A/N: While we're waiting to find out what the fucking letter says, this is what I'm doing to pass time. In this fic it has been a couple of months since his return and she never turned up at the end of the OC episode to tell him she read the letter.

For some reason Spotify decided to play David Gray – This Year's Love while I was writing this, and it kinda became the soundtrack.

Enjoy!

She didn't really know why she was moving towards the door. She didn't even know how she had managed to get up from the couch. Her body felt crushed, like she had just finished three marathons before being run over by a train. But here she was, pulled against him yet again. Because of course she knew that was him knocking. Even after ten years his presence affected her more than she would ever willingly admit to anyone. Even after ten years, her body still moved towards his, like a god damn magnet.

"Hi." That voice. That fucking voice that lived rent-free in her head.

She didn't respond. How could she? How could she say anything at all? Even a single "hi" would reveal every godforsaken emotion running through her body.

"Can... Can I come in?" He finally asked when she hadn't moved or opened her mouth to speak.

She slowly turned around then and walked inside her apartment, leaving the door open, leaving him with the decision to stay or leave. One part of her praying that he would stay, one part terrified of what that meant.

She was grabbing a wine glass from the cabinet when she heard the door close. She froze completely and her fingers tightened around the glass as she realized. Him, in her home. Ten years.

She turned around and carefully avoided his stare while she started to fill the glass with her favorite red. Somewhere deep inside she heard Tucker's voice "I thought we could take it easy tonight." It had been a subtle yet invading confrontation that every now and then crept into the back of her mind when she put the glass against her lips. Just one. Two. A bottle.

He moved towards her slowly as she took the first sip. The crimson liquid tasted of confusion and broken trust, with a hint of suppressed feelings and intimacy issues.

"Liv... Please, talk to me."

She finally gave in and looked at him then. No, she didn't look. She glared. She glared at the man that had consumed her life for more than a decade before vanishing into thin air like she, like they, had never existed. She glared at the man who had broken her heart and left it shattered somewhere between the interrogation room and every single crime scene they had ever worked together.

"You're not answering your phone. I know you said that you needed time, but… I… I just need to know what you're thinking. How you feel."

The sudden sound of glass against the kitchen counter made him flinch.

"You need?" She said, her voice hard and cold.

"You need to know? You know what I needed, Elliot? I needed you to TALK to me before disappearing. I needed an explanation. I needed a fucking goodbye!"

His eyes widened but that was also the only response he gave her. He took a few careful steps towards her, inviting her, or challenging her to go on. Come on, Olivia. Let me hear it. Stab me with that knife and twist it around. I deserve it.

"And every single fucking time I thought that I was done needing you, there you were. Still stuck and plastered all over my brain. And every time, I had to fight like hell to not go down that fucking rabbit hole because I KNEW that if I ever allowed myself to miss you, REALLY miss you, I would never survive."

"Liv..." His voice cracked as tears filled his eyes.

"NO! You don't get to 'Liv' me right now!" She walked towards him and stopped only when they were three feet apart.

"I moved on, Elliot. I made a life. I survived. And I didn't just survive you. I literally survived, and I did all of that without you. So you don't get to need anything now. Because there's nothing I have to give that you deserve."

The last words left her as she pointed a finger at him while ignoring the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

"I know. I'm sorry."

She wanted to continue, because as much as it hurt it felt damn good to finally, finally, scream at him like this. But the look in his eyes and the tears on her face forced her to swallow her words.

"Did you read the letter?" He whispered.

She quickly wiped away the evidence of her pain. "No."

"Ok."

She let out a trembling breath as her eyes searched for something, anything, to focus on rather than him.

"Then I'll read it for you."

"Don't."

"Olivia, when you came into my life all those years ago..."

"I said don't." She held up her hands like she was trying to physically push him away, even though they were still three feet apart.

"I knew right away that I would love you. I would first love you as my partner. The partner that always had my back, the partner that always found a way to remind me of why we do what we do."

"Elliot." She closed her eyes and turned around. This was too much. He was too much.

"The partner that made the shittiest days sufferable, the partner that didn't flinch. The partner that inspired me to be better, try harder."

"Stop."

"And then I would love you as my friend. That kind of friend that feels like family, feels like home. The friend that is the safest place to land after the worst has happened, and the friend that you want to share the big moments with. Even the moments that don't seem big at the time. Like sharing a glass of fucking orange juice."

"Please stop." She was sobbing now and she didn't know if it was because of his admission or the pain in his voice.

"And then, fast and slow all at once, I would love you so much that it destroyed me."

"STOP!"

She would never quite understand what drove her to it, but the next thing she knew her lips were on his.

He didn't hesitate before pulling her in, pressing her body as close to his as possible. Her mind still wasn't caught up, and maybe that's why she opened her mouth and invited his tongue with her own. Maybe that's why her hands found his neck where she pressed them down when her body registered his. Elliot's body against hers. Ten years. No. Twenty-three years. She had loved him for twenty-three fucking years.

Surprisingly, he was the one who stepped on the breaks, but only to gently rest his forehead on hers. "You're kissing me."

She pulled away slightly and looked at him then, really looked at him. A single tear had found its way down his chin. God, he was beautiful when he cried.

"It was the only way to shut you up."

His lips curled into a small smile. That same smile she had seen so many times before and never gotten tired of. She still remembered the first time he had smiled at her like that and how it had made her stomach flutter. It had scared her then, and somehow it still did.

Before he could respond her lips were back on his, because how could she stop now? She had always known that just the smallest taste of Elliot Stabler would leave her craving more, and here she was. Craving it already. When his tongue brushed against her own she heard herself moan and his arms tightened around her. Always in synch, they unraveled and let go at the same time.

When they paused shortly to catch their breaths, she smiled against his mouth. It felt like her first genuine smile in forever. To see him again had ripped her apart, to watch him lose Kathy had broken her heart, and to be reminded of how much she had loved him, still loved him, had crushed her soul. But here she was, smiling against his lips.

"I love you." For a second she wasn't sure if it had just been a thought in her head, or if she had actually said it out loud. She got the confirmation she needed when he pulled her even closer and pressed their lips together.

And this time they didn't stop.

A/N: So… Leave it here or do you want to know what happens next?