Written for the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments) Term 13
HSWW: Cosmology - Task #2 - write about one of the blasted faces from the Black Family Tree
Additional challenges listed below
Warning:
Word Count – 1167
Grief was a funny thing.
Some days James felt like he would suffocate. The tears would flood his eyes first thing in the morning, before he even left the bed. His limbs would feel heavy, as if they were made of steel, and he would struggle to get anything done. The only thing that would make him get out of bed and pull himself together was baby Harry. Well, toddler Harry now.
Other days, James would wake up in a good mood, open the windows and opera-sing his way to the kitchen, much to the dismay of Sirius. Remus was fine with the singing, he slept like a rock, anyway. He would get breakfast ready, play with Harry and run his errands. He would talk to Sirius and Remus for hours, about all kinds of things. He would go through his Potions, and check if the shops were running low on Sleekeazy so he could make the necessary arrangements. Then, as the night rolled in and he climbed into bed, all alone, it would hit him. Both grief and guilt. He couldn't accept the fact that Lily was gone, but he could accept even less the fact that he was starting to get used to it.
The worst days, though, were the days Andromeda and Nymphadora popped by for tea. James loved the atmosphere when they were there. Dora would entertain Harry for long enough so James, Andromeda, Sirius and Remus could talk about "grown up stuff". James usually missed having a woman around the house, and Andromeda made up for that quite nicely. Her laugh was not as loud as Lily's, her movements were not as free and her clothes were a lot more subdued, with the usual pop of Slyhterin green, but she was just as mighty, tender and caring. James didn't miss Lily as much when Andromeda was around. And he hated himself for it.
This was one of those days. Andromeda took the kettle out of the stove and poured herself a cup of tea.
"The Star family of the Wizarding World is counting on Sirius Black to continue their legacy," she said, sitting down across from her cousin. "How do you think your mum would react if she knew that the Black name is going to die with you?"
"Who says it is?" Sirius retorted. "I can have kids one day, you know? I'm not a eunuch."
"You can, but will you, though?" Remus joined the conversation.
"Excuse me, you were supposed to be on my side," Sirius complained.
"I am." Remus sighed defeatedly. "We live in the same house. I am always on your side, and by your side. It's exhausting."
James laughed. Having Remus and Sirius live with him had been the best decision he had ever made. Other than marrying Lily and having Harry.
"I told Sirius he should come spend some time with me, and give you two some peace." Andromeda teased.
"Are you kidding me? They would die of boredom in this house. You and I would probably die in the hands of one another. So let's avoid unnecessary funerals, shall we?"
"It gave me chills thinking about being buried near our family."
"What? You don't want to be next to the other stars, my dear Andromeda?" Sirius teased, and Andromeda smacked him in the arm.
James knew it wasn't too soon to joke about death, after all Lily had been gone for over two years, but it still felt like it was too soon. It was too soon for everything.
His face did that thing where it showed exactly was he was thinking at the worst times possible, and he hated it.
"Are you okay, James?" Andromeda reached across the table for his hand.
James felt her warm hand on his, and had to control the urge to push her hand away. He merely nodded and excused himself to go to the bathroom.
He passed by Dora changing her hair color to make Harry laugh, and smiled. These two adored each other. It was almost like they were siblings already.
James closed the bathroom door with shaking hands. He wanted to cry. He looked at his face in the mirror. The face of a cheater, of a traitor. He had never cheated on Lily while she was alive, but he felt like he was doing it right now. It was too late to turn back. He had feelings for Andromeda.
Andromeda, who helped him through the darkest part of grief. Andromeda, who shared her own experience with the death of her husband. Andromeda, who was also a single parent. Andromeda, who didn't have anyone other than her child and Sirius. Andromeda, who was so similar to him.
James wanted to give it a try, but he felt the guilt eat him up every time he tried. If only there was a way Lily could talk to him, and tell him if she would hate him forever if he gave into his feelings for Andromeda.
James shook that thought away, and splashed water on his face. As he grabbed the towel with his eyes closed, he heard the sound of something falling on the floor. It was the plastic flower Lily had bought to give the bathroom a "pop of colour" as she would say.
As he picked it up, he noticed the little note attached to the side, scribbled in Lily's handwriting. A note that said "The most important thing to be is happy."
James' eyes went big, and his heart started racing. There was no way that it was a
sign from her, right? But it looked so much like it was.
"I'll always love you," James whispered to the flower. "Thank you."
James left the bathroom with something he hadn't felt in two years. Hope that things would get better.
Throughout the afternoon, he allowed himself to be playful, to talk about whatever it was that his friends and Andromeda were talking about. He allowed himself to laugh, and touch Andromeda. He allowed himself to flirt, even though that scared him shitless.
That night, as he sat on the couch watching Remus trying to teach Harry the alphabet, and Sirius trying to distract the three-year-old, James smiled remembering the afternoon he had just had.
"Is Andromeda coming over tomorrow?" James asked, trying to sound casual.
He noticed he had failed miserably when Sirius looked at him, with a teasing smile playing on his lips. "Yes, why?"
"I just wanted to make sure we have enough food, that's all." Before Sirius could reply, James got up from the couch. "I'm going to bed. You two are putting Harry to sleep tonight."
"Hey, Prongs," Sirius called as he exited the room. "If I didn't know any better, I would say you were—"
"You don't know any better, so shut it," James retorted.
Sirius laughed. "I knew you always had a thing for disowned Blacks."
James flipped him, but he knew Sirius wasn't completely wrong. Maybe he did have a thing for the Star family.
Spring Seasonal Challenges
Days of the Year: March 21st - Single Parent's Day: Write a fic consisting of one character in a canon pairing being a single parent.
Aquarium Month: 1. Tank - Write about someone who feels trapped.
Library Week: 2. Drama
World Theater Day: 3. Cats - Cats!AU - alt: 'I must think of a new life'
Crayon Day: 2. Bittersweet
World Autism Day: about someone avoiding eye contact.
Zoo Lovers Day: 16. Gorilla: Write about a father.
Spring Colours: 4. Green
Hufflepuff Challenge by Lyrrie: 16. Here Comes the Sun – The Beatles – Prompt: (theme) new beginnings
Spring Funfair
Milkshake Bar: 3. Strawberry - (character) Sirius Black
Cherry Blossoms: 11. Okame Cherry - (rare pair) Your ship must have 30 or less tagged fics
Urban Safari Checklist: 16. African Lion - (word) mighty
Paint a Rainbow: Orange - 3. Andromeda Black
Tree Planting: Cherry - 1. Rare Pair
Spring Petting Zoo: Sheep - (trope) found family
Teddy Bears Picnic: 5. Pork Pies - (plot point) a death
Birdhouse Building: Step 1 - (theme) Remembrance
Egg and Spoon Race: Team 1 - Characters: James Potter and Sirius Black
Spring Parade: Winnie-the-pooh - Piglet (emotion) anxious
Writing Club April
Record Collection - 1. Sexual Healing, Marvin Gaye: Write about needing something.
Written in the stars - 1. (character) James Potter
Lyric Alley - 13. Singing from heartache from the pain
The Forecast Says - 1st: Sunny with clouds: Hurt
Would you rather
GryffindorSlytherin or HufflepuffRavenclaw - GryffindorSlytherin pairing
Leaving on a Jetplane
33. Madrid: (Emotion) Grief