Central America, 1997.
Matt Cutter uncocked his rifle after shooting it.
"He got away!" Tyler said, "Cutter, what happened?"
"I don't know. I shot someone else."
"It's okay," Tyler said, "It happens."
"He was innocent." Matt said, in shock.
"We need to get back to the 'copter."
Matt held his gun and walked looking at his gun as he went with the crew back to the copter. He looked over the country as the helicopter flew away.
"Terminator, you alright?" one of his CIA peers asked.
Matt didn't know what to say. His forehead got very sweaty and he wiped it off. His black shirt felt very tight. The helicopter flew back to the United States, and the crew got out of the plane. Tyler reported to a superior: "We didn't get him."
Matt went to the locker room, took off his t-shirt, and sat down. He was sweating profusely. One of his peers came in.
"Are you okay, Cutter? It's a mistake. You'll get him next time."
Matt then got up, grabbed his peer by the collar and threw him against the lockers.
"I killed an innocent man! I'm a murderer!" Cutter then dropped his peer on the ground. "I'm sorry. I need to go home."
Matt wiped himself off the best he could. He changed out of his clothes, and then packed them up. He left his papers and his badge. He drove home to the dingy apartment that he shared with his friend, Mendlesohn. Mendlesohn was in his pajamas watching something naughty on the television.
"Are you alright?" Mendlesohn asked.
Matt looked at the copies of the final divorce papers and went to his bedroom. He emerged hours later and saw an advertisement about a safari business in Africa encouraging people to go. He had an idea. He went to bed, but couldn't sleep. The image of him shooting an innocent person was still on his mind.
He got up and pulled out his computer. He remembered his badge number and access code. He found the story of the man who was killed and remembered his name. He saw he left behind a wife and a child. He wrote the name down and put it somewhere he would only know where it was. He tried falling asleep, but kept seeing the innocent man being shot by the bullet of his rifle.
Matt woke up from this nightmare in fear and terror. He still had the memory of this incident in his mind.
Matt sat on the side of the bed. The woman he was sleeping with awoke, and saw his back doing some heavy breathing. She touched the small of his back. Matt still looked away. She then sat up and kneeled on the bed above him.
"What's wrong Matt?" She said, stroking his back and wrapping her arms around his chest.
"Just a nightmare," Matt said, "I need a minute."
The woman stroked his chest and kissed his left shoulder.
"Take all the time you need."
Matt turned around with his right foot on the floor. He kissed her passionately. She eventually went back to bed. Matt laid down. His eyes closed. He could see the look on the man's face from his crosshair. His eyes widened.
In the morning, Matt was on the back terrace. The woman he slept with went away. The sun rose and he was sipping his coffee. The birds chirped and the jungle was waking up. Matt sat on a chair overlooking the jungle. Sweat was beading down Matt's chest. He was getting an African tan, but he kept staring.
Mendlesohn awoke at noon. He saw the time and got dressed. He ran outside in the hopes Cutter would yell at him for being late. Instead, he saw Matt Cutter, shirtless, sweaty, and drinking coffee.
"Matt, are you alright?" Mendlesohn said.
As if he awoke from a funk, Matt looked at Mendlesohn.
"Yeah, what time is it?"
"Noon."
"Dammit! I am going to be a half hour late to meeting Sheena and Chris about something!" Matt put down his coffee mug and ran inside.
Matt put on a black tank top and ran to his truck. He drove to the Mitumbi/LaMistas border where Sheena and Chris were waiting for him. He got out, put on his safari hat, and met them.
"You're late." Sheena said.
"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to the time," Matt said, looking at Chris, who looked just as disappointed, "I got here as fast as I could."
"Well, there is no time to be late." Sheena turned her back and started walking away.
Cutter followed after her and Chris looked permissively, given the nature of the friendship he understood. Cutter grabbed her by her elbow. Sheena, of course, resisted. She shook him off.
"Sheena, please talk to me."
"Cutter, I need a minute." Sheena said, looking at him.
Sheena walked around in a circle. Matt looked at Chris and looked at the sun.
"Sorry," Sheena said, "We need you to do something."
Cutter and Sheena walked back toward Chris.
"Things okay?" Chris asked.
"Yes." Sheena said.
"Now," Cutter said, swapping a fly off his arm. "What would you like me to do?"
"We need you to smuggle an activist out of the Maltaka region. Her name is Abelina Diaz."
"What is she doing in the region?" Matt asked.
"She has been working with us on an organic food supplement that detoxifies soil from pesticides," Sheena continued, "The Nicaraguran government tried every time to prevent her from leaving the country, and President N'Gama has an agreement with the Honduran government to turn her in if she comes to a government border, because his government has its own investment with pesticides."
"Of course."
"She has been active since the late 90s. We've helped her get in the border and concealed her activity/involvement, but we told the organization who works with her that we would help her get across the region's border."
"Thus me." Cutter said.
"Exactly."
"I don't work without pay."
"There is a payment that is in the mail coming to Cutter Unlimited as we speak," Chris said, "The organization's pseudonym is on it, but it's legit."
"Cutter, do you know who she is?"
"Loosely."
"That means no. She got involved with environmentalism after her husband was murdered by the Honduran government six years ago. Her husband was a government tested environmentalist. She has been helpful connecting Honduras to environmental relief groups and have stopped a few pipelines."
"I see," Cutter said. "Where am I to meet her?"
"Come to Kali's village tomorrow afternoon, and go from there." Sheena said. "Call us if something comes up."
Matt said his goodbyes and went about his day. He had a suspicion in his gut, but it passed. He was glad that he had this to keep his mind off the anniversary on his mind. As he drove further and further, the lingering thoughts of guilt entered into his mind. He stopped the truck to breathe rapidly. After ten minutes, his breath calmed down. There was a knock on his window. It was Sheena. Matt looked behind him, and Chris waved.
"Are you alright?" Sheena asked.
"I'm fine Sheena." Matt said.
"You don't look fine. If it's the stress we put on you, I'm sorry." Sheena said, signaling for him to roll down the window.
"It's not that."
"Well, you're blocking traffic."
Matt looked around and just saw that it was him and the Keegers on the road.
"Why were you going this way?" Matt asked, with a hint of accusation.
"Mrs. Diaz demanded that all those involved make it home safe."
"Who is going to make sure that is the case for you?" Matt said, still accusatory.
"Someone is going to meet us at Cutter Unlimited."
"Cutter! Cutter! I know you are in there!" Mendlesohn's voice over the radio yelled.
"What is it Mendlesohn?" Matt picked up the radio.
"I just wanted to let you know that I forgot what today was. Were you able to meet Sheena and Chris?"
Sheena looked at him with a hesitant smile.
"Yes, and I'll be back soon, just got stalled." Matt put the radio down.
"What is today?" Sheena said.
"If you must know, it's the anniversary of me murdering an innocent person." Matt put the car in gear and drove off.
Chris picked Sheena up and followed Cutter back to Cutter Unlimited. When all of them parked, Sheena went up to Matt.
"Cutter, you don't have to do this mission if you don't want to. I can call the organization and have someone from my medical team help."
"Sheena, I appreciate your concern, but I will be fine after today. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."
Matt closed the door to the garage in front of Sheena. Mendlesohn was looking at them the whole time.
"Mendlesohn, am I being too patronizing towards him?"
"No, you aren't. I've seen him in worser conditions than this over the years. This used to be days and weeks and months. Work is the only thing that can get him through these times. You gave him work."
"Maybe I need to follow him just in case tomorrow, just to be sure."
"He'll be fine."
"Of course, you say that."
"Give him the rest of the day. He'll bounce back."
"Okay." Sheena saw the safe person in the distance honk. She said goodbye to Mendlesohn and thanked him.
Sheena got into the car.
"Do you think he can do it?" Chris asked. "I told you I'd volunteer."
"I think he can. Also, you're too close to her work here as it is."
Matt went into his office and pulled out the safe. There were pictures of him in the CIA. There was one of Tyler, and there was a printed headline. It was written in Spanish.
"Antonio Díaz asesinado: activista ambiental encontrado muerto después de protestar contra el presidente…."
He kept reading.
"Su esposa, Abelina, dijo en breve entrevista: "Lamentamos su fallecimiento, pero continuamos la lucha contra quienes buscan frenarnos"
He froze at the name. He paused, hoping that it wasn't the same person. Mentally, he couldn't be in the office. He put the safe back and went outside. He then went walking. He was deep into the jungle at a spot he last went to when Tyler was killed. He remembered the flower ritual Sheena taught him, but before he could hold the last flower for memory, he just sat and thought. The sun was setting when he felt comfortable enough to get up. He decided to help Sheena and Chris. He decided that if this was Antonio's widow, he'd keep her alive. He went back to Cutter Unlimited, and went to bed. There were no nightmares.
Matt put on his safari sleeveless over his tank top, told Mendlesohn he will be back in a day or two, and got into his truck.
"Are you sure you'll be fine?" Mendlesohn said, grabbing the window.
"I'll be fine." Matt said, turning the car on and tipping his safari hat. On the corner of his eye, he saw someone nod to him and followed him.
Matt drove to where Sheena and Chris were. The truck that was following him turned a corner before Matt saw Sheena and Chris in view. He got out the car, checked his holster and his knife sachel, and propped his hat.
"Hi Cutter," Sheena said, "Glad you made it."
"I am too."
"So, there is a slight change of plans," Chris said, "We need you to leave your truck here. N'Gama has increased security on the border and we need you to cross the border using nature's shortcuts."
"Okay, but who's watching my truck?"
"Chris will take it to the other side of the border, and once you arrive with Abelina, you can drive back." Cutter handed Chris the keys.
"Take care of her." Matt said.
"I will."
"Where's Abelina?"
Sheena signaled someone from the jungle trees. A beautiful woman dressed in travel clothes came out. She acknowledged Sheena and Chris and offered her hand to Matt.
"Cutter, this is Abelina Diaz."
"Encantada de conocerte." Matt said, shaking her hand.
"I speak English, Mr. Cutter, and I appreciate your polite gesture. Sheena tells me you are good to have around."
"I'd like to think so. Sheena and I have been through many adventures together."
"Yes, and she tells me you have military experience too."
"I do, but I'd rather not talk about it. The afternoon is young and we need to head out before the sun sets."
"I see." Abelina said, looking slightly disappointed at his lack of engagement.
"I do think it best that you both start," Sheena said, "Cutter may not have tact all the time, but his instincts are sound."
Abelina gave Sheena a look of tolerance. Sheena gave Abelina a hug.
"Message us when you get back to Nicaragua."
Abelina smiled. Chris got into Matt's car and Sheena signaled to someone in the jungle. She patted Matt on the chest.
"Good luck."
Matt went over to Abelina, and Abelina started walking. They walked for a good while in utter silence. The part of the jungle was rich in foliage and the sun was high in heat. They walked for a good hour before Abelina sat down on a rock.
"Can we please take a break?" Abelina said.
"Sure." Matt took off his safari cap and wiped off the sweat on his forehead.
"Is there a reason why you haven't said a word to me since we started this mission?"
"No, I just doing my job, you haven't been difficult to direct when we've had to change directions."
"Was I difficult before?"
"No."
"What did Sheena mean when you don't have tact all the time?"
"I make mistakes like everyone else, and in the past, Sheena has had to bail me out a couple of times, but not without my own effort."
"I see. A little cocky."
"Cocky?" Matt sounded surprised. "People pay me usually to present them what Africa looks like in their minds and a little culture."
"Why would Sheena and Chris refer me to a tour guide then? Or is that because what you are really doing is incognito to the public?"
"I run a safari company, and it's no front."
"Yet you have military experience you don't speak about. In my country, the militarized hellhole that it is, when someone tells someone that, it means trouble ahead."
"I was hired by the activist group you are connected with that Sheena and Chris are involved in to protect you safely towards the border. We are two-eighths of the way there. I am sure you know that NGama's military and the Honduran military are going to make sure you don't make it back. I am going to use my skills to get you to the border safely, now we need to get going." Matt lifted her up from the rock and the two started walking.
"I'm not a child, Mr. Cutter. I don't deserve to be lectured like one." Abelina said.
"Sorry."
"I didn't mean to imply distrust of you in the way I implied it," Abelina said, marching towards Matt as Matt was walking quicker. "I have a hard time trusting anybody, especially when they claim to protect me."
Matt stopped, turned around, and looked at her.
"It's okay. I have a hard time trusting people too, and I think you have every right to distrust someone you just met who people you trust claim will protect you. I will do my best, though being deprived of my truck and camp equipment might make this hard."
In the distance, a camouflaged military person was pointing at them with crosshairs. He gave a signal.
"Okay, Mr. Cutter, I will stop asking." Abelina said.
Matt took off his safari hat for another second, wiped off his forehead, and placed it back on his head. A second after putting his hat back on, a gun went off and bullet went through the hat, causing it to fall on the ground.
"Run!" Matt said, as his safari hat was riddled with bullets.
Abelina and Matt ran as bullets began shooting at them. They were even runners as the bullets kept flying. Both were doing good jobs at dodging them. Matt and Abelina left the clearing and the bullets stopped. Military men were patrolling from the shooting.
"They went into the jungle. Time to deploy our jungle unit."
Matt and Abelina were still running in the jungle when four soldiers came out of the bush and knocked Cutter down on the ground. He recovered quickly and punched out the soldier who knocked him out. Another soldier was charging his gun towards Abelina, but Matt angled it to the ground then used his own handgun to knock the soldier out. Abelina saw two soldiers charging behind Cutter and sucker punched one down and drop kicked the other. Matt and Abelina looked around before Matt put his handgun back and picked up a rifle from one of the knocked out soldiers.
"Is it safe?" Abelina said.
"I am unsure, but I am going to keep walking and suggest we do the same."
"Who were they? N'Gama or Nicaraguan?"
Matt checked the butt of the rifle.
"N'Gama."
The two walked further. They were hesitant at first, but afterwards they were able to relax.
"There may be more." Matt said, feeling the sweat in his hair.
"There will probably be. I'm a moving target." Abelina said.
"You have quite a fight in you." Matt said.
"There came a point in my life where I had to fight for basic things every day. I prefer peace and non-violence, but I come from a country with a violent government," Abelina said, "Sorry your hat was a casuality."
"No worries. I have more."
"When night falls, how are we going to protect ourselves?" Abelina said, "Especially with no camping equipment."
"We travel as far as we can. Once we are in an área we can set up a fire and I can get food from the jungle. I'm trained to be up a long time for safety."
Matt and Abelina walked as far as they could before the sun set. Incidentally, they came across an abandoned village. Matt and Abelina checked everywhere in case there were traps or recording devices. The two settled on a hut near where they were heading, and chose to sleep in the same hut. Matt did make a fire and the two spent the night in the hut. As the fire died down, Matt fell asleep on the cot on the other side of where Abelina slept.
When he closed his eyes, Matt was dreaming. In his dreams, he was back in his CIA gear. He was remembering getting off the plane to take out the dictator. He had been to Central America countless of times and didn't break a sweat. He took out dictators, terrorists, and anyone else the CIA taught him to take out. He went with the crew on the sleath mission. He was on top of a roof watching the turbulence below as citizens were protesting the dictator. The dictator took himself off the stage and into the crowd. His crosshair got blurry and he wiped it down. There was an explosión and Matt tilted his gun slightly. His commanding officer was demanding he shoot. Matt looked into the crosshairs. Unlike his memory, he didn't see Antonio's face. He saw Abelina's. He couldn't shoot.
"I can't kill an innocent person." Matt said in his dream.
"Follow your orders!" his commanding officer said.
Matt took his gun and shot at someone. In the crosshairs, he saw Abelina dead on the ground.
"Go-go-go!" his commanding officer ordered.
Matt said and saw blood and tears stream down Abelina's face. She then looked at him from the crowd and yelled "MURDERER!" before she died in his dream.
Matt woke up. It was still dark outside, but the sun was coming up. Matt grabbed his rifle and went outside. Matt started remembering what happened after killing Antonio Diaz, in Washington, D.C. mid-1997.
"What do you mean you're 'retiring?'" Tyler said.
"I just can't do the job anymore."
"Jericho, I'm disappointed. I thought you were going all the way."
"That was the plan, but I turned in my papers." Matt got into his car and drove away.
Mendlesohn was waiting for him at their apartment. There were two boxes packed.
"I'm still unsure about this Cutter," Mendlesohn said as Cutter got out of his car, "I don't know if I should go to Africa with you."
"Do you have something lined up here?"
"Well, not really. You've sold your car. You aren't renewing the lease. Your divorce from Amanda just got finalized. You're quitting your job. How long is this escape going to last?"
"What escape?"
"Please, you barely sleep at night. Going to Africa isn't going to solve your problems."
"Mendlesohn, if I wanted a therapist, I would have gotten one by now."
"How do you expect us to get there anyway?"
"I got us on a Passenger ship to Nairobi. We leave in a week."
"I still think you're escaping from something."
"I think you're full of it. Now, are you coming with me or not?"
Mendlesohn sighed and went back up to pack.
The sun was up and Matt was staring at the embers of the fire that were still burning. Abelina arose from the hut.
"Couldn't sleep?" she said, getting her wáter bottle out.
"I am hired to protect you." Matt said.
"You say that as if you are trying to convince yourself of something," Abelina said. "You don't need to convince me you are doing your job. I think you need to convince yourself."
"Do you always give advice when not asked?" Cutter said, going back into the hut to get his knife and his handgun.
"I'm not much of a deep sleeper, Mr. Cutter."
"We need to get a move on." Matt brushed dirt over the fire, took a sip of wáter, and started walking. Abelina followed him.
"I heard you say things in your sleep."
"Why don't you sleep deeply?" Matt rebutted.
"I live in a country where I am a moving target. I can't trust the place I slumber is the place I will stay alive. You are diverting my attention."
Matt just gave her a look.
"Now you are giving me the look when I first expressed my doubts to Sheena and Chris. How they both trust you is beyond my comprehension, señor."
"And just because you aren't getting everything you want from me while I am trying to keep you alive and get you to the border safely doesn't mean I owe you anything!" Matt said defensively.
"Mr. Cutter, I am not one for being silenced. Human relationships are very important to me and I like to know the people I work with and who work with me. I just want to know why you said repeatedly in your sleep that you won't kill innocent people." Abelina said.
"It's a part of my past I don't want to talk about." Matt was walking faster and not realizing it as Abelina was trying to catch up to him.
"In my country, I try to be a healer. Clearly something happened to you ages ago that is sitting with you now."
"We need to make sufficient headway if we are to get you to the border by tomorrow." Matt said.
"So, are we going to do another two hours of silence? Men. Machismo and shit." Abelina said.
"Sheena and Chris trust me to do my job. I am doing it the best I can. They trusted me to get you to the border without harm, and even if we came close the other day, you are still here and alive. I have had experience in the U.S. military. I am no longer apart of the military now. It would be great to get a thank you for saving your life back there."
"Thank you, Mr. Cutter. I don't mean to be invasive. I have post-traumatic stress too. See, seven years ago, my husband Antonio Diaz was murdered while protesting the last dictator of my country before this current one. I was told that someone from the government might have taken him out based on what my husband found out about an American company agravating the conflict for sugar. That's why I don't sleep deeply anymore. But that's also why I fight for environmental and economic justice." Abelina said.
Matt stopped and looked at her. He was studying her top to bottom. He thought for a second that this could be another Abelina Diaz, and that her husband could be another Antonio Diaz. It could be the same dictator the CIA was trying to take out, and that he took out another innocent person. All are innocent.
"Mr. Cutter, why are you looking at me like that?" Abelina said.
Matt wasn't paying attention. His mind was racing. Sweat was beginning to drip profusely down his forehead. It could be Antonio Diaz's widow after all. It's who he needs to keep alive. It's who was in his dream. It's who he needs to acknowledge. Instead, he was unaware that he turned around and started walking and Abelina started running to catch up to him. His mind was still racing. He needs to keep Abelina alive even though he is responsible for her greatest pain. He pulled out a handcherchief and dabbed his forehead and his neck. He sighed a heavy sigh. He was back in the present.
"Mr. Cutter, it's been two hours and we've walked consistently. Can we please take a break and can you please tell me why you looked at me like that?" Abelina said.
"I was remembering a mission and guilt I still feel from it."
"Are you able to acknowledge what happened out loud?"
"I can't."
"Why can't you?"
Matt saw a soldier charging at Abelina with a huge knife. Matt pushed her out of the way and with the butt of the rifle in his hand, clocked the knife wielding soldier.
"Are you alright?" Matt said, helping Abelina up.
"Give me your handgun" Abelina said. "I know how to protect myself too!"
Two soldiers pounced on both of them from behind. Matt recovered and pulled out his knife as the soldier who pounced on him slashed the back of Matt's sleeveless. Matt dropkicked the soldier. Another soldier charged at him and Matt took off one of his slashed remants and covered the face of the charging soldier and elbowed the soldier in the face. He saw Abelina trying to hold her own against a soldier with a knife, and threw the other half of his sleeveless on that soldier, took his knife, and jabbed the soldier in the eye before throwing that soldier down. Abelina and Matt stood, shoulder to shoulder. Abelina fired Matt's handgun.
"Any more of you want to come for me?"
Matt took his knife from the soldier's head, took a piece of his torn sleeveless and wiped down the blood. He grabbed the rifle and the two went on their way. Matt's black tank top was the only thing holding Matt's sweat. Abelina noticed how ripped Matt was.
"We need to keep going." Matt said, throwing down the bloody fabric.
"Do we need to divert our route? Who is to say there aren't other soldiers lurking around, waiting to come after me?"
"There probably are, Abelina, but we are closer to the border and we can't divert our route or miss getting lost for the meeting point."
Abelina said a prayer over the dead soldier. Cutter touched her hand and lead her away. Abelina enjoyed the musk. The two walked until they came upon a small clearing by the river. She took out a handkerchief and dapped it.
"Here, Mr. Cutter, let me clean you off, you still have dirt on your shoulder."
"It's fine."
"I insist."
Cutter sat down on a rock and Abelina dabbed the wet cloth on Matt's dirty, sweaty shoulders. The two looked at each other warmly.
"If I was any more motherly than I am right now, I would ask that I wash your tank top too."
"You aren't being too motherly." Matt took off his tank top and gave it to her to wash.
"I should be done in a minute or two." Abelina took the dirty cloth where she finished wiping Matt's shoulders and back down and took his dirty tank top to the river's edge, where she cleaned them.
Matt checked his back and front with the rifle in a firm grip in his arms.
"I still have your handgun." Abelina said, as she started rinsing Matt's tank top.
"I have bullets in my knife sack if you need them."
"I'm glad you trust me to hold onto your gun until we reach our destination," Abelina said, putting Matt's tank top on a rock, "I wish you could trust me with the reason for your post traumatic stress, which clearly has been flaring up since our journey began."
"It seems every time you push, those that are out to kill you take advantage." Matt said.
"And every time I try to reach out to you, your guard is down."
"I'm not used to this kind of engagement."
"Yet all Sheena has to do is bat her eyes and you come running."
"Sheena and I have a longer friendship. Besides, she's married."
"Is Sheena the only woman you are friends with and whom you haven't slept with?"
"No, there's Kali too."
"I want to be your friend, Mr. Cutter. I don't even know your first name."
"Matt."
"Okay Matt, I am sure you and Sheena have a friendship that is strictly platonic and that Chris doesn't mind when Sheena does this to you," Abelina patted him in the center of his chest. "Or this." Abelina stroked him on his chest.
"Chris doesn't mind. He knows that I have no plans to sleep with Sheena and she me."
"Sheena knows how to control herself, as I am sure you do. I'm just saying you can have friendships with women beyond Kali and Sheena."
Matt looked at his now dry tank top and put it on.
"Now that everything is dry, let's say we move along, now?" Matt said.
"I still want to know the reason for your post traumatic stress."
"Besides being involved in the United States military and the bad mission?"
"Those are factors, not what happened. You say in your dreams you don't want to kill innocent people. Who was the innocent person you killed? Who were the innocent people you killed?"
"I can't." Matt said, starting to walk.
"Yes, you can. So many things are obvious with you. The awkward sexual tension with Sheena. Your hesitancy around me. I think I know why you are hesitant around me."
"Why is that?"
"Because that mission you remember might have something to do with me, and you can't face it, so you are getting me to the border as soon as you can so you can clear your conscience, but it will still rest with you and appear."
Matt didn't say anything. He kept walking as Abelina walked with him.
"And now, you walk away as you always walk away from things. Don't you see how you are hurting yourself?"
"Abelina, I really appreciate this dime store psychology you have all ready for me based on the day and a half we have been travelling to the safety point you have gotten to know me, but I only care about one thing. Matt Cutter."
"I think you only care about Matt Cutter because that's your usual defense. Matt Cutter needs to acknowledge his own pain. Matt Cutter needs to acknowledge that he needs not to continually suffer and punish himself for that pain. Matt Cutter makes mistakes. Matt Cutter is human. I can see that, and I don't know what pain you have caused others, but I can say that the Matt Cutter who hurts and have hurt others are one in the same, as is the Matt Cutter who is protective, kind, intelligent, and very attractive."
"Matt Cutter only cares to get paid for your safety for getting you to the border."
"Matt Cutter hides behind money because he thinks he is only worth what people pay him because since that moment that caused the post traumatic stress, no one saw his hurt in the way he wanted it to be seen."
The two walked in total silence. Matt realized she hit on truth. The silence lasted for two hours, with them hydrating in between. Matt had the rifle prepped at all times, and Abelina eyed the handgun. The two stayed vigilant. After coming down a steep hill, they took a breathing break.
"Mr. Cutter, what you called 'dime store psychology' a while back ago is actually real. I got a degree in psychology from my country's top university. The work I do requires restoration, and I needed the tools."
"I see." Matt said, signaling the way going.
"There is so much of you that needs restoring."
"Abelina, not everyone you meet is a basket case waiting for you to fill it with goodies. I am doing just fine."
"You almost had a panic attack yesterday and you talk in your sleep. Mr. Cutter, you are running out of reasons why you are acting this way. The only person and people who might know why you are are not here, if you even let them in on it at all. It's just you and me. You have saved my life two times on this journey, I owe you. I can help you save yours."
The two walked towards a clearing in which they could see remanents of a crashed plane. Both of them stood for a second. Some of the ruins were still fuming. What they didn't see where men of two armies behind them, waiting to ambush. One of them even had a propeller blade working on its own, ready to kill one if not both of them.
"The ruins of a plane are a tragedy," Abelina said, "I think about lost supplies that could have helped people, and the people who died helping people, like my husband, Antonio."
Matt didn't respond.
"No matter what humanity destroys, nature restores," Abelina said, looking at greenery overtaking the ruins. "We are apart of nature, and we can restore our own ruins."
"Abelina, there is something I have to tell you." Matt said, realizing that she was right.
"Yes?"
"Abelina, I murdered your husband, Antonio. I was working with the CIA on a mission to take out the dictator, and I looked away and slightly angled my gun, and I took him out. The mission was compromised and we headed back. I have his obituary in my saved files. That is my post traumatic stress. That's why I feel nervous around you."
"Stop talking Mr. Cutter." Abelina rejected Matt's hands. She took a step back.
"I'm sincerely sorry for taking him from you. It was my mistake. I live with the guilt of that every single day. You must know how much I suffer, how I still suffer…"
"Stop talking, Mr. Cutter!" Abelina said, holding in tears before sobbing. "Why did Sheena and Chris think you were trustworthy?"
"They don't know. I didn't know until the day after they assigned me the task."
"Stop talking Mr. Cutter!" Abelina laid on the ground and cried.
Abelina let out years of tears for a minute or two. She got up. She looked at the handgun of his he said she could hold onto.
"I don't want this anymore," she said, handing it back to him. He took it from her and put it away. "It belongs to a murderer." She turned her back to him.
Matt signaled he understood. After a minute, she looked at him.
"You have a mission to get me to the border. Once we get to the border, I don't ever want to see you or hear from you again. From the looks of it, we only have an hour to go." Abelina started walking.
Matt walked behind her. They began walking through the ruins. Matt walked closer, realizing the dangers. Abelina felt his breath on her neck. She turned around.
"How dare you think you can protect me! How dare you think that you can be trusted by anyone! How dare you continue your job! How dare you!" Abelina let out her anger at Matt. "How dare you walk behind me! How dare you not tell me the minute you saw me! How dare you!" Abelina grabbed Matt by the collar of his tank top and threw him against a piece of ruin.
Abelina hit him repeatedly.
"You deserve your nightmares and panic attacks, Mr. Cutter. You deserve everything of which you create."
Matt kept silent. He had a small bruise on his shoulder that a while ago, Abelina wiped off. She hit him until she took a big breath and retained her composure.
"In my heart of hearts, maybe I can take this journey as a trip of forgiveness, because that's what you want," Abelina said, while not looking at him, "But I can't forgive you for taking away my Antonio and calling it a mistake. He was everyone's target. I didn't take up the cause without knowing I would be one too, and you aren't forgiven for your actions and your government's actions. Getting me to safety isn't what forgiveness is."
Matt looked at her with concern and hurt, and took it.
"Don't look at me with that tone of voice!" Abelina said, shedding angry tears.
Matt gripped his rifle and looked around, as if he was protecting the conversation as well as her life. A commanding officer signaled silently.
"I can get myself to the border."
"No, you can't." Matt stepped in front of her.
"Get out of my way!" Abelina took him by the collar and threw him to her side.
Matt got up and stood in front of her again.
"What did I say?!" Abelina grabbed him by the collar and made a slight tear in the center. She then threw him on a propeller blade. The corner of his tank top was stuck on it, as well as the ends of his pant legs. His rifle was on the ground. She picked the rifle up.
"Part of me thinks I should give you the same justice you gave my Antonio," she said, "That way everyone around you can feel my loss. I should leave you here so you can suffer as I did, buoyed and alone always near harm's way."
She lowered the gun.
"But, I'm better than that." She dropped the gun.
"No you aren't, señorita." A soldier came out from the back of a ruin and grabbed her arm and shut her mouth. Abelina fought him off the best she could, even with a lock elbow jab in the stomach.
"Abelina!" Matt said, as he was trying to pull away from the blade, but couldn't.
The blade was turned on. Matt pulled away from it as his tank top tore , and his pants were now shorts. A soldier came at him from behind and Matt threw the soldier to the ground. Matt then took the butt of his rifle and knocked out the other two soldiers. One soldier pulled out a knife and started charging at him. Matt took his torn tank top off and blinded the soldier as the soldier fell. Matt was then swarmed by soldiers. He punched, kicked, elbowed, drop kicked, sucker punched, and threw a soldier straight into the propeller blade The soldiers fought him rough too, but they were no match for him. When they were knocked out, Matt didn't see Abelina, but heard a scream in the jungle.
Matt grabbed the rifle that was still in front of the propeller blade and went into the jungle. He saw that Abelina was still being dragged by a soldier. Matt paced in the jungle as he got closer and closer to where the soldier and Abelina were. A soldier jumped him from behind and Matt threw the soldier down and knocked him out. Matt continued pacing as time was of the essence and neither dirt nor sweat would keep him from saving her. Matt couldn't check around him, but before Matt could center and target the soldier carrying off Abelina, his mouth was covered.
"Oh no you aren't," the soldier said. "Drop your weapon."
Matt dropped the rifle on the ground. Matt then grabbed the soldier's shoulders from behind and threw him down on the ground before knocking him out with the rifle. Matt then saw that the soldier and Abelina moved and he quickly paced to near where they were.
He looked in the crosshairs and saw the soldier's face. He pulled the trigger and the soldier holding Abelina was shot dead. Abelina screamed in terror. Before Matt could get up to get her, another soldier charged Cutter and the rifle fell and the two men rolled down the jungle soldier started physically fighting him and it wasn't until the soldier planted his knees into the ground with Matt below him did the rolling stop.
Matt looked up and the soldier brought out his knife. Before the soldier could stab Cutter in the heart, the soldier was attacked with the butt of a rifle and then shot. Matt saw the soldier's unexpected eyes glare at him from the ground. He then looked up and saw Abelina.
"Don't think this means anything."
Matt got up from the ground, and saw there were no soldiers left. Abelina and him walked in the silent sun of the day, which was at peak heat after the skirmish. They came to the área near the border.
"Mr. Cutter.." Abelina said, looking at him. "You saved my life again."
"Yes," Matt said, looking at her. "I wanted to. Not just because I was getting paid to."
"That's not what I meant," Abelina said, "You saved my life three times during this journey. You told me your darkest secret and I threw you to the wolves. I am very hurt by your secret. I was misguided by my grief. Forgive me."
"I forgive you." Matt said, in a hot sweat.
"I have been thinking a lot about your actions and you taking on this journey. I don't know if forgiveness is the word I am looking for. I overstepped my boundary with you, and I couldn't just trust you to protect me. You said Sheena and Chris don't know your secret. For the sake of this mission, I suggest you don't. But, next year, around this time, when you think of your unlivable actions, I want you to remember your livable actions in saving the widow of the man you murdered. I let my activism hide my own wounds, and when you told me, they reopened again. If my life wasn't a target, I would have asked for time alone, but then we were attacked. You fought off two joint armies to save me. You risked your standing with N'Gama's military as a civilian to see me safe. It was wrong of me to asume you did this out of sheer guilt," Abelina said, standing on a hill overlooking the check point that they both found themselves on. "All this being said, I think I am better now at making peace with my past in my present. Your present actions towards me are redeemable. Your ability to risk your life for someone who hates you is admirable. When we get to the border checkpoint, and you are taken back and I am moving forward, please know that I am going to work on forgiving you. I will never see you again, and you and I have suffered enough for lifetimes."
Abelina stroked his dirty chest and tapped the center of Matt's chest as Sheena does.
"I am going to work on forgiving you, but I ask that the actions you shown me in the past couple of days be reason for you to forgive yourself. I harbor unresolved grief that I need to sort through. You harbor guilt that depends on me absolving you. Let me forgive you in my own time, but let go of your guilt."
Abelina returned the rifle to Matt. The two walked at the checkpoint where Sheena and Chris met them, along with two other activists. Sheena and Chris said their goodbyes to Abelina and Matt sauntered near his truck. Abelina waved a goodbye to Cutter as she left first. Sheena told Cutter she had to head back to Dr. Okowendo's for finishing lab research. Chris said goodbye to Sheena, and signaled to Matt he has the keys.
"Chris, do you mind driving?"
"Sure," Chris said, opening the front door as Matt got in the front passenger seat. Matt was still dirty, sweaty, and shirtless. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Matt said, unconvincingly. "just making peace."
Chris gave him a look that Cutter didn't see.
"Okay."
"Once we know Abelina Diaz is back in her country, there is something I have to tell you and Sheena about." Matt said, looking through the window at the field ahead.
In the truck going the opposing direction, Abelina Diaz took out her wallet and looked at a picture of Antonio. A tear was in her eye as she looked towards the field ahead.
"Is something wrong?" the activist said.
"No, just thinking."
Abelina whispered to the photograph: "I know and he's sorry."
The sun was starting to set when Matt got home. He said goodbye to Chris, got the keys back, and went back into Cutter Unlimited. Mendlesohn said hi to him and cracked something about his jungle journies. Matt went to the back porch and sat.
"I'm not going to have to pull you out of another funk, will I?" Mendlesohn said, "You have the same look that brought us to Africa in the first place."
"We're not going anywhere." Matt said.
Matt looked at the setting sun.