Subaru was no stranger to nightmares. Even in his young age, he would have unpleasant dreams of people telling him that he wasn't good enough, that he's a disappointment, and that his mere existence disrupted the reputation of the Natsuki family name. That all changed for the worse, however, ever since he got transported to a beautiful, yet horrifying new world.
He doesn't remember when the painful nightmares started. Maybe it was after the events of his first hellish day in this world. Maybe it was during his stay in the Mansion. Regardless of the time when they started to get worse, he could only vividly remember certain hells or certain circumstances that he would never want to experience again in his lifetime.
One particular one was the presence of snow. Now, many can argue how much of a coward Subaru is with that unusual phobia, but for him, whenever it snowed, he would expect hell to follow. And oh boy, even putting it that way was an understatement. There was no denying that this certain, accursed weather condition was both the stage and was responsible for his most excruciatingly painful resets.
He remembers the mangled, almost indistinguishable state of his beloved Rem, how she broke him free of his shackles with her final breaths, and seeing the horrible frozen aftermath of the Witch Cult's assault.
An enraged Puck who froze him to death multiple times to avenge his precious daughter, each time more painful than the last. His fingers, separated. His face, fragmented. His head, decapitated. His cells, unmoving. His body, shattered, laughing pitifully at his failure to save everyone, with Emilia's cold, unmoving body in his view from a distance.
Finally, The Great Rabbit, with their massive numbers, ever so increasing, ravaging his entire body and consuming anything they possibly can, from the inside and out. All his skin, blood, bones, muscles, organs, and nerves, consumed in such an intense manner that Subaru could argue that it was the most amount of pain that he had ever felt in any of his deaths.
The last one, unfortunately, was the current nightmare he was reliving. But instead, he saw and witnessed the gut-wrenching screams of everyone in the Sanctuary, be it civilian, enemy, or friend. Otto's face, eyes wide open, unmoving, with a gaping hole at his cheek, where a few rabbits gnawed on his pale-colored tongue. Garfiel's guts and muscle tissue spilled out on the bloodied snow, despite him morphed in his Beast form. Ram's figure being split into quarters as she screamed in pain. Patrasche, nowhere in sight. Emilia, eyes ripped out from their sockets, body skinned almost completely, with her spine, ribcage, and punctured organs in full view as the rabbits showed no sign of slowing down on their feast.
Subaru could only scream in agony at the sheer sight of the Sanctuary, as all the rabbits sought him, pinned him down, and made him relive the pain he had been through that horrific day.
Subaru: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
That scream followed Subaru as he awoke.
Subaru: "-AAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHH!"
It was a scream so loud that anyone could hear him outside his sleeping quarters. Subaru continued to gasp and tremble, still not over what had transpired in his dream.
Subaru: "Hhhhh... H-hh-hhaaa... Hh-haaaa...hhhh..."
The boy, desperate for relief, desperate to vent out his frustration and fear, turned to his left arm. He put his right hand on the other, nails first, and-
Subaru: "Enough..."
*Scratch*
He remembered his fingers stuck in place on a frozen doorknob.
Subaru: "Enough... enough..."
*Scratch*
*Scratch*
He remembered the sheer pain of having every single cell in his body frozen to absolute zero.
Subaru: "Enough, enough, no more..."
*Scratch*
*Scratch*
*Scratch*
He remembered the absolute shock of a rabbit ripping off his hand clean off his wrist, his leg ripped away as easy as paper, and everything that ensued afterwards that he doesn't want to recall. But, even so...
Subaru: "Stop... please... no more... no more!"
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
He remembered.
Subaru: "NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!"
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
HE REMEMBERED.
Subaru: " ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH...!"
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
HE DOESN'T WANT TO REMEMBER.
Subaru: "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT...!"
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*SCRATCH*
*Squelch*
Subaru: "Haaahh... haaahhh... hgrk...!"
The traumatized man slowly looked at his handiwork. His right hand, fingers covered in blood. His left arm, blood pouring out the multiple wounds that he had caused, coating it from his wrist to his elbow. Subaru could only laugh at how messed up he has become until he cried once more.
A door suddenly opens. A petite figure dashes inside the room, worried for its inhabitant.
Beatrice: "Subaru! Subaru, what's wrong?!"
It only took another step for the great spirit to find out the answer to her question. As soon as she saw the drops of red liquid coating Subaru's bedsheets, and the bloodied state of her contractor, she walked very slowly towards him, shedding tears in disbelief.
Beatrice: "W—wh-what...? S-Subaru... why would you...?"
She knew that Subaru was the only one in the room before she came in. It didn't take her long before she found out why he was in that state in the first place. She immediately ran towards him, healing magic on the ready, as she asked the only question that she could think of at that moment.
Beatrice: "WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF, I SUPPOSE?!"
The anguished screams and cries of the girl in pink as well as the relief that her healing magic caused made Subaru snap out of his trance, making him realize that he wasn't alone.
Subaru: "B-Beako...?"
Beatrice: "Shut up, I suppose... We're going to have a conversation about this later, in fact."
Subaru could only follow the command of the distraught spirit as she continued to heal him.