Hi everyone!

So this is technically my third fanfic but the first one that I've actually finished.

I'm super proud of it and I hope you all like it.

Please please PLEASE tell me if there are any typos or inconsistencies.

Thank you!

**I DO NOT OWN ANY PART OF THE HARRY POTTER WORLD**

*******THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A SUICIDE ATTEMPT/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS*******

Chapter 1

Sunday June 13, 1999

Hermione squished her toes further into the sand, completely covering her feet in the golden powder. She leaned forward and rested her chin on the tops of her knees as she started out at the horizon. The sound of the waves calmed her when her trembles and nightmares became too much. It was the reason she had bought her own cottage by the beach. It had become her own private getaway. Of course, her friends knew where she lived, but they knew she needed time to right herself. After the events of the war a little over a year ago, she couldn't seem to shake the bad thoughts, in fact, they were getting worse. Her friends seemed to be coping just fine but she was failing, and she knew it.

She watched as a wave formed in the horizon and followed its movements. It always amazed her how the water went on forever. Sometimes she thought about allowing it to pull her out to sea where she could float forever.

The waves washed up to her ankles rinsing the sand away. As the water receded, she felt it tug at her feet. Hermione stood and waited for the tide to wash up again. When it did, she followed it as it joined the ocean once more. She waded further into the ocean ignoring the heaviness of her jeans. Once the water reached her waist, she released the tension in her body, allowing the waves to carry her. Slowly, the weight of her clothes pulled her further into the water. She refused to resist as her face slowly went under. The water burned at the edges of her eyes and she squeezed them closed. Her lungs began screaming for air, but she smiled, knowing what was coming. She was soon forced to take a breath and began choking on the salty water. Panic set in and her natural instinct to fight. Spots crowded her vision and she willed herself to ignore it.

Suddenly, she was jerked towards the surface and disappointment overcame her as she was pulled from the water.

"What the fuck, 'Mione?!" A familiar voice yelled. She quickly gasped for air before allowing the darkness to take her.

She dreamed of being deep in the ocean swimming around with the dolphins. They swam around her in a circle and she giggled as the current began to spin her around. Suddenly, she heard one of them whisper. She listened intently trying to piece together what they were saying.

"She's okay. Just sleeping it off."

Her brows furrowed as she wondered who the dolphins were talking about. Hermione pushed her arms against the current to stop the spinning so she could hear better.

"Yeah, I'll let you know."

There was a pause then the dolphin continued.

"Okay. Yeah, alright. Bye." Then there were foot falls, and a sigh.

Suddenly the scene before Hermione began dissolving and everything went black. She was regaining consciousness and with that, awareness that she had failed again. Her throat was on fire and her chest ached. Panic set in and she forced her heavy eyelids open. When she saw that she was in her bedroom, she began sobbing, and let her eyes fall shut again.

"No." She whispered, her voice hoarse. "No. No, no, no." Hermione pled louder, letting out heart wrenching sobs. An arm came around her and squeezed her tight, whispering in her ear. She opened her eyes and could see long red hair near her face. In the back of her mind she reasoned it was Bill or Charlie.

"It's okay. You're okay. You're safe, 'Mione." They said.

"No! You don't understand!" She yelled, pushing them away from her. Hermione finally saw their face: Charlie. He stared at her in confusion as she continued sobbing. "You messed it up! Everything was gonna be okay and you ruined it."

"Ruined it? Ruined what, Hermione?" He asked, sitting on the side of the bed.

"Just go away. Leave me alone." She told him quietly and she laid back facing away from him. She pulled the covers up and silently cried at her failure. No one understood the guilt she had. Guilt at not being able to save everyone. Percy. Dobby. Remus. Tonks. Mad-Eye. Sirius. Colin. There were so many more.

Then there was the paralyzing terror that occurred anytime she realized she was alone. The memory charm on her parents was irreversible and her and Ron could never make their relationship work. He was now engaged to Lavender who was planning the biggest wedding of the year. She had barely survived an attack from Fenrir and Bill was kind enough to teach her the best ways to handle her new changes. He and Fleur just had Victoire on the first anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry and Ginny had already moved in together and gotten married. They had just come back from their honeymoon a week ago. Fred was still having trouble walking but George had finally let him work in the store again. Fred had just begun dating Katie Bell and George and Angelina had just announced their pregnancy. As for Charlie, he went back to Romania and was Head of the Dragon Reserve. Though, now he had a floo and made it a point to come home for Sunday dinners. Hermione avoided those dinners and hadn't been to one in at least a month. Before that, her attendances were sporadic, and she kept to herself when she did go. All she had left was work and she hated every minute of it. She didn't need to work as she had collected a tidy sum from her parent's wills now that they had been officially declared dead thanks to her careful planning. She also received an award for her part in the war, but she hated to use it. It was just sitting in her vault, a reminder of the people she failed.

All of the Weasley's were mourning the loss of Percy who had pushed Fred out of the way of the wall that had injured his leg. Charlie took it the hardest. He and Percy were the only members of the family who weren't always around. They often wrote to each other to talk about how hard it was, even when Percy was mad at everyone else. Charlie was the only one who understood the need to be elsewhere.

Hermione was still shaking with her sobs and Charlie gently laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Hermione, were you trying to…" He paused almost scared to finish his question. He summoned a bit of his Gryffindor courage before continuing. "Were you trying to hurt yourself?"

She didn't answer but reached under her pillow, grasping for something that Charlie couldn't see. He stood up and made his way around to the other side of the bed. Kneeling in front of her, he tried to make eye contact with her, but she kept her eyes trained behind him as she fingered a scrap of fabric sticking out from her pillow. He noticed it appeared to be a small blanket but knew better than to ask.

"Hermione, I know we're not the closest of friends, but you should know that you can always come talk to me. I promise to listen to you without passing judgement...unless you want to talk about Ron. 'Fraid I'll always judge you for choosing to be friends with that one." He told her as he cracked a smile. She didn't say anything, but her chocolate eyes flickered to his royal blue ones. He took advantage of this and passed her a potion vial.

"Drink this. It'll help the burning in your throat." He told her holding it up to her lips. She stared at him for a moment before opening her mouth allowing him to tip the potion vial in. When she swallowed it all, he set it on the nightstand and sat down on the floor facing her.

She stared at him before finally speaking again.

"Why are you here?" Her voice was still rough but at least her throat didn't burn anymore.

"Mum asked me to come by and drag you to dinner. She wanted me to get you early for some wedding planning or something. That was a few hours ago. I reckon dinner will be ready soon if you still want to come."

Hermione's eyes widened. "You didn't tell them-?"

"No, no." He interrupted her. "I told them you were feeling a bit under the weather from overworking and you were sleeping it off. I wasn't actually sure what happened."

"You can't tell them. They're going through enough. Promise me you're not going to say anything."

"I won't say anything if you come to dinner. You've been hiding out here for a while and you need to be around people."

Hermione looked away as she pondered his request. A moment later, she spoke.

"I can't handle it. They always ask how I am, if I'm okay. I'll break. I can't."

He watched the water collect in her eyes and his gut tightened.

"What if I stay by your side the whole night? I'll deflect any questions you want me to." He glanced at his hand before taking off his ring. He picked up her left hand, sliding it onto her thumb. "Just twist this when you need me, and I'll step in. Promise."

He set her hand down and she looked at the ring. It was a dragon curled into a circle with glowing blue topaz eyes. She watched as the dragon snuggled tighter against her finger to fit properly.

"Okay." She whispered with a nod, continuing to divert her eyes.

"Brilliant." He stood and patted her thigh before grabbing her hand and pulling her upright. He produced a small vial from his shirt pocket. She looked down and realized she was still in the jeans and white button up shirt that she was wearing earlier. There was a thin layer of sand clinging to the fabric.

"I need to change." She whispered, looking at her sand coated shirt.

"I'll just wait in the living room." He said, dropping her hands. He crossed the room, giving her one last look before gently closing the door behind him. He swore as he took a seat on the couch and ran his hands through his hair. Sometimes it was easy for him to forget that others were still dealing with their war struggles. For him to see Hermione struggling so much was a shock to his system. He had heard through stories that the last year was hard for the trio while they were on the run, but he hadn't seen to what extent. He just assumed since the boys were okay, she was too.

The bedroom door opened, and Hermione stepped out. She was wearing a grey sweatshirt, a clean pair of jeans, and a pair of plain black converse. Her bushy hair twice its usual size because of the salt water. Charlie stood when she entered the room.

"Hermione, before we go, I just have to know. Why wouldn't you call Harry or Ron instead of…?" He trailed off, unable to say it.

"I was just going for a swim and I fell asleep. It's not a big deal."

"But Hermione-"

"I said it's not a big deal. Can we go now?" She sniped, grabbing her bag off the table.

"Sure, 'Mione." He grabbed her hand and apparated away.