29 – 03 – 2021

This afternoon we had a picnic. We took the train to a beautiful grass field close to the ocean. We could smell the salt and feel the summer breeze. Everyone was there, the scouts who survived the war against the beast titan, the warriors, the veteran scouts, even the queen and her best friend came. I had specially asked if they all could come. After all the events that had happened the past three days we all needed this, just a peaceful gathering with food and stories. Armin, the commander of the Survey Corps, was supposed to have an important meeting this afternoon, but yesterday night Levi came to us to tell him that he could join us and that he, Hange and Erwin would take care of the meeting. Armin was a bit reluctant at first, it was his duty after all, he could not just not attend the meeting to have a picnic. Levi said that he needed to spend more time with his friends if he wanted to live a life without unnecessary regrets. Eventually arming gave in and decided to join us this one time. The time that he has with his friends is limited because of his position.

We had started the picnic without the veteran scouts. I had a nice view at the place where I sat. Jean and Pieck sat opposite me. There was almost no space in between them and they were holding hands. It seemed like the talk they had last night had went well. It was a good idea from him to ask the girls for advice. Mikasa, Sasha, Annie and I helped him to think more about what Pieck wants. Just like Levi told Armin to live his life with as few regrets as possible, we told Jean to live the life he has right now to the fullest. They see each other on a daily basis, so if he would give up without even trying it would be awkward for everyone here.

On my right side sat Armin and Annie. Somewhere during our talk with Jean we switched to Annie's love life. She was pretty open about it, which surprised us all. She told us that they know about the other one liking them, but they were not together, not yet. It was difficult with Armin's position, Annie told him that she did not mind and that she understood the importance of the Survey Corps. Jean then said that if he were going to make a real confession to Pieck, she should start dating Armin. Annie does not like losing or coming of as weak, so she agreed to his deal. I had glanced a few times to my right side and Armin was being so kind. He made little sandwiches and cut the fruits in smaller pieces for Annie. And she enjoyed watching his every move. They were not as obvious as Jean and Pieck about their love, but that only made it cuter.

Somewhere in the middle of the picnic Erwin, Hange and Levi joined us. We were surprised to see them and Erwin told us that he ended the meeting early so that they could spend some time with everyone together. Levi immediately made his way to me and sat down next to me, maybe a little bit too close for a captain-scout relationship but I did not mind, and so did no one else. After what had happened two days ago he has been watching over me every minute whenever he could. He had been resting next to me in the same bed when I was hospitalized for an afternoon. He had told me to be careful when we were going to a village for some check-ups by horse. I even gave him a soft kiss on his cheeks to reassure him that I would be safe with everyone around me.

We were all sitting in a circle and Erwin and Hange sat at the left side of Jean and Pieck. At one moment Hange lied down with her head on Erwin's thigh. I had the perfect angle to draw them. I was glad I had my sketchbook and utensils with me. While I was drawing them, Levi was ever so slightly moving closer to me. I had not noticed it until Mikasa nudged my side and told me to look at my right. I shifted my position a little bit so he could look better at what I was doing. A few minutes later I had found the courage to ask Levi what he thought of what I had done yesterday. I did not dare to look at him so I do not know what kind of face he made. He said: "I did not mind it." His voice was so calm I was afraid that he did not like it. I think he noticed it, because he came closer and whispered in my ear: "That does not mean that I do not like it." His warm breath against my ear made my face a deep shade of red. I had asked if I could do it again and he answered with: "If you want to." I had to dig deep to find all the courage I had left to give him another kiss. And as soon as my lips left his skin his lips found the skin directly below my ear. Everyone around us had become silent and Erwin said to Levi that he needed to take it slow with me, this was only the third day I knew him in real life. Levi had only tch-ed and leaned back a little to give me the space to continue with the drawing.

It is kind of embarrassing to write about this, but I want him to know that I enjoy every minute that he is around me and I want him to remember that this all really happened.

So after I had finished the drawing I gave it to Hange and Erwin. Hange had cried while Erwin patted her back and told her to watch out for her injured eye. He did not want her to irritate her eye, that would only be a hassle to take care of. I had hugged Hange and before she would crush my spine, Erwin got her to let go of me.

Once back at the Head Quarters Levi had came to Mikasa and Sasha's room where I stayed and he had asked if I would like to sleep in his room. I had said yes. Right now I am sitting next to Levi writing this and drinking my jasmine tea waiting for him to finish writing his reports. At first I was just sitting here, watching him write. I then noticed his graceful handwriting and I complimented him on it. I do not think he knows how to handle compliments. He shrugged his shoulders and asked me what my handwriting looks like.

Even though this is just to show him my handwriting I want this to be something special for him. Like I have a written a few lines before I want him to remember me. I am not sure if Hange can make the machine work again, but if she succeeds I will leave this world and I will leave Levi behind. We have bonded so much these past three days. Honestly I do not want to leave him, I want to stay here by side. I want to give him a hug whenever he needs one. I want him to know what it means to be deeply loved by someone. If I go back to my own world I do not want him to forget that it is possible to love and to be loved in this world full of titans.

I will stop writing for now, Levi seems tired and I too am tired. We both need a good night rest, but I doubt if we can sleep peacefully this night. I always need a few nights to get adjusted to the bed and the room. I told Levi and luckily he does not care much, he even offered to hold my hand to make me feel better. But I really need to go now, he wants to go to bed.

Every time you read this, please now that I love you.

Eternally yours,

Y/N