A/N: There's an episode of Little House on the Prairie that always left me wondering what if. It's the episode titled "For My Lady." It's one of my favorites and I thought about doing this story based on the episode, but twisting the ending up.
I feel like the show doesn't go much into Charle's and Caroline's relationship, so that was my idea for this story. I have no idea how long it is going to be, but I do hope you enjoy reading it. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wondered what if when they saw this episode.
So please read and enjoy!
Chapter 1: A Beautiful Porcelain Dish
"Caroline!" Charles shouted as he jumped down from the buckboard. He had just come home after putting long hours into none other than the Widow Thurmond's house.
He tapped the top of the barrel with a big smile on his face, proud that he had gotten his wife a very special surprise with all the hard work he had been doing.
He had been working there a couple weeks now, longer and longer hours. Caroline and the girls didn't mind at first, but then Charles had become distant.
He barely was around his wife and girls since he was always working. He began to lie and continue to lie about where he had been and where he was going. It was enough and Caroline had a mind to tell her husband just that.
"Girls, take Carrie outside, will you? I want to speak to your father." Caroline orders, running her fingers along the letter that was laying in front of her on the table.
"Yes, ma. Come on, Carrie." Mary says, taking her youngest sister's hand in hers, following Laura out the door.
"Hi, girls. Hey, darlin'. Didn't you hear me calling you?" Charles asks walking through the door, but Mary and Laura walk right past him without a word.
Charles looks at Caroline and sees her sitting at the table, a white envelope in front of her.
"I heard you, Charles." Caroline says in an even tone, trying to keep her voice steady so that she doesn't fall apart in front of him.
"Well, come on outside. I want to show you something." Charles gestures to the door and walks over to it, holding it open.
"First I have something I want to tell you."
"It can wait. This is more important." Charles grins excitedly, anxious to show Caroline her surprise.
Charles, it can't be more important." Caroline snaps angrily.
Charles' smile disappears immediately hearing the anger in her voice. He freezes his entire body, still having his hand on the door. Then he takes a quick glance out the door looking out at the surprise waiting for his wife in the back of the wagon.
He sees the girl's watching him from the barn. There was something dark about their eyes. He gave them a warm smile, but their faces remained stoic, angry even.
He tilted his head at that, but then slowly shut the door closed. He turned around and faced her.
Her shoulders were pulled back as if she were getting ready to pounce. She kept gliding her fingernails over the edge of the envelope sitting in front of her. Her face looked sad and distant when she looked up. Her blue eyes stared at him intensely, almost seeing right through him.
He watched her hands shake as she kept touching and running her fingers over the white envelope in front of her.
Something in her face, in her movements, it worried him. She was acting strange and rather tense. He walked over and pulled a chair out and sat next to her.
"What is it darlin'?" He asked in a gentle tone, taking her hand in his. He ran his thumb over her soft cool skin.
Caroline looked down, feeling the warmth from his hand and pulled hers away.
Was she really about to do this to the man she loved? She thought to herself as she bit her lip slightly looking into his green eyes.
She loved those green eyes. She loved everything about the man sitting in front of her. His strong hands, his muscular build, the beautiful brown tousled curls that massed on top of his head. His deep green eyes that faded into a milky grey. His loving touch and the way he was with her and the children. He was her dream. He still was her dream. That's why what she was about to do hurt her so much and she knew it would hurt him.
But recently, they had grown so distant. He had grown so distant from her. He had lied to her, kept lying to her. Lying about where he had been, lying to the girls. She hated the things people had thought about her. Mrs. Oleson's snippy words. Concerned folks telling her, her husband is working too hard when all this time he was at the Widow Thurmond's house.
She could feel her anger rising yet again and as she looked at him, she didn't seem him in the same way. Not now. He had been lying to her repeatedly and that was something Caroline set great store by. She knew Charles felt the same way about it so the fact that he had done it to her face repeatedly showed her that he no longer respected her.
"Caroline?" Charles said when she pulled her hand away from his.
He was confused. She had never pulled away from him before and he didn't like it. Clearly, he was missing something.
Why is she acting like this? He thought to himself.
Caroline nodded her head slightly and made her lips into a firm line. She didn't want to cry and appear weak in front of him. She knew she had a right to say what she was about to say, but she knew it would hurt him deeply.
"Caroline, honey what is it? What's wrong?" Charles begs in a soft voice, now knowing something was terribly wrong with Caroline.
Caroline couldn't hold it anymore and her face clouded as her shoulders shook when she started to sob heavily.
"Hey." Charles whispered, getting out of his chair and kneeling beside her.
"I c...can't do this anymore." Caroline croaked out through her sobs.
Charles tilted his head at her words and grabbed for her hand again in an attempt to comfort her, but she recoiled back like his skin had burned her flesh.
"Do what anymore? Caroline what is the matter?" Charles got louder this time, more incessant on getting an answer. He wasn't angry. Just terribly confused. Why was his wife pulling away from him? Why was she crying?
He kept his eyes low as her sobs filled the room. He had no idea why she was acting this way and it hurt him to see her so upset. He had never seen her so upset in his life. His fists clenched on instinct wondering if maybe someone had hurt her in town.
"Did someone hurt you?" Charles keeps his voice even to keep from shaking at the anger building inside of him. Caroline only made a scene like this when someone had upset her deeply. And he intended to get to the bottom of whoever had made his wife miserable.
"Caroline, you tell me now! Did someone hurt you?" Charles growled, standing up. He knew whoever had hurt his wife was out there somewhere and he needed to pay them a visit now. But he couldn't do that if he didn't know who the person was.
Caroline looked up at him, tears continually streaming down her cheeks, ruining her beautiful face. Making her eyes look worn and tired. She took in a shaky breath trying to compose herself, but Charles' next question made her completely fall apart.
"What is this?" He held it up to her and in the center of the white envelope was "Charles" scrawled out in her writing.
She stared at the white letter, knowing full well what was concealed inside. The air felt so tight and stiff in the room. She could barely breathe.
He flipped the letter over and saw Charles scrawled on the back in his wife's handwriting.
"You wrote me a letter?"
Caroline froze at his question. Her eyes slowly rose up to match his gaze down at her. She took a deep breath through her nose and gave him an answer.
"Yes."
"Whatever for?"
"Don't you know?"
"Caroline, if I knew why you had taken the time to write me a letter instead of just talking to me, I wouldn't have asked."
Then the anger overtook Caroline and before she could even think about her words, they flew out of her mouth before she could even stop them.
"Well I never got a chance to talk to you since you've always been at the Widow Thurmond's!"
Charle's face lost all color at her words. Had she known this whole time? He had tried to keep it a secret, but maybe she had figured it out. Had someone told her? Did the girls tell her? How could they have known? He didn't tell them.
He stood still in front of her speechless. He had wanted it to be a surprise but perhaps she had found out. But her next words stopped his line of thought immediately.
"You're surprised I know, aren't cha? Well I do! And I can't believe that you would do this to me! To the children!" Caroline spoke up, her voice shaking with sobs.
Charles felt like the room was spinning. What was Caroline saying? He couldn't comprehend her words, but she seemed to be in a rage and they continued coming out of her mouth, lashing out at him.
"How could you do this? Why, why would you do this? How could you just lie to me over and over and think that I wouldn't find out?" Caroline's voice shook as she was overwhelmed with emotion.
She kept lashing out and he just stood there, his mouth slightly open. She didn't even know if he had heard one thing she said, but her feelings had been building up ever since that day and she was going to tell him. Even if it broke him.
"Caroline….I wasn't. You have to believe me. I would never do that to you or the children! I love you." Charles spoke, barely above a whisper. He couldn't believe what she was accusing him of right now.
"You lied to me! You lied to the girls! I saw you Charles! I saw you with that woman! Laughing! Laughing and smiling at her!" Caroline stood up, the seat shaking under her.
All the hidden emotions, the smiles she had to plaster on her face so the girls wouldn't pick up on her worry. The way she had to hush her cries at night so the girls wouldn't wake up. All of these thoughts and feelings were pouring out and she could tell each word was cutting into Charle's deeper and deeper. How could he do this to her?
"And when you came home and I asked where you had been, you lied. You lied right to my face. Thou shalt not lie! Don't those words mean anything to you?" Caroline snaps angrily getting right in his face.
Mary and Laura stood in the barn listening in. Even with the door shut, they could hear their mother. She had been angry for a long time by the sounds coming from the house. Laura tried to distract Carrie since she had started to cry. Laura felt like crying herself, but she wanted to be strong. Was this really happening to their family? How could Pa lie to them? Laura was angry at Pa too. But she knew Ma had been much more angrier.
Charle's felt his knees shaking as Caroline continued to spit more venomous words at his face.
"Caroline, you know they do. I lied for a r-reason." Charles stuttered out, blinking the tears out of his eyes. He couldn't even believe what was happening right now.
The woman that he absolutely loved was accusing him of being with another woman. He would never do that to her! How could she think he could do something like this? The words formed into his mind, but his mouth wouldn't move. He didn't even know what to say, but he could tell Caroline was very very angry from his actions.
He felt betrayed. He felt completely hurt. How could she do this to him?
"What reason? What reason could you have for lying to me? Me!"
"I-I couldn't tell ya at the time cause I wanted it to be a surprise." Charles admits finally, the words sounding dumb and pathetic.
His shoulders slumped and his whole body caved in. He was crying now. His green eyes were watering. He couldn't believe Caroline thought that he did this to her. It hurt him deeply. He had no idea what to say.
"A surprise? Well it certainly was. A surprise to find that my husband has been sneaking off to be with another woman! Lying to me day in and day out! Lying to the children!" Caroline choked out through her sobs.
"No! No! I didn't…. I wouldn't. You know that!" Charles cried out. His chest felt like it was on fire. He couldn't even see clearly.
Then why! Why on earth would you lie to me Charles Ingalls? To spend more time with Widow Thurmond? Is that why?" Caroline spat in his face. Her entire body was like a dynamite stick being lit up to explode.
"NO!" Charles shouted at the top of his lungs. His entire body was shaking.
Laura and Mary both flinched from their father's tone. They had never heard him so angry before in their entire lives. Carrie was sobbing into Laura's dress wanting the yelling to stop. Laura and Mary looked at each other and both had tears running down their faces.
Caroline took a few steps back, not expecting such an angry outburst from her husband. What on earth did he have to be angry about? She didn't lie to him! She didn't sneak off to spend time with another man and lie blatantly about it to him!
Charles shook. His hands were shaking violently. He could feel his pulse beating so rapidly in his neck. He had clenched his fists so hard that his knuckles were white. He felt like he was going to fall over from the words, the vicious venomous words that were being used towards him. He couldn't think. The air was so hot in the room. His eyes blurred as he looked at the woman he loved and still loved. He swiped at his eyes harshly.
The way she looked at him. He would never get that sight out of his head for as long as he lived. She had stepped away from him when he had shouted. Like she was afraid. She was afraid of him. Dear God how could this have gone so wrong?
He looked into her eyes and saw dark. She was shaking herself. Her apron strap hung over her shoulder and her hair was barely hanging into the clips. She had gotten so angry that her hair had fallen loose with her erratic movements and her face was boiling red.
He was burning with rage himself. He couldn't believe she could even think to accuse him of such a horrible thing. They lived by God's words, gods standards and she had accused him of something that was unspeakable. Leaving your wife for another woman? She had thought that about him? After all their loyal and loving years of marriage, she thought he was seeing another woman?
He knew he had lied, but they were little lies. And they were lies for her. Lies to keep his gift to her a surprise. But she didn't even care. And she didn't even know why he had lied.
Charles had never been so angry in his life. He couldn't believe the words that were being thrown into his face. But he was hurt more than anything and as much as he wanted to sound angry, his voice cracked betraying him.
"You wanna know why I was at the Widow Thurmond's? You wanna know why I lied? I-I I'll show you then." Charles croaked out and didn't wait for a reply as he opened the door and stormed outside.
He saw the girls crying in the barn but he paid them no mind. They had thought that he had done that to their Ma. To his wife! To them!
Charles pounced onto the back of the buckboard, his hands still shaking with pure anger. He growled as he moved the barrel.
Caroline stood frozen in the kitchen. She didn't expect him to get so angry and she had no idea why he was, but he had stormed outside and she could hear him moving something from the wagon.
She walked to the door and brushed the tears from her eyes when she saw him hoist a huge barrel onto the ground with a loud grunt.
She walked outside and came over to him. She could see his green eyes were burning flames into her. He stood in front of the barrel.
"C'mon out of the barn!" Charles barked. He didn't even recognize his own voice.
He watched as the girls appeared from the shadows of the barn, holding Carrie's hand as they walked over to where their Pa was standing.
The girls stood in front of him, tears running down all their faces. Caroline remained stoic in her expression. He looked at Caroline and down to his girls. Tears were running down his face as well. He couldn't believe they had thought these terrible things about him.
"This is why I was at the Widow Thurmond's." Charles says, choking back sobs.
Charles hung his head low and he took his plier and snapped the barrels lid open.
The barrel lid falls to the ground and they see a bunch of straw laying on top.
"For you." He whispers looking at Caroline.
Caroline sees his face cloud and she has a terribly heavy feeling in her stomach, telling her that she had just made a huge mistake.
"What is it?" Laura asks as she wipes her eyes against her sleeve.
Charles remains silent and just continues to stare at Caroline.
Caroline shrinks under his intense stare and walks over to the barrel and reaches her hand in. She freezes immediately and puts a hand over her mouth as she sobs much worse than before.
"Oh." Caroline cries out.
"What is it Ma?" Mary asks, pulling Carrie back from running towards her mother.
Caroline pulls the beautiful white porcelain dish out and runs her fingers over the sleek rim tears running down her face.
She hears Laura gasp in the background.
Caroline looks up at Charles and sees his chin quivering and his eyes rimmed red, tears spewing from his eyes. His breathing coming out in short bursts.
"Oh Charles." She whispers.
She sobs heavily realizing all the lies, all the time spent at the Widow Thurmond's was for her.
For her.
"Charles, I'm so, so sorry. I didn't...I didn't mean… oh Charles." She falls apart in sobs clutching the dish. She reaches a hand out to touch his face, but he moves away.
Caroline's shoulders shake violently as she stands their moaning in front of him. The sobs escaping her body making Carrie wail as well. Laura and Mary were crying too.
They couldn't believe after everything they had thought about their pa. That all he had been doing was thinking of them. Thinking of his Caroline.
Caroline sunk to the ground, sobbing and the girls went to her side to hold her as they cried too.
Charles stood in front of them, shaking. He was crying heavily. Charles reaches his hand slowly into the straw and pulls out one of the white plates. His breathing comes out in short gasps as he admires the plate.
It was absolutely beautiful with a blue lace trim running around the edges. The plate was a beautiful porcelain white and it shined so radiantly in the light. He stared at it. How could something so beautiful turn so ugly? His hand shook as he thought about her words and before even thinking, he shattered the dish while holding it in his hand.
A few plate shards cut into his hand and his flesh burned as small streams of blood flowed slowly out of the wound, but it was nothing compared to the pain he was feeling from Caroline's cutting words.
"I..I can't believe you think I would do that to you. To our children! To our family! Caroline! How could you think that I would ever l..leave you?" Charles chokes out.
His chest was heaving from his cries. His green eyes were watering and his hands were shaking. He felt like his throat was closing. He swallowed hard, feeling a lump in his throat.
Caroline looked up at him, dirt covering her hands and dress. She stands up and tries to get near to him, but he steps back still crying.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh god Charles! Forgive me! Forgive me. Oh god." Caroline begs through sobs. Her eyes widen in horror as she sees the blood dripping on the ground from his hand.
All her spiteful words. All her anger was vanishing as she realized that she had deeply hurt the man she loved and that everything he had done. All the time he had spent away from her. Lying to her. It was for her. He had been lying to surprise her with a set of beautiful China and she had been so careless and had thought the worst of him.
"Charles please….I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn't mean...oh Charles I'm truly sorry." Caroline whispers. Her hair clung to her cheeks. Dirt caked her dress and white apron. She looked a sight.
But all Charles saw was the most beautiful woman in the world.
"I have to go." Charles says and climbs onto the buckboard. He couldn't stay there. Not now. He had to get away! He couldn't believe what his family had thought he had done! No he had to get away!
"No Charles! Please don't go!" Caroline screams taking hold of his arm.
"Please don't go Pa!" The girls cry out through tears.
Charles looks down and sees Caroline's arm holding his. He looks at her and pulls his arm away. Holding it to his chest as if her touch has injured it.
He glances back at the girls seeing them all in tears. Caroline stands beside the wagon still sobbing heavily.
He couldn't take it anymore. He had to leave!
"Hah!" Charles shouts, snapping the reins on the horses back and they start running away from his family. His home. He had to get away.
Tears continued to stream down his cheeks as the little house faded away from the dust and dirt being kicked into the air.
He couldn't be with them. He couldn't even be near them. He had accused them of such a horrible thing and they had believed it too. He couldn't even speak. He just kept the horses moving. He didn't even care how far he went or where he was even going.
He just had to get away. Away from his loving wife and children. Away from everything he ever loved.
For now.
Alright thats chapter 1. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope the scene felt real and genuine. I had to picture their words and actions for what might have happened if Caroline had spoken up before Charles showed her the dishes. Next Chapter coming soon. Please let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading.