I Found Home

Summary: Pre-TPM. Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan is dying.

Blood pooled around me. I was numb. I was dying. The ground frozen beneath where I sat pressed to the one working to keep me alive. A hand cradled my head.

One of my own hands lay limp at my side, the hilt of my saber lazily sliding from it's slippery grasp. The blood slick, making it impossible to hold the one thing I was to never lose.

My other hand grasped blindly at the tunic cloth that I was pulled tightly against. Qui-Gon. Keeping me upright. Keeping me alive. Each time my body began to slide backwards, he lifted me up. Blood matted his robe and hair and hands. My blood. It was everywhere.

"Hold on, Obi-Wan. Help is not far."

He said that to me. Maybe it was a lie. Maybe it was truth. Didn't matter. I could feel the world darkening around me.

I tried again for words that seemed impossible. I only need a few. To say thank you. To my master. For not giving up on me when I was an annoying and arrogant young teenager. The only Jedi that gave me an opportunity to be something other than a washout and a reject. He built strength in me. Confidence. I worked hard to make him proud. I worked hard to not let him down. To never let him down.

Now this. Dying, and barely seventeen.

"M'sr." I said, but I know it sounded more like a desperate whimper.

"Here, Padawan. I'm here. It's not your time. There is so much for you to do, to learn and accomplish. I've felt it in the Force, you are important to the future of the Jedi. Obi-Wan, I need you to keep fighting. For me, if for nothing else. It's not yet your time to leave my side."

He said those things to boost me, to make me fight. But my head pounded and my heart throbbed and there was no feeling in my legs. The one hand that I had clutched immovably to his tunic, fell. He pulled me closer. Willing me to not surrender to death's call. Our bond, he was there. So vivid. So strong. I latched to it with the little I had left and I tried one final time to tell him how important he was to me. But there was nothing there other than another sad, pathetic whimper. Through the numbness, the pain was indescribable. My eyes fluttered in a final attempt to not die in Qui-Gon's arms, out here, in the middle of wherever, at the end of battle.

I tried so hard to not disappoint him again.

His forehead pressed to mine. Willing me. Pushing me to hold on for just another few minutes. Such a simple request...

But I couldn't.

The last thing I remember was being cradled softly by his presence within the Force and his gentle guiding voice making certain that I knew he was proud of me.

It was okay to let go now. It was okay to die.

—-

But I didn't die. I didn't understand the details of how or why or where, but I was alive and lying in a bed of cushioned warmth that I couldn't begin to describe.

Everything hurt, but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Hurt meant pain and if I could feel pain...

My neck burned when I moved it bare inches to see the bed coated in the deep crimson of my own blood. My left hand was covered in cloth and medical tubes. My right was clutched by the larger hand of Qui-Gon.

Moving my eyes to see him was excruciating, but I needed to make sure this was real. That he was real. Still bloody. Filthy. Worn. Qui-Gon Jinn never looked so aged as he did at this moment. But I could see him. I could feel him. That made this real. Somehow, I was alive.

My right hand tried to move - fingers wiggled - to let him know I was here. I think he was in meditation. Qui-Gon could meditate anywhere at any time. It gave him strength and calm at a moment's notice.

I saw his face, blue eyes slowly gliding open. He smiled at my twitching fingers.

"Padawan." He whispered. "Welcome back."

I grunted or whimpered or something. It was a weird sound. Definitely not a word. He understood though.

Maybe one day when I was better, he would explain how I didn't die. By what miracle I'd been saved. For now, I welcomed the pain and all it brought with it. It meant there was life in me still. To learn and live and continue my life as a Jedi... as an apprentice of Qui-Gon Jinn.

Not long ago, he was an unachievable pillar of confusion. Elusive and venerable. Rebellious and wayward. No one quite understood him or his thinking. Then he took a chance on me - with my own intractable reputation. Perhaps seeing some of himself in my ways.

Now this. How far we had come together that he was here at my bedside after I should have died.

Maybe I had died.

And then I hadn't.

Qui-Gon had said it was not my time. The Force had future plans for me.

In my current state, I couldn't begin to know what all of that meant. The only thing I did know was that I was alive.

My fingers clenched firm around Qui-Gon's hand.

"In time, you will recover fully." He said to me. "Our medical transport home will be here tomorrow."

Home. I'd never be so happy to see the Jedi Temple in my life. But I was home already, wasn't I? Wasn't home the place that held the people you cared most about?

Yes. That sounded right. Even in my clouded mind, that sounded right.

"Rest, Padawan. I see you thinking. Your mind is wandering and wondering. Worrying as well, I'm sure. Always worrying. You know my lectures about centering on your anxieties."

Did I ever! If I didn't hear that ever other day, I heard nothing.

Normally though, it was an annoyance. An irritation. Now? Now, it was almost a comfort. Strange how that happens.

I nodded, not daring to moan out another sad attempt at verbal discussion.

Qui-Gon set a hand to my temple. Easing my anxieties. Creating a balanced calm and encouraging me to lean heavily on our shared bond.

I did. And there I found all I needed. Strength. Encouragement. Determination.

Most importantly, I found home.

And for now, that was all I needed.

END