Disclaimer: I don't own Duke Nukem.
"Finally! All those damn aliens taken care of! Now I can finally chill out and watch mah favourite show!"
Duke Nukem slumped into his couch, relieved that his mission to save the world was finally accomplished. It had been most inconvenient that aliens had invaded Earth when he had been in the middle of watching his favourite soap opera. The muscular hero had set his VCR to record his beloved show before reluctantly pulling himself away from the TV to go out blasting the aliens' blood and guts everywhere.
"I sure do dig these soap operas!" Duke smirked as he poked up the remote. "The only thing just as sweet is a house fulla chicks!"
He pressed the power button on his remote.
Nothing happened.
The TV wouldn't power up.
"C'mon!" Duke urged, pressing the button again.
Still, the TV didn't turn on.
"God damn it, c'mon!" Duke growled as he pressed the power button more frantically.
The TV screen remained blank.
"You're starting to seriously piss me off!" Scowling, Duke got up from the couch and started to forcefully tap the top of the TV with his hand. "Turn on now before I do something you'll regret!"
The TV was completely unresponsive to Duke's threats as it stayed off.
"Okay! You asked for it, buddy!"
His patience lost, Duke reached into his pocket and pulled out his pistol. He glared as he aimed it at his target. Loud gunshots exploded as he fired bullets into the TV, completely destroying it as he filled it with lead.
When all of his shots were fired, Duke lifted his shades to examine the damage he'd done. Smoke billowed from the broken TV as a few sparks flickered from it. The glass of the screen was completely shattered, unable to show anything that evening.
"Man, I hate it when my TV breaks on me!"
Duke lowered his shades back over his eyes before put down his pistol with his one hand. His other one was still holding the remote - which he threw down towards the floor with all his strength and frustration.
The moment it hit the floor was when he found out why his TV wasn't working.
As the remote struck the floor, the back off its battery compartment popped off. It landed facing down on the ground - allowing Duke to see the problem inside.
Behind his shades, the muscular hero's eyes widened.
No wonder the TV wouldn't turn on.
There were no batteries inside the remote.
He had taken the last ones out when they had died - but had forgotten to put inside fresh ones.
Without power in the remote, the TV wouldn't turn on...
...and even if he did put new working batteries in now, the TV wouldn't work again after having bullets pumped into it.
Enraged, Duke banged his fist on the coffee table, leaving a huge dent in it.
He was well ticked off now that the solution to his problem had been so simple, yet now he was not going to see his soap opera. Not only that, but he now had to buy a new TV - which wasn't going to come cheap...
"God damn it!" Duke groaned. "I'm gonna have to do something crappy now - like read a book!"
The end.