The Great Hall's ceiling had been filled with false stars as the fight raged on around me. If I had the nerve to simply look up and ignore everything, I would have died by now. If I had the time to think, I would have thought about the irony of being willing to die for our cause while fighting so desperately not to.
And I found myself trying to search for red hair in a sea of masked men and black cloaks, or startling bright green eyes through the haze of green light. And I tried to choke down the feeling of a wrench through my soul every time I used that spell, every time I used a slicing spell through someone.
I tried to ignore the faces of my classmates staring up at me unseeingly, tried to choke down the bile racing its way up my throat and reminded myself that we were finally at the finale, this is how it ends as I fend off the two Death Eaters finding my way.
Sectumsempra! And the masked man fell down to his knees at my feet, wand forgotten behind him and grasping at his throat trying to push the blood back in. It was a useless endeavor – I was sure he would die, eventually, from the curse.
I focused my energy back on the man in front of me, an avada leaving my wand. I felt another tear at my soul as he fell down to the ground, and I gasped out loud from the feel of it, wrenching myself away from their dead bodies as light filled the Great Hall.
The entire hall gasped as the green light rebounded upon it's caster, and Harry Potter caught the Elder Wand between his fingertips. And I think I should have felt relief washing over me, or the weight of the world coming off of my shoulders – something other than complete nothingness, the void in my chest becoming bigger and bigger as a muffled scream of Hermione! Hermione Hermione Hermione Hermione Hermione reached my ears as I fell to the ground.
Ron caught me – finally, he caught me. I looked up at his freckled face as light filled the Great Hall, my eyes burning with the intensity of it as my heart rate sped up and then slowed down again, and I fell into the rageful, treacherous heat.
Here, in the space between life and death, she could hear voices – spaces from where I should be and spaces from where I should go to, faint hums of she is not ready to come here, she has not served her purpose yet.
What should we do about the boy?
Hermione, please wake up.
He is not supposed to be here!
She's exhausted her magical core.
It was in self defense – the ministry understands.
What is he doing here?
"What do you think your purpose is, Hermione?" somebody whispered into her ear. "What do you think you should do with all of that rage, that passion? That anger?"
"You are absolute." They said. "You could have the world at your fingertips. All you have to do, darling, is to ask."
When I woke up, there was daylight streaming through my windowpane. I could not open my eyes fully, and I felt this pull towards the ground, something substantial and real and warm, as I tried to move my body upright.
There was something to be said about the feeling of being weak. It was something that I never was, something I did not allow myself to be. Now, I had no control over it but to simply hope someone would come along and notice me struggling.
"Urghhhh…" I said, my voice pitifully raspy and my throat scratchy and dry. I tried to turn my stiff head to the side, to see Harry sleeping in a chair next to me, grasping my hand. "Haaaaar… Harrr…. ry…"
I tried to grasp my hand tighter around his, tried to make him notice that I was here, I was awake. I did not know how long I had been asleep for – for all I knew, it could have been ten days or ten hours. I felt so weak, so shameful.
He stirred awake, yawned for a moment and then looked at me with startled green eyes. "Harrr…ry…" I said, coughing up something miserable.
"Hermione! Hermione you're awake." He said, pushing his glasses up his nose. "We thought – well, the healer said that you'd be fine, really, but I'm so glad you're awake."
Harry rubbed his eyes, and groaned a sigh of relief inwardly. I look at the ceiling and tried to clear up my mind, wondering how he must feel now without the weight of the world on his shoulders. I wonder how I should feel now that I have nothing to lose, but instead all I felt was a searing, aching pain lancing through my chest.
"Hoowww… Hoooww're you… f-feeling, Harrryy?" I wheezed, willing my voice to follow my brain. Harry merely chuckled briefly and kissed my hand.
"You've been unconscious for four days and you're asking me how I feel?" He helped me sit up and handed me a glass of water. I nodded, getting dizzy over the small movement.
He scoffed. "I'm feeling… well, better now that you're awake, actually." He sighed. "We'll talk more about it when you can… actually talk. For now, you should probably drink the water I gave you."
I drank small sips from the glass of water he gave me, and looked around the room as he watched me drink all of it. I handed the glass back to him after the last sip, and looked at him expectantly.
"Done." I said, my throat feeling marginally less scratchy. "What… happened?"
Harry sighed and gave me a vial of potion. I looked at him inquisitively, and he rolled his eyes and said, "Strengthening potion, since you passed out of exhaustion."
"Obviously." I said.
"Obviously." Harry smirked. "The main thing is… we rather…" He pursed his lips. "We have some things to discuss… later. A lot of things happened after you… you know."
"After I collapsed?" I said, raising an eyebrow. Harry snorted.
"Yeah, that."
"I don't understand." I replied, downing the potion in one go and giving it back to Harry. He placed it on my bedside table, and looked towards the wooden door going out of my room.
I blinked. "If you… don't want to talk to me about it right now, then maybe –"
He looked back at me. "No, it's not that. It's just that…"
"Just that… what?"
He slumped down against his chair, grasped my hand once more and put it up against his lips. I think I might just slap using sheer willpower if he didn't tell me right this second.
"Well… what?" I asked expectantly.
He rolled his eyes. "We'll talk about it once you're better."
"How about…" I coughed into my fist. He frowned down at me. "…now?"
"You can barely talk, Hermione." He said, frowning.
"You're going to… do most… of the talking." I countered.
"No, Hermione."
"I want to know what's bothering you."
"Not right now." He hissed, glaring at me now.
"Why not?"
"You're not ready to have this conversation." He dropped my hand and looked away from me. I sighed, staring up at the unpainted ceiling again.
"Is it about… Ginny?" I asked, looking at him inquisitively.
He scowled and looked down at me, poking my cheek. "No, it's much much worse than that."
"Tell me then, so I can help you fix it." I forced my voice not to waver, although it still sounded like I ate a pound of ash.
"Rest. I'll tell you when you feel better." He handed me another potion. "Sleeping potion." He explained.
"You want to knock me out again, Harry?" I raised an eyebrow, but took the potion anyways.
He smirked. "Doctor's orders, Hermione." He said, running his hands through his hair. "Sweet dreams."
I fell asleep as he left the room.
"You have dreams, don't you?" He whispered in the night. "You want to be someone, do something. I can help you. I'll give you anything at all, just ask it of me."
The next time I woke up, Harry and Ron were playing chess in my room. I had tried to ask them to tell me what had happened, but they said we still needed to wait for news from the outside. I could not shake the feeling that they were just stalling on this – and what the hell is outside? Where were we? They would not tell me anything.
"What are you waiting for?" I asked, feeling considerably more rested. "What's so important?"
They ignored me.
"Arseholes."
"Hey! I heard that." Ron exclaimed, flicking a pawn my way. I batted it away with my hand, chuckling. "We told you… we have to wait for news."
"From whom?" He dropped his gaze back to the chessboard. I rolled my eyes and looked at Harry, who suddenly appeared very interested at observing the god-awful tapestry of Merlin on the wall. "Harry?"
"Yes, Hermione?" He said innocently.
I glared at him. "From whom?"
He blinked, and shook his head. "You'll know soon enough."
"Whoever it is, it can't be that bad." I reasoned, crossing my arms. He gulped.
"Well… uhm…" he looked at Ron, who simply scratched behind his neck and shrugged.
"Well, uhm, what?" I asked, looking at them.
Harry wrung his hands. "It's complicated…" Ron glared at him and shook his head, mouthing no. Harry ignored him.
"Complicated… how?'' I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Harry bit his lip. "Well it's – "
I felt the wards shift around us like a crawling under my skin. I looked at Harry curiously. "Is that them?"
He coughed, flushed, and then stood up, excusing himself as he raced out the door. Ron stared after him and rolled his eyes.
Honestly, these boys.
Ron tidied up the chessboard and moved his chair towards my bed. "Okay, now before you freak out… don't… freak out?"
"Don't freak out?" I asked blandly. "You're literally not telling me anything."
He shrugged. "Well when you meet him, you're going to understand why, yeah?" He said simply, pouring out some water from a plain porcelain pitcher. "Keep… an open mind."
"And open mind…" I glared at him as he helped me sit up and handed me the glass of water. "Surely, it can't be that bad?"
"Oh, it's – it's bad, alright." He chuckled weakly and slouched against his seat. I could hear footsteps heading towards the room.
"How come you're so… calm, about this?"
He shrugged. "You can't tell me you didn't see it coming, honestly."
The door opened, and Harry came in with a hassled looking blonde.
I put my face into my hands and rubbed hard.
"Hey, Granger." Draco Malfoy said, smirking.