Note :
Hi !
This is a translation of my fic "A bout de souffle", originally in french.
I translated it myself but English is not my first language, so feel free to tell me if you see any mistake. I'll fix it as soon as possible ! :D
Ah, and I wrote this fic when there was only the season 1, so it's only season 1-compliant :)
Have a nice day :)
Ladybug suspected that stopping Hawkmoth would be difficult. After years of terrorizing Paris, it was impossible for the famous supervillain to surrender without a fight.
And unfortunately for her, her enemy did perfectly justice to this sinister prediction.
The final battle between Hawkmoth and the two heroes of Paris is incredibly intense. Devastating, even. The villain fights body and soul, pushing Ladybug and Chat Noir to their limits.
Never has Ladybug witnessed such an upsurge of rage, and never has she come so close to the worst.
To say that Hawkmoth fights back is a huge understatement. He raced through the streets of Paris like a storm of hate, devastating the hitherto peaceful neighborhood where Ladybug and Chat Noir cornered him. What used to be a beautiful summer evening quickly took on the form of hell on Earth as the supervillain sows havoc and desolation in its path.
Statues that split, buildings that crumble, vehicles that burst into flames, nothing is spared by his stormy anger.
Especially not Chat Noir and Ladybug.
His face distorted with rage, Hawkmoth attacks the two heroes without the slightest pity. Striking blows all more brutal than each other, knowingly seeking to strike at the moment when they would be most vulnerable.
Without their combat experience, their amazing teamwork and Ladybug's miraculous luck, there is no doubt that the outcome of the battle could have been fatal to the two heroes. But they fight, again and again, clenching their teeth under the blows and ignoring the throbbing pain that pulses through their bodies.
And finally, finally, when hope seemed as tenuous as a lighted candle in the middle of a storm, they succeed in taking down Hawkmoth.
Heart beating wildly under the combined effects of pain, emotion and adrenaline, Ladybug approaches her longtime adversary. Fingers trembling, she reaches for his collar before removing his miraculous with a sharp gesture.
And at that precise moment, her world falls apart.
Ladybug remains petrified. Paralyzed by an incredulous horror, she stares at Hawkmoth's face without actually seeing it.
For a brief moment, her brain freezes as surely as if it had been stuck in ice. She can no longer think, she refuses to conceive of the obvious. To admit that she knows those severe features, this light hair, this man whose photo regularly appears in the biggest fashion magazines in the country.
Impossible, she wants to scream. It's impossible.
And yet, she has to admit the truth.
Gabriel. Agreste.
Hawkmoth is none other than Gabriel Agreste.
Adrien's father.
Around the girl in shock, police officers rush. They deploy, form a cordon to keep the already arriving crowd at a distance. The journalists' flashes crackle, illuminate the silhouette of the heroine and the man lying at her feet. Like in a bad dream, Ladybug sees these flashes of harsh light exacerbating Gabriel Agreste's features, making the scene a little more real every second.
Adrien's father is Hawkmoth.
Giddy, Ladybug staggers. She feels her stomach twisting and has to fight against a sudden feeling of nausea. She would never have imagined that her worst enemy could be the father of one of her classmates.
What's more, a classmate particularly dear to her heart.
She has no doubts that Adrien's life is turning into the most absolute horror at this very moment. He is the only son of Hawkmoth and all of Paris probably already knows it. Her throat as dry as if it had been sandpapered, Ladybug swallow hard.
It's a disaster. An absolute disaster.
Never has she felt so helpless. She would like to erase everything, to do all she can to protect Adrien, but it's too late.
Adrien is Hawkmoth's son, and she dares not imagine her classmate's distress at this devastating news.
It's only when she heard Alya let out a horrified gasp that Ladybug finally comes out of her torpor. She turns around, sees her best friend a few meters away. The young blogger's eyes are so wide that they seem ready to spring from their sockets and her hands are clenched over her mouth, as if to hold back a horror-stricken cry.
With a strange detachment, Ladybug briefly wonders if she looked as stunned as her friend when finding out who Hawkmoth is. Then, barely a fraction of a second later, she realizes that Chat Noir should have been in her sight as well.
The girl turns around again, looking for her teammate.
But Chat Noir has disappeared.
In the grip of a migraine as sudden as it is violent, Ladybug mechanically brings her hands to her temples. Too many thoughts swirl under her skull, which seems to be about to explode. She can feel waves of pain pulsing relentlessly under her head and now has only one desire: to flee. Get out of this nightmare, go home, and cry until she can't take it anymore.
Adrien's father is Hawkmoth and it breaks her heart.
Around Ladybug, the chaos intensifies even more. Police officers surround Gabriel Agreste, journalists shout their questions to the only heroine they see, onlookers hurl insults at the famous stylist.
The cacophony is total.
The words collide, intermingle, without Ladybug being able to understand the slightest question that one asks her.
Not that she wants to answer it, anyway.
Biting her cheek hard to try to hold back the tears rising in her eyes, Ladybug waves to the crowd with a brief gesture of her hand. Then, without saying a word, she throws her yo-yo in the air and disappears behind the rooftops of Paris.
As Marinette had rightly supposed, the news of the identity of Hawkmoth spread in Paris like wildfire. In just a few hours, information swept over the internet like an uncontrollable tidal wave, inundating the city and the whole of France.
Under other circumstances, she would have been delighted to have defeated her enemy. Proud, even.
She would certainly have celebrated this brilliant triumph with Chat Noir, while congratulating herself on now being able to enjoy her last high school vacation without the slightest constraint. Classes are over, exams are just finished, and the defeat of Hawkmoth would have been for her the starting point of a wonderful summer of freedom for her.
But today, victory tastes terribly bitter.
Certainly, Marinette stopped Hawkmoth.
But she also snatched from Adrien the only family he had left.
Night has already fallen for several hours and Marinette is still awake, unable to sleep. She is sick with worry for her classmate and plagued with guilt. Tikki may tell her that she only did her duty and that she is in no way responsible for Hawkmoth's actions, Marinette cannot help but blame herself. Adrien's father will certainly spend the next few years in prison, and it was she who handed him over to justice.
What is the use of being a heroine if it is to inflict such suffering on the one she loves?
She can't imagine all the pain Adrien must feel right now. He and Gabriel Agreste are hardly close, it's no secret. But everyone also knows how thirsty Adrien is for this fatherly love that he misses so much and how much he has always dreamed that his father would give him even a second of attention.
Marinette doesn't know how she would feel if she had to learn that her own father was a supervillain. If he was the man who had terrorized Paris for years. The one who attacked her as well as her partner. The one who had almost hurt her or worse yet again and again, without the slightest hint of mercy.
This simple idea her his stomach and brings tears to her eyes.
As if the situation wasn't cruel enough, Adrien doesn't even have the luxury of being able to lick his wounds in the strictest privacy. Gabriel Agreste is a well-known figure in Paris and the scandal is immense. Marinette knows from Alya that journalists have been laying siege to the family mansion since the moment the identity of Hawkmoth was revealed. They photograph the house from all angles, try to call Adrien from the street, saturate the telephone lines of all those who are connected with the Agreste family in a way or another.
Marinette feels nauseous just thinking about the harassment Adrien must now going through.
If she feels like she's living a real nightmare, then her friend must feel like he's been thrown into hell, for sure. As Tikki rubs affectionately against her cheek in to try to comfort her, Marinette presses her hands against her eyes in an attempt once more to contain her tears, while anxiously wondering how Adrien is going to face this terrible ordeal.
Barely two days later, Marinette has her answer.
Adrien flew to the United States, fleeing Paris, the journalists and his father.
Without a word or a farewell.
It is Alya who tells Marinette about it, after having been informed by Nino herself.
The news of Adrien's departure is the final blow for the young heroine, already weakened by two endless days to be devoured with anguish. In shock, she hangs up on Alya's face without saying a word.
Then she bursts into tears, heartbroken.
Too much.
This is too much.
The emotions she had been trying to contain overflow, surge, take everything in their path. There is nothing Marinette can do to fight this uncontrollable tidal wave. She doesn't even try, by the way. She breaks down, lets herself be carried away by guilt, sadness, anxiety, all these negative feelings which intermingle and suffocate her.
She cries for hours, over and over and over again. And every time she feels like she's about to stop, her pain hits her head-on and she bursts into tears once again.
She would never have suspected that she had so much water in her body.
"Come on, Marinette...", Tikki murmurs in a soft voice, while patting her shoulder with a comforting gesture. "It's not your fault. I'm here. Don't worry. I'm here. "
Marinette tries to smile through her tears, tries to show her kwami how much she appreciates his help. But her heart is shattered and she can't seem to pretend to be better. So she cries, again, while Tikki continues to ensure her unfailing support.
Aware of the devastating effect that the announcement of Adrien's departure could have on Marinette, Alya is not outdone. She keeps flooding her friend with messages of support, going so far as to suggest that she come to her house to keep her company. Marinette hesitates to accept his offer, then finally declines it.
She feels too fragile. Too vulnerable.
With her raw nerves and the oppressive guilt she still feels, it would take nothing for her to confess her secret to Alya. To tell her that she is Ladybug.
And although Hawkmoth is no longer a threat, Marinette cannot bring herself to reveal her secret identity to her best friend. She's just not ready. Maybe someday she'll tell her. But not right now. She's been lying to her too long, too many times to be sure her confession goes smoothly, and she definitely doesn't need a confrontation with her best friend today.
After a horrible day spent sobbing on her bed, Marinette finally regains courage. The pain is still there, omnipresent and haunting.
But she cannot decently stay moping forever.
In a gigantic effort of will, she tears herself from her mattress. She puts one foot on the ground, then the other, and grabs her ladder to go out onto her terrace. Once outside, she is greeted by the cool wind which is now blowing over the sleeping capital. This gentle breeze dries up the last tears that lingered on her burning skin and brings her an unexpected sense of calm.
Marinette takes a deep breath, closing her eyes in an attempt to evacuate the last vestiges of her endless anxiety attack. Her heart is still beating too hard, too fast, and her hands are shaken by a nervous tremor. She feels so weak that she could curl up on a corner and immediately be crushed by fatigue.
But the unwavering support of her two precious friends has worked wonders.
She is not alone. She has Tikki, she has Alya.
And above all, she has Chat Noir.
Marinette leans on her balcony and lets her gaze wander over the city. She and her teammate had long vowed that they would reveal their identities to each other once Hawkmoth was defeated. She has always embraced this idea, but now she knows she needs it more than ever. Given the state of emotional distress in which she finds herself, the support of the one in whom she has absolute faith will certainly be more than saving.
With a heavy sigh, Marinette lowers her head until her burning forehead rests against the icy metal of her balcony.
She needs to see Chat Noir.
She needs to see him now.
During the following day, Marinette tries to contact Chat Noir relentlessly. She transforms, tries to call him, tries to locate him on her radar, and swears when all these attempts remain unsuccessful.
More than ever, she curses her paranoia which has made her repeatedly refuse to set up a communication system that could allow her to reach her partner out of costume.
At first, her partner's silence annoys her.
Then it worries her.
"Answer ...", she murmurs like a prayer, staring at the screen of her yo-yo for what must be the hundredth time. "Answer, you stupid cat..."
But once again, Chat Noir gives no sign of life. Her chest tight with a now too familiar feeling of worry, Marinette hangs up. She has always been firmly convinced that once Hawkmoth is defeated, her teammate will be quick to tell her who he is. He never wanted their respective identities to remain a mystery, although he always respected Ladybug's decision to wait to reveal their secret.
As Marinette wonders with anguish if something bad has happened to her precious partner, a noise echoes in her room.
Light blows, struck against her trapdoor.
"Marinette? Her mother says, putting her head through the opening. "Can you come down? You have a visitor. "
Heart beating wildly, Marinette sits up sharply. A visitor Immediately, the girl's imagination runs wild. What if...
She shakes her head frantically, trying to ignore how her breathing has subtly accelerated. It can't be Chat Noir. It's impossible. Rigorously impossible. He doesn't know who she is, he can't be here. Not in her parents' bakery.
A flush of heat begins to grow insidiously in her chest, as the skin on his cheeks warms up as well. She doesn't know if she's feeling fear or excitement or anything, but if he has figured out who she is... If he's there... If he's really there...
"Marinette?" repeats her mother.
The girl jumps and places mechanically her hand on her chest.
At this rate, she's going to die of a heart attack, that's for sure.
" I'm coming!" she exclaims immediately.
She runs down the stairs, almost breaking her neck in the process. She walks past her mother and rushes into the living room so quickly that she almost feels like she has teleported there.
And immediately, she feels that her heart fall down in her chest.
The person standing in the middle of the room is not the blond young man she was hoping for, but a short old Asian man who stares at her with a benevolent smile.
Master Fu.
Swallowing her disappointment, Marinette places an artificial smile on her face and approaches her visitor. The Great Guardian. Of course. She should have guessed that he would come and collect Hawkmoth's Miraculous.
"Well, I'll leave you to it ," says her mother as she crosses the room. "I'll be at the bakery if you need help."
Marinette nods briefly, then invites the Great Guardian to take a seat on the sofa.
After a few minutes of polite conversation, Master Fu congratulates Marinette for the brilliant victory she and Chat Noir have won over Hawkmoth. He recovers the precious miraculous that she has taken from her enemy before storing it in a small black box that looks exactly like the one that housed her own earrings.
Marinette watches him do it without saying a word.
She has wisely brought her hands back to her knees but her fingers are agitated by nervous tremors that she doesn't even try to control. She thinks of Chat Noir. Of his astonishing silence. Of how much she needs his support after the rough days she has just gone through.
Right now, she does not know how to contact her teammate.
But the Great Guardian will certainly know it.
Unable to hold it any longer, Marinette finally broaches the subject that she's been dying to talk about. She hesitates, stammers, but her anxiety is the strongest. Maybe Chat Noir is just sick, maybe he's just busy, but given the circumstances, his absence is more than strange. She needs to know if the Great Guardian has any news from his teammate.
Marinette doesn't know what she expected.
But when she hears Master Fu's response, she has the feeling that the ground is opening under her feet.
Stunned, she listens to the little man tell her with a voice full of regret that Chat Noir came to his home several days ago in order to return his ring. When she assures him that he must be wrong and asks him if she may have misunderstood, the Great Guardian shakes his head sadly. Chat Noir has come to his house, he confirms. The young hero told him that he no longer needed his miraculous now that his mission was complete, then left with the firm intention of never coming back.
At this point Marinette must remember how to breathe.
She has the oppressive sensation of having her chest caught in a vice. The room seems too small, the air too heavy, and a sudden sensation of dizziness makes her head spin.
Impossible. It's impossible.
Not him. Not Chat Noir.
She feels like she's slipping slowly but surely into a horrible nightmare.
She wants to believe that this is all just a huge misunderstanding, but Master Fu's sad expression confirms that she is unfortunately not dreaming.
Chat Noir is gone.
For real.
And unfortunately for her, it doesn't stop here. Because if Master Fu has come to inform her of the defection of her irreplaceable teammate, he also has another mission, at least just as cruel.
He did not come to pick up only Hawkmoth's miraculous.
He also came to collect her earrings.
With infinite patience, the Great Guardian reminds the shocked heroine that Chat Noir's ring and Ladybug's earrings are inseparable. Chat Noir having given back his miraculous, he would normally have been necessary to find a replacement. But now that Hawkmoth is no longer a threat, there is no reason to let magical jewels of such power wander in the wilderness.
On the contrary, Master Fu insists, it is imperative that they be kept under close surveillance until they are needed again. He has complete confidence in Ladybug, but the powers of these jewels are far too powerful. There is no way to risk someone with bad intentions taking them. Hawkmoth miraculous was a stark enough warning. For the good of all, these magic stones must remain inactive as long as there is no urgent need of heroes.
Face pale, then red, Marinette protests. Scream. Cry with rage. He can't do this to her. He's not allowed to do that to her. Not after all the years she has devoted to the defence of Paris, not after all the sacrifices she has endured.
It's too cruel, too unfair.
For long minutes, Marinette roams her living room storming, under the too patient gaze of the Great Guardian. Right now, she wants to take Hawkmoth's miraculous back and make him swallow it. How can he demand such a thing from her and remain so calm? Is he at least aware that for several days now, she has had the feeling that her heart is being ripped from her chest and that his request is the final blow?
Then, out of breath, the girl boiling with anger begins to calm down. She no longer has the strength to fight. She collapsed heavily on the sofa and buried her face in her trembling hands. Master Fu's voice reaches him from afar, as if distorted by a filter. But she listens patiently, determined to try to understand.
And finally, she submits to the will of the Great Guardian.
If she had had Chat Noir by her side, things would probably have been a lot different. They could have continued to watch over Paris together, protecting its inhabitants from the slightest dangers.
But without him, being a heroine no longer makes sense.
The farewells with Tikki are heart-breaking. More than a kwami, the tiny creature was for Marinette a friend, a confidante, an invaluable support. At this point, the girl cannot even imagine what her life will be like without this little being who has taken on such importance for her.
But Tikki reassures her, encourages her, as she knows how to do so well. She assures Marinette that she will be perfectly able to cope, that she remains Ladybug with or without her mask. Moved beyond words, Marinette cries, again. She would have liked to be brave, but the storms of emotions she has been going through for several days have left her running on empty.
Finally, after a final farewell, Marinette returns her earrings to Master Fu before watching him leave with a heavy heart.
As much as Marinette remembers with extraordinary precision her fight against Hawkmoth and the visit of the Great Guardian, the following weeks were lost in the fog. As if, in shock, her brain refused to clearly register any information to leave only very vague memories to its owner.
Usually full of joy, Marinette goes through these summer weeks in a sort of dazed torpor.
In just a few days, she lost her great love, her partner, her closest confidante and her life as a heroine. And without the slightest warning sign.
It is too much, in too little time.
She didn't have time to prepare for it, to mourn her former life and three of the most important people in her life. Of course, Chat Noir, Adrien and Tikki are not dead. But they are no longer there, and their absence is every day a little harder for Marinette.
She is only a shadow of herself, to the point of seriously worrying her loved ones.
Knowing Marinette's feelings for Adrien, everyone encountered this sudden melancholy over the young man's departure. They're not entirely wrong, although that's only part of the problem. Marinette's parents constantly surround their daughter with affection, while Alya visits her best friend so often to try to cheer her up that she ends up being considered as the unofficial fourth inhabitant of the Dupain-Cheng house.
Then, little by little, Marinette's optimistic nature take over. Marinette slowly convinces herself that it's probably the best time to retire as a heroine anyway. She was already struggling to cope with her studies and double life as a high school student, and now she is about to start her college student life.
In what is clearly an attempt at self-persuasion, Marinette reminds herself over and over again how many times she has missed exams or botched homework due to lack of time or sleep. Now she's going to enter the school of her dreams. She's going to begin styling studies, as she has longed for since she was old enough to hold a needle and a pair of scissors.
Her professional career is at stake here and she can no longer afford to be distracted by anything. Now that she is no longer Ladybug, she will be able to focus on her classes, her internships, her exams.
And everything will be fine.