Once upon a time, in the magical land of Mobius, there was a hedgehog. He went by many names; the Hero of Mobius, Knight of the Wind, Scourge of the Hotdog Stands, and That Little Shit were some of the most common. But mostly he went by Sonic, because that was his name, despite what certain dirty thieving comic writers said.
On this fine day, in his humble abode, the phone rang.
"Splbtlbpt," Sonic said, by which he meant, "Brother, I would be very grateful if you could answer that in my stead, as I am currently in the process of attempting to overcome my personal record for simultaneous consumption of chilli dogs."
"Sure," said Tails, who was fluent in Sonic Splutter. He picked up the phone. It also went "Splbtlbpt," but for different reasons. He put down the phone, unplugged his experimental device for playing ominous breathing at scammers, and picked up the phone again.
"Hedgehog household." This was a true statement, as Tails was a hedgehog for tax purposes. "Who's this?"
"This is the College of Cardinals. May we speak to Sonic the Hedgehog?"
"One sec." Tails turned to Sonic, who was writhing with agony on the floor, and kicked him semi-affectionately. The traitorous segment of sausage dislodged itself from his trachea.
"I liiive..."
"Sonic, there's some sort of... bird college on the phone for you."
He struggled to his feet, taking the phone. "Hey, this is Sonic, Hero of Mobius, Knight of the Wind, Scourge of the Hotdog Stands, That Little Shit. What's up?"
Tails waited as Sonic listened intently to the device, occasionally nodding to himself or providing a "Yes", "No", or "Does this mean free chilli dogs?". Finally, he said "Okay, I'll be there in a second. Thanks!" and hung up, turning to him with a grin.
"Hey Tails, guess what?"
"A new adventure?" Tails guessed, clearly expressing that 'adventure' was a synonym for 'way to crash the plane that I love and care for as if she were my own daughter, Sonic'.
"I've just been elected Pope!"
"Wh-"
And at that moment, the clock struck midnight in Vatican City. And by the ancient laws, it was no longer April Fools Day, and so the joke was over.
A/N Happy April Fools. This oneshot was inspired by a conversation with my dear brother.
I'm not dead, just very tired and swamped with homework. Please bear with me while I try not to die.