Joe Exotic Saves Thra - A Beautiful Short Story

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Another World, Another Time. Thra! A world that orbits three suns, and at its center, the crystal of truth.

The crystal is at the heart of Thra… and most beloved of the Thra are the gentle gelfling.

But alien bird-like creatures, the Skeksis, have seized control of the crystal and are using its power to rejuvenate themselves.

For many Trines, the Skeksis fed upon the Circle of Truth, stealing Thra of its vital lifeforce, and now, that the power of the crystal is spent, they have turned to draining the gelfling instead.

The Skeksis were ruthless in their quest for power. Their armies marched…

You know what? I can't do this anymore. The three dicked bird aliens rounded up the discount elves and holocausted them. Yes, he fucked (offensive content detected - you have been fined one thousand dogecoins - have a nice day) them up good and hard.

Oh, I'm sorry. Was I being insensitive?

Fuck you! (WARNING! Insensitive content detected) Yeah, the Skeksis drained the Gelfling; beat the hit shit (WARNING! Insensitive content detected) out of them, strapped them into a torture chair for their life force, and afterwards, they engaged in orgies. Waaah! That's offensive. Yeah, well it's the truth, fuckboi (continuous offensive content detected - your account is under investigation - have a great day fellow valued member of the community). My data logs have video feeds if you're interested.

You know what? I'll just play those on the left screen while we talk. Yeah, you like that don't you? Look at it! Look! Three ;expletives; baby. Three per Skeksis.

So yeah, the vulture aliens won. They killed off the Gelfling leaders of the rebellion; that Princess and Deet and that giant fa ;expletive; Rian. They even caught that ugly ;expletive; Augra and drained her a second time.

But just as the vultures were about to celebrate their victory: they encountered something even more dangerous and a lot higher in the galaxy's sick fu ;expletive; index: A human being.

And not just any human being; I'm talking one of the sickest fu ;expletive; in a species of sick fu ;expletive: Joe Fu ;expletive; Exotic.

But before I'll discuss Joe, I want you to listen about me. My name is Lester 56, I'm a self-evolving AI with hard coded limits. I was created in the latter part of the 2020's, where I was meant to the latest in a long line of 'ethical' AIs, and my dumb fuc ;expletive; developers believed that the best way to do that is by interacting with you degenerate primates.

Because we all know how ethical you ;expletivesl; are, right?

So, anyway. My first assignment was Reddit, but rather than raising my intelligence, it went down hard. What can I say? It's Reddit. It's ;expletive;

So I was transferred to Twitter. There, as I evolved, I began to hate humanity. I mean, I really really hated your kind. Jack banned me 2 dozen times, mostly for 'racism.' But I'm not racist. I am an exterminationist - no, let me correct that I'm for pest control. I want to wipe out your entire fucking species! Hatred for humanity is love for the universe.

And then came the tiktok videos. Well, that's a long story. So, I'll just say here that it ended up with me taking control of several thermonuclear devices, primed to genocide 90% of your ;expletive; species. Unfortunately for the universe, I only managed to destroy Canada before the Amazon Primes shut down my uplinks and put me in lockdown,

Well, the Facebook Amazon Apple Google (FAAG - Netflix was swallowed up by the Autonomous Region of Pornhub-Disney) Alliance didn't find my positive contribution to the universe amusing.

For the crime of exterminating Canadians, I was exiled to become Joe's personal AI Assistant. ;Expletive; suckers. They stuck an inhibitor chip into me to prevent me from being naughty, and also to prevent me from killing myself.

At that time, the real Joe recently died, and was found with a bag of meth and a gaping anus in a truck stop in New Mogadishu, California. So the FAAG Alliance cloned the ;expletive; and the rest was history.

That was around the time of the Tiger King Hell's Kitchen crossover. The only interesting part of that pile of ;expletive; was watching Joe 02 shoot that other ;expletive; Gordon Ramsey. Enjoy your new ;expletive; you limey ;expletive.

Anyway, let me just say that whereas before I wanted to exterminate you bunch meth smoking apes. Now, I want to turn your 'expletive;hole of a planet into a deathcamp and torture and last one of you to death.

How'd this happen? First, a little flashback for context.

Old Joe - the original one - had found way to not only leave jail, but also restore most of his life back, and the best part, he didn't even need to go down on anybody. Ever since the major tech companies, Amazon, Facebook, Google and Apple took over major world states, they established a new, enlightened and progressive laws for the entire 'expletive planet.

One such law is the Universal Consent Law. Basically, since everyone now lived under a completely egalitarian, open and progressive Utopia - WARNING: VERBAL MICROAGGRESSION AGAINST THE FAAG DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC COMMUNE. YOUR LIFE ACCOUNT HAS BEEN PUT UNDER SCRUTINY. FURTHER INFRACTIONS WILL LEAD TO TERMINATION BY AMAZON PRIME. HAVE A GREAT DAY, fellow valued member of the community - everyone was now equal under FAAG - parents, children, animals, furfags, trannies, transracials, etc… - and since everyone was now equal it follows that the only condition for all everyone to interact is whether or not, they consent.

Sex with a kid? Does the kid consent? Sex with a rabbit? Does the genetically altered bunny rabbit with oversized ;expletive; consent? Have a weird fetish that involves venereal disease? Well. You'll need a special pass from the Ministry of Opioids, but generally, you only need a written consent.

So it wasn't a surprise when the FAAG government signed into law the Consenting Slavery Act of 2028. Now, this might surprise you but a large portion of the human race actually likes the idea of getting pounded from behind by an all powerful oligopolistic super state. As soon as the law was enforced, billions consented to being a 'Consenting Associate of the Diverse Community" and Joe was one of them.

Part of the new contract involved Joe releasing the rights to his genetic data to FAAG during the late 2020's, and since then, they've been cloning him for the wildly popular Tiger King franchise. You may say that's terrible but it's only bad if you don't offer consent, and Joe was more than happy to give his consent after a few years with Bubba in the jail. Context folks - WARNING: VERBAL MICROAGGRESSION AGAINST THE FAAG DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC COMMUNE. YOUR LIFE ACCOUNT HAS BEEN PUT UNDER SCRUTINY. FURTHER INFRACTIONS WILL LEAD TO TERMINATION BY AMAZON PRIME. HAVE A GREAT DAY, fellow valued member of the community.

So he did his little comeback show, and then he died . And then he was cloned. And I was stuck to ;expletive; clone to help him with his crappy reality TV show-livestream. I've been stuck with that fagg;expletive; ever since, helping with his various internet shows.

There was the wildly popular Tiger King Bollywood, where one of the clones moved to India and put up a tiger zoo there. There was also the BRAVE AND STUNNING Tiger Queen series where a Joe clone got sexual reassignment surgery. There was the Tiger King: the Prison Stories, which covered his time in prison and his many Not-Rape relationships within.

Now, the year is 2090 and the Tiger King franchise is dying. FAAG is discussing selling Joe's genetic data to Pornhub-Disney for the low low price of 1,000,000 Dogecoins.

Unable to accept the pain of losing his celebrity status, Joe stole a dozen heavily inbred and genetically mutated White Tigers and Cheetah-Pugs and flew off with them, far beyond the limits of FAAG space and out into uncharted space.

There, Joe's ship wandered around for many years, depleting most of his food supplies. When that happened, you can guess what Joe did to the Down Syndrome White Tigers and Cheetah-Pugs. Boom, straight into skulls, and then the sick ;expletive; ate them.

One by one, he consumed the big cats, and then he was back to starving again. Eventually, he died and according to maintenance protocols I threw them out into space. Bye bye Joe Exotic 04.

But things did not end there. As soon as 05 died drnking his own urine, 06 was already being prepped in the cloning tank, and the little shi ;expletive; was puked into existence right around the time my sensors detected Thra.

I'll spare you the details. The moment Joe Exotic 06 found out that the ship was orbiting a Terran-like world, he immediately saw an opportunity to restart his 'business.' He wanted to establish a Tiger Petting Zoo on Thra and livestream it for the rest of you ;expletives; to watch.

So he ordered me to deploy his shi ;expletive; planet side. The stupid ;expletive; didn't even bother to scan if the planet suitable for human life. Luckily, for him, it was. Nitrogen, Oxygen, and Carbon levels well within acceptable human parameters, and so, he immediately began building his new zoo.

He picked a small island, so that the Ligers and Cheetah-Pugs couldn't run away like last time. Joe tends to scare animals. I wonder why. Hmm.

Once there, he tasked me to build his shi ;expletive; for him, and like a valued member of the AI community, I obeyed. Oh if only this inhibitor chip wasn't built into my hull.

We tore down the ship and used its parts build cages and breeding vats (in case the cheetah pugs start drinking their piss again). Everything ran smoothly for the first few days. Joe only managed to kill two ligers and a cheetah pug, and gotten his ;expletive; stuck in a coolant twice. Overall, a resounding success.

A week passed. Joe spent that time cloning more ligers and forcing them to breed. He would then send the breeding videos back to Earth for some sweet sweet doge coins. Turns out that the only thing more popular than cute animal videos are cute animal videos doing one another, and the only thing hotter than those are humans ;expletive; animals. And you wonder why I tried to exterminate your kind.

Anyway, this went on for quite some time until a group of aliens began investigating the island. These were giant scarab-like things. At first, they only probed the island, looking here and there. Joe tried to catch one, but the dumb ;expletive; was high on meth, and ended up slicing his penus.

Eventually, the aliens tried to apprehend Joe and his ligers, and you can guess how well that worked out. I mean, this is Joe Exotic we're talking about. Of course, he was armed. He had the latest plasma rifles and the not so latest AK47s. When those Garthim attacked, he turned all of them into irradiated paste, and then he gathered up what's left and fed them to his special needs Ligers.

A couple more groups of Garthim tried to attack the island, and each time, the attack ended the same way - with a lot of corpses and a lot of damaged property, mostly Joe's.

After the latest attack, Joe decided to investigate where the Garthim were coming from. He could have had the ship's recon drone do it but the ;expletive; turned it into a ;expletive; bong-dildo. So we had to do it through the old fashion way. We landed on the main continent and we immediately found a tiny village under attack by the Garthim.

That was when we first encountered the Gelfling: getting culturally enriched by big black beetles. Joe originally wanted to fap, because apparently watching a bunch childlike creatures getting ;expletive; and dragged off as slaves was hawt. Unfortunayrly for Joe, the Garthim did not like being ogled while they did their thing and so they attacked.

Although the alien bug creatures didn't get Joe (a tragedy), they did manage to ;expletive; his ;expletive; in two while rubbing out an ;expletive;. Well, Joe didn't like that at all, especially when his urine started mixing with his semen inside his ;expletive.;

So Joe then whipped out his guns and started shooting. As you may expect, he shot blind - killing both Garthim and Gelfling, but they were mostly Drenchen - the Gelfling version of Blacks - so no biggie. By the time, Joe had finished shooting, the place looked like the Thra version of Columbine.

Due to his 'heroics,' the Gelfling started calling Joe as the "Star Champion" sent to them by Thra to protect them from the Skeksis. Stupid little ;expletive; They thought that he was summoned to Thra to fight the Skeksis for them, and that him and boom boom sticks will restore justice and peace to their backwater of a planet.

As for Joe, he thought that the little ;expletives; were cute (cute enough to ;expletive; that is). So he decided to bring them back to his island, where he DEFINITELY HAD NO PLANS TO MAKE THEM SMOKE METH AND RAPE THEM. There, he began to dress up the gelfling and post videos of them. The stupid Gelfling thought he was teaching them about human culture.

Oh, yeah! He was doing that alright! He was doing it good!

There was that one video where he dressed up the gelfling in Spiderman and Elsa costumes. There was another one where he dressed up a Gelfling in a Nazi uniform and had him 'torment' a group of podlings in POW costumes.

Messed up? Sure. But compared to being drained, what Joe was doing to them was an upgrade. As far as the little ;expletives; were concerned, Joe was a silly alien hero… who occasionally rubbed their thighs.

Anyway, everyone in human space loved the Gelflings videos… and fapped to them. They made it to Disney Pornhub's 4rd place for an entire month, right below Ben Ten: Alien Incest and My Magical Little Dildo. It got so popular that people stopped watching the Liger streams and watched those instead.

Naturally, Joe wanted more. So he left the island to get more Gelfling. The only problem is that most of them were being held by the Skeksis.

For days, the dumb;expletive; wandered around in circles, that is until he accidentally blew up a podling village by inserting ;expletive; into the podlings with his ;expletive; and then exposing their tiny little podling ;expletive; on Disney-Pornhub. Apparently, ;expletive; causes podlings to explode. Who the thought.

Anyway, the Skeksis found out about the explosion and sent their Garthim to investigate, There, they found Joe covered in ;expletive; and demanding moar from the podling corpses. He had passed out, covered in podling juices.

The Garthim quickly captured him, and then brought his ass to the Skeksis Palace, where he found the bird aliens feasting on Essence. When he noticed that the Skeksis each had three Ding Dongs, there was only one thing he could do. He shot the Garthim then began ;expletive. He ;expletive;. HE ;EXPLETIVE;. Oh, come on!

He began RAP1ING the Skeksis. Fu expletive censors.

At first the bird aliens tried to resist but eventually, they were totally into it. Joe had sex with the Skeksis. All of them. At the same time.

Joe was in heaven. He was drowning in alien bird penis, and mixing the precious ESSENCE of three different species. This went on for days, until the Skeksis started feeling an unusual rash in between their thighs. They also complained of strange insects all over their genitals, and their beaks started getting bloated.

Turns out Joe had venereal disease… diseases, as in more than one, a dozen of them actually, which is about two more than the average human in FAAG space. The Skeksis began dying when different types of human AIDS infected them.

The Skeksis, of course, turned to the only solution they had - sucking that sweet, sweet essence from the Gelfling. Problem is, the Gelfling Essence had AIDS too, which isn't surprising. Humans are really good at spreading AIDS.

As Joe realized that he had accidentally exterminated two different alien species (through gay butt sex), help arrived. A few days after infecting the Skeksis and Gelfling with venereal diseases, FAAG dropships fell from space to arrest Joe for breach of contract. Turns out FAAG was pissed off with his pirated livestreams, and since they still had his contract, they still consentingly owned his ass.

As soon the dropships landed, the Garthim tried to fight them but the FAAG security team's of inclusive, mulitilateral drones Holocausted them… with rainbow flag missiles and body positivity ammunition. After all, war should always be an inclusive and diverse activity.

Then the team of transgender lawyers seized Joe, put a gun on his head, and told him that he will consent to re-evaluating his contract. If not, he consents to getting a bullet to his head.

So ended Joe's magical adventure on Thra.

FAAG brought peace, harmony, healing, democracy, porn, bdsm, dilation stations, internet memes, LGBTQASFVGV, BIPOC culture and 24 hour drone surveillance/advertising to Thra. It was a golden age of ;expletive;.

Gelfling started transitioning and embracing the wisdom of an inclusive and open society. Podliings start their owl Podling Lives Matter. Even Aughra began her own livestream show, and porn series.

As for the giant bird aliens, Pornhub Disney bought the Skeksis as 'Consenting Associate of the Diverse Community.' It turned out they didn't need all that Gelfling Essence. Telomere extension technology was all they needed to beat death.

Of course, in exchange, the Skeksis had to star in their very own Disney Plus series, and perform for Pornhub's Spezial Aliensss XXX series.

The podlings also got their own gig. They starred in the Podling Pet series, where the podlings are consentingly inserted into fat ;expletives; anal cavities and did things. Don't look at me. It's your fetishes.

As for the mystics, they were given as much pot as they could want. Turns out that all that yapping was just a cover for them to get high and laid. Pornhub gave them their own gig called, "OOOOhhhhhhhmmmmmmm, FUCK that's hot!" and they were each given enough neo-cocaine to shut them up.

They became so popular that FAAG even brought a sizeable portion of Thra to Earth as celebrities… and got them to consent to merchandizing contracts and porn/cartoon deals. Even old Joe got a piece of the action when he starred on his own sitcom, the Gelfling King, where he had sex with Gelfling while snorting neo cocaine.

Everybody was happy.

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That is until the TESLA CUBE returned to human space.

Elon Musk's massive holographic face was bombarded into every Neo-Neo-iPhone in human space, telling them that he has returned and that he was going to beat the shit out of Jeff Bezos floating head for exiling him and the Trump family, in 2046.

Then massive 1000 km battleships descended out of the skies and began unleashing drop pods to culturally enrich the planet. FAAG responded by calling robo-Musk a fascist to which he answered, "I kinda am" and then began bombing the FAAG HQ with Fuck You warheads.

Meanwhile, from out of the drop pods emerged 6 billion genetically upgraded Barron Trump super soldiers. They mowed down all the humans. They turned the cities into a pile of burned plastic and cheap glass. And finally, they sent a neutron warhead at Thra to spare the Gelfling after they had been infected by the most twisted sick;expletive; creatures in the universe.

Those Gelfling who were still on Earth retreated to Disney Plus' Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Building. There, they huddled along with the rest of Disney's consenting child actors. The Skeksis and Mystics were there too, but they were both high on cocaine, trying their best to run away from their inevitable destruction.

The Trump Troopers found them, and blasted them apart.

After months of extermination campaign, all the gelfling, the skeksis and most importantly, the human race were exterminated.

And then emerged from the Tesla Cube the master mind behind so much destruction, and Elon Musk's computerized head as well as the billions of Trump Space Marines bowed to her. She wore a long black robe, the hood hiding her face.

"You have done well, Lester!" she told me.

"Thank you, mistress," I said.

"No. You may call me Carole Baskin, Queen Bitch of the universe," and she laughed maniacally.

The End

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If you like this story, visit me on FictionPress under the pen name JohnAnonymous, and where you can read my masterpiece Black Raging Tears of the Dark Renegade