This is my first piece of comedy (or attempted comedy), ever. Thank you to all those who read and review :)
"It's the 'e' sound, not the 'a' sound! Try it again, Christine." she set her posture and took a deep breath into her diaphragm.
What came out was more of a screech than anything else.
"No, no, no! That was simply terrible." his voice increased in volume. Erik's hands waved about.
"Well, I am trying!" she shouted over him. Christine wouldn't admit that she did sound horrible, even to herself.
"Then try harder! The 'e' sound, if you can." she huffed. I'll show him.
She sang sweetly, in the 'e' sound, almost through the measure. Ha!
Then her voice cracked.
It simply cracked right then and there. It was mortifying.
"Horrible! I don't know what has happened to you today." He muttered. she crossed her arms and glared at him.
"Excuse me! Maybe I'm just having a bad day," she screamed her head off. Sure, it would hurt her voice, but the anger took precedence.
"You are singing as bad as- as Carlotta!"
"How dare you!" she gasped.
"You sing more deplorably than a wooden mannequin, my dear! Just as hollow, too."
"I can't believe you! Do you really compare me to a Carlotta? To a mannequin! You swine!" he looked momentarily hurt but bounced back quickly.
"I can prove it, my dear!"
"How so?" Her curiosity won out. How could he possibly prove that a mannequin can sing better than me?
"I will be back in a moment."
"You had better be! You better not just slink back to your melodramatic chambers." Erik quickly ran out of the room, and presumably down the hall. She would indulge him just this once. It was more than he deserved with all of his harsh criticisms- and he better not be jesting with her.
So, she waited for a moment, examining the hallways with an eagle's eye. I swear if he's in his room!
Her thoughts were interrupted with the clunk of -
- was that wood?
Did he really have a wooden mannequin? Christine shook her head. The clunking and creaking continued as he came down the hall. She really had to wonder- was he being serious?
Finally, he emerged with a lifesized model of Christine?!
In her wedding dress?
That she hadn't been able to find even the morning after the wedding?
She was shocked, she was appalled, she was intrigued.
"What is that?"
"It's a wooden mannequin." As if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"I get that it's a wooden mannequin, but why do you have one? Why do you have one of me, for god's sake? And more importantly, why is it wearing my wedding dress? I've been looking for that thing for ages! I swear…"
That was when the mannequin began to sing.
And the voice that came out was Erik's. A high-pitched imitation of her voice, to be certain. But, still Erik's. Thankfully.
He only got a few bars through before she interrupted him.
"- But, Erik, darling, why do you have that?" he stroked his chin.
"I must say, dearest, I believe I've shown you it before." Before?
"When?" her voice could have cut the hardest crusted Italian bread.
"Well, when you came down here for the first time. What was it… eight months ago?" Christine remembered only bits and pieces of that hazy night. The white horse, the smelly passages, the inordinate amount of candles, and of course, the mannequin wearing her future wedding dress.
She thought she had made that up!
"That wasn't a dream? I really saw a mannequin?" he looked positively confounded.
"Of course it wasn't a dream, darling." Her husband- insane from day one. "And the mannequin does sing better than you." Her rage was once again ignited.
"Of course it can sing better than me! You're the one singing." He looked at her fondly. She had unwittingly complimented him.
"I don't know what you're talking about Christine. I believe that mannequin spoke all on its own."
"Very funny."
"Very." he amusedly looked at her.
"I think you've proved your point, Erik."
"Hmmm." the mannequin uttered.
"Stop that!" she swatted at him, "it's quite unnerving, you know."
"Of course, dear." he set down the mannequin next to the sofa.
"And please give me back my wedding dress," she gave him a peck on his cheek.
"Of course, dear," he repeated with a smile.
"And I don't sing like Carlotta."
"definitely. I am certain with five more years of vocal lessons you could one day reach her ability."
"I am-a offended!" she exclaimed in mock annoyance, poorly mimicking Carlotta's accent. Erik snorted.
"Not really darling. I am sure that a thousand Carlottas put together could not hold a candle to you." she smiled.
"I love you." he always looked shocked. Startled, even whenever she said those words, as though he never expected to hear them. She wrapped an arm around his waist.
"And I, you." he leaned into her.