Hazbins, Helluvas, saints, sinners and everyone in between. Greetings and welcome. It's been quite a long time since I've interacted with mortals directly. Things can get both busy and mundane up in paradise. There are heavenly beings to keep an eye on and then there are you humans down on Earth to watch over as well. I dearly love my angel children, and it's been very saddening ever since Lucifer fell from grace and left. He married a fallen human and now they're the demonic rulers of Hell. I also heard they have a princess down there, who's determined to see the good in people and change the world. My husband and I can only hope that she can help turn things around.
Oh pardon me. Let me introduce myself and my husband.
I'm sure many of you have heard of God. The omnipresent being who created everything, including Heaven and mankind. The one who has a son Jesus Christ who is also a part of Him as well as the Holy Spirit. Yes, He's done many things in millions of years, not all of them positive, I'm afraid to admit.
Oh before I continue, know this. God in this universe is not the same as the one in your world. Alas, in the dimension I'm speaking from, everyone appears as sexually diverse cartoon characters that appear on three-dimensional screens of technological devices. So while we may have the same names as our Biblical counterparts, we are more inclined to wear twentieth century clothing, have animal traits, discuss topics relevant to mortals in modern times…and burst out into song. That is just the way of things.
Truthfully, Yahweh has several flaws but he genuinely tries to see the best in everyone and be their guiding light. Everyone fails at who they're supposed to be. The measure of a person, be it a human, an angel, a god, or demon, is how well they succeed at being who they are. Yahweh's been overworked watching all those people on Earth, thus he left the Archangels and cherubs to look after the saints and other Heaven Born citizens. However, they twisted His words for their own benefits, creating a gated community of rich angel other-worldly snobs who see demons (and humans) as below them. It is near impossible for mortals to go to Heaven because of this unfortunate fact. And my husband is too stressed to do anything to correct this. Hopefully when we meet our granddaughter princess and her father, we can find a way to reconcile. I have faith that she can change the worlds.
He appears as different things to different people but all see Him as the ultimate source of creation.
God is a non-corporeal shapeshifting being like myself. He can appear in any form He wishes, even female and androgynous. Christians see Him as a benevolent man with white hair and a beard. Muslims see Him as Allah. He has names like Abba, Elohim, El, and many others. Many of us in Heaven witness Him wearing a white suit with gold trim, His face blank with four eyes off to the side and a large white top hat with a gold cross on it. Or He appears as a divinely dressed Exorcist. Both these forms are just for dress-up. His true form is more remarkable, more amazing than any mortal can comprehend. Sometimes He appears as a marvelous eye that shines like a sun, surrounded by golden rings with eye-covered white angel wings around it. But the human-like form he prefers the most is a man wearing robes made of stars. He has two golden eyes and long flowing blonde hair with pink highlights in it. Sometimes His voice has a combination of other voices in it, but the voice He often likes to take is that of a multi-racial diverse mortal female who enjoys animation, creativity and cats in particular. Don't ask me why, it's just how He is.
Who am I? I am Asherah, Queen of Heaven, God's consort and the Mother of Angels. Yes, He does have a wife…and I'm the forgotten Goddess. I have olive brown skin, dark eyes, curly black hair and wear a crown made of gold and silver tree branches. My dress flows and shimmers like the ocean, for I am also the Lady of the Sea. Most of the time, I watch over the Garden of Eden, as I'm also part of the Tree of Life. First, I was the consort of the Sumerian God Anu and the Ugaritic God El. I also created the Primordial Elemental Beings. In Biblical times, the Israelites were commanded to destroy the wooden poles used in Canaanite rituals. More people were forbidden to take part in goddess worship. Over time, Yahweh took the spotlight and I faded away from the pages of history. Apparently, they only wanted others to believe that God did things on His own.
Yet I still remain the same as I've always been. I tend to my garden, I support myself and my husband…and I influence the very fabric of life and the universe. My husband and I helped rise our children…I loved them all, but oh how I adored Lucifer especially. The Light Bringer was the embodiment of perfection and grace. Lucifer and God were at odds with each other, but I could see where both were coming from. Michael fought Lucifer and won, staying on God's side. Sure, Lucifer let his pride get to him, but it was very harsh of my husband to exile him the way He did. Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel…his siblings miss him very much, even when they don't always admit it.