AN: Just a series of one-shots of what goes on inside Buck's head as he continues to feel dissatisfied. I hope you all enjoy and please review if you'd like :)

His whole life, Buck sometimes felt like he either wasn't built for this world or just plain lost. Most of all, he always felt like he was somehow incomplete.

He didn't find out until he was close to the age of 30 that he had an older brother named Daniel who died from juvenile leukemia. He never knew that an attempt to save Daniel was the reason why he was made to exist in the first place…yet the efforts to save Daniel's life failed. Sometimes, it still hurt him that even Maddie, the only person who seemed to care about him, had participated in keeping that secret from him for many years.

All Buck wanted to do as a kid was to feel heard and validated, which was why he was always such the daredevil he was. It seemed like the only time he felt seen by his parents was when he would do reckless things and get himself hurt.

Growing up, Maddie acted like a parent towards him more than their own parents. Changing his diapers, giving him baths, fixing his boo boos, reading him bedtime stories, and tucking him in to go nighty night - she did half of all of that, maybe a little bit more of it. She even invited him to come tag along with her and her friends when they went to the movies or the mall. Most of the time, her friends didn't really mind that they were often seeing kid movies like A Bug's Life instead of movies they would probably be more interested in seeing like Rush Hour. Sometimes, she would invite him to their sleepovers as well. While some little brothers probably would have seen getting makeovers from their older sisters as torture, Buck absolutely loved getting makeovers and mani-pedis from his sister and her friends.

But when Maddie met and started dating Doug the Douchebag, she started to spend more time with that dirtbag than him or even her parents. Although he barely even met Doug, he had a feeling that there was something not quite right with this guy, and it seemed to feel like the only thing he and his parents could even agree on - that Doug was kind of a dick (no, not "kind of", he absolutely was a dick). Maddie's close friends didn't like him either because she was often canceling plans with them just so she could be with him.

Then, Maddie followed Doug to Boston where she attended nursing school while he attended medical school, leaving Buck alone with his parents. This caused some strain in their relationship as siblings.

During his time in Harrisburg Area Community College, he wasted his tuition money on a motorcycle, which unfortunately got him kicked out of school. That money was definitely wasted because he eventually ended up crashing it and getting himself injured…again. He begged Maddie to let him stay with her and Doug, but it didn't work out that way. Instead, she gave him the keys to the jeep, told him to go figure out what to do with his life, and then stayed with Doug, angering Buck.

Little did Buck know that at the time and for years to come, Doug was being abusive towards Maddie.

For a while, Buck did live a very interesting life all over the country. He went to bar tending school, studied mixology, surfing, trying construction, trying to be a NAVY Seal and then dropping out, tried working on a dude ranch, and even bartending in Peru.

His anger at Maddie had died down, so he never stopped sending her postcards. However, it was saddening for him that she never wrote him back. He assumed that she was not reading them or maybe Doug was tossing them out into the trash. This was when Buck was really starting to worry about Maddie and wondering if Doug was abusing her. In hindsight, it actually started to make sense because as it turns out, his desire to know where she was and what she was doing at all times was on the list of criteria. He tried contacting Maddie many times by calling her, but she never called him back. So, Doug was probably isolating her.

However, even while living his best life in Peru, he felt somewhat incomplete and decided that maybe he should find his passion already.

When a customer talked him into coming to Los Angeles, Buck thought, "Aw, what the heck! Of course!"

The only problem…he needed to find something to do. So, when he went to LA, he went to a career counselor for help. When his test results concluded that he was probably fit for a job that was related to helping people, the career options were things like mental health counselor, substance abuse counselor, teacher, social worker, marriage and family therapist, and nurse.

Unfortunately, while all of those careers sounded interesting, all of those required a college degree…and college didn't really seem to be Buck's thing. So, his counselor gave him a list of options that didn't require a degree…which was 9-1-1 dispatcher or firefighter.

Buck picked firefighter because it involved danger and it wasn't a job where he would have to sit at a desk in an office all day long.

So, he joined the Fire Academy and became a firefighter…and then also starting to go by "Buck" instead of "Evan".

And then, for the very first time in his life, he felt complete when he joined Firehouse 118. However, that was short term because after a month of being a firefighter, he still felt incomplete.

To be continued...