to step forward.
"Ah, yes. Yes, I agree." He said, looking at a loss for words. Pulling back the phone, Taylor waited for all three brothers to agree, before hanging up cheerfully. Tossing the phone to Emmett, she looked smugly at them. The call had taken less than a minute.
Every single person was staring at her as if she had turned bright purple. Shrugging, she started to walk inside before Jasper stopped her.
"What exactly did you just do?"
"Well, Major, I just got the entire Cullen Coven and Jacob's Pack a blind-eye from the Volturi unless you break the law." She grinned at them, before skipping inside.
"Hey, Bella," Taylor said, sitting down by Bella's couch. Bella smiled weakly.
"What did you do out there?"
"Well, I threatened the Volturi unless they agreed to ignore your supernatural family. That includes Jake's pack too." Grinning smugly at a gaping Bella, she added, "Your little nudger is now the best-protected baby in the existence of half-vampires."
The smile that Bella gave off lit up the room.
By the time the rest of the family filed in, Taylor was regaling Bela and Seth with tales from her other adventures.
"Did you have all that information?" Emmett asked out of the blue, getting weird looks from the other people. They all assumed that she did. However, Taylor just smiled cheerfully at him. "Nope!"
It was Carlisle that spoke. "...No?"
"I don't even know who Corin's mate is. But I do know that Didyme was killed by Aro, but I'm pretty sure that everyone knows that."
Looking around, Taylor could see that it was news to some of them. Huh.
"So you threatened the vampire royalty, and got protection for all of us… on a bluff?" Jacob asked incredulously. Emmett guffawed.
"You shouldn't have done that," Carlisle sighed.
"Why not?"
"What if the Volturi didn't believe you? If they demanded the truth. And next time they visit, what will happen when Aro decides to read someone?"
"But they did believe me. Besides, Bella is an extremely powerful shield. No one will get read if she doesn't want them to."
There was a silence before Esme asked, "What would have happened if you hadn't made that call?"
Taylor winced. "The baby would have looked like an Immortal Child from a distance, bringing the entire Volturi guard down on the family."
Everyone winced too before a large crack joined through the air, and Bella screamed.
The baby wanted to say something.
The birth went well, not that Leah saw it. She sat in the farthest room of the house with Jacob, while Seth was helping Carlisle. She was slowly getting used to the vampire stench, but it still burned her nose.
After a half-hour, the beating through the house indicated that Bella was now well into the change, and the baby was born.
After another half hour, Taylor appeared with a small bundle. Holding the baby up to show the two shifters, she said, "Renesmee, meet Jacob and Leah."
Jacob glanced at the baby and looked away, but Leah could barely focus on that. All she could see was the baby.
Leah heard a snip, then felt all the strings keeping her grounded, loyal to her family, her pack, vanish. In its place, was a million steel cables connecting her very soul to this little person right here. She knew that she would do anything, be anything, to make this person happier. Why did she spend so much time moping about Sam and Emily, when she had her angel right here? She would do anything for her. Renesmee.
Taylor was pretty surprised when it was Leah who got the shiny-eyed-newly-imprinted look in her eyes instead of Jacob, but she didn't begrudge her. Leah deserved happiness.
Months passed. Bella changed into a vampire, and little Renesmee grew up quickly. Jasper was confused by Bella's rational behavior, but he didn't go overboard with questions. The incident with the pack and Charlie had happened exactly how it had in the books and movies, and the Volturi were off their backs.
Aro and a couple of his guards had shown up, confirmed that Renesmee was half-human and that Bella was a vampire, then high-tailed it out of there without reading anyone. Taylor couldn't fight the smirk that spread over her face at the memory of Aro's face whenever he looked at her.
Leaving a final letter on the table, she slowly let her powers grow. She would go home, before world-hopping again. Catch a break from all the supernatural. As if you were normal either. She caught a glimpse of Renesmee's head poking around the corner, just as she faded from view.
A/N: Wow. I hope this was good because this is something I thought of at 10:30 at night.