Some days are closed books, barely flipped through, but no longer lived out. Amelia didn't plan on these days, but sometimes all she can do is sit down on her living room floor, which feels more readily available than her couch is, and go through photo album after photo album.
Each one brings with it a certain kind of nostalgia. There's their three boys the three years that they chose to dress exactly the same for Halloween. Or their oldest two daughters playing in the garden, making more of a mess than actually planting flowers.
Or their third daughter, the one that they'd adopted, who was as much like family as the five kids that Amelia endured labor pains for, to happily hold in her arms and watch as they grew up. A few pages over are their grandkids.
Most recently, and the actual reason that Amelia opened up the photo album in the first place, is their youngest daughter's wedding day. She'd been walked down the aisle by her older brother just a few months earlier, a sign that things had definitely changed, though not always in the ways that you hope for.
She'd thrown her arms around Amelia right before she was leaving for the pre-reception photo shoot, and squeezed her tight. And knowingly, Amelia squeezed her back. She didn't have to ask her daughter why she ran to her and hugged her so tight, that Amelia could barely breathe, because she'd known why. Toris couldn't be there, wouldn't have been able to for the last couple of years.
Lii had confessed after she'd gotten engaged a little over a year and a half ago, that she felt she'd waited too long to find her husband and to get married. It's not like they'd known or that Lii had even met him yet, but she'd been devastated after her dad's passing. Not that she doubted where his soul was; she'd prayed and prayed and prayed, and Amelia knew that Lii might not have stopped praying either. Just, she missed him, like crazy, wished he'd be able to walk her down the aisle.
To encourage her when she's doubting again. Because Toris was good at that. He knew how to tell the best advice, could read people in a way that Amelia often struggled with, and was gentle even with bad news. So, he'd been there for her all throughout the years, even before Lii had even met him, he'd already supported her.
Toris never thought for even a second that she was somehow overly different by the mere fact of her adoption, instead he loved her as if he'd been her biological father all along. Amelia smiled as she slipped the pictures into their own page; it's easy to imagine him there, to imagine how he would have walked her down the aisle like he had with her older sisters.
Amelia sighed; sometimes that was easier than crying, as she pictured just the way that he'd goof off with the kids. He wasn't a silly dad, nor was he overly serious, but he did goof off every now and again with them, like he did with her.
He'd mostly let all six kids know that he loved them more than anything, and that no matter where they'd go, he'd always support them, even if at a distance. Amelia couldn't fight the tears any longer, and she gingerly let her fingers brush across the last photograph of Toris, one that was near the end, when his weight was starting to go, and you knew it was close.
He was smiling, like his life couldn't be any better, and Amelia remembered the very jokes he'd told her once upon a time ago, back when the battle was not over yet. Back when every day felt like a mini victory, and not once, did Toris complain, despite all of the pain that he must have felt towards the end.
Amelia imagines that he is much stronger than her, even as she stands up and walks to the kitchen to make coffee the very way that Toris had shown her how to years ago. It's easier to remember, than to forget, no, not really easier, but better. Amelia feels the pain right next to her side like she always does, nowadays, but she doesn't even flinch anymore.
Toris had shown her how to be strong after all, and today's another day, another mini victory, as she eventually pours herself a cup of coffee, and longs secretly for the day that they'll be reunited once more.