Lt. James Vega casually sauntered inside the beach house's kitchen and began looking through the refrigerator. Commander Shepard quietly stared at him as he did. Just as she was about to speak, the young lieutenant piped up.

"Hey, Shepard, this fiesta es magnifico!" Vega announced as he rooted through her fridge. "Great to hang out with all of the Old Normandy crew. And this pad of yours is sweet! We're starting to run short of sangria though. You'd be amazed at how much that Kasumi can drink and still do a perfect handstand! Don't suppose you have any stored in a cooler elsewhere? If not, I could whip us up a fresh batch. I see you've got most of the ingredients right here. I could make it kick like a burro, too."

Shepard, still staring at Vega, leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. "You know what, lieutenant? Go ahead and make some more."

"You got it, commander!" Vega exclaimed and began pulling items from the fridge. "I need a knife and a cutting board…"

"By the sink," Shepard replied.

"Gotcha!" Vega replied. He grabbed the items and began slicing up a pile of oranges, grapefruit and limes.

Shepard remained against the wall, silently watching as Vega prepared the concoction. The young lieutenant focused on his task, not bothering to look up until he was nearly finished.

"You got any triple sec tucked away? A few splashes of that would-" Vega began, then looked up. He stopped when he noticed the rather stern expression on the commander's face. "Uhh, something wrong…?"

Shepard pursed her lips and mulled over her response. "Yes. Two things. First, I'm afraid we're out of triple sec. Second, could you explain why you're in my kitchen completely naked?"

Vega frowned. "No triple sec? Damn, that's a shame. Is there a store nearby?"

Shepard rolled her eyes. "There's one about a quarter mile down the street."

"Hoo-yah!" Vega exclaimed. "I'll be right back-"

Shepard shook her head. "That won't be necessary. They deliver. I'll put in an order."

"Gracias, commander," Vega remarked. "That means I can get more partying in!" Vega turned and headed to the kitchen's outside door. "Ping me when it arrives…"

"Lieutenant, come back in here," Shepard called out, not quite yelling but adding enough steel to her voice to remind the young marine that he was talking to a superior officer.

Vega's marine training kicked in, prompting him to do an about face and return to the kitchen. "Yes, commander?" he asked.

Shepard made a point of slowly looking at the marine from head to toe. "You never answered my other question."

Vega scratched his head. "Sorry, remind me…?"

Shepard clenched and unclenched a fist. "Why are you naked?"

Vega smiled. "Ohhh, that! For a minute I thought I had maybe tracked something from outside onto your floor… Yeah, I took off my trunks 'cause of Tali," Vega explained. He said nothing further, apparently assuming that was sufficient.

A long pause followed. "And…?" Shepard eventually asked.

A flash of recognition crossed Vega's face. "Oh, that's right. You've been in here getting the food ready, so you must have missed it," he announced. Vega rubbed his chin for a second. "Start at the beginning, I guess: So, you know how the geth have been helping the quarians boost their immune systems so they don't need to wear those suits, right?"

Shepard nodded, but slowly. "Yes. How does that have anything to do with you letting it all hang out in my kitchen?"

Vega held up his hands. "I'm getting to that. Just give me a sec. By the way, could you place that order to the liquor store? We'll need it soon if we want to keep this fiesta going." Shepard sighed, pulled up her omni-tool, tapped away for a few seconds, then nodded towards the young marine. "Outstanding!" Vega exclaimed. "Now, where was I?"

"The geth and the quarians," Shepard replied.

"Si! Ok, so, apparently, Tali's gene therapy is done. Her immune system is now as good as yours or mine," Vega explained. "Well, I guess being forced to wear a head-to-toe hazard suit so you don't get sick and die for your entire life and then being told one day, 'Nahh, you don't need it anymore' can have an effect. Can make you go a little loco, even."

Shepard shrugged. "I guess. I still don't see what that has to do with you flapping in the breeze."

Vega nodded. "Si, si. I'll try to get to the point. So, as you know, Tali arrived wearing her suit, just without the mask, 'cause, I guess, what other clothes would she own? Anyhow, she has a cup or two or three of that dextro wine Garrus brought with him. Then, out of nowhere, she shouts, 'Listen up, you bosh'tets! Today, I shall feel the sun on my body! Today, I shall feel the ocean on my skin! Today, I shall know what it is like to have sand in my-' Well, it was some quarian word I couldn't even begin to pronounce. You could guess what she meant though. And with that, she strips down to her bare ass, right in front of everyone."

Shepard gasped slightly. "Oh, my. I see… How did that go over?"

Vega grabbed a glass from a shelf and poured himself some water. "Kind of like how you just reacted. Nobody knew what to say. And so there was this moment where Tali realized she was in front of the rest of the crew stark naked and everyone was doing nothing but quietly staring at her. Gotta be the first time ever that she's been in a situation like that. You could kind of see it in her eyes that she was about to panic. And the rest of us are all looking at each other like, 'What do we do?!' 'Cause, you know, we all love Tali. Nobody wants to see her upset."

A ping from Shepard's omni-tool interrupted Vega's story. "The triple sec is on its way," the commander announced.

"Alright!" the young marine exclaimed. "So, anyway, right when it looks we might find out if quarians have tear ducts, Jack shouts, 'Hell, yeah, dog legs! I'm with you!' and takes her suit off. Not that what Jack was wearing covered much to start with, you know? Then Jack shouts, 'Who else is gonna join us? Don't tell me the crew of the Normandy is a bunch fucking cowards!' Grunt shouts, 'Korbal!' which is krogan for 'victory or death!' and takes his trunks off." Vega took a sip from his glass. "You know, until today, I had always thought it was a joke that the krogan had four testicles. Turns out, it's not."

The commander rubbed her forehead. "I think I can see where this going…"

Vega grinned. "Yeah, you get the picture. I was the next after Grunt. I mean, what is the point of hitting the gym all of the time and looking *this* good and not showing it off? So, I took off my trunks and threw them on to the pile. And it just sort of grew from there. Donnelly in engineering joined in, saying something about showing off his 'bare scud' and telling Gabby, 'Come on, lass! For Tali's sake!' And Gabby goes, 'Fuck it! For Tali!' That lady krogan, Bakara, tells Tali, 'I can only hope to match your bravery, child,' and took off that veil & robe thing she wears. And Wrex? He didn't even say anything. He just started undressing once Bakara did. Samara recited some asari poem about how we are 'all beautiful in the eyes of goddess' and then she, Liara and Liara's... padre, I guess? Whatever - dropped their suits onto the pile. Things did get a little tense when Jack started taunting Miranda for not joining in, but it didn't take long before she was goaded into doing it too. Joker said he'd join in too, but needed EDI's help to safely remove his trunks."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "He's been dressing himself alone fine for years, the pervert."

"Yeah, EDI kind of called bullshit on that. But then Joker added a 'please' and she did it anyway," Vega chuckled. "And, of course, EDI is usually naked, if you think about it."

"Were there *any* hold-outs?" Shepard asked.

Vega finished off the rest of his water and put the glass in the sink. "A few. Ashley, Kasumi and Samantha were just not down with it. Doc Chakwas said something like, 'If I was a decade younger…' As far as Garrus, well, I guess the turians are just really straight-laced, you know? Javik scoffed and muttered something about how he was not going to join in any 'primitive rituals.' That's about it though. Even Zaeed joined in. Man, I hope my glutes look that good when I'm his age! Anyhow, it's the few people who are still wearing clothes who are now feeling self-conscious and awkward. Who knows? Maybe they joined in while we've been talking."

Shepard sighed and slowly shook her head. "Okay, look: I have got neighbors and for all I know there could be photographers from the tabloids lurking around. So go tell everybody to put their suits back on."

Vega shook his head in response. "No can do, commander. That pile of swim clothes that I mentioned? Yeah, it vanished. Right about the same time that Kasumi disappeared from the party too, come to think of it. So, unless you can also speed-dial a delivery of new clothes for us, we'll just have to party naked for the time being. Que lastima!"

With that Vega turned and headed back outside. He passed a completely naked Liara T'Soni as she entered the kitchen.

"There you are, Shepard! Come on, we need one more person for the volleyball game," the asari declared. "And why are you still dressed? A commander should be leading by example," she added with a wink.

Shepard sighed. "Tell everyone I'll be out in a minute."

Liara nodded and jogged back outside. "Shepard's coming! We can do four-on-four!" the asari shouted, followed by a fainter, "Joker! You *know* what I meant..."

A ring at the door announced the liquor store delivery. Shepard collected the bottle and returned to the kitchen, placing the triple sec next to Vega's sangria mixture. The commander then leaned against a chair and began to pull her bathing suit down. "Kasumi," Shepard loudly announced. "I am leaving my suit on this chair. You know what I'll do to you if it's not there when I come back inside, right?"

"Awww..." said a mysterious, disembodied voice.

The party was in high gear with drinks flowing, frisbees being tossed around and voices laughing, sometimes riotously. That all abruptly stopped when Shepard strolled in from around the corner. Jaws collectively dropped as the partiers took in the sight of Commander Jane Shepard, captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre and the savior of the galaxy, standing before the assembled members of the Normandy crew and other friends without her uniform. Or any other clothes.

She was the only one naked.

A long, pregnant silence was finally broken by Jack. "Well, shit, Kasumi, I guess I owe you 50 credits," she announced. "The carpet really *does* match the curtains!"

A tidal wave wave of laughter followed.

The commander turned to her left and saw Vega and Liara, both wearing their suits and convulsing with laughter. Kasumi de-cloaked next to them, giggling uncontrollably.

"See?! I told you she'd fall for it," the thief said in-between gasps for air.

Vega could barely speak. "Best April Fools Day prank ever!" he announced as he pounded his fist against his thigh.