A/N: Hello, readers! Some of you may recognize the title of this story. A while ago, we had a collaboration posted for this fic on this profile under a different name. The author of the first chapter expressed that they no longer wanted to be a part of the collaboration, so we made the decision to take the story down. After much deliberation, NinjetteTwitch and I decided that too much work and effort went into the chapters to let the story die. So we decided to take this as an opportunity to rewrite the first chapter and edit subsequent ones! So we're back! This chapter is entirely new and tailored to what we envisioned for the rest of the fic. Let us know what you think!
Chapter 1
Hiraeth
Part 1
Mamoru Chiba wasn't surprised when he felt his phone vibrate against his hip for what was the tenth time that day as he followed the attending doctor during their patient rounds at Keio University Hospital. He was relatively new here, having just started clinical rotations three months ago, so he'd never risk glancing at his phone while working, though he was eager to slip away briefly to do so.
He knew that he'd find dozens of messages filled with random, nonsensical yet adorable Usagi thoughts, puns she thought were funny, sandwiched between I love yous and encouraging words to help him make it through the day.
This daily occurrence in which his phone was bombarded with all things Usako, including silly emojis, tik tok dances, and Senshi memes, began quite unintentionally during his exams in his fourth year. A stressful time in which he'd become particularly antisocial, pulling away and retreating inwardly as he often tended to do. Admittedly he hadn't been great company, broodier than usual, and annoyed by the distractions. He'd told Usagi that he would be taking a hiatus from social media until his exams were over, including his phone that he only ever used to text Usagi anyway.
He hadn't meant to pull away, and Usagi had respectfully kept her distance while he worked through it. He'd been so confident that isolating himself was the answer to dispel his anxiety over his upcoming exams. It was what he'd always done, and, even after everything, he'd still sometimes forget that it rarely worked out well for him in the end.
It was on the day before his exams as he sat in Keio library, shoulders stiff and slumped over the table, his face buried in a book, and a knot of worry wound tightly in his chest, that Mamoru finally realized that everything was better when he let Usagi in.
When he'd finally surfaced from his studying haze and realized how late it was, he'd grimaced guiltily. He always tried to be more mindful of Usagi's feelings by letting her know where he was.
After Galaxia's defeat, he'd begun to notice a strained look on her face that he'd never seen before and the way her smile didn't quite reach her eyes whenever they needed to be apart. He didn't have to wonder why she sometimes clutched his hand too tightly or the way her breath visibly hitched in panic when he needed to go somewhere without her. He couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult it had been for her after Galaxia had stolen his Starseed, and she'd needed to face it all alone. So, even though he'd been grumpy, slightly unapproachable for the last little while, he made a concerted effort to always let Usagi know what time he was going to be home.
After glancing at his watch, he cursed under his breath as a pang of remorse bloomed uncomfortably in the cavity of his chest. He should have been home hours ago.
So, for the first time in over a week, Mamoru pulled his phone out of his leather book bag and powered it on to let her know he was running late. He'd been surprised when it finally lit up that there were hundreds of text message notifications waiting for him. Frowning, he'd swiped them open, surprised to see that almost every single one was from Usagi. His breath hitched; throat constricted with emotion as he began to read them.
Knowing that he'd turned his phone off, and although they lived in the same apartment, slept in the same bed, she'd sent him hundreds of messages. He spent the next twenty minutes reading every single one, his lips eventually curving at the corners, shaking his head in disbelief because she was so ridiculous. So adorably, heart-wrenchingly absurd that he could barely stand it. She'd sent him everything. Every errant thought that she probably would have told him in person if he hadn't been acting like such a baka.
After perusing random thoughts, "Hey, Mamo-chan, do you think that scorpions think of lobsters like we think of mermaids?" Things she wanted to remind herself to ask him about later. "Hey, on Monday, you had that faraway look on your face during breakfast. Tell me about that when you're not so stressed, please." As well as dozens of selfies of herself with Luna and some ducks in the park, the ball of anxiety that had settled in the pit of his stomach began to unravel for the very first time in over a week.
He hadn't been able to pack up his things quickly enough after that. Eager to get home, to apologize, because, damn, he didn't deserve her. It was that very night, curled up in their bed that he'd asked her to marry him. It didn't matter that he still had years to go before he'd officially become a doctor or that they still speculated on if their potential future in Crystal Tokyo would actually come to pass. He'd needed her to know that even though he sometimes forgot that he was not in this on his own anymore, he wanted to be with her forever.
After that, he'd never let himself shut down like that again, and he eagerly anticipated Usagi's text messages. They'd become, by far, the best part of his day.
He was catching up on her messages hours later as he stepped out of the bullet train for the oedo line in Roppongi Hills to meet her in a French bakery called La Boutique de Joel Robuchon. It was a bit random, and initially, they'd planned to meet at home before choosing a place to eat dinner, so he had no idea why she'd texted him this address with a slew of heart and bunny emoticons.
He knew better than to question Usagi's antics at this point, though. So, he was smiling, thoroughly amused when he slipped through glass doors into the bakery's brightly lit, modern interior. Mamoru's gaze zeroed in on his bright-eyed future wife, cheeks flushed pink with excitement, as she stood beside a portly, smiling grey-haired woman who was eagerly setting out several bite-sized samples of cake. Usagi grinned before she promptly popped a large piece of pastry into her mouth, and the woman's eyes crinkled with amusement as she watched her with that doting edge that Usagi unintentionally managed to bring out in everyone she met.
Mamoru raised an eyebrow, smirking when Usagi caught sight of him practically bouncing on the balls of her feet as she waved him over.
"Mamo-chan!" she exclaimed around a mouthful of food. "Over here!"
He still wasn't sure what was happening as he approached, and she eagerly hooked her arm through his, turning towards the woman who was beaming at them.
"This is my fiancé, Chiba Mamoru," Usagi introduced brightly, and Mamoru smiled, bemused, as he bowed his head in greeting. "Mamo-chan, this is Sato Mei, and you just have to try these wedding cake samples!"
It was only years of experience in which he'd managed to keep his expression guarded that carefully allowed Mamoru to keep the surprise from seeping onto his face. As expected, the day after his proposal, Usagi had called the girls, and she'd gone on a wedding planning rampage, which was how he knew that Makoto had declared herself as the baker of their wedding cake.
He was perfectly fine with this. He'd had the privilege of sampling several of Makoto's delectable dishes, and he knew that she was well on her way to co-owning her own bakery, so he was a bit stunned that Usagi was at a different bakery trying someone else's wedding cakes.
Before Mamoru could formulate a suitable response, Sato-san gasped, "Oh! I almost forgot! If you're both looking for something a little different, may I suggest the croquembouche? It's very popular. I have some samples in the back!"
With an eager swivel, Sato-san bustled around the counter, dipped over the threshold, and into a backroom out of sight.
Mamoru turned, brows raised expectantly to an oblivious Usagi who was contentedly humming as she happily bit into a chocolate-covered confection that admittedly looked quite delicious.
When her gaze finally met his, she blinked, canting her head to the side, pausing mid-bite. "What?"
Mamoru laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. "Usako, correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that Makoto was going to bake our wedding cake? What—"
Usagi tensed, glancing towards the doorway Sato-san had disappeared into in alarm before shuffling forward to press a slender finger against his lips to silence him. "Quiet, Mamo-chan!" she whispered. "Of course, Mako-chan is going to make our cake, but what is the point of getting married if we don't get free cake samples?"
Mamoru chuckled, kissing the tip of her finger before gently prying her hand away. "I sort of thought being with me was the point of getting married?" Usagi waved her hand dismissively, eliciting a frown from Mamoru as she leaned forward to pick up a strawberry glazed sample this time. "Also, I'm pretty sure Makoto might get upset if she knew—"
Again, Usagi interrupted him with another hissed shush, her eyes glistening eagerly as she held up the cake sample towards him. "Mamo-chan," she half-sighed, half-demanded. "Just try it. One teeny, tiny bite?"
Mamoru snapped his lips shut, frowning, his gaze locked with hers, determined to stand firm, but it didn't take long for him to give in with a sigh, nodding as he took the smallest of bites from the offered piece of pastry.
He'd done it just to appease her, so his eyes widened, unable to hide his surprise this time as the flavors burst over his tongue. It was the perfect mixture of tart and sweet, and he grinned guiltily as he eagerly swiped the rest of the sample from Usagi's hand.
Usagi's smile widened. "See? It's so good!"
Mamoru grudgingly nodded in agreement as she picked up another one. "If you promise not to tell Mako-chan that we cheated on her cake, I will let you have a piece of this one. It tastes even better than the one you just tried."
Mamoru didn't even hesitate, "Deal!"
It was several delicious samples later, with two prettily packaged cakes that they'd purchased tucked under Mamoru's arm, when they finally exited the bakery, laughing and admittedly too full for dinner.
Mamoru's gaze was dotingly focused on Usagi, who was in the process of declaring that dessert should come before dinner anyways, that it took a moment before it registered that something was very wrong.
Usagi stopped, frowning, and Mamoru sucked in a breath, instantly tensing, as the weight of an oppressive atmosphere settled over them like a vast, cold blanket of dread. He'd never quite felt anything like this before, and the packaged cakes fell to the pavement as he took a protective step towards Usagi, on alert as his gaze frantically darted across the street.
He paled, heart racing, when he noted that everything had just stopped. Pedestrians had frozen mid-stride, cars were immobile in the road, and a cyclist was perched upright, his feet poised over the pedals. The lack of sound was the most disturbing, though, and the hollow echo of silence was what snapped him out of his stunned daze.
"Usako," he hissed under his breath, not daring to glance at her as he tried to determine the source of whatever the hell was going on. "You need to transform."
It was only when Usagi exhaled, shifting nervously beside him, that he glanced down at her, scowling at the way she worried her bottom lip between her teeth, her cheeks stained red with embarrassment.
Mamoru's eyes narrowed, "Usako," he choked, alarmed, "please tell me that you have your brooch."
Usagi cringed, shaking her head. "It's been so long since we've needed to transform, Mamo-chan!" she defended, twisting strands of hair between her fingers anxiously. "I didn't mean to forget…"
Mamoru sighed, deciding this was hardly the time to scold her about it because, in truth, they had let their guard down recently. It had been years since she'd faced and defeated Galaxia. After a while, without anything popping out to destroy them from the paranormal woodwork, they'd admittedly let themselves relax.
His gaze softened, and it took only a moment for the comforting weight of Tuxedo Mask's cape to fall into place before he was protectively tucking her beneath it.
"What do you think is happening, Mamo-chan?"
He opened his mouth to respond, to let her know that he couldn't see anything in the open when his jaw locked, the muscles in his body stiffening tightly, the breath trapped in his lungs when he realized that, just like everything surrounding them, he couldn't move.
He was choking, his tongue heavier than lead in his mouth, the edges of his vision blurring as he struggled with everything in him to focus his gaze on Usagi. Just like him, she was frozen in place. He only had time to register the terror glistening in her eyes before it was like a dark curtain fell, and everything went black.
oOo
The sound of a wailing scream resonating sharply, assaulting his senses, is what pulled Mamoru from unconsciousness. Disoriented, he bolted upright, inhaling sharply, scrambling with confusion and panic as his legs tangled in cotton sheets.
It took a moment before it fully registered that he was no longer standing on a street, paralyzed in place with Usagi tucked by his side, and he forced himself to stop, allowing a moment for his racing heart to calm.
He swept a cursory glance over his surroundings in an attempt to assess what the hell was going on, and his brow creased, deepening his confusion because he had no idea where he was. All he knew was that he was in a bed, in a dimly lit, very messy room that he didn't recognize in the slightest. What was he doing here?
His head snapped up, and he sucked in a sharp panicked breath as the loud, decidedly feminine wail that had woken him up in the first place managed to pierce through the closed door of the bedroom again. His first thought was of Usagi and that she'd been vulnerable, unable to transform without her brooch, and he didn't hesitate as he hurriedly kicked off the blankets, flying from the bed, all his protective instincts on high alert.
It briefly occurred to him that he was wearing only sweatpants and a threadbare t-shirt rather than the comforting protection of Tuxedo Mask's tuxedo. Still, a muffled curse, this time lower, gruffer, probably male, and the sound of something smashing against the wall took precedence over why the hell he was somehow not able to transform.
It was only the years that he'd spent honing the reflexes that allowed him to dodge the flying glass that whistled, air sluicing over it as it flew past his head when he opened the door. He barely heard the sound of it shattering against the wall behind him, the shards plummeting into a pile of questionable-looking clothes on the floor, as he fixed his gaze onto the unbelievable scene in front of him. He froze, stunned because it was not Usagi on the other side of the door. It was Jadeite.
He had no idea how it was possible that he was currently staring at Jadeite, former silver Millennium knight, a friend turned foe under Beryl's control, and now the mineral gemstone that he'd kept and that was currently sitting on his shelf at home.
He thought about the Shitennou often, and sometimes he wished that things had turned out differently. That they could have been saved if only he'd remembered in time. That had only been wishful thinking, though, and he'd never in a million years expected to see the dead General in the flesh, alive and well and currently dodging kitchen projectiles that were being hurled at him by… Rei?
Rei's eyes were blazing, and she was wearing an oversized t-shirt and shorts that clearly did not belong to her as she swiftly swiped a decorative bowl from a kitchen counter he'd never seen before and launched it at Jadeite, who barely ducked in time.
"Damn, Rei," Jadeite hissed. "What did I do? Did you have another nightmare that I cheated on you? Because we talked about this…"
Mamoru was too shocked to interject, the words stuck in his throat as Rei screeched, preparing to throw a picture frame this time. She pulled her arm back, ready to hurl it, when her face paled, purple irises narrowing on the picture before she could propel it from her fingertips.
"Why am I in this picture with you?" she choked, her voice hoarse with disbelief, eyes glistening with emotion as she fixed her gaze onto Jadeite, who still had his hands lifted protectively to cover his face. "You're dead."
Jadeite lowered his hands slowly, blinking in confusion. "Is that what's wrong? Did you have a nightmare that I died?" He took a tentative step towards her. "Rei, you know I love how passionate you are, but seriously, you almost nailed Mamoru in the face with a glass. He's going to make you chip in with the rent if you keep breaking things."
Jadeite chuckled, and Mamoru watched as Rei's eyes widened and her chin snapped up. Her eyes met his, and Mamoru knew that whatever delusion had conjured Jadeite was a shock to Rei, too.
"Mamoru?" she hissed through gritted teeth. "What's going on?"
Before Mamoru could answer, he was interrupted by the pulsing trill of a phone alarm. Jadeite cursed under his breath, fumbling as he pulled a phone from his pocket to turn it off.
"Damn, I really have to go. I'm going to be late for work, and Neph is being a real jerk about punctuality lately. Can we talk about this when I get home?"
Before either Rei or Mamoru could respond, Jadeite was striding towards what was likely the front door, glancing back with an apologetic grimace geared towards Mamoru.
"I'm really sorry about the mess, but we're even now after the crazy brunette you brought home last weekend."
Without another word, one last worried glance towards Rei, who was standing motionless, stunned, picture frame clutched to her chest, Jadeite left. The door clicked shut, and it echoed loudly in the tension-filled silence behind him.
Their eyes met, and Rei seemed to finally snap out of her daze. She gasped, dropping the picture frame onto the ground, her expression horrified as if it had burned her.
"Mamoru, please tell me you know what's happening," she pleaded sharply. "Because one second I am eating dinner with Mako-chan, and the next, I'm waking up in bed beside Jadeite, who should be dead." Her tone assumed a hysterical edge, and her eyes were filled with panic. "He should be dead, right?"
Mamoru exhaled slowly, took a hesitant step over the threshold of the bedroom towards her. At least he knew he wasn't going crazy. Somehow, they'd been thrust into some kind of strange reality in which Jadeite was still alive. Though his memories of the Silver Millennium were hazy at best, he could recall that Rei had been involved with Jadeite. He knew all the Senshi had mourned the General's deaths. He couldn't begin to imagine how jarring waking up beside him would have been.
"I don't know, Rei," he finally responded, raking his hand over his face. "I was with Usagi and then.."
His throat constricted with worry because where was Usagi? Why hadn't she woken up beside him? Furthermore, why had Jadeite implied that he lived here and that he'd brought another girl home at some point?
As if Jadeite's words had finally registered with Rei as well, her eyes narrowed into a disapproving scowl. "What did he mean when he said you were even because of some crazy brunette?"
Rei, in his opinion, was the fiercest of all the inner Senshi. Except for Usagi, of course, who outpowered all of them combined. So, when her eyes took on that scarily intense glow, the one that cut through you like fire as if her stare could simultaneously freeze the blood in your veins and scorch you until you felt like nothing but ashes, he had the good sense to be very afraid. She was sporting that look now, and he was quick to lift his hands up in defense.
"Rei, I have no idea what he was talking about," Mamoru insisted vehemently. "I have never stepped foot inside of this apartment in my life, much less have any idea who the crazy brunette is."
Just then, as if timed perfectly, there was a sharp knock on the door, and it pulled both of their gazes towards it. Both he and Rei stood there in silence, both clearly unsure what to do about it when the loud lilting sound of a voice he did not recognize drifted, slightly muffled, through the door.
"Mamoru? Are you home?"
Rei inhaled sharply, and Mamoru sucked in a stunned breath, eyes widening in dismay as the very angry fire priestess strode to the door, her lips pressed into a grim, thin, determined line. The door practically snapped back on its hinges with the ferocity that she pulled it open, startling a slender, wide-eyed brunette standing on the other side of it.
"Oh!" the brunette gasped. "Hi! Is Mamoru here?"
Mamoru could practically hear Rei gritting her teeth from the other side of the room as she stepped back stiffly, eyes flashing with fury as she waved her hand in Mamoru's general direction.
To say that he was uncomfortable, confused, and feeling like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole would have been a severe understatement as the brunette's eyes lit up when they landed on him. She stepped towards him, arms lifting expectantly as if she meant to throw herself at him. Mamoru cringed, quickly stepping back and out of her range.
She stopped, frowning as she confidently flicked her hair over her shoulder. "Are you ghosting me? I mean, I know we only had that one night, but you said you would call, and you never called."
The strangled sound of rage that spilled from Rei's lips had Mamoru panicking, his eyes widening with horror and disbelief as his eyes met hers over the brunette's head. "Rei," he pleaded, "I swear to God, I have never seen this girl in my life."
If Rei had been standing in front of him as Sailor Mars, there is not a doubt in his mind that she would have decimated him. If there had been any truth behind the unknown girl's words, he one hundred percent would have deserved it, too. The thought of being with anyone that was not Usagi in any type of intimate capacity made his stomach churn with disgust.
Luckily, there wasn't a shred of truth in her words. Which only cemented the fact that he needed to figure out where Usagi was and what the hell was going on.
To her credit, the brunette had finally caught on to the sizzling intensity of the tension in the room. She was scowling now as her eyes flicked back and forth between Rei and Mamoru.
"Am I interrupting something?" she demanded sharply. "Aren't you Mamoru's roommate's girlfriend? Or do you fancy yourself Mamoru Tsukino's next conquest? Because let me tell you—"
Rei lifted her hand, promptly interrupting whatever the girl would have said next with a sharply-edged glare. "Did you just say Mamoru Tsukino?" She demanded, and the girl glowered, clearly very incensed and unwilling to answer her.
Rei looked like she was on the verge of growling, her expression positively feral, when Mamoru took a cautious step towards the girl, still wary that she would try and touch him again.
"You mean to say Mamoru Chiba, right?"
He hoped to be Mamoru Tsukino very soon, of course, but he'd imagined being called that in reference to Usagi's husband, not by some random girl he'd never met who was claiming they'd spent the night together.
The girl frowned, confused, taking a step back as if they were the ones that had suddenly gone crazy.
"Um, no?" she spat, glancing between them in consternation. "Is this some kind of weird role-playing thing? I only know one Chiba, and it was that weird orphan girl from high school that nobody talked to."
Mamoru's heart skipped a beat, and his stomach turned, filled with dread because something was very, very wrong, and it was connected to whatever the hell had frozen him and Usagi in the street. His eyes met Rei's again, and this time their exchanged look was one of horror and worry. More than anything, he felt a pull in his chest. Just like every time he felt it when Usagi transformed into Sailor Moon. He needed to find her.
Rei's thoughts were clearly along the same lines because her expression took on a determined edge rather than a fury-filled one as she strode forward, grasped the brunette's arm, and dragged her towards the open door.
"You need to leave now," Rei snapped as she pushed the indignant girl over the threshold. "Goodbye!"
The brunette's eyes were wide as they fixed on Mamoru, and she only had time to shout, "Call me!" before the door slammed shut in her face.
Rei's expression was calculating, thoughtful as she promptly swiveled around. She was all business now as she paced the length of the room. Mamoru would have interjected, but he was also struggling with what all of this could possibly mean, and he still couldn't figure out what had happened when Rei stopped, impatiently pushing tendrils of black hair out of her eyes as she faced him.
"Okay, something has clearly gone wrong," she muttered, more to herself than to him. "What do we think this is? A parallel timeline, maybe? I tried to transform, and I can't."
Mamoru sighed, shaking his head in dismay as he seriously contemplated it. If this was a parallel timeline, he wanted to get the hell out of it.
"I can't either," he replied evenly, calmly considering the possibilities. "I suppose it's possible that this is another timeline. I don't know how it could have split like that, though, and I don't know about you, but all of my memories are intact."
Rei nodded in agreement. "Yes, mine too. If not a parallel timeline, then what?"
Mamoru raked his fingers through his hair, feeling lightheaded and anxious to find Usagi. "I don't know, Rei," he replied honestly. "Is it possible that it's Setsuna playing with time? Everything froze before I woke up here."
Rei shook her head, immediately dismissing the theory. "There's no way, Mamoru," she defended curtly. "It would have cost her, her life, and for what?"
Mamoru grimaced, frustrated at his inability to think clearly. "I don't know," he replied. "All I know is I need to find Usagi. I can't…" he paused, taking a deep breath to alleviate the panic beginning to bloom uncomfortably in the cavity of his chest. "She needs me, Rei. I need to make sure she's safe."
Rei's expression softened, the look on her face comfortingly fierce as she nodded in agreement. "Yes, okay. You go find Usagi, and I'll try and find Luna and Ami. Someone has to know what's going on."
Mamoru felt a little better knowing that they had a plan, at least, and wordlessly they turned away from each other, slipping into the bedrooms they didn't recognize to get dressed in clothes they'd never seen before, pulled from closets that did not belong to them.
The urgency and terror didn't fully settle, though, until Mamoru picked up what was presumably his phone. When he held the screen up to his face, it unlocked, and instead of the background picture that was him, Usagi, and Chibiusa, it was a picture of some random model posing provocatively in front of a photoshopped beach.
If that wasn't enough to make the bile rise in his throat, when he frantically searched for the thousands of text messages that he'd reverently saved under the contact number labeled Usako, they were gone. In fact, there wasn't a trace of the woman he loved on his phone, and he blinked back panicked tears as he left what was supposed to be his apartment in search of answers.
oOo
After dressing quickly, trying his best to ignore the fact that what was supposed to be his room was a wildly disorganized mess, Mamoru wandered aimlessly down the sidewalk. He felt lost, unsure where to begin as he carefully studied his surroundings. Surprisingly, despite how screwed up things were, everything looked relatively the same for the most part. If he hadn't woken up in a random apartment with a dead Jadeite for a roommate less than an hour ago, he was inclined to believe that this was all some kind of bad dream.
In fact, he was halfway to convincing himself that nothing out of the ordinary had really happened when a group of giggling girls called out, waving at him from across the street. To say that being so blatantly catcalled by someone from the opposite sex made Mamoru uncomfortable was a severe understatement. He stumbled, eyes wide, his face burning with embarrassment as the blonde in the middle made sure to call out loudly enough to pull his attention.
She sent him an exaggerated wink. "See you tonight, Mamoru-san!"
She blew him a kiss, and Mamoru swallowed, quickly turning away, pointedly ignoring the girls he'd never seen before but who apparently knew him very well. His stomach turned as he hurried down the sidewalk, trying his best to avoid any more interactions with any potential would-be "dates."
There were a few more people that called out to him; some girls threw winks his way, some guys he'd never seen threw up their hand in greeting. He did his best to nod, appearing unaffected as he kept moving, all the while trying to still the frantic pulse of his heart rate as he tried to logically determine what was happening here. This was all so strange. It didn't feel real, though everything around him indicated otherwise. He only hoped that wherever Usagi was, she wasn't struggling. That she was safe until he could find her.
He frowned, jaw clenched tightly as Mamoru tried to make sense of it. The brunette's words rang sharply in his head, and he didn't know why, but he was almost a hundred percent certain that when she'd referred to the Chiba orphan girl, she was talking about Usagi.
The orphan girl. If Usagi was an orphan named Chiba, and he had somehow appropriated her name, then it would stand to reason that they'd switched places. His fingers clenched into fists as he carefully dodged pedestrian traffic. Why, though? Why would they have swapped places?
He had no idea where he was going, and he was surprised yet relieved when his feet led him to one of Usagi's favorite places, Crown Arcade. Of course, this was the first place he needed to check. As she'd grown older, there was less time for Usagi to lose herself in a game of Sailor V at the arcade. However, she'd still frequently met the girls there for lunch until Makoto had opened her bakery and they'd naturally migrated there instead. Nevertheless, in a world that didn't make sense, he had no doubt that Usagi would make her way here first to find answers.
A sense of relief and calm eased the tension in his shoulders as he stepped through the sliding doors of the arcade. The sound of the arcade games pinging, and the muffled laughter of Crown patrons brought back memories. Visions of watching as a certain odangoed beauty angrily smashed the buttons of her favorite game, cursing as Sailor V missed her attack again, messing up her high score for the umpteenth time brought a small smile to his lips, and he was glad he still had these memories to hold on to.
Movement on his left caught his eye, and he turned just in time to see Motoki emerge from the backroom, brushing his hands off on a hand towel. Thank God. If Motoki still worked here part-time, then perhaps the strange illusion that had taken over his world didn't extend to him?
If anything, Motoki would be the person who could tell him what the hell was going on around here. After all, Motoki had been his first real friend. He was the first one who'd stuck around, even when Mamoru first put up walls around himself, blocking Motoki out like he did everyone. Despite his brooding, cool, yet polite demeanor, Motoki had pushed through, forcing his way over carefully crafted walls, just like Usagi.
His relief quickly turned to dread when Motoki saw him, stopped, hesitated for a moment, his expression wary as he regarded him with suspicion rather than his usual smile and sunny disposition.
Motoki cleared his throat, dropping the rag to the counter as he moved forward, and Mamoru tentatively slid onto his usual seat, suddenly feeling apprehensive about coming here.
"What can I get for you?" Motoki asked, his voice cold as he stared at him with irritation laced into his expression. "Let me guess? Chocolate milkshake?"
Mamoru tensed, clenching his teeth as he tried very hard not to panic. Something was very wrong. Clearly, he and Motoki were not friends. Something had gone horribly awry in this world, or timeline, or whatever this was, and it had changed his relationships with everyone. And why had Motoki assumed he'd want a milkshake as if that was his regular? He'd never in his life ordered a milkshake for himself, though they were definitely Usagi's favorite.
He refused to believe that he wasn't at least on talking terms with Motoki and, ignoring all of the signs, Mamoru leaned forward on the counter, attempting a friendly expression despite the turmoil roiling with panic in his chest.
"Hey, 'Toki," he replied cautiously. Motoki's frown deepened at the name, and Mamoru instantly knew it was a mistake. But Motoki didn't push it. Instead, he stood there, aggravated as he waited impatiently for his order. "Just a coffee. Black."
Motoki eyed him a moment, quietly considering him with barely restrained contempt before he moved to set a mug down in front of him with jerky, anger-filled movements. As he filled the cup with the steaming black liquid, Mamoru wracked his mind for something to say to gather more information, some more insight into precisely how far this delusion had spread.
He quickly flipped through topic options through his head, then finally settled on something mundane. Relatively safe. Or so he'd thought. "So," he cleared his throat, taking a sip, the hot coffee burning his tongue. "How are your classes going?"
Motoki's brow furrowed even more, and he put down the pot of coffee with a clunk, startling Mamoru into nearly dropping his mug. "Okay, what's going on?" he demanded sharply. "Why are you talking to me, Tsukino?"
"I…"
"And why are you asking about my classes?" he snapped angrily. "It's not like you go to Keio. We're not friends. Why would you even care how my classes are going?"
The anger in Motoki's voice rose, but all Mamoru could concentrate on were the words he'd just furiously spat at him. He wasn't a student at Keio? The blood drained from his face, throat constricted with emotion. He'd always been serious about his studies. In a way, it had become such a big part of his identity. Mamoru took pride in his ability to climb the academic ladder. But not here. Here he clearly wasn't interested in what it took to become the best, including befriending Motoki.
Mamoru swallowed past the lump in his throat. Now wasn't the time to worry about his life and where he now stood. He could fix that later. Right now, he needed to find Usagi, and fast.
"I'm sorry, Motoki-san," he replied softly as he stared at his coffee cup for a moment. Then he took a breath, raising his eyes to meet Motoki's confused scowl. "Just one more question, and then I'll go." Motoki raised his hand, urging him to get it over with as if Mamoru was wasting his time. Mamoru sighed, grappling with the crushing realization that he'd somehow managed to lose one of the few friendships he'd always cherished. "Do you know where I can find Usagi Ts-Chiba?"
Mamoru knew immediately that he'd made a grave mistake when Motoki's eyes widened, and he straightened, his expression thunderous with rage and disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Mamoru stood, taking a step back as Motoki took a step closer, the counter the only thing that separated them. "Can't you just leave her alone? We're not in high school anymore. There's no reason to keep humiliating her."
"Humiliating…" Mamoru breathed, trailing off as the breath caught in his throat. He'd humiliated her?
Mamoru cringed when he admitted that, at the very beginning, there was a time when he hadn't always been kind to Usagi. Sure, he'd teased her, sometimes pressing her to the point of one of her adorable red-faced, foot-stomping tantrums. But he'd never humiliated her. At that moment, something became infinitely clear to Mamoru. If the sick, dread-filled feeling that was beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach was any indication, this world had been purposely crafted in a way that was highlighting his very worst attributes while clearly robbing Usagi of her very best ones.
"Where is your little posse, by the way, hm?" Motoki continued, unaware of the turmoil inside Mamoru's head as he garnered the attention of the whole Crown as his voice angrily rose in pitch.
Mamoru blinked, horrified, thoroughly confused. "My posse?"
"Yeah," Motoki snapped, hand waving in the air as he finally made his way around the counter. "You know exactly who I'm talking about! The so-called friends you made a point to keep close at hand. Jadeite, Nephrite, Kunzite, and that other one…"
"Zoisite?" Mamoru's head was spinning. He was in full-on panic mode. Not only was he apparently a jerk that had humiliated Usagi, but his friends, the Shitennou, were all here. What did any of this mean?
"Yeah, whatever, man," Motoki scoffed, his expression contorted into a look of unfettered disgust. "I don't care who they are. All I care about is how they treated Usagi when all she did was tell you that she liked you…" Motoki trailed off, shaking his head, apparently too disgusted to continue.
Mamoru couldn't manage to find the words to respond, especially as Motoki expectantly scrutinized him. All he could do was stand there, dumbstruck, unable to process what Motoki was implying because how the hell could he? This wasn't real. Motoki snorted, expression cold as he turned away, moving back around the counter, dismissing Mamoru as if he didn't matter.
"I didn't say anything back then," he rasped, pained, as he angrily picked up the rag off the counter. "I should have, and I didn't. I watched the way you mercilessly bullied her until she wouldn't show her face in the arcade anymore. She's finally coming back here, and I've promised myself that I would make sure this was a safe place for her."
It felt like Motoki was twisting a knife wedged in his chest because wasn't this one of his deepest, darkest fears? Hadn't he often entertained the stark truth that he wasn't any good for Usagi? That he didn't deserve her? That he'd only hurt her in the end? This was a completely different situation, of course, but the unbidden tears pricked at the corner of Mamoru's eyes, and he swallowed around the burning lump of emotion in his throat. It took a moment for Mamoru to remind himself that this wasn't real. Usagi, his Usagi, was probably trapped here looking for him, too.
By that time, though, Motoki had already dismissed him. His gaze was positively chilling when it met his. "Go home, Tsukino," he snapped coldly. "You and your friends are not welcome here."
Mamoru took a step back, stumbling a little, stunned by the harsh edge in what had once been his friend's tone. What the hell had he done in this world? Who was he?! How could he treat her like that? He was spinning, everything closing in around him. He was starting to doubt his ability to think clearly when the sound of the tiny bell above the front door chimed loudly as it opened, pulling his attention away from the hatred in the eyes of his former friend.
He turned, and his breath hitched when he saw her.
Usako.
She was there, standing in the doorway, holding a school book against her chest, the strap of a bag slung across her shoulder, wearing a familiar green jacket that was too big on her.
For a moment, it felt like time froze when Mamoru's eyes met hers. His heart stopped, and he practically choked on his disbelief because it was so fucking clear in that instant as he searched her gaze. It was apparent in the way that her eyes widened, shimmering with that cold, haunted look that he'd sometimes glimpsed in his own reflection. Usagi had no clue who she was. Somehow, she hadn't been spared the delusion of this messed up, backwards world.
Before he had time to say anything, she turned on her heels, blonde hair whipping around as she rushed back out through the doors and down the sidewalk. He cursed under his breath, and he didn't hesitate, ignoring Motoki's calls to leave her alone as he bolted after her, losing track of her as she turned the corner.
Damn, she was fast.
She ignored him when he called out her name, her head ducked as she weaved in and out of crowds of people with uncharacteristic agility as she ran. Instinctively, he had an idea of where she might be heading. At least, he hoped he did. When she turned into the park, he breathed a sigh of relief. He could catch up to her here. He had to!
"Usako, wait!" he panted, out of breath. "Please!"
When he finally reached her at the fountain, he grasped her arm, careful not to jerk her back too forcefully to get her to stop. She was breathing as heavily as he was. Her cheeks were red from the exertion of running, and he released her as she took a fearful step back, holding her book against her chest, a defense mechanism he was well aware of. Though she didn't try to run again, she dropped her head, fixing her eyes onto the ground, refusing to look up at him.
Mamoru felt like he was drowning. So afraid, so damned devastated that he'd somehow been thrust into a world in which the love of his life didn't meet his gaze. He'd always been so careful with his words, and when he wasn't stumbling over the right thing to say, he was quietly drafting a well-thought-out response in his head. At this moment, though, he was overwhelmed, and somehow he understood that everything depended on him to convince Usagi that whatever the hell this was, it wasn't real.
"Usako," he rasped, heart racing as he tried to steady his breathing. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
She still wasn't looking at him, but she gripped her book so tightly her knuckles were bleached white, and she took another step back as though she wanted to run in the opposite direction. He needed to get this out fast, without preamble, or she was going to bolt again.
"Listen to me," he pleaded, stepping forward in a desperate attempt to close the gap between them. "This. All of this." He gestured around wildly with his hand. "It's not real, Usako. I promise. None of this is real. It's all—"
"Why do you keep calling me that?" she interrupted, finally lifting her gaze to meet his with furrowed brows, scowling at him as though he'd grown another head.
"Because, Usako," he replied, taking a deep breath, forcing a steady, relaxed note in his tone to keep from startling her even further. "This world, it isn't real. I don't know what's going on, but in our world, in the real world, you're my Usako, and I'm you're Mamo-chan. And we're in love. We're about to get married."
At first, she was stunned, and a strangled sound of disbelief spilled from her lips as she took another step back. "What?" she hissed. "What's wrong with you? Are you making fun of me again?"
With his heart in his throat, he swallowed, lifting his hands wearily, refusing to break eye contact as he, once again, stepped towards her. "No, Usako," he replied steadily, willing her to see the truth. "It's true. I swear I am not making fun of you. I don't know who the hell that Mamoru is. You and I?" he choked, fighting back the emotion welling in the cavity of his chest. "We just left a cake tasting, and we were on our way home when—"
"Stop it!" she cried, and it tore at Mamoru's heart to see the doubt, the uncertainty glistening behind frantic eyes. "That's enough." She began, her lower lip trembling as her gaze darted around him before narrowing on the bushes to his right before frantically scanning the trees on his left. "Where is he? One of your friends has a camera, right?"
It took him a minute to understand what she meant, and he flinched, face pale as he vehemently shook his head. "No," he began, his tone hoarse with emotion. "There's no one with a camera. This isn't a joke." He tried to move back into her line of sight, but she looked around him, searching across the clearing for a cameraman who wasn't there.
"This isn't funny, Tsukino-san," she whispered, and the formality of her words intertwined with the trembling emotion in her voice broke him. "I mean, it's one thing to make fun of me for having that crush on you. But this goes beyond cruel, okay? You just don't…" She turned to leave, pulling her green jacket tighter around her. But he quickly stepped in front of her, intercepting her escape.
"Wait!" he cried, grasping both of her shoulders. He knew her. He knew Usagi Tsukino like he knew the back of his hand, and his little beacon of light believed in fate. She believed in love. He just needed to remind her. "Please, Usako," he pleaded. "You have to believe me. This isn't a joke. We belong to each other. Don't you feel it?"
For a moment, he was sure that he'd screwed up. That he hadn't adequately conveyed to her how he felt. He could have wept when the hard, unyielding edge in her eyes softened as she watched him. She seemed to make a decision, expression still wary, though he was sure she wasn't going to run again.
"Okay," she replied softly. "Tell me."
He paused for a moment, clearing his throat because this was his chance. He needed to convince her. To free her from whatever hold this world had on her. "I don't know what happened," he whispered, suddenly feeling drained as he, once again, forced himself to recall the horrible moments before he'd awoken here. "We'd just left a cake tasting. We were supposed to go out to eat, but...I don't know...everything froze."
"Froze?" she asked, brow arched, tone dripping with skepticism.
He inwardly cringed because he couldn't blame her. This would definitely sound crazy if he were telling it to someone else. But this wasn't just someone else. This was Usagi, and he had to get her to believe him somehow.
"Yes," he rasped, pacing, trying to fight off the urge to panic because what was the point of all of this? What if she didn't believe him and he was stuck in this hellscape in which he was apparently some kind of player who had destroyed every relationship he'd ever cherished? "I could transform, but you couldn't…"
"Transform?"
He stopped, meeting her wary gaze, and he knew there was no way he could possibly explain to her everything without sounding crazed. He was approaching this in the wrong way. Usagi had always been the one to remember first. To feel first. To love first. Even when they had no idea that they were reincarnated lovers meant to protect his planet together. She could remember again; he knew that she could. He just needed to remind her.
Tentatively he stepped towards her, conveying what he felt in his expression. "I'm sorry, Usako," he apologized softly, smiling wistfully as he tenderly tucked a wisp of hair behind her ear. "I know that you're confused right now, but I promise that I'm telling you the truth. I love you, and this entire world isn't real. I don't know what it is, but I really need your help to figure it out." He reached out, gently prying one of her hands away from the book. "You have to know that I would never lie to you. I don't know how we're going to get back to our world, but I promise you I'm going to figure it out."
"I…" she stuttered as she stared up at him, blinking with wide, glistening eyes. "I think I believe you."
Mamoru's breath caught, his heart skipping a beat with hope. "You do?"
"I do," she nodded. "I shouldn't, but I believe you."
Mamoru smiled, and she graced him with a timid smile of her own. He opened his mouth to say something, tell her about Rei, and start brainstorming ways to escape this delusion when a sudden buzzing sound began. The sound was so sharp, so painfully loud, that it felt like it had pierced through his eardrums, high jacking his brainwaves and his ability to move. Usagi's cry of pain intermingled with the shrill, overwhelming buzz from hell as she threw her book to the ground, cradling her hands over her ears as she dropped to her knees.
Mamoru wanted to go to her, gather her in arms in an attempt to protect her, but he couldn't fucking move again. All he could do was cover his ears, vision blurring as he tried to find the source of the sound that kept getting louder, sharper, more painful. But he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. Fear gripped him as darkness started to take over. The last sound that he heard beyond the tortuous shrill was the terrifying blood-curdling sound of Usagi screaming before the world went black.
oOo
His head still felt like it was being crushed beneath the weight of the unbearable pressure that had suddenly, and quite painfully, overcome all of his senses before he'd fallen unconscious again when trying to snap Usagi out of whatever daze she was trapped in. Groaning, he rolled onto his side, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger to get the pulsing in his head to stop by sheer force of will.
What the hell had that been about? One minute he was seconds from convincing Usagi that she wasn't whoever the hell she thought she was, and the next instant, all he'd felt was a searing pain as if his eyelids were being branded shut and someone had smashed him on the back of his head.
When the dull ringing in his ears and the throbbing behind his eyes waned a bit, he risked opening his eyes, and if his mouth didn't feel like he'd swallowed a mouthful of sand, he probably would have cursed with frustration out loud.
He was back in the same apartment that did not belong to him, tangled in the same stupid blanket he'd never seen in his life, wearing the same god-awful t-shirt and sweatpants he'd been wearing when he'd woken up here the first time. So clearly, whoever, or whatever, was in control of this illusion from hell didn't want him to tell Usagi the truth.
With his jaw clenched tightly, eyes blazing with the remnants of a headache and frustration, Mamoru forced himself to sit upright. His vision slowly adjusted to the darkness of his messy room. He did curse under his breath then as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and kicked aside a crumpled, dirty shirt. Why was this stupid bedroom so messy, anyway? And it wasn't the adorable, cluttered kind of mess that Usagi might leave behind. This was the type of mess left by a person who clearly didn't give a damn about the things in his life. Which, he inwardly scoffed, was perfectly fitting for the nightmare version of the Mamoru that apparently resided in this world.
He'd had everything, everything; a family, the ability to open up, socialize, and Usagi's love. The Mamoru of this world was truly a moron, though, and he needed to get everyone the hell out of here. But how was he supposed to do that if he was going to wake up here every time he broke some kind of unspoken rule. It would also be helpful if he knew what the rules were.
"Mamoru! What the hell?"
His head snapped up at the sound of Rei's muffled, irritated voice from the other side of the closed door. He sighed, raking his hand through his hair in frustration before he took a deep breath and pulled himself away from the bed to open it.
He winced as the light filtered into the darkness of the bedroom, then grimaced guiltily when he came face to face with Rei, who was wearing the same thing she'd been wearing when trying to impale Jadeite with kitchen utensils earlier. This time, Jadeite was nowhere to be seen, and she had her fists propped on her hips, scowling at him expectantly.
"What happened?" she demanded before he'd managed to gain his bearings. "One second, I'm trying to have a conversation with Ami, who has no idea who I am, by the way, and then the next thing I know, I'm reeling with a headache from hell and waking up beside Jadeite. Again. What did you do?"
Mamoru exhaled slowly, his eyes closing for a moment as he searched inwardly for the strength he needed to get through this. He grasped at the doorjamb, leaning against it as he pressed his fingers against his temple. "Why are we assuming that it was my fault?" he gritted out, pushing away from the door and stepping into the living room that was miraculously cleared of Rei's earlier devastation. The decorative bowl and picture frame both still perfectly intact. "What is this? Did we start the day over?"
Rei sighed loudly from behind him, highlighting that she was clearly just as frustrated as he was. "Yeah, it would seem that way," she snapped curtly. "At least Jadeite was in the exact same position that he was the first time I woke up, anyway."
Mamoru raised a brow, glancing at her over his shoulder. "Why isn't he ducking makeshift weapons courtesy of you, then?"
Rei's cheeks flushed, and her eyes narrowed as she huffed, waving her hand dismissively. "Probably because I didn't round kick him out of bed this time," she replied coolly, then swept past him towards the counter that held the picture frame, which she promptly flipped down with enough force to shatter the glass. "We're wasting time with this. Did you find Usagi?"
Mamoru wisely chose not to comment on the broken picture frame and frowned, shoulders slumping with defeat in response to her question. "Yes, I found her," he grated, shaking his head with disgust. "She's stuck in this whole illusion, Rei. I told her everything, and I think she believed me, but then…"
Rei's expression hardened. "But then, the headache from hell." Mamoru nodded, and Rei's brow creased, her eyes narrowing in contemplation. "When I ran into Ami and it became clear that she had no idea who I was, I started to explain what was happening. The moment that I did, though, I felt that beginning buzz in my head. It stopped me as if it were a warning."
Mamoru grimaced because, if he thought about it, he might have felt a little something like that when confessing to Usagi, but he'd promptly ignored it. Too driven to make her understand.
"So what does this mean?" he practically growled. "We're stuck here, and we can't tell anyone the truth, or we restart the day?"
Just then, from the other side of the bedroom door that Rei had shared with Jadeite, there was the familiar chime of a phone alarm. The same one that had gone off earlier in Jadeite's pocket. After a muffled expletive, some loud banging, and some shuffling, the door flew open, and Jadeite, hopping as he struggled to pull on a sock, stumbled into the living room.
"Rei," he whined, scowling petulantly. "Why didn't you wake me up? Neph is going to kill me!"
Rei sent him a withering glare that made Jadeite frown, but he shook his head, opting to ignore what was more than likely strangely distant behavior as he crashed through the genkan and pulled on his shoes.
"We'll talk about it later, I guess," he muttered with a sigh, casting her one last cursory, confused glance before he slipped out the front door with a shake of his head.
Rei didn't skip a beat; the only outward sign that she was affected by Jadeite was the sharply edged look in her eyes and the squared set of her shoulders as she turned back to Mamoru the moment the door clicked shut behind him.
"It would appear that this is very much the case," she agreed angrily. "Since we can't transform, and our friends are very much entrenched into this delusion, and we can't tell them about it, there has to be another way to get out of here."
Mamoru's thoughts had been drifting along the same lines, and he nodded. "Are all of your abilities gone?" he asked. "Could you still consult the fire?"
Rei's abilities extended beyond the gifted elemental Senshi powers of Mars. She'd always been in tune with nature, using the fire at the Hikawa shrine and the power of meditation to catch glimpses of things that were looming on their horizon.
She frowned, opened her mouth to respond when a sharp knock on the door interrupted her. Mamoru couldn't help but cringe because if the day had restarted, he knew exactly who was on the other side of the door.
"Mamoru? Are you home?"
It didn't matter that they both knew that all of this wasn't real. That it was some kind of hallucination. If looks could kill, Rei's glare would have gutted him where he stood as she stormed towards the door and, without hesitation, swung it open.
The girl didn't stand a chance in the face of Rei's fury, and she shrank back, sheepishly blinking up at her in confusion.
"He's taken," she snapped ferociously, but then Rei's expression softened ever so slightly as the girl gasped, standing slack-jawed, stunned into silence. "Look, you need to take control. Sleep with anyone you want to; that's your prerogative, but if he ghosts you? The jerk is not worth it. Trust me."
Before the girl could utter another word, Rei slammed the door in her face, swiveled around, and leveled him with a rage-filled glare that had Mamoru lifting his hands in defense.
"Would you stop glaring at me like that?" he pleaded with exasperation. "I don't know that girl, remember? I had nothing to do with…. that."
Rei exhaled, nodding, though she was still tense, and her expression was still carved with anger. "Okay, so here's the plan," she replied, opting not to respond to his comment. "I'm going to go to Hikawa shrine. I'm going to meditate, and I'm going to try and figure this out. You should go find Usagi. Don't tell her anything, but at least make sure that she's safe."
Mamoru wouldn't have disagreed even if he wanted to. It was a solid idea and better than anything he could come up with. He nodded, pulse racing and throat constricted with dread. They'd faced so many enemies over the years, and every time they'd fought, they'd won, so this time shouldn't be any different, right?
He wasn't convinced, and as he left the apartment in search of Usagi Chiba again for the second time that day, he knew that the only reason they'd always succeeded before was because of one thing.
Usagi.
Without her, they would fail.
oOo
We hope you enjoyed part one of Hiraeth! Stay tuned for part 2, which should be dropping very soon. 😉 Let us know what you think!
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