Hours Until Midnight

Author's Note

A year ago, on the same month, I wrote a story for this site called "Knocked Up." Though as I continued to work on outlining the story's sequel, I stumbled upon an episode of Shinjeki No Kyojin and was almost immediately pulled into its universe. Not only was the story a compelling tale that creatively interspersed the themes of vengeance, death, birth, and purpose or meaningfulness, many of the characters also sort of pull you in as if they want to sit you down with some hot tea and coffee and tell you the days of their past.

In the real world, there also exists people who would want to tell you their own stories. They'd wish to share the deepest secrets they held in their hearts in the hopes that someone else would understand and validate them. Through this, relationships built on trust and a renewed sense of hope are formed—even with the most difficult individuals, the most closed-off and aloof.

Mikasa Ackerman and Hange Zoë are my favourite female characters from the series, and it's not difficult to see a blossoming friendship develop between these two strong women. Sure, they might not have the same interests nor do they interact often, but one thing connects them both profoundly—that is, a deep sense of regard and care they feel for another person.

This story includes my own depictions of Hange's past: the pains and burdens she bore, the dreams she clung on to, and the people who gave her hope, courage, and wisdom. Of how she shared these memoirs with Mikasa, another individual who struggled with her own internal battles. It was during these exchanges, on the late hours until midnight, that they found a sense of serenity and closure with one another.

Given this, please understand that there may be some slight conflicts and inconsistencies. (If people wrote in perfect canon, then wouldn't that discount the purpose of fan-fiction?)

In any case, I personally would like to thank the original creator for the treasure that is, Shingeki No Kyojin. Thank you, Isayama-san, for sharing your gift to the world.

Without further ado…

Ouverture

The Letters from Marley

Year 854.

One would think such a day would tremble to begin…

Hange Zoë, 14th Commander of the Survey Corps regiment, blasted through the entrance of the conference room, half-buried underneath the earth. It was a fairly small room with only six chairs and an oak table in the centre. Inside, three people were already there seated on the table, clearly awaiting her arrival.

Reading the quiet gazes that turned to her direction, Hange gently closed the door behind her and took the seat next to her subordinate, Captain Levi Ackerman. Across them seated two elite soldiers from the Survey Corps, Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlelt, respectively. Anyone else happening upon the scene might have supposed a funeral taking place except that the soldiers were not appropriately dressed for such occasion.

With the auburn twilight came the letters from Marley.

A young Survey Corps recruit delivered two enveloped parchments: one was a letter for the captain and commander, briefly and directly expressing his motive, how long he planned to stay in Marley, and stating that although he didn't fully expect them to come for him—like the way parents fetch their children from daycare—he hoped they would. It is your freedom to choose, as he wrote.

The other letter was addressed to his friends, apologizing that he did not bid farewell as he knew they would only try to stop him or worse, follow him without the knowledge of their superiors. He needed to do this on his own. Regardless, there was no day that he did not think about them.

Levi came over with some hot tea when he noticed Hange stifling her disbelief as her eyes carefully scanned through parchment, word per word. His reaction was not as close to hers when he had read the letter in his office earlier, but the covert emotions were just about on par. Eren Jaeger, their hope for humanity, a trusted comrade, had crossed the sea to destroy their enemies. His departure was sudden, yet truthfully, not entirely unexpected.

"That was… hard to read," Hange said when she finished, lips pursed and pale.

As usual, Levi got to the point at once. "So the shithead actually decided to take on an entire continent's militia on his own, then expects us to go after him and save his ass? What utter fucking bullshit."

"It could be that Yelena or Zeke must have secretly met with Eren before and had successfully convinced him…" Armin's weak voice trailed off. "But knowing Eren… he…"

"It's possible that he left on his own accord," Hange finished for Armin. "He is someone who's likely to take such drastic actions, especially since he criticizes the military's shoddy sense of urgency on the issue."

"I've tried to tell him that these things take time! The world will see us as nothing but the devils they believed if we attacked. Our purpose for peace with the outer wold would be nothing but impossible dreams."

"As much as I'd like to add to your diplomatic insights, we still have to prioritize our plans of retrieving the berserk brat," Levi interjected.

Hange nodded firmly. "Levi's right. The longer we delay, the more innocent lives will be put at risk. That being said, I suggest we coordinate the Anti-Marleyan volunteers for this operation."

"I still don't trust those unsavoury bastards. Especially that Titan-sized blonde."

"I know, Levi. But their aid is necessary. We still haven't figured out how to fly that airship on our own…"

The commander and captain's voices gradually faded into the background, now nothing more than sheer white noise. Mikasa remained her silent deadpan amid the arguments and heated discussion over Eren's disappearance as well as the intricacies on the plans of recovering him. At the moment, the reason why he left did not rest well within her and she did not desire to make sense of it today.

Because now, for Mikasa, it was all about Eren leaving her again.

It was not as if Eren had decided to leave because of her. No, it was his principle. His own twisted sense of freedom.

Yet, somewhere deep within herself, Mikasa felt that every decision Eren made had some connection to her. That his goals, his motivation, the purpose behind his actions, all of it somehow involved her and the people he cared about.

But did he always have to leave them behind like this? As much she cared, there are some days, sometimes, she just couldn't further listen to any of it. Without a word, Mikasa stood and pushed her person away from the table.

"Mikasa?" Armin called out, looking to her direction.

Mikasa continued to walk wordlessly away from the group and after excusing herself lightly closed the door behind her.

"Hey, the gloomy brat's acting up again," Levi commented.

Before Armin could dash after her, Hange caught his hand and stopped him. "Armin, I know you want to be there for her; this is difficult for all of us… but she has her own way of coping and we should let her." Even Levi glanced towards the bespectacled woman after hearing this. Armin returned to his seat, and she continued. "I remember hearing your talk with Captain Hannes the day Reiner and Bertholdt took Eren away. Please trust me when I say that I understand how hard it is for you two to go through this again."

Acknowledging his superior's words, Armin nodded and let out a huff, too drained to argue. Even if he did follow Mikasa, what would he say? What could he do? He was too depressed himself to provide her with any comfort now.

The heavy silence found its way into the corners of the room once more, and the only sounds were the occasional deep sighs, hushed sips of hot tea, and the sultry breeze from outside the window. Armin's soft gaze went from the table to the deep brown orbs of his commanding officer only to notice that her hand had actually never left his. He turned to look at her.

Hange smiled at him, but her eyes were dead.

The meeting ended almost an hour ago, but Mikasa never left her post on the cobblestone balcony of the aging castle. Dusk had already taken over the golden hues of twilight, carrying with it a chill from the northern winds. Mikasa tried to warm herself with her hands. She had no intention of going back inside.

Because back inside those castle walls, she'd remember him. She'd remember how he would scream in rage that walls were nothing but cages and that they were the livestock, brought into this world to breed and eventually succumb to inevitable death. She'd remember how his footsteps resonated across the hall, each step insured with proud passion and sense of purpose.

That was the Eren Jaeger she knew.

But during these past few months, during the past few weeks they've spent together, it was as if she has been following the shadow of an undead man. In place of the soldier whose rage had carried with it a passion and purpose, was nothing more than the withered shell of a martyr who will never find his halcyon days.

Mikasa pulled the scarlet scarf over her lips, trying her best to find comfort in its scent and warmth. Could she still find him? Could she bring him home?

"Oh, Mikasa! I didn't expect to find you here."

With a little gasp, Mikasa turned around and immediately discerned that the intruder was none other than the Survey Corps commander herself, standing with a quaint smile and holding two black mugs of what could only be some kind of hot beverage. By instinct, she swiftly yet gracefully stood up straight and executed a perfect salute. "Commander," she greeted.

Hange's gaze softened and she gave Mikasa another inviting smile. "You don't really have to do that, you know. It's just me—well, you were here first so now it's just you and me!" she chortled.

Mikasa slackened her posture slightly. From this distance, the faint fragrance of brewed Earl Gray and Ceylon from the mugs were enough to validate her assumptions of what Commander Hange was doing here. "I'm sorry, Commander, I suppose you were expecting Captain Levi?" At the mention of his name, she noticed how the woman's good eye sparkled subtly even behind thick-rimmed glasses. "Well I was alone the whole time and I didn't see him pass by. I was here since the meeting—!" She cut her sentence short, feeling a sudden wave of guilt relative to her unceremonious exit earlier.

"Uh, yeah, to be honest I was expecting the other Ackerman," Hange quipped, quick enough to circumvent the awkward air. "But, hey! It's no problem. You don't have to leave." She approached the young soldier and presented her with the two mugs of hot black tea. "Here, pick one. Hurry or it'll get cold."

Mikasa furrowed a brow but Hange's kindly grin was too encouraging for her to refuse. Eventually, she picked up the mug with the Ceylon tea, allured with the sweeter and more mellow scent. "Good choice," Hange told her. "You know, Levi would choose the same thing. Now I'm pretty sure you two could be related."

Feeling the warmth of the mug was a much-welcomed small pleasure and Mikasa thanked Hange for the gesture. She turned her head to the woman who was already sipping on her own cup of tea and asked, "Commander Hange—?"

"Mhm!" Hange suddenly paused from her drinking. "Drop the formalities for now. You don't see anyone around. Just call me Hange."

"All right… Miss Hange…" For Mikasa, it was still quite odd to say her name out loud even after adding a respectable prefix. Perhaps she had associated her name with the title or was too immersed in her station as a soldier—and by extension, her subordinate. But then again, maybe she needed to get used to it. After all, like herself, they were only human. "Uhm, my apologies if I sound intrusive, but earlier you said you were expecting the captain… Does he come by here often? And do you two come up here and find the time… the time to just talk?"

A bit confused with the question, Hange studied the young woman before her, hoping to more clearly understand what she meant. Mikasa wore her usual detached daze—her dark eyes glued to the floor and her index finger clutched on the crimson fabric that had seen better days. There was no trace of malice in her tone nor did she sound like she intended to nose around her personal affairs.

Mikasa Ackerman. She was one of the most talented scouts to ever exist, whose raw skills rivalled almost that of Levi's, and yet she never brought with her an air of vanity or self-importance. In fact, others always came before her. By others, that most especially meant Eren Jaeger.

At a strike of a second, Hange subconsciously realized that maybe she was reading Mikasa too much and that maybe she was the invasive one, poking around the poor girl's personal life. While it seemed that Mikasa's special friend—as Levi would term it in this context—had his goals set right in front of him, she would merely follow behind like a toy pulled by a string. But now that Eren had let go of the string, what could Mikasa do now to push herself forward?

Could this be why she was overly protective of Eren?

Was it for her or for him?

Even Hange herself could not fully fathom the internal struggle Mikasa had been enduring. And as she continued to silently ponder on it, at least she now understood why Mikasa had left the meeting earlier.

But what could she do for her? For one, she could answer her questions.

"That's right. Levi likes to come up here, usually to gaze at the stars. At times we talk or at other times we just sit in silence," Hange answered. She sat down on the balcony and crossed her legs. "I'm usually the type who charges ahead when something motivates me but he taught me that it was good to slow down sometimes. You know, take in life as we see it at the moment."

"I see…" Mikasa hummed. She glanced at the space next to Hange and gave her a knowing look. "May I—?"

"Of course! I'd be insulted if you didn't."

Mikasa sat down on the cobblestone, ignoring the sudden cold that met her thighs. A brief but comfortable silence permeated the space between the two until Mikasa finally began to share her own thoughts.

"I… I remember when Eren, Armin, and I were children. When we got tired after playing around the garden and streets or after fighting off bullies, we'd lay on the grass and watch the clouds move across the sky. I remember it so vividly, so perfectly, because I… I lived in that moment." Recalling those days made her think of Eren once more, that persistent child, and she stifled the tears that threatened to stream down her cheeks. "I'd do anything… I'd give anything… to get that life back."

Hange's gaze softened. Although she did presume Mikasa to speak about Eren and her troubles, she didn't expect for the young woman to open up her heart so intimately. She understood that by divulging her memories, Mikasa was also showing a side of vulnerability. A warrior laying down the gauntlet and armour. A sign of her trust.

"Thank you for telling me that, Mikasa," Hange said. It was all she could think of saying. She still had a small amount of tea left in her mug but didn't feel like drinking the rest—and it probably would taste bitter now anyways. "It must have been a difficult memory for you."

"It was… difficult to think about, but it wasn't that hard to share it. Well, not with you, Miss Hange. You are actually very easy to speak to," Mikasa admitted.

"Oh! Uh… huh," Hange chuckled. "Could you tell Levi that one time? Just to confuse him, and probably piss him off." At this, Mikasa's lips curved into a tiny smile, and though it was small, it was enough to relieve Hange. At least, Mikasa was feeling a bit better.

"You and the captain seem so close, Miss Hange. In my years in the regiment, no one had the guts to tease him, or do anything to deliberately upset or annoy him. Around his former superiors, he was always so serious. But you—you'd barge into his room, laugh at his insults… you could even take Eren away from his supervision at any time! I'd see him vexed and all—but he doesn't do anything to retaliate. How do you—?"

Hange closed her eyes and finally drank the rest of her tea, the caffeine perking up her slightly. "Mikasa, I wouldn't hesitate to pinch that man's ass if he tried to make me dust the corners of the lab tables." She then glanced at her companion whose cheeks had tinged pink after hearing the way she casually spoke such vulgar vernacular. With a soft sigh, she continued, "Levi is… Levi can be callous and unrefined when it comes to socializing at most times, sure. But that's only what we see. In truth, he is the most caring and compassionate person I have ever met. He draws strength from the emotions he feels when thinking about other people. He led me to believe that sometimes we're able to do the things we're supposed to do because of the people we trust. They believe in us, and we believe them. He was the one who gave the Scouts new hope. He just gives off that effect and even he may not see it himself."

Mikasa was caught off-guard though hid it well. She never expected to hear this side of the captain from anyone and she doubted she would ever witness it the way Hange described him. She turned to look at her companion.

Against the moonlight, Mikasa noticed how the commander's countenance seemed to alter subtly when she spoke about her comrade. Her eyes were as ethereal as the quiet glow of the full moon and her lips were curved in a lovely smile. This close, Mikasa saw the beauty behind Hange Zoë not as a commander but as an individual, as a woman—a perspective that always seemed to go unnoticed by the rest.

A tiny thought then penetrated her mind. Did Levi ever see Hange this way?

"I see, Miss Hange," Mikasa said quietly. "Captain Levi is not just special to the Survey Corps, but he is… special to you too."

Hange felt an abrupt blush strike her cheeks. "Oh! Uh, um, well yeah! He is in a way—! Uh, he's quite the extraordinary soldier. Another asset to humanity!" she chuckled nervously.

"If it's not so much to ask," Mikasa continued, intervening Hange's comical panic. "Would it be all right if you tell me how you and the captain met?"

This unexpected request made Hange raise both eyebrows, and her chestnut-coloured eyes blinked multiple times. "You want me to—?"

"Yes, Miss Hange. Perhaps your story would help me find the answers to my questions. It may help me with my own struggles of trying to understand Eren."

With a sigh and purse of her lips, Hange turned her head upwards to the giant medallion glowing brighter than the countless stars in the evening sky.

Mikasa felt her lip tremble. Perhaps she pushed too far this time. Nervous, she was about to apologize when the radiant woman suddenly craned her neck towards her with that signature beaming grin.

"I'd usually prefer to talk about Titans but this could be a good diversion. Hell, the night's still young. I haven't spoken to anyone about how I met Levi… so you'll actually be the first, Mikasa. I'll try to describe everything in detail as much as my memory allows, so I guess I…" Hange raised her eyes to Mikasa. "I trust that I could be honest with you?"

And as how she had witnessed it before, Mikasa's sincere smile was enough of an answer.

…