Everyone gets scared, it's part of being human. Just as much as being happy, sad, or angry, being scared is one of the most natural things people experience. Though it's just as natural as our other emotions, fear is something people seem to be ashamed of the most. When we're happy, we celebrate. When we're sad, we seek help and comfort. When we're mad, we show others to try and change what's making us mad. However, we hide when we're afraid, often using other emotions to hide it. Ask someone what they're afraid of and more often then not they'll say "Oh nothing really!" We like to pretend that the things we're afraid of don't actually scare us; but even on our best days, we listen to the things we're afraid of more than we'd like to admit.
There are just as many things to be scared of as there is to be happy, sad, or angry about. It's different for everyone. Some people are scared of living things, creepy crawlers and viscous animals. Other people are afraid of things we don't understand, like ghosts or math. Possibly the thing most people are afraid of is being left alone. That's what Mary is afraid of.
Or at least that's what Mary wondered as she stood in the door way to her home. She wondered if she was afraid of being alone, if that's the reason why she was crying. She wondered if the reason she was crying was because she was afraid that her boyfriend really meant it when he said "I don't think this is going to work out," and that she would now be alone. The lights were off in her home, save for the entryway light dimly lighting Mary standing away from the door, her now ex-boyfriend beyond the doorway. He held on to the door knob, ready to close it. Mary's tears weren't enough to keep him there, he knew this was for the best, while Mary feared this was for the worst. With no other words than had already been said, Mary's ex-boyfriend slowly shut the door and looked away as he vanished from her sight.
Mary stood in the dimly lit hallway for a moment. She waited for the door to open again. She wondered if the reason she was afraid was that now she was alone. She knew her tears weren't from sadness, she hadn't been with Randy long. The only thing left was to feel afraid that she's now alone. That must be it.
She reached for the door, but hesitated to grab it for a moment. This feeling was familiar. She grabbed the knob and opened the door quickly. The porch was empty and quiet, save for the rain dripping from roof. She stood in the open doorway for what felt like hours, but was likely minutes, she hoped she was only there for minutes. All she knew was that she was alone, and that loneliness kept her trapped in that spot. It was like a monster, creeping up to her at a steady pace. As she looked out into the street, the distance felt like forever, and the loneliness continued to creep and scare. It wanted to grab her and keep her there.
But Mary felt something warm and fuzzy next to her leg, followed by a deep and friendly meow. Mary turned to her cat rubbing up against her leg and picked him up. He purred and nuzzled into her neck as she held him. She held him tight and the loneliness began to creep away. The street no longer felt like a long endless hallway but just a few steps from her porch. She claws of the loneliness could no longer reach her as she held her cat and as she shut the door.
As Mary walked away from the door, she felt the urge to look back at the door, as if turning to the door would cause it to open on its own. As she felt that urge, she felt a her cat's purr grow louder, grounding her to the now. Mary scratched behind the cats ears and his purr somehow grew even louder, resembling that of a lion, something she always found surprising for a simple house cat. That was one of the reasons she loved him, his purr and…
His purring suddenly stopped, his head quickly turned towards the end of the hallway. He jumped from her arms and ran to the bookshelf near the stairs and swatted at shelf's corner. Mary followed to where he cat had run and soon found a rather large spider scurrying towards her. She screamed and covered her eyes as to avoid looking at it. It was huge and she couldn't bear to look at it scurrying at her, it's long legs hurrying in her direction. When she went to look again, her cat's paws were covering the spider. He lifted his paws to reveal the monsters remains, revealing that it was no bigger than pea. Mary was sure it was bigger, or at least felt that way.
After cleaning up the carnage of battle her feline friend had caused, Mary readied herself in her bed. The lights were off, and her bed felt small. She was alone in the dark. She wasn't afraid of the dark, but just being alone. She felt her cat warm up to her again as she lay in her pink night shirt. His purr kept the loneliness away.as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she could see where the lights from outside lit up smaller portions of her room with light blue hues. She looked about her room at her artwork, something she was so proud of to be pursuing, as hard and sometimes unrewarding as it felt, but knowing that not doing it was ignoring who she was. She followed the various drawings of strange creatures and until her eyes came to her closet door, still as it's always been, for as long as she can remember.
The door being closed was her loneliness, for sure, but as she continued to ponder she realized what really scared her. It was simply being alone, but always being alone that truly frightened her. She feared that those who she loved would always leave and shut the door behind them, forever making it so she'd be alone forever. This feeling, the claws of loneliness grabbing at her to keep her there, would always be there. The claws were vivid and foreboding, she felt she couldn't escape them, she tried to look away as long as she could her eyes came to a photo of her and her cat on the far side of the room. She always knows it's there, the picture of her and cat dressed up for Halloween, she's dressed up as an artist, and he is dressed up in a blue furry outfit with makeshift purple polka dots she drew herself, a caption she wrote below read "My little monster."
The claws vanished as Mary held her cat tight. She finally realized something she'd missed. For the door to close, it has to be opened first. People aren't simply in our lives, they enter it. She can't be always alone, someone will always be coming through the door, even if it's not right now. And even if someone won't come through the door again for a while, there is always someone in our lives who is there to help us realize our fears can't hurt us, that we don't need to be afraid of them. Mary realized that it is okay to be afraid. Just like our other emotions, fear doesn't last forever.
She slid down lower into her bed, but before letting the sheets cover her face, she looked one last time at her closet door. It was closed, but it would open again soon. Until then, she had those that were close to her to keep her feeling warm and fuzzy. She wrapped her arm around her cat and shut her eyes before sleepily whispering, "Goodnight, Kitty."