AN: So I think we all want to know what's in that letter Elliot gave Liv. Also, Kathy dying hit me harder than I expected and I'm not okay with with it. But that's a rant for another time lol. I also had a hard time with how cold Liv was to him at the park after being so supportive. Anyway, this is just a little something I thought about since we have yet to see them talk about the letter. Mariska will be on OC next week too so maybe we'll find out . This may be a two shot if there seems to be interest.

/

There's a picture that I carry. One we made some time ago. When they ask who's in the picture with me I say just someone I used to know

She sat in the coffee shot periodically checking her watch. Ironically it was the same shop they staked out investigating Danielle Masoner's murder fifteen years ago.

So, why couldn't Dani cut it?

Couldn't handle the victims

But you liked working with her?

She didn't have to 'handle' me

So how'd you like working alone

I didn't

She was distracted from her thoughts when she heard the bell ring signaling someone entering the coffee shop. She looked and saw him look around then catching her eyes he headed toward her.

"Hey." He said as he sat down, "Thanks for meeting me."

"Yeah, I don't have a lot of time." She said

"Look, I'm sorry about the other night when you wanted to talk. Things have been…"

She nodded, "How are the kids?"

He shrugged a little, "Hanging in there. The older ones are really trying to be there for Eli. It's hard for him. Losing his mom, moving back here, starting-"

"Wait." She interrupts, "You moved back here?"

"Yeah, I needed to be near my kids. Even if they are adults it didn't feel right going back."

"What about your liaison job?" She asked rather shocked at this development

"I got a new one here." He explained, "Besides, Kathy loved Italy. I don't think I could be there without her."

"I get it." She replied, "So, this new job, is it NYPD?"

He smiled slightly, "New task force for organized crime. I'm one of a few select people chosen. Although I kinda got off on the wrong foot with my boss."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" She said smiling slightly as well

There's an awkward pause before he speaks again, "Look Liv, about the letter. I don't expect…I just wanted you to know. I meant everything I said. You meant, mean, more to me than I can ever say and it was never my intention for you think otherwise. You sacrificed a lot for me. Worked longer hours so I could see my kids. Gave up a social life a lot of the time. You saved Kathy and Eli." He paused as he thought back to that day on another car accident, she nodded in understanding, "You know, the plan was for me and Kathy to make this trip, see the kids. I go to my meetings, we go to your ceremony and maybe I could, I don't know, give you some kind of closure. Even if all you did was deck me with a right hook. But I guess now, it was really important for me to tell you those things."

She sucked in a steadying breath

"I always thought there's time for things. To say things to people you care about. I know it's not the same but there were things I wanted to say to Kathy and I didn't get to. So I didn't want to lose the chance to say the things to you I wanted to say. Even if this is where it ends."

"Elliot, I appreciate the things you said. I really do. This is just…a lot you know?" She looked out the window, "I can't say that it makes it all better. That ten years of silence is made up for. Things are so different now. I'm different."

"I get it. I really do. You're CO now. You've got a kid and he's beautiful, Liv. Looks so much like you." He replied

She laughed a little, "He's adopted, Elliot."

"Oh wow, how did that…"He began but seeing her reaction he backed off, "Only if and when you're ready to tell me."

She sighed heavily, "I trusted you above anyone else, Elliot. Nobody looked out for me the way you did. I felt safe. But I had to learn to live without that. I had to learn to live with not knowing or understanding how you could just throw away twelve years of partnership, friendship, without a word. I had to learn to work with a new partner who didn't deserve to bare the weight of not being you, of me being angry at him for not being you. Who was indeed a good partner. Who saved my life once."

"Liv- " he began

She held her hand up, "No, you said what you needed to say in that letter, it's my turn now. I know even if you had retired and we had talked or whatever I would've had to get used to a new partner but I would have at least been prepared. I wouldn't have felt the abandonment like I did. Hell, maybe we would've even stayed in touch. It was wondering why, what did I do to warrant being treated like that?"

"I know I can't change that and I know it's different. You don't need me in your life and I'm not asking or expecting things to be like they were. You don't owe me anything. But if you think that we might could be something to each other except former partners and fellow NYPD then I'd love to try. But if you don't think that's possible or don't want that I' ll understand and I'll respect that. It was not my intention to cause you more pain."

"I know that. I just…I need time. I just…can you give me time?"

He nodded, "Of course, whatever you need."

She smiled slightly and nodded as he got up and headed for the door.

A month later there had been no contact. He hadn't reached out or pushed like he promised but he couldn't deny the heartbreak when he would look at his phone for every call or text and not see her name. He was home alone one night as Eli was over at a new friend's house. He was adjusting but it was still hard for the teen. Working on his second beer he heard his phone ping.

I have one question – Liv

His browns furrowed

Okay

A few seconds later

Would you still give me your kidney?

He smiled and took a chance calling her number and after three rings it picked up

"I found Noah when I working a case…"