Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY or its characters. Please support the official release.

A/N: Happy Gotcha Day. Still working on the Yellow Trailer, but I really wanted to write another chapter with NFG Ruby, I am having too much fun with this foul-mouthed gal. I ran through several ideas for this April fools fic. From crossover galore to taking potshots at other fanfics in good fun to a ship fic. But given how people reacted favorably to my crappy rewrite of the vol 8 finale. And I would like a break from trying to make my shit fanfic version having different stuff that makes the universe stand out a little. I present this swap fic.

In the nexus of realities and worlds, for whatever reason. A rift opened between two worlds, and for reasons unknown. Two girls were being pulled out of their universes and being exchanged into the other's world. One was screaming out obscenities and punching and kicking, the other was just confused.

NFG

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" NFG screamed as she looked at where she was. The first thing she felt was a cold sensation, felt like her nipples could fall off. The second thing she noticed was Yang was dressed in some kind of trench coat, Weiss was in blue? And they were under attack by generic-looking military folk. "You know what, screw finding out what's going on. Someone wants to pick a fight with me…Well, their funeral." She growled, taking a cigarette out from her pocket, and lighting it. She then cracked her knuckles.

Ironwood looked at the report, then back at what seemed like Miss Rose. She had a black eye, and her knuckles looked raw. But strangely she was still dressed like she was back when they first met at Beacon, minus the cape. Her team and friends stood back, looking intimidated by her. Ironwood then glanced at Winter, whose nose was bent and bruised, and she glared at Ruby. Keeping her mouth firmly shut, having lost some teeth and being rather embarrassed by her current look.

The reports were confusing, some kind of portal had opened up in Atlas. Ruby Rose got sucked in and then thrown out in a new set of clothes and attitude. And then during the Ace Ops attempt to arrest said huntress and her affiliates. She had proceeded to violently resist and to everyone's surprise. One lone girl had managed to beat the shit out of all the ace ops sending them to the hospital, after laughing like a jackal when her comrades got subdued. Robots and other soldiers got sent after her, including Winter. But somehow she still managed to keep resisting and it was only when Penny Polendina showed up that she was willing to talk and come quietly, though she refused to wear any handcuffs. Stating that she wasn't feeling kinky enough with strangers.

"So anyone want to tell me what the fuck happened?" She said, exhaling a large cloud of smoke.

"Well… You resisted arrest, fought off a decent portion of my army. Caused property damage in the hundreds of thousands. And I am just as confused as you." Ironwood said, stroking his beard.

"Well if it's worth a damn. You look damn fine with that beard. So from what I can tell, given how Yang has a robot arm. No doubt lost in some kind of fisting joke or actual fisting. The fact that Blake is more quiet than usual and Weiss isn't facepalming every five seconds. I think I am in an alternate brothers damned universe." NFG said annoyed as all hell. "Great just fucking great, I finally get a date and this shit happens. But shit happens." A shrug was all she could do.

"You caused so much chaos, and THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY?!" Winter fumed taking a step forward, Weiss and Blake and Yang stepped forward. Albeit hesitantly, not sure what to think about...this alternate version of Ruby?

"You try being dropped into a weird-ass situation not knowing shit, being robbed of going out with-" Another cloud of smoke and she decided not to go into details of her alternate earth.

"That's a bold claim… But given what I've seen while working with Ozpin. It's probably possible." Ironwood sighed rubbing his hands to his face, the man was tired, clearly dealing with a lot of bullshit.

"Okay seriously. Just fucking tell me what's going on. I may be stuck here for a while, might as well get used to it until we figure out some fucking way to get home." NFG said slamming her hands on Ironwood's desk, startling everyone.

"Well…" Oscar stepped forward. "I am Oscar Pine and-" He was cut off by a confused look from NFG.

"Why the fuck are we traveling with a twink?" She said looking offended by him.

"I am Ozpin's new host." Oscar said after pausing from the insult.

"Host? Okay, just fucking sum it up nice and quick." NFG said taking out a small bottle of tequila. Qrow awkwardly looked away from the bottle, having just recently quit drinking. NFG noticed this but chose not to comment.

"So…" After an hour of explaining everything, NFG finally finished drinking her bottle, while Ironwood looked shellshocked at learning that Salem was immortal. Oscar looked nervous after explaining all he knew so far.

"So basically shit went beyond south after the fall of beacon. You're all a bunch of morons. And now you have no fucking idea what to actually do next. Shit." NFG said while facepalming.

"HEY WE MADE IT, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE!" Yang shouted with her eyes flaring red. And stomping forward.

"Left or right?" NFG replied cooly. Yang was confused, her eyes flickering back to purple.

"What?" Yang asked along with everyone else.

"Left or right. A simple answer, you can handle that can't you bimbo?" NFG answered with a dry tone.

"I dunno, all I know is you're going to get a right-" Yang was cut off with a loud vicious slap to the face, sending her flying into the wall. Everyone was startled, it had been so fast, they couldn't even follow it. Yang's aura shattered, as a large red handprint was left behind on her right cheek. Blake and the others went to move, but then they stopped as NFG's crimson aura enshrouded the room, and they felt pure fear, the aura radiated a malevolent intent that the next step would result in them dying. Slowly, everyone backed off, and then the aura receded.

"Fucking pansies. So do tell me what you even planned to do in coming here? Was it to get the staff? To play keep away from Salem? Or was it to rally an army against the immortal bitch? All fine and fucking dandy except for the part where you have to keep coming up with bullshit after bullshit. You're just reacting to her, you're not thinking ahead, you're just going along for the ride." NFG said with a snort. "It wasn't even your plan to come here, it was Ozpin's plan. The man you all took a massive shit on. Now then can anyone actually tell me what the fucking relic of creation does?" She said, throwing away her used-up cigarette, and then took out a new one.

"It can create anything… Though it needs parameters and...only one thing at a time." Oscar answered, NFG patted him on the shoulder.

"See this kid isn't as fucking stupid as the rest of you. Someone is a good boy at paying attention." She ruffled his hair and began pacing the room. "Alright, so we have a staff that can create pretty much fucking anything with the right set of instructions. We have a lamp that can answer anything with one last question. I have a fucking plan. First. The lamp." She held out her hand, and while Ironwood still wasn't sure what the fuck was going on. He decided to oblige her and handed her the lamp.

"Secondly, we need to get to the staff of creation. Then it will all become clear." She said with a derisive snort.

The Vault of Creation

"Well, that took a fuck ton of time." NFG said annoyed at how long it took. Winter bristled as her newfound maiden power crackled. "Alright first the question." Jinn was summoned and the buxom genie looked around, recognizing the old room.

"Ah well now." She said putting her hands to her face. "What shall you ask now?" She said with a flirtatious wink, while NFG whistled in appreciation of her fine form.

"Dayum you're curvy as fuck. I might have to bump Jaune down to number two for best ass." She whistled, and Jaune blinked at the comment. "But either way the question, right." She cleared her throat as the Genie blushed just a bit. "Could you tell us exactly where Salem and all her forces are right now?" NFG asked politely. Jinn did so, showing them in real-time where everyone was, and much to the shock of those who knew her, they were stunned that Cinder was still alive and on her way to Atlas.

"It is done. It was quite the pleasure knowing you." Jinn said and then vanished, the last question used.

"Perfect. Now then, Penny...Did your dad do what I asked?" NFG asked kindly to the ginger robot. Out of everyone, NFG had been the most kind to her. Calling her too sweet for this gods damned world.

"Yes he did Friend-Ruby, the schematics for your theoretical wormholes have been crafted," Penny said, handing her scroll over to NFG. NFG grinned as she used the staff.

"Don't worry Ironass, this won't take long." She cleared her throat as Ambrosious made his grand debut, and flexed. "Okay seriously, why are all these damn relic spirits so hot?! It's ridiculous." NFG tugged at her collar. "Okay, could you do this one thing for me?" She said, showing Ambrosious the plans.

"Hmm one-way portals to a destination, no passage just directly there. Hmm, you have a destination in mind?" He asked intrigued. NFG grinned in response, and her newfound allies were even more scared of her, and honestly felt a bit sorry for Salem and what NFG had planned.

Elsewhere

Cinder was content with herself, she had managed to trick Roman's former lackey into doing her bidding. And now they would fly into Atlas disguised and unimpeded. Nothing could stop them now, she sighed leaning back, her robe being surprisingly comfy, though she really wanted to get some brand new clothes. But then the ship buckled and twisted as the very metal melted. Cinder didn't even have time to curse, as she and the ship were sucked into the portal.

Neo had instantly leaped out of the ship the moment things went south, Roman had always taught her to trust her instincts. And she glided away with her parasol, grumbling to herself. Silently wondering how she was going to get into Atlas now.

As for Cinder, the briefest thing she had in her mind before she was obliterated instantly was the thought that somehow that fucking red hooded bitch was behind this.

Tyrian was humming to himself gleefully, and then that hum was cut off instantly when he leaped down a building in Atlas. And straight into the portal, that sucked him in. There was no trace of one of the most dangerous killers in all of Remnant.

Watts if he had been aware of what could've happened, his mind likely would've been intrigued from a scientific viewpoint. Instead, all it took was a simple stroll and he was gone from the face of Remnant, reduced to nothing.

Salem sat on her throne, confident that her agents would carry out her will. And even if Ozma could somehow pull a victory from thin air. She had nothing but time, and in the end, there would always be pawns like Cinder, and the others. She knew Emerald and Mercury weren't as steadfast, and Hazel was blindly following some form of justice.

But in the end, they would be as useful as she needed them to be. Then the whale monstrosity she was traveling in buckled, and she screeched as she began being sucked into the portal. She heard other yells that were cut off briefly and didn't need to be a genius to figure out the same had happened to them. She gritted her teeth and began blasting magic, propelling herself like a rocket as she struggled to not fall into the portal.

She couldn't even look directly at it. It was so bright, and the heat from it was too intense, she could feel her own skin cooking and regenerating. She yelled as she kept struggling in vain to not be sucked into the portal. But her Monstro Grimm's body was being pulled in along, and she tried to dodge the walls of flesh, but in the end, she couldn't escape. And she let out her final scream of rage as the portal consumed her, leaving nothing but chunks of the massive whale Grimm, before it too dissolved into nothing.

On the other side of the portal was nothing but pain. Salem screeched, her magic having instantly vanished as she kept burning. She was dead and alive in seconds, couldn't move, couldn't scream, her voice was missing. She couldn't even breathe, she was falling further into the wretched flames. Her eyes darted around seeing the stars, and it clicked for her. She had been hurled into the very sun itself, the final thing that she would ever think before being consumed by the sun, and left in a permanent limbo of life and death unable to do anything. Was the final thought, the final words. Damn you Ozma…

The Vault of Creation

"And that's how it's fucking done. Seriously what the fuck Ozpin if you're still in there. You could have saved so much trouble. Now then fuck all of you. I am going to go on vacation in this world. Seems a bit more chill. Maybe even go visit my cunt of a mother." NFG whistled jokingly.

"Mom's dead," Yang said quietly.

"Excuse me?" NFG asked darkly. "We lost her as well as Dad?" She shook with untold amounts of rage.

"No, we still have dad," Yang said in confusion, and then her eyes widened at the implications. As did NFG and for once something she didn't think she would ever see from this version. A stray tear left her silver eyes.

"My father is alive in this world?" NFG asked, all hard edges gone from her voice. For once she actually looked young, none of the bitch, her voice even began to sound like her usual self.

"Yeah. He's back on Patch." Yang was unsure of how to deal with the emotional display of NFG. The redhead sniffled, drying her tears. Then looked at the staff. "Could I use just one more time before you put it back?" She asked softly.

Ironwood was amazed, firstly the threat that had threatened humanity for eons was gone. And now this young woman who had brashly came in, insulted them, beat them down, was showing her humanity by wanting to see a parent she had lost back in her own world. And his heart ached for her, and he nodded. Using the same schematics she had used, she set the destination to Signal Academy.

The crew looked on, holding the staff of creation. As she got sucked into the portal.

Patch

A burst of petals zoomed through the academy, as NFG tore through pages looking for any information on Taiyang. She gasped as she found it, he lived in a cabin on the same island. She smiled but it was mixed with trepidation, would he be there? And what was she going to do when she finally met him? It was odd she hadn't felt so nervous in a long time, unsure of anything, not knowing if she could handle it. But a large part of her just wanted to see her dad again. She choked back her anxiety and zoomed away with the address memorized in a flurry of rose petals.

As she zoomed through the island, much of it was still the same. Nostalgic memories flooded her mind, as she always wandered the island sometimes to be all by herself. Or hanging out with Yang, or getting into countless brawls. Or the rare time her mother was home when she wasn't being a huntress, but then her breath stopped as she finally made it. She saw the log cabin and it made her eyes water, she remembered vaguely back when she was a young girl when her dad was working on making a log cabin house thing. She took one hesitant step forward, the door creaked open.

"Ruby?" Taiyang asked. The cigarette fell out of her mouth as she stared at him blankly. He looked like she remembered him to be. Those dumb cargo shorts, the scraggly stubble, kind blue eyes. Before he could say anything, NFG tackled him crying fully, hugging him tightly. Taiyang didn't even need to take time to think, he knew this was his daughter, different but still his own kid. He wrapped his arms around her hugging her. "Hey, it's okay Rubes. I am here for you. I am right here." He said softly, as she cried into his shoulder.

A/N: And that's the NFG portion. I will upload the Ruby section either today or tomorrow. Happy Gotcha Day. As for why I didn't show the ace ops fight scene, of them getting their asses wrecked by her? Well two reasons, one I am still figuring out how to write actions scenes I am happy with and wanted to get this out on April fools And the second reason is, I think it's funnier if it's up to your guys imagination how she put them all in the hospital.