The date on the calendar taunted him, like the furious sound of a ticking clock in a silent room. It was a painful reminder that time did not stop— if anything, it only amplified the hurt and pain. There was no escaping the steady racing of seconds, the infinite blur between days and nights. It was all the same; time would always win.
Nathan flipped his phone in the palm of his hands, desperate to forget the meaning of the date. He wished to forget— wished he hadn't made it his passcode for nearly everything. Now the numbers, and their significance, would forever be burned by his fingertips. How was he to pretend this was a normal, ordinary day?
Reminders followed him everywhere, beyond the date on the calendar. Photos posted by mutual friends overflowed his Instagram feed. Her face, smiling, happy, beautiful— sweet, well wishes written as captions, "happy birthday to this beautiful soul."
Pictures from the past, without warning, appeared like ghosts, haunting him through the breakfast he could barely swallow. One image, Nathan realized as he stared at Haley in a red dress, standing next to her friend, was taken by him. He remembered that night— that dress, the one he left a tear in the fabric when ripping it from her body— remembered taking the picture. Haley was laughing at a lame joke he'd told. Both harbored a good buzz, she probably more so than him. It was Brooke and Julian's engagement dinner. He had to take a few photos because they were all blurry— his eyes unable to focus on anything other than Haley.
If he really wanted to torture himself, Nathan could scroll through his own camera roll and find the pictures of Haley with her arms wrapped around him from that very night. He would post it, among the other hundreds of photos he had of her, and write his own caption, declaring his love for her, wishing her a happy birthday. Something witty, maybe. She'd say it was cheesy, but look at him with wet eyes and kiss him as if it were his birthday and not hers.
He groaned, flipping the phone again, staring at the time. It wasn't even close to noon. There was a stack of paperwork on his desk he could attempt to distract himself with, but Nathan already knew work would be a waste of his time. Anything he did today, he'd have to fix tomorrow. He could not think of anything other than Haley. It was no different than usual, but most days, he could push the thoughts aside until night, then numb the pain with a drink or two. Today, there was no escape. His mind was a prison— the metal cage, cold and dark, locked without a key.
Nathan wondered what she was doing— wondered if she took the day off from work like last year, when he'd taken her to brunch and she'd had a few too many mimosas. He'd carried her to the car, then drove to the beach where they made out on the sand. The year prior, he'd surprised her with a few of her friends and family at a fancy new restaurant down the street from their apartment. Before that, Nathan had whisked her away to the Bahamas for five days of pure bliss. They'd spent a total of five birthdays together, the first two in college, when Nathan was a penniless kid who, even then, wanted to give the world to the girl he fell in love with at the tutoring center. A smirk pulled at his lips when the memory of 21-year-old him tried (but failed painfully) to cook Haley breakfast and surprise her in bed with it— only for it to end with him swatting at flames and setting off the dorm's fire alarm. At the very least, he gave her a memory to always laugh about.
He'd always tried to make the day special for her. So, to not see Haley - to not be with her on her birthday, to not even talk to her- was killing him. If things hadn't gone south, he wondered if this year would have been the year he'd give her his grandmother's ring as a lifelong gift. The thought alone ripped his heart apart, then scattered the pieces like flower petals drenched in blood.
Who was she with now? The thought plagued his decaying brain. Did someone else take his spot? Was there another guy trying to impress her at work with balloons? He grimaced. Haley hated balloons- she preferred flowers and strawberry cupcakes. It's what he would do if he was still hers. He'd do things right- anything to see her smile.
Nathan's phone vibrated in his hand, startling him from the abyss of dark thoughts. It was a text from Clay, his co-worker.
"Can't meet up tonight. Have a thing. Sorry, bud."
He sighed. He wasn't stupid. Whatever the 'thing' was probably had something to do with Haley. Clay was dating her sister, and he, along with all of their mutual friends, seemed to always walk on eggshells whenever the topic of his ex-girlfriend came up. He'd hoped it wouldn't be that way. Six months already passed since they'd called it quits, but it hurt now just as much as it did on that day.
Never did Nathan think he'd spend Haley's birthday debating if he should even text her. The last they'd spoke, she was terse and teary-eyed, carrying her things out of their place in large duffle bags— his heart included somewhere buried at the bottom of it.
Could he really go the whole day without wishing her a happy birthday? Would she even respond? What would he even write? A simple, 'happy birthday' didn't seem sufficient enough— but saying he missed her, the real truth, felt far too vulnerable.
Nathan stared at her contact in his phone. The messages had long been deleted— the good and the bad— but couldn't delete her number. It wouldn't have mattered either way; he had the digits memorized.
He wished his birthday was before hers— he wondered if she would have texted him and what she would have said. Would it open a door to a conversation neither were ready for? A simple text didn't feel special enough— but a call was too much. What he really wanted, if he was being honest, was to be with her, wherever that may be, and hold her hand as she made a wish on whatever birthday candle she was blowing out.
He couldn't waste another second. Couldn't spend one more minute sitting at his desk, staring at his phone, finding every other excuse not to do it.
Nathan pushed himself up from the chair, grabbed his keys, and all but ran to his car in a single rush of wind. At this point, he didn't care what happened— all he knew was he had to try. Because what would hurt more is if he didn't.
The drive was a blur. He only knew her new address because he had to forward her mail to it— another stab of pain, a knife through the gut; they should've been buying a home together, a place they could call 'ours'. They should've been sharing an address…
But none of that mattered. Foot on the gas, Nathan sped through Tree Hill- his thoughts like the blur of people beside him.
He didn't have a plan, didn't even have a gift- but he'd worry about that later.
Somehow, he was on her doorstep. Legs shaking. Heart thumping. Knocking. Waiting.
Fear returned like a shadow draped over his shoulders. Too much time was passing. If she wasn't home, all hope would be lost. Worse, Nathan thought, if the reason it took so long because was Haley was with someone… a man in her bed making her scream. Birthday sex: an origin of some of Nathan's fondest memories.
His ears perked. The sound of ruffling came from behind the door. He braced himself for a shirtless man to be standing on the other side of it.
Was it too late to run?
Slowly, or maybe Nathan was just hallucinating, the door swung open. Haley was there. Alone. Her cheeks red, eyes swollen, standing in pajama pants and his old t-shirt.
She sniffled, wiped her face and bit her lip. "Nathan?"
"Are you alright?" Concern dripped from his tone. He was not expecting this.
Of all the sights Nathan expected to see, the one he never imagined is Haley crying on her birthday.
She shook her head, meekly. Then, before either of them knew it, Haley was launching herself into his arms and crying against his chest. Nathan simply stood there, arms wrapped around her, holding her tight.
"Hales?" He coaxed gently. Haley was always so happy on her birthday, he couldn't imagine what had happened to have her hurting like this. "What's wrong?"
Another sniffle. His shirt was damp with her tears. She pulled away, frowning in apology for the mess, then looked into his eyes and he felt his heart breaking all over again.
"What are you doing here?" Haley finally spoke, her voice sounding like tin. She used the back of her hand to wipe her wet eyes.
He almost laughed. She was always a master of deflection. "It's your birthday. It was killing me not to see you…"
"You remembered?"
Nathan's dark eyebrows knit together in a tight pinch, "of course I did, Haley. I spent the entire morning debating if I should text you. I was worried you wouldn't want me to."
Haley laughed. Nathan continued to be dumbfounded.
"What's so funny?" He asked.
"I've been crying all morning thinking I'd never hear from you. You always made my birthdays so special and I've been miserable. It wasn't worth celebrating without you."
A slow smile flourished across his lips. He nearly pinched himself, just to check if this was real life.
"I thought you might be celebrating with someone else," he admitted with an insecure flash in his eyes.
She laughed again. The sound was music. "No, definitely not. I told everyone to leave me alone today. I've literally been staring at my phone, praying you'd call. I thought you would forget…"
"Never," he squeezed her hand, "Hales, your birthday is my passcode."
A small, throaty laugh floated from her lips, "still?"
Nathan grinned. "Always."
"I've missed you," she whispered.
He swallowed, then took a step closer, "so have I."
Palms on her damp cheeks, he leaned down then added, "I'm sorry I didn't bring you a gift."
A hint of a smile appeared on her lips, "you being here is more than enough."
Nathan's eyes fluttered closed. Haley's words fell over his mouth in a hot breath. He swallowed, then drew her lips against his, tenderly. A long, slow kiss, both turning breathless.
"I love you."
Three words said at the exact same time.
"You know," Haley drawled with her own seductive grin, pulling him closer into her house, "this is turning out to be a better birthday than I could have ever imagined."