The Savior's Only Hope

Heavy burden

She felt like a fraud; the savior that could save everyone… except herself.

Emma Swan hadn't wanted to fall in love at all, especially not with him, but somehow, somewhere and at some point between fishing him out from a pile of heartless corpses and climbing a beanstalk and travelling through time at his side a couple years later, she had gone and done just that, she had fallen for him like a ton of rocks. Skip forward two years, and she had cursed herself for his love, followed him to the underworld from a fate worse than his actual death, and was now actually living under the same roof with the captain, sharing a bed, sharing her body, her soul and her whole life with him.

And what could be said about the steadfast pirate that had won, first of all her attention, then her trust, then her friendship and finally her heart? What could anyone say about his unyielding loyalty and his headstrong determination to both earn her affections "without any trickery" as well as make the definitive change from pirate villain to valiant hero? How could anyone not fall in love with him, with Killian Jones, the real and original Captain Hook, with his raven black hair and impossibly blue eyes, after all he'd sacrificed and been through for her?

And yet, in spite of his dedication to his love, she was destined to die and deprive him of his happy ending. The visions and tremors relentlessly reminded her of imminent death, sometime soon. The irony was everywhere: when they first met, she pushed him away and begrudgingly declined all his amorous advances, for fear of getting her heart broken, and if her heart was any indication of what that was like, she should have a shred of decency and common sense to walk away from him now, before she forced him to witness (again) the death of his love, his true love, at the hands of yet another foe. But she couldn't. Not now.

Yeah… She felt like a HUGE fraud.

"Maybe it's not about how you die, but about how you live…" the cricket had told her.

She hadn't known what to answer that day, basically because Dr. Hopper was right. She had no idea when the fatal blow would come, but her visions were constant and a sure bet. She knew she needed to get away from him… Still, she felt the selfish and compelling necessity to not do that, but to remain by his side for as long as the going was still good, to enjoy the love he devotedly dedicated to her day in and day out… to love him back with all her heart, give him a home, make love as much and as often as possible, give him all he had earned and truly deserved from her for his undying devotion and care.

Except that she was running out of time.

Add to that the fact that the savior had yet more lives to think about: Her beautiful son Henry, the very first to have brought her home to break the original dark curse and whom she loved more than life itself; her mother and father, the family she had yearned for her entire life and had only been with for maybe four years; her friend and former foe Regina, the once evil Queen of Misthaven, a formidable ally and her teacher in the arts of magic; yes, lines and lines of people who she cared for and who, in return, cared for her.

But right now, above all, even above Killian, one life mattered most: that little life that she was now carrying inside her; the little life that had come from her union with the pirate, unplanned, unforeseen… but loved. So, so very loved.

Emma was very much, undeniably, unmistakably pregnant.

Two blue lines on a stick, three tests in a row. The pregnancy itself hadn't come as much of a surprise to her, given that the hot and heady sexual tempers of both Killian Jones and Emma Swan had always been wild and adventurous, and not especially on the careful side. To be honest, she actually was more shocked at the notion that this hadn't happened sooner. Why hadn't it? She would maybe at least have had a chance at actually enjoying it! But now? Why now?! Why when she knew she was bound to be stabbed and killed by some hooded figure, whose identity was yet unknown?

She knew that, if circumstances were different, she could go home with maybe a pair of baby shoes… she could quietly sneak them into Killian's sea chest, so he'd find them later that evening or early the next morning; he could ponder for a few minutes how the blasted shoes got there, and she could smile at him from their bed until the penny would drop; she could easily imagine his eyes shining with tears, and a smile tearing his gorgeous face in two from ear to ear; she knew he would be thrilled, because he had never envisioned this life, this gift, any more than she had ever done. She knew there would be a big chance that he would "do the right thing" and make her his wife, because, of course, he was just over two hundred years old and was probably cut out of very old moral fabric.

If circumstances were different, they could have a family of their own. But since they weren't, and things were the way they were, she kept it a secret: her visions, her imminent demise, had been disclosed a few days earlier. This, however, had not.

So yes, there was that unborn yet vital little being she now had to think of and save: the unborn child begot from the love of the savior and the captain.

"Love? Are you with us?"

Killian's voice reached her ears like some distant echo. Startled, she looked at her clan, one parent sleeping under the Evil Queen's curse while the other, her mother Snow White, heatedly discussed the crazy new events of the day: Belle's pregnancy going from nine months to a sudden and shocking nine minutes, delivering a healthy baby boy and then ushering him away in the arms of the Blue Fairy for his own sake.

"Sorry, I… I was just thinking about… the clippers." She looked at her mother. "I know I decided not to use them on myself but… what if Gold is right? What if by severing his son's fate he's actually doing him a much bigger favor than we think?"

Snow shook her head. "What he did to Belle is unforgiveable. I really don't know how she lasted so long with him. Accelerated her pregnancy?" She looked at her daughter. "I know what it feels like, to have to give up your child like that. But to protect him from his own father's skewed sense of fatherhood? That's even worse! I can't agree with any of his actions, Emma."

"Look, I know it's not the best course of action, but he means to protect his son!" Emma gulped. "Belle did the right thing, asking Blue to take the little one as far away as possible, I know, but… if there is another way to change the course of his life, then…"

"You know what they say, Emma…" Snow interrupted, "… the road to hell is paved with good intentions. As long as Rumplestiltskin continues to make all these wrong decisions, even if it's for the right reasons, he's not going to gain any favors, not from Belle, maybe not even from his own son."

"If they ever see him again." Killian sighed.

Emma's shoulders fell; She took one good look at her father sleeping cursed on the bed while her mother tended to the baby and then walked over to the little sofa, turning her gaze out the window. She saw a car pass by and her thoughts wandered: Citizens formerly cursed had far simpler lives. She wondered where the driver was headed. Was there a nice hot dinner waiting at home for him or her? What would their biggest concerns be? Perhaps paying off credit debt or keeping a pesky groundhog away from a vegetable garden… Bet anything they didn't have the preoccupations of The Savior: to save them with all their minor worries, her family, and now her unborn child, while being fated to die soon.

Not even knowing who the driver was, she felt envious.

Killian watched her in silence. He always knew when her heart was heavy, just by looking at her. "An open book", right off the bat. Even before he loved her, he could read her better than any of the hundreds of star maps he had possessed during his long years on the Jolly Roger. Concerned and ignoring the on-going conversation between her parents in regards to the most recent events with Belle and Gold, he walked over to where Emma sat, her eyes distracted on the road below the window of the loft.

"Swan…"

She grinned, but didn't turn. Killian was kind of a bloodhound when it came to unmasking her emotions even from herself and it was evident that he knew something was up. She hated herself for hiding this from him, especially after she had only recently sworn to never again conceal things from him. She knew how overjoyed he'd be. But she had to figure out a way to save the child, or herself, before she ever told him anything. It was unfair to tell him the best news of his long life and later take all his joys away like this. If she could figure out a way, then she'd let him know. Why give him twice the heartache if all plans failed?

"Emma, talk to me."

She sighed. "I… I am just feeling a bit guilty. What poor Belle went through… I did that. To Zelena." She raised her eyes to him. "I gave her tainted onion rings and sped up her pregnancy. I cannot imagine how that feels."

Hook shook his head and sat beside her. "You were the Dark One then, love."

"One could argue the same for Gold!"

Killian furrowed his brow. "Emma, inexcusable as your actions may have been, your entire time as a Dark One was motivated by love. His motives are…"

"They are the same! As far as he is concerned, everything he does is to protect his family!" She looked pleadingly into Killian's eyes. "Dad is right, he's not going about it the best way, for sure, but…" She sighed. "I swear to you, as messed up as they were, I was pretty convinced back then that my actions as the Dark One were in everyone's best interest!"

"Except maybe Zelena's. She would have died." Killian quipped in, deadpan faced. "Pretty bad form there."

Emma winced. "Good point, yeah… But, I mean… there IS some underlying good in it. Isn't there?" She turned back to the window.

Killian studied her. "No… no no, that's not it." He shook his head and stood up, as she snapped her eyes back at him. "There's more to this than Gold's intentions. Something else is eating you up, Swan. What is it?"

How she loved him for knowing her so well. How she hated that he did so right now. She wouldn't lie, she couldn't; but she couldn't tell him either. So, she settled for the second best option.

"Yeah… yeah there is something. And I will tell you, I promise, just… not now." When Killian frowned, she reached out for his hand, pleadingly. "Please, trust me."

The captain looked down and bit his lower lip, brows furrowed. As much as he hated the idea of her not being forthcoming with him, he also knew they both had an unspoken accord to respect each other's choices and spaces. With a sigh, he turned to her. "Whatever it is, I know you'll tell me when you're ready." He squeezed her hand. "I'd trust you with my life, Swan."

Her grin was a happier one. She leaned her head on Killian's belt buckle. "Thank you."

He figured that whatever was weighing so badly on her couldn't be worse than the now ever-present fear she had of dying. He worshipped her abilities as a light witch and her skill to handle her magic, but he wished he could take this dubious new gift of foresight from her if only to bring her a small amount of peace. He had always prided himself on his talent to help her relax and take her mind to other places, and for now, he knew he had to try that same trick, because whatever it was that plagued his Swan's mind was definitely stressing her out.

He sat back down and sighed. "So… how do you suppose Gold slipped that elixir into Belle's tea? We say the old Lucas woman concoct and brew it, I never saw her do anything to the beverage to trigger her sudden magical mishap."

"It's very subtle magic, a spell, not a potion." She shrugged. "He could have just been standing outside the window and conjured it. No one would have known."

Killian sighed and rubbed his brow. "If you did it to Zelena as the Dark One, and now the Crocodile did it to Belle, I gather it is the darkest of magic that is used for said means." He looked at Emma. "Steals away the magic of the gravidity for the woman, but, on the bright side, makes the wait quite shorter!" He chuckled.

Emma raised her eyebrow. "NO, there is no bright side." She huffed. "Do you even know all the things that happen to a woman's body during pregnancy? She's creating a friggin' human being, Killian, it's not a candy machine! It's risky to do that to anybody, there's a reason it takes nine m…"

She stopped dead in her tracks. Why hadn't she seen it before?

"Emma?"

She stood suddenly. "I have to do something." She looked at him, kissed him briefly and grinned. "I'll be ok. I'll tell you all about it later, I promise."

And without as much as a 'See you later', Emma ran out of her parents' loft, heading straight to Gold's Pawn Shop.

The bell atop the store door rung louder than usual, or at least it felt like that to Emma. She paced through the dimly lit shop, still creeped out by the heavy feeling of magic that floated in the place, emanating from every trinket and gizmo surrounding her. A lot of stories untold, all linked to the long life of the Dark One. And right now they lay shattered and scattered all around the shop. Apparently, someone had had a bit of a fit after the day's events…

"Gold?" She cried out with determination.

"Given what transpired today, and how you helped along…" Came the hissing reply from behind her, making her head snap back with a gasp. "…I find it ill-advised for you to be here right now, Miss Swan. Either that, or… yes…" He grinned coldly. "Do I sense a hint of desperation?"

Emma narrowed her eyes and faced Gold. "You're one to talk. You should be grateful we were there to help Belle after what you did to her."

He chuckled and paced for her. "And do I have any reason to believe your intent wasn't to advise her to abandon our son to the fairies?" He shook his head. "My own wife despises me; for that I hold myself accountable. But Belle would have never done this to me or to our son, without prompting."

"I think this is something you have to take up with her, not me." Emma replied curtly. "I was only there to help her during her delivery of the kid, the choice she made, she made entirely by herself. And I don't blame her, in light of what you did."

"And what exactly is it you think I did, Emma?"

Emma frowned. "Are you really playing this game? Because I'm way ahead of you, Gold. I did this myself when I was the Dark One. I know what a pregnancy acceleration spell looks like, and I know only dark magic can get it done. And right now…" She stepped up to his nose. "…there's only two wielders of dark magic in town, but only one with a motive. We suspected you would do this, but not this soon. Your own wife..."

Gold held her stare. "It would seem like one of my deeds for sure, except for one, small and unimportant detail…" He sneered at her, his face mere inches from hers. "It… wasn't.. me…". He paced away from her and turned to walk behind his counter. "I would not have done anything to risk Belle's life. I had thought about it but I would have waited until she was further along so as to not endanger her. No…" He turned back to Emma. "You're looking at the wrong villain, Miss Swan. As you said, there are two wielders of dark magic in town."

Emma's brows crossed. "The… Evil Queen? Why?"

"To get back at me. To have you and your nosey gang of hero relatives plus the pirate tagalong pointing your fingers in my direction." He looked at her and nodded sarcastically. "So I suggest you take your sleuthing and feeble magical skills out of my shop and use them to catch the right culprit. For now, I am too busy trying to figure out how I can get my son back." He began to head to the back of the shop.

"W… WAIT!"

He huffed. "I believe we've already had this conversation, Miss Swan, I am not in the business of… well, doing business with you."

"I… I can tell Belle. I can talk to her and tell her you didn't do this." Emma gulped. "She would never believe you, but she will believe me."

Rumplestiltskin stop dead in his tracks. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

He turned and grinned. "My my… Oh, Emma, Emma…" He paced back to his counter. "I was right then. You truly are desperate, if you're willing to speak on MY behalf." He leaned on the glass counter. "What do you want?"

Emma blinked furiously and walked towards the glass cabinet. "I can't do black magic, not any more… nor do I want to." She swallowed. "But… I think I may need some of it. I can't conjure it, but you can." She looked straight into Gold's cold stare, and after staring into his eyes for a few seconds, the imp broke into a sudden laugh.

"Why Miss Swan! You are positively radiant! You have the glow of the expectant mother!" Emma's eyes rolled down and Gold continued. "Well, I suppose congratulations are in order, you are carrying the captain's child, I see."

"And an impending death sentence as well, I need to save our baby. If I die, the baby dies right along with me, unless…" She gulped and licked her lips. "…unless it's already been born. I can cast a protection spell on the kid and it can live with Killian and my family after I'm gone."

"Well isn't that ironic… and a double standard. You came accusing me of casting a horrible spell on my wife, and here you are, asking me to cast said spell on you!"

"You need to save your child and I need to save mine. Isn't that enough for you to just shut up and do this?"

Gold's eyes softened and fell. "Indeed." He looked back up at Emma sarcastically. "So… should I just… cast it and then call 911 right away?"

"NO! I mean… I know it's a spell, but… I also know it has to be ingested." Emma swallowed. "Can't you just… conjure a little vial of water or… a can of coke that I can drink later?"

Rumple chuckled and waved his hand. In it appeared a tiny glass vial with plain water. He silently ran a hand over it, fingers twirling over the little flask, until a purple glitter fell from his fingertips. The bottle glowed for three seconds before returning to normal. He reached out and held the bottle out to Emma. "For when you're ready."

Emma hesitantly took the tiny vial from Gold's hand, and looked up into his eyes. "Tell no one."

"And why would I do that?" He pointed his finger at Emma's face. "I've held up my end… now you go do yours."

Emma nodded. "I'll talk to my family. We will all tell her." She put the flask in her inside pocket. "Thank you."

Immediately heading out back to the loft to talk about what she learned, Emma felt a small sense of peace. The price for the magic had fortunately not been too high this time, and she had a safeguard for her and Killian's baby now. Once she upheld her end of the deal, she'd have to live on a day to day basis and hope no one, not even Hook, figured out what her secret was… and in her pocket, lay a flask of very dark magic she now knew she had to use, for karma maybe, or for the best.

Late at night, she concealed her little flask in a nook she had created as a dark one in her yard, concealed from everyone, to be used at the right moment. Immediately after, she cast a large protection spell from all evil all around their beautiful Victorian mansion for good measure. She hated depriving Killian of the joy of learning about his fatherhood, but she also knew him well enough that, once his anger for her mistrust waned, once he held his child in his arms after her demise, he would understand why she did things the way she had.

Love is also sacrifice.

Once she joined him in their bed, she simply nuzzled up to the dark, sleeping figure of the svelte yet strong and handsome figure that was her Killian Jones. Sleepily, he responded with a gentle arm over her hip. "Wh… why are you out in the yard at this hour?" He mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"Protection spell. It's a full moon. I don't want any hooded figures crashing our rest." She caressed his cheek. "Everything's fine."

"Very well…" he blurted with a grin before once again snoring quietly. "Good night, Emma."

She gingerly kissed his temple and lay back down. "I love you…" She whispered before closing her eyes and finally drifting off to sleep in relative peace.