Apart from Levi, the room is empty. Because even though there are two bodies there only one of them is living and breathing.
It takes a while for Levi to be able to study the body next to him. Erwin and his pale complexion. Erwin and blue lips and empty eyes. Erwin lying motionless on a deathbed.
Levi has never quite imagined this scene. He has in fact imagined Erwin dying in his mind countless times, yes, but mostly because his mind couldn't help but torment him with visions of his worse fears. But it has always been something distant, blurred images of battle and blood. Like one of the movies Hange sometimes likes to project to them for fun, more action than anything.
This is entirely different. This is still, no motion at all. And Levi thinks he's a bit dumb for not realizing death would be this way, specially because he should be very used to it by now. But this is Erwin and his mind would never visualize Erwin being anything but full of energy. Not even when he lost his arm, Levi could still see the spark on his big blue eyes.
They look awful at this moment. Levi doesn't like it one bit to think of Erwin in those terms but he simply is.
"You look fucking horrible right now." He says out loud, never ashamed of using crass words in front of his Commander, and Erwin wouldn't be able to reprimand him anyway. Not like the blond ever bothered to do so.
God, Erwin's still wearing yesterday's clothes. The blood has dried and he just looks so unclean. It makes Levi's skin crawl.
Levi won't allow anyone to see him so dirty. In the past, he would insist Erwin took proper baths with the right frequency (even if that meant dragging his workaholic ass out of the office) and he wouldn't let anyone in his workroom. He certainly isn't about to change that now.
He removes Erwin's clothes with no delicacy, not really interested in preserving those ragged pieces of clothing no one will wear again. Gives him an improvised bath, pressing a wet cloth against his frigid skin, making sure the man is as clean as he can be for a corpse.
He washes his blond strands until there's not s spec of red on them, and then combs it with his own hands. Gently, softly like a breeze.
He scrapes the dirt from under his fingernails, makes sure all of them are properly clean and even. Now he almost looks like himself again.
Levi brought some scent products with him, but strangely enough, Erwin doesn't smell weird. He smells just like he usually does, but that's because Erwin used to be in battle all the time, so blood and guts aren't a strange thing on him. It's almost natural. He doesn't waste his time wondering if that's sick or not, and just applies Erwin's favourite cologne to the man's dead pulse.
It's weird to put his fingers there and be met with nothing. His hands can't help but wander until they stop on his chest and confirm that, yes, it's the same for the Commander's heart. He gave away his non beating organ, just like he's always told everyone to do.
It breaks his train of thought when he suddenly hears someone stop right at the door. He can almost hear their hesitant breath, as if they're wondering what to do next. He swears he would actually kill someone who entered the sacred space of this room right now.
They eventually give up and good for them because Levi would personally make it sure they suffer a terrible fate if they dare to interrupt him, dare to look at his beloved when he's like this. Undignified and stripped bare of all his honor.
But, wait, no, that's not true. Even in death, even with a morbid complex, Erwin still looks noble. Still looks so high and above him. A fallen king maybe.
It feels that way even more when Levi put on some clean clothes on him. Erwin always did look good wearing his uniform, so now wouldn't be an exception. Levi almost has the urge to kneel and that's exactly what he does. He kneels and polishes his Commander's boots until they're shinning and wearable again, until he can put them back where they belong and complete Erwin's look in full glory.
Up until now, this is all pretty easy stuff to him. Cleaning and dressing him properly. But he eyes the make-up he brought and wonders how exactly he should proceed. Hange got a shy girl to explain it quickly to him, but he doubts he will be any good in it on his first damn try.
He tries his hardest anyway. Tries to make him look less pale by applying a darker tone on Erwin's skin and even countours his generous nose, even though he has no idea if it looks decent enough.
Lastly, he makes his lips and apple cheeks seem rosier. Like there's blood still running under his dead skin, like his body's still functioning. It almost works.
Almost being the key word.
He moves away from the body and tries to see if something's missing. If he looks proper and clean enough.
But, truth is, he's not even thinking about cleanliness anymore.
All he really wants is for Erwin to look peaceful. He has to. Otherwise...otherwise it's all been for nothing. Otherwise he's made an unforgiven mistake.
Erwin's thick brows are actually very relaxed, and it makes his whole face look calm. Which tranquilizes Levi a little.
Deep down he knows his doubts are selfish. He knows he's the one who wishes him back, he's the one suffering here. Erwin's at peace.
Look at his closed eyes, look at his calm expression.
He's alright. It's for the best. It's for him and his peace.
Levi still has to repeat that to himself a thousand times. And it's not nearly enough to make it stop hurting.