They ride the elevator together, the mass shooting, with the number of dead, rocking their core. The fact that the shooter will live is an additional factor that stresses both Connor and Ava. They are tired and it's only the middle of the day but the victims of the shooting who were sent to the ORs for surgery still need their help. He notices that she is unusually quiet, unusual for her, the Queen of Snarky Comebacks. He sees the sleeves of her inner shirt has blood on them.
"Hey, Ava," he says, tentatively.
She looks at him, uncertainty in her eyes. His instinct that this event wasn't her first mass shooting growing.
"Hey," she responds, almost in a whisper.
"Are you okay?" he enquires.
She doesn't answer. She chooses to remain quiet all the way up to the surgery floor. They separate, to cover more operations and to help the teams more. It is only after they are done, had changed into their regular clothes in the lounge that she answers.
"When I was a resident," Ava starts. "Something like this happened and a lot of victims were brought to the hospital."
Connor looks at her with understanding in his eyes.
"Mostly children," she finishes.
"Oh," is the only syllable to come out of his mouth.
He saw how she is with children and he saw how she flinched, as if it was her who was shot, when he looked at the little girl's hand this morning. He understands why now.
"The medics brought them by the numbers," Ava continues, sitting down on the bed. "It was...never ending."
She sighs but continues, he sitting down across her.
"It was field trip day," she says, looking at him straight in the eyes. "Around two to three schools were at the area, taking turns touring the observatory and the university when a disgruntled employee opened fire. We all heard the gunshots since the hospital is in the middle of the compound."
Her hands shaking doesn't escape him so he reaches out and places his hands on her. She welcomes the touch and holds him as she continues.
"A lot of children died on the spot, their bodies couldn't handle the wounds. Those brought to hospital, we tried to save."
A single tear falls down her cheek.
"I heard the shooter put the gun on his temple and fired," she falters. "When April brought that little boy..."
"Avey," he says, calls her by his nickname for her. He's the only one to call her that.
"I tried to save him," she shrugs. "But Natalie called it, with his pupils blown and the protocol to treat those who could still be treated in effect."
She looks at him.
"I tried to save him," she repeats, tears now slowly falling.
He gets up and sits beside her, taking her into his arms, comforting her. She is strong but is also vulnerable and he has seen it a couple of times.
"Avey," he says. He cannot say anything anymore.
"The only assurance I had," she sniffles. "Is telling a worried Natalie not to lose focus."
Connor smiles a little. The Ava he knows still tries not to lose her focus no matter how stressful the situation may be and she still manages to comfort someone who is worrying despite her own struggle. Then he remembers something he wanted to ask as she was telling her story.
"Hey Ava," he starts.
"Yeah?"
"How old were you at that time?"
Silence. He knows she may not answer and he is ready not to hear any.
"I was 22. Just starting my residency."
Connor holds her tighter, not wanting to let go. He realises that events like this are too much for anyone, much more to someone who had just started her residency at such a young age. He knows he cannot do much for her right now except hold her for he knows she finds comfort in hugs and warmth. She isn't that social and he is the only person she sees constantly. He thinks of the only way she may find more comforting at the moment.
"Ava," he whispers, wiping some tears away. "Why don't we go to the park and pay tribute to the lives we lost?"
She disentangles herself from the cocoon that were Connor's arms and looks at him, a half smile on that beautiful face.
"Yes, please."
The only response Connor knows and wants to hear.