Disclaimer: The theme of this story is domestic abuse with references to suicide. Nothing too harsh, but don't read if child abuse or abusive language upsets you.
The small creature, a common house mouse racing far from the safety of mortar and brick, spent every ounce of its being trying to outrun the talons of the fast-approaching hawk on its heels. It bound along the road in a desperate attempt to save its own life. It weaved through the litter darting around patches of melting snow sending sprays of water out from under its tiny, cold feet.
Its efforts were rewarded with being painfully impaled by the talons of the much stronger, capable hawk. It seemed so unfair. The little mouse had done nothing deserving of such a terrifying death. Its cries were ignored by its assailant as it was lifted higher into the unknown and soon to death. Its mind spiraling in fear as its tortured body fought fruitlessly against the encroaching pain tearing into it.
Karen watched helplessly gripping the straps of her backpack to vent her own fears into the bag instead of screaming on the mouse's behalf. She hadn't expected to see such a sight on the way home from the bus stop and she longed to justify the violence; the hawk must have had a good reason - a family to feed - but Karen could only fear that the poor mouse would never return to its life again.
He had run away only to be destroyed.
The nine-year-old girl directed her eyes to her feet as tears blurred her vision. She tried to hurry her pace wanting to get out of the brisk November air as soon as possible. She studied a small hole forming on the side of her right boot as her dragging steps marked the muddy soil and early snow under her steps.
Karen sighed softly as she brought her arms around the front of herself and inched her bare hands into the sleeves of her jacket; cold hands taking warmth from her forearms. Slowly drawing in on herself, she tried to believe it was to stay warm and not to comfort herself from all the horrible things she had thought about that day.
Karen wanted to be a normal girl like any other, suffering from normal preteen-hood in South Park, Colorado, and not from living the life of Karen McCormick. Compared to her peers, she was nowhere near normal. She didn't fit with them and she didn't fit at home.
But there was no running from the truth. This was who she was.
The McCormick household could be heard long before it was seen. The rundown house sat pathetically in the middle of a revitalization project abandoned by the city. It looked worse than ever with the buildings surrounding the home abandoned by shoppers and adopted by drug pushers and the homeless alike.
Karen could hear her parents yelling. That wasn't new. Their voices shatter the peace of her childhood as far back as she could remember and had managed to only get worse with time. The sound still caused the girl to cringe as she thought about having to walk through the front door into the unpredictable fight. Maybe they would be yelling, maybe one of them was drunk, maybe items would be thrown; one thing was certain, Karen didn't want any of it.
The day had been bad enough.
There was one solace about the sight, however, her big brother Kenny was waiting out front. The 12-year-old was clad in his usual orange parka, no longer too big for him as he'd finally grown to fit it better. His thin frame leaned against the front door bobbing his head to inaudible music he must have been imagining. His eyes were closed blissfully as he did his best to ignore the slew of insults inches behind him.
As if he had a sixth sense for her arrival, Kenny's eyes sprang open, looking back into her strained gaze. Karen smiled brightly finally feeling her anxiety lift at the sight of his smiling eyes.
He greeted her briefly, but she couldn't quite make out his words through the flap of fabric covering his mouth. Wearing his parka so tightly around his face, Karen assumed it was like a security blanket for Kenny. Karen wouldn't fault him for taking comfort in whatever he liked even if it often left her guessing his words. Though today she slightly wished he'd come out of hiding for her.
Watching him straighten up at the sound of something hitting the door from inside the house, Karen felt her emotions waver a bit. She wanted nothing more at that moment than to run into the waiting arms of her brother and stain his parka with all the painful tears she was bottling up inside, but that wouldn't be fair to him.
Instead, Karen resolved to a simple wave as she approached Kenny; his eyes fixed to hers, mirth draining from his expression.
As Karen raised her hand to the doorknob, Kenny placed a hand on her arm and shook his head. Karen knew he didn't want her going into whatever argument had preoccupied their parents that afternoon. Kenny was the protective type, but not confrontational. He'd have her stay outside all night with him before allowing her to face the fury of their parents. Because of the fighting, Kenny seemed to avoid being home a lot too.
It was the only thing about her brother she could actually say she despised.
"Can we sneak into your bedroom, please?" She wanted to get out of the open air.
Karen watched Kenny's eyes drift to the door momentarily before he sighed. He nodded, similarly dragging his feet as the two made their way around the house. Kenny's room had a broken latch on the window making it was easy enough to open the glass from the outside.
The siblings entered the room. Kenny hoisted his little sister in first before climbing in himself.
The first thing Karen noticed was how much louder her parents were. The bedroom door was slightly ajar; the hurtful words flooding the house like a smoke cloud choking out all sense of calm.
"There ain't no fuckin' jobs fixin' to take someone like me!"
Karen had always known her father to have an excuse on hand when questioned about work. He'd been unemployed for the better part of his marriage from what Karen could tell, but he never took responsibility for that. The world was out to get her father, of that her father was sure. A poor man would always have few options available to him if he tried to make an honest living and he had a right to be angry about it according to him.
"I'm tired of hearing that shit!"
Karen's mother never worked either, at least not an honest job. Karen had seen her mother talking with many strangers around the house from time to time. She had wanted to believe her mother was just being social; a safe lie to help Karen feel better, but she'd discovered that wasn't the case. Her parents had been dabbling in meth production again and her mother's acquaintances were nothing more than addicts. It paid bills, but it cost the family in so many other ways.
Shifting her focus from the fight in the living room, Karen noticed her brother's clenched fists.
"It's gonna be okay, right, Kenny?" Karen felt herself say even though she felt the same agitation he did. "We can just stay in here until they stop."
Kenny moved to his bed kicking off his shoes as he did so. The springs in the mattress cried out as the boy threw himself across the bed. He then motioned for his sister to join him on the only piece of furniture in the room.
Karen dropped her bag to the floor before standing in front of her brother's aging bed. Wanting to get a little more comfortable, pulled off her boots and then Karen struggled to unzip her jacket. The jacket fit far too snuggly around her chest resulting in the zipper constantly snagging on her shirt underneath. Karen grunted as the fastener jammed around fabric. The frustration of it caused Karen's eyes to water.
A loud crash from the living room startled both siblings.
"See this is why I have to drink! Y'all treat me like I ain't worth nothin'! I've busted my ass for this family-"
"You ain't done shit! You're too drunk to be worth shit. I'm sicka being poor, Stuart! I'm tired of livin' like this!'
"Then you get a fuckin' job! Show me how it's done, bitch! Go see what you're worth out there!"
"I can't 'cause I gotta be taking care of your drunk ass and these kids."
Karen wasn't sure what she hated more, the yelling or the spiteful words. She just wanted to crawl under Kenny's bed and cover her ears until the world became silent, but that wasn't how a child of her age should handle her problems. Instead, Karen doubled down on trying to unzip her jacket.
"Stupid zipper!" Karen didn't yell, but her agitation with her parents coated her words causing them to leave her mouth in a raspy grunt. "Why don't my clothes fit right anymore?"
Kenny gave a light chuckle at the exacerbated outburst getting up on his elbows to watch his little sister struggle. Karen tried to ignore his mild amusement as she again yanked the offensive fetter on her jacket.
"You never outgrew your jacket," Karen frowned, dropping her hand. "I wish I wasn't like this."
Kenny tilted his head at that response clearly not understanding what his sister was implying. He pulled at the front of his parka to demonstrate the newfound snugness of his jacket emphasizing just how little room was left for him to grow anymore.
"You always got Kevin's clothes to grow into," Karen sighed. "Your old things; they don't fit my body right."
"Probably cause that jacket's for an 8-year-old boy," Kenny chuckled through the fabric of his parka causing Karen to blush from embarrassment. "You're not gonna be a little girl much longer."
Karen glared down at her chest letting her brother's words jostle around her mind for a bit.
"I'm gonna be 10 soon," Karen sighed. "So much time has passed since-"
Karen's words died in her mouth as her parent's voices picked back up. Kenny flinched at the added volume as well. Both siblings held their breath as their parents' anger reached a new height.
"You ain't done nothing' for them!"
"Fuck them kids; I ain't the one who wanted to have 'em."
"Is that what ya said to Kevin! Tell me that ain't what you said to that boy!"
Without hesitation, Karen was crying. She couldn't bawl or she'd risk her parents hearing and responding to her distress in undesirable ways, but the tears spilled out ruining the mascara Karen had allowed a friend to apply before school. The makeup ran down her face in dark black lines causing Karen to feel even weaker.
She wanted to be tough and uncaring just like the friends she had managed to blend with, but she could tell she would never be like them. She was powerless over her whole life. She pretended she was uncaring; the other goth kids flaunted their pain like a trophy and bore the pain with such dignity. Deep down, Karen felt like her heart would burst. She could let her friends doll her up and tell her not to care about not having the affection of her stupid conformist family, but it would all be a lie. Karen wasn't strong like the gothic kids or even as mean as her alcoholic parents. She wasn't even as disassociated as her brother Kenny.
"I'm a mouse." Karen's voice hurt to push through her tight throat.
As fast as the thought had left her mouth, Karen felt her brother's arms wrap around her from behind.
Kenny pulled her close to himself and held her tightly as the tears fell freely. Kenny's hug was firm; it was safe.
Twisting, Karen latched onto her big brother's neck allowing him to pull her up onto the bed and seat her on his lap. The two sat holding each other quietly as Kenny seethed and Karen cried.
Whether it had been hours or merely minutes, the fighting finally stopped with the sound of a slamming front door. Judging by the pitch of the angry sobbing coming from the living room, the siblings guessed it hadn't been their mother who'd left the house. Karen was certain her father had gone out and she hoped the man would stay at the bar for the remainder of the night.
Regardless, she was being lightly rocked in her brother's arms; that was what she should have focused on. Karen should have melted into the moment, letting the world fade away as she laid her hurts on her brother's parka; but the pain of the world stood stubbornly in her mind.
"I miss our brother," Her tears ebbed with the gentle motion she was lulled into. "Did daddy send Kevin away?"
Karen squeezed her eyes tight wanting to rest her eyes as she steadied her breathing.
"He's not coming back is he, Kenny?" She whimpered waiting for an answer she knew Kenny wouldn't give.
The girl was startled back into reality as she felt the zipper on her jacket finally being pulled down. Kenny had managed to loosen it for her in her stupor. She felt a small smile part her lips as Kenny looked back with bright eyes. He slipped off his mittens before wiping the tears and makeup from his sister's face with the cloth. Karen didn't protest his gentle pampering, instead allowing the older sibling to soil his clothes on her behalf.
The boy finished clearing her face before pulling his hood back to reveal a crooked grin and Karen couldn't be happier that he was sharing his full face with her.
"We're gonna have to get you a bigger jacket, huh?" His voice was so calm and clear in the midst of all the confusion. "I bet Stan's got one he's outgrown; he has a growth spurt like every other night." Kenny laughed at the expense of his childhood friend; a kid who'd been more than generous with his offer to share hand-me-downs.
Karen removed her jacket and held it out at arm's length. She knew it would have been too much to ask the universe for a gothic girl's jacket for herself. She'd have no choice but to settle for whatever her brother could get for her at this point.
"Does he, maybe, have a black jacket my size?" Karen felt guilty for having asked. Beggars shouldn't be choosers, but Kenny didn't look bothered by her request at all.
"Don't tell me you forgot Stan has goth phases too," Kenny beamed.
"I know better than you," Karen felt her face blush a bit. "D-do you think, maybe, I could go with you to ask him?"
Kenny's face scrunched up at her response. She could tell he wasn't actually mad, but it was clear he was about to tease her in what he thought would be good fun.
"Should I be worried about Stan?" Kenny pretended to punch his fist into his open palm. "If he's been brooding just so he can hit on my little sister-"
"Don't say that," Karen blushed harder before burying her face in the old jacket.
Kenny laughed lightly patting his sister on the back.
"As long as you don't have a crush on Cartman, it's fine," Kenny snorted from laughter. "Though I wonder if I can really kick Stan's as-as-asthmatic butt." Kenny stumbled over his words trying to clean up his speech around her, but his swearing never really bothered her.
"I don't have any crushes on your friends," Karen groaned, not wanting to have this kind of conversation in light of her parents' recent argument.
"I mean, it'd be easier to take Kyle if you want to swap crushes for your brother's sake," Kenny didn't seem to notice she wasn't taking the joke as he intended. "Guy's pencil-thin hasn't grown at all really; then again, I guess that wouldn't be all that interesting for you, huh?"
Karen didn't respond to her brother. She continued to hide in her jacket not knowing how to process her brother's teasing on top of everything she'd faced that day. She could feel his eyes on her as he stopped his mocking and silently placed a hand on her head.
"Karen? I'm sorry." Kenny sounded sincere, but Karen couldn't reassure him as her heart hurt too much. "I didn't mean to make fun of your feelings. I'm just, you know, trying to make you smile."
She couldn't look at him; she didn't want any teasing from him. Karen had only wanted a quiet afternoon to think about the hard school day, but she never could expect that. The stress caused her to begin crying again, this time her sobs were only muffled by the fabric around her face.
"Stan's not a bad first crush; Heck I'd kiss 'em," Kenny laughed lightly, still trying to ease the tension of the room. "C'mon, can't ya give me a little smile?"
Kenny shuffled next to her and placed his arm around her again, but Karen didn't want that. Oddly, she wasn't sure what she wanted, but Kenny's avoidant humor wasn't it.
"Please stop!" Karen shoved the boy away, glaring up at him with puffy eyes. "I don't need to smile! I don't need my brother not taking my feelings seriously!"
Karen's anger painted such a spiteful expression on her face as she watched her brother shrink away, raising his hood back over his head.
The two siblings sat; Kenny staring at the floor while Karen returned her face to the jacket in her hand. Both ignored the eerie silence engulfing the living room; too caught up in their own emotional turmoil to acknowledge their mother's strange silence.
Karen felt the mattress shift as her brother slid off to the floor. Karen didn't bother addressing his leaving. Her own emotions were loud enough without having to imagine whatever her brother was feeling too.
She knew he hurt, but he never told her so. His feelings weren't things Karen got to learn about. Kenny wanted to be her happiness, but he wasn't able to be her support or even her guardian. He just wasn't able to do it. She wasn't mad that he wasn't those things, it wasn't his job. Her parents should have been those things, but they weren't and never would be.
Karen inhaled deeply preparing herself for another wave of sobs when the bed bounced again. It wasn't a dramatic shift in the bed; it was light and implied someone sat down next to her with the utmost grace and poise.
Karen stifled herself enough to sneak a glance at the person beside her.
"Princess Kenny?" Karen gaped looking over the form of her brother wearing a blonde wig and an old princess outfit he'd dawned while playing adventure games with his friends.
"Your brother is too upset to help you this time, Karen," Kenny embodied the role entirely having even removed the parka to allow Karen a full view of a sympathetic face; the gestures softer and his voice light. "Maybe it would help to talk with your sister Kenny instead?"
Karen felt her eyes water at the kindness Kenny was extending her. She nodded quickly wanting to be back in the safe embrace of her sibling. The now older sister wrapped an arm around Karen holding the younger girl in a tearful embrace.
"What's wrong, little one?" Kenny's voice soothed Karen's anxiety.
"Everything feels so hard," Karen sniffed, grabbing a handful of her sister's white costume in an attempt to be closer. "I don't want my feelings to hurt anymore."
"I think I understand that," Kenny nodded, taking Karen's fidgeting hands in hers. "It's been a rough few weeks, huh?"
"It has," Karen tightened her hold on her sister. "All the girls in my class make fun of me for dressing goth, and the boys say I'm not cute. None of them want to talk to me at the bus stop or walk home with me. I hate school."
Kenny listened patiently as her sister heaved her explanation.
"And my goth friends keep telling me I shouldn't care about any of that because you can't trust anyone, but I want to trust others."
"Well, why do you hang out with them then?" Kenny pressed, but Karen knew it was to give her perspective.
"Because they understand how hard life can be," Karen reasoned. "I'm not good at making friends because of, well, this." Karen gestured to the room as a whole and Kenny nodded again.
"We are in a stupid situation; I know I can't talk to my friends about this all the time either."
It was Karen's turn to give sympathy as she watched the frown on her sister's face. It seemed such a foreign expression for Kenny; someone who often glowed with brightness and enthusiasm.
"I get it, sis," Kenny spoke, dropping her eyes to their clasped hands. "Sometimes my friends don't understand how hard it is being poor or coming home to fighting every night. Their parents don't try drugs or yell at them when they drink. We really live differently from all of 'em, don't we?"
"Yeah," Karen agreed, finally feeling her tears lighten. "But you have friends, and they're so good. I don't have anyone like that except for you."
"Well, that's because I chose to keep them as friends, Karen." Kenny looked to the girl's face with the faintest hint of a grin. "I don't expect them to fully understand what I go through, but when I'm with them - I don't know- I'm with them; I'm just there with them and not here, ya know?"
Karen tried to grasp what her sister meant, but the words were still confusing.
"Like, I don't get mad at them all the time for not understanding. I just choose to forget about all this and enjoy my time with them. You have to stop letting mom and dad's crap follow you to school. Forget about all this and just enjoy being with other people."
"I want to, but I d-don't know how."
Kenny's words were so delicate but impactful. Karen wanted to believe she could do the same.
"You have to believe you're a strong girl, Karen. You're not a little mouse, you're my sister and the most amazing girl I know."
Karen felt her smile flicker for a moment on her face before it faded again.
"But what if I'm not?" Karen could feel the pressure behind her eyes building again even though she didn't want it to. "Kevin wasn't." She nearly sobbed as the words worked their way out of her mouth.
"Is that what's really been botherin' you?" Kenny moved one hand to her sister's back while stroking her thumb across Karen's fingers.
"That girl from my class, Tricia, she said something to me at the bus stop this afternoon." Karen managed to speak slowly, staring into Kenny's concerned eyes.
Kenny blinked dumbfounded for a moment perhaps surprised by the subject change. She ran her hand through her little sister's hair to encourage her to continue.
"Was it something hurtful?" Kenny asked gently, not a trace of mockery or anger in her voice.
"Kinda," Karen didn't want to cry anymore, but she could feel more tears seeping from her tired eyes. "Her brother waits for her at the bus stop a-and Kevin used to wait for me when he was here. Tricia asked w-what I did to chase him off-"
Kenny winched at the words, Karen only then realizing she was gripping Kenny's hand too tightly. Karen withdrew her hand and buried it into her lap biting down on her tongue to stop herself from spiraling into another sob.
Kenny wasn't angry though. She simply shook her hand a few times before again comforting the girl.
"Tricia doesn't know everything we have to deal with, sis," Kenny reached over and tilted her sister's face up to face her. "If you want to be friends with her, you have to just ignore comments like that. You know you've done nothing to make Kevin leave. He left because of them."
Kenny nodded to the door indicating the siblings' parents were to blame. Karen slouched a bit but kept her focus on her sister.
"I know that, and it makes me hate them," Karen felt her face scrunching up as she held back tears. "I don't want to hate them, but I do. I'm such a bad person for hating our parents, but they make me feel s-s-so-"
"Hey, hey, hey," Kenny soothed, cupping the younger girl's face in both hands. "You are not a bad person, Karen McCormick. They are so lucky to have you as their daughter and I'm so happy you're my sister."
Karen's tears dripped down her sister's hands, but Kenny showed no sign of agitation.
"You listen to me," Kenny continued, wiping her falling tears with her thumbs. "This, all this horribleness we live in; it's not your fault and you don't deserve this."
Her eyes let Karen know she was speaking pure truth. Karen reached up and placed her hands on her sister's to show her understanding of the words as Karen felt she couldn't reply through the tightness of her throat. Kenny continued.
"I promise this place won't trap you too."
"Kenny?" Those words felt so haunting, but Karen didn't know how to ask what the older sibling had meant.
Kenny began straightening Karen's hair, running her fingers through the loose strands.
"I've gotta make this stop for you," Kenny's words were handly above a whisper. "I don't want you to end up like Kevin."
Kenny wasn't acting like Karen's older sister anymore. Something in his demeanor had changed; he'd become darker. Karen could see just how much he was thinking, but his thoughts weren't open for sharing. It was almost like he'd taken off the role of big sister to dawn the role of her guardian angel; so resolute and mysterious at the same time.
"Everything has just been worse since Kevin ran away. I'm scared all the time that something bad's gonna happen to him."
"I should have guessed you'd worry," Kenny looked away for a moment before focusing on her again. "I used to worry about things happening to him, but I didn't really do anything."
"You're worried too?" Karen frowned hearing her brother share his honest fears for the first time ever.
"I did all the time," Kenny confessed, swallowing hard before continuing. "He was just so unhappy and when people are unhappy they always seem to leave, or fight, or . . ." He paused a moment allowing a tear to race down his face.
"Or what?" Karen reached up and wiped the tears falling from her brother's eyes with all the love she had received when he'd done the same for her.
"Or they give up." Kenny dropped his gaze for a split second before looking back at the girl. "I could just never be happy again if you . . . if you-"
"I won't," Karen sniffled weakly. "There's no running away from this anyway. No matter how fast you run, it'll catch up to you."
"Then let's not run." Kenny pulled her close. "Tonight, it ends tonight."
The siblings shared a hug and cried. The moment hurt, but it felt right.
Karen wanted to press her sibling for the meaning of what he said, but fate had shifted for the two.
The front door could be heard opening again. Karen turned to the bedroom door as if her eyes were needed to hear the confrontation continuing on the other side. Kenny never shifted his gaze from her, still studying secret thoughts in his mind.
Karen gasped at her mother's hard words.
"What the hell do ya want now?"
"I left my damn wallet here; can't a man come back into his own house without bein' accused of somethin'!?"
Karen shifted her worried gaze back to her brother; him looking at her with more compassion than Karen could comprehend at the moment.
"Daddy doesn't like it when you dress up like a girl," Karen nearly whispered, reaching up to remove the wig on Kenny's head.
Before she could take hold of the headpiece, however, Kenny instinctively grabbed her wrist. Karen froze in her brother's uncharacteristic grasp not knowing how to interpret his odd behavior.
"I know he hates it." Kenny's voice was low; frighteningly direct. "I need him to stay mad."
He then let her go and moved to his own book bag on the floor. He pulled out an old cellphone. Karen knew he'd gotten it from a rich friend, Token. He had gotten a new phone and gifted Kenny with the cell and a prepaid card. Karen remembered how excited Kenny had been to finally have a phone of his own and how he'd called all his friends all night just because he could.
That happy Kenny wasn't to be found in any of Kenny's features now. He was currently looking at the phone as if holding a deadly weapon. He crossed back to her thumbing through his contacts all the while noting the distress in Karen's features.
A mischievous smirk worked its way onto the boy's face as he handed the phone to his little sister. Karen looked down at the black box to see he'd selected his friend Kyle to call.
"I know you'd probably rather chat with Stan," Kenny sighed. "But I know Kyle's more likely to do the right thing."
"I don't understand," Karen watched her brother reach over and press the dial button and then the speaker button.
"Just keep him on the phone no matter what you hear out here," Kenny smiled. "I don't want you to have to do this to them."
"What do you mean?" Karen watched the phone light up and could hear the 'hello' from the boy on the other end of the line.
"If I'm successful, we won't have to be with both of them anymore," Kenny smiled, moving toward the door. "If I'm not, then you won't remember anyway."
Karen watched Kenny leave the room. She felt her heart leap in fear as she heard her father become angry at her brother. Karen knew her father had grown more impatient with Kenny's desire to play dress-up after Kevin's absence. Karen never understood where all the anger in her family came from, but she didn't want her brother facing it alone.
"Hey! Kenny are you there!?"
Karen stared at the phone in her hand confused for a moment on what to say.
"I-it's Karen." She breathed as the voices from the living room escalated.
"Karen? Why are you calling me?" Kyle paused as the voices around the girl became deafeningly loud. "What's going on?"
Karen could see that Kenny had left his bedroom door open; the shadows of her parents and Kenny dancing on the wall of the hallway. Kenny was still dressed like a princess on a royal crusade that Karen wasn't privy to. She sat, mesmerized by the scene playing out only a few feet down the hall.
"Why's this kid always dressin' like a little fuck-up!?" Her father's voice was directed toward her mother, but Karen could only feel concerned for Kenny.
"Leave 'em alone; he's just expressin' himself."
"See, you talk about how I don't care about these kids but you're lettin' 'em act like failures; they're gonna become failures; you gonna have Ken end up like that Kevin? You want another Kevin!?"
Karen's fear heightened as she watched the shadow of her father reach out and grab Kenny by the wig on his head. The man must have gotten some of Kenny's actual hair too, for the boy stumbled forward with the assault, the man's shadow coming to loom over the boy.
Karen gasped, earning another prompting from the receiver in her hand.
"Karen, what's happened? Are your parents fighting? Where's Kenny? I can hear yelling." Kyle pressed, clearly hearing everything Karen was.
"Don't you dare lay a hand on him!" Her mother's voice rocked the house with a strength Karen didn't know the woman had.
"I'll do what I want with the boy!"
Karen felt a scream leave her mouth at the sound of a smack. Her father's hand still raised as Kenny reached out to steady himself placing a hand against the wall.
"If you wanna dress like a little bitch, you can be treated like one too! Is that what you want?" Karen's father's voice seemed to crack with raw emotion as the man lost some of his resolve. "You gonna grow up and dress like this for money? Be a little prostitute 'cause that's how you're acting. Then you're gonna start feelin' like shit and off yourself-"
"Stop talkin' to him like that!"
Kenny braced as another hand was brought across his face causing the boy to stumble back into Karen's view. Kenny was still gripping the wall trying to remain upright. Karen gasped at the sight of the red mark brazen on her brother's face. He turned to look at her narrowing his eyes in determination as he looked back at the figure of their father just out of Karen's view.
"Better a little bitch than being fucking Stuart McCormick!" Kenny spat his father's name like an insult.
Kenny almost sounded like Kevin for a moment, Karen thought remembering how her older brother never backed down from their father. But unlike Kevin, Kenny wasn't drunk. Where Kevin took liquid courage to face their father, Kenny was facing this storm with a clear head and a hidden determination Karen lamented not knowing.
If angering their father had been Kenny's goal, he succeeded. Kenny was snatched up and pressed against the wall to the shouts of their mother for the boy's release.
"It's not my fault!' Her father yelled at Kenny, crying a bit himself. "I won't have no son of mine treating me like this."
Karen reached for her old jacket, dropping the phone to the ground as she covered her eyes, not wanting to see anything more. Her terror was blinding on its own, but she tried her best to hide in the faded polyester.
"Karen! Hey! Karen!" The phone called for her attention, but Karen couldn't bring herself to lift her head to respond. "Please, Karen! What's happening?"
Karen could hear a thud from the living room and her fear for her brother overwhelmed her. Without looking, her whole body trembled as she cried,
"He's killing him! He's killing Kenny!"
"Bastard!" The phone was almost inaudible over her own heartbeat. "I'm calling for help, Karen, hang in there!"
Kyle's words almost didn't register in Karen's mind until she looked up to see he had ended the call.
"No! No!" Karen dropped from the bed to snatch the phone smashing the redial button with a new desperation. "Don't call anyone, they'll take us away again. I didn't mean it, I don't hate my parents!"
Her calls weren't received, instead, she was sent to voicemail. Her heart sank as she glared at the device in her hand with a newfound fear welling up inside her.
The sound of her mother yelling again pulled Karen's eyes back to the shadows sprawled out on the hallway wall. Kenny was no longer in his father's hold, but was discarded against the wall heaving heavily.
"You can't do this to them! They ain't the ones who made us like this!"
"Yeah, 'cause it's all my fault, right!? It's always me, I'm the one who did this, that's what you mean!"
"Yeah, ya drink us poor and you can't hold a job!"
"I told you there ain't any jobs that'll hire me!"
"'Cause your high as a kite when you go to interviews! This is your fault."
"And what about you!?"
The fighting continued. Kenny inched down the wall and sat slouched over letting the moment play out without any more resistance.
Karen dropped to her knees and crawled to the door. Digging her fingers into the worn carpet, Karen peeked around the door frame and watched her brother, willing him to make eye contact with her.
Kenny's face was still so red and tears were dropping from his face. He wasn't dead, Karen had greatly exaggerated that fear in her mind, but he definitely wasn't in a good way. Her parents were again yelling about drug use and their finances as Karen made an attempt to call her brother back to herself.
"Kenny come back, please."
She didn't want her parents to know she was even there. They both looked so upset and, finally being able to see them, Karen could tell her father was in fact on some kind of high. He wasn't stable on his feet and may have been drunk again. Her mother looked like she might not have slept that night. The woman was kicking things and throwing a temper tantrum, to say the least.
Kenny didn't make a move in Karen's direction. He only smiled softly.
The whole family quieted as the sound of a siren echoed from the front of the house. The noise stopped and a car door could be heard opening.
"Not this shit again." Karen's father pulled his hat from his head and brushed his hair back as her mother frantically emptied her pockets into a discarded carbordbox in the living room, kicking the box out of sight.
Three solid knocks - police knocks- vibrated the front door giving pause to both parents. Karen felt the talons of the situation closing in on her. The police would take her parents away and she and Kenny would be taken back to that lonely foster care center again.
Kenny finally stirred, getting up on his feet and making his way toward the door.
"Wait, Ken!" Their father knew this wasn't an ideal situation for him to be in. "I'm sorry."
Taking in a deep breath, the delicately dressed Kenny held his head high and without fear.
"Who's a little bitch now?"
The words immediately enraged the man.
Karen ducked back into the bedroom only hearing the footsteps of her father approaching her brother; only hearing the front door being forced open; only hearing the phone ringing again and again; only hearing her own broken cry as the situation lifted her far away from solid ground and up into uncertainty.
Karen's pain was so tangible; the world so far from perfect. When her mind finally touched down again, she almost couldn't comprehend the placement that had been worked out for her and her brother.
Karen lay in a warm bed watching a stainless popcorn ceiling above her head. The mattress was supportive and the sheets clean. The pajamas she'd brought had been washed and warmed in a dryer before she got to place their heat against her cold skin. A full dinner had been provided with several choices for dessert. Taking residence in a guest bedroom, Karen was given a nightlight and a teddy bear to sleep with which she was grateful for, but would never admit it.
But above all, the house was quiet. There wasn't yelling; items weren't thrown; tempers weren't explosive. The only noise was a television downstairs droning on with the evening news and the occasional footsteps of the house's owners passing by the door as they moved through their house.
Despite finally feeling safe, Karen couldn't let the calm nature of their placement allow her to question the events of that afternoon. She and Kenny had been taken from their home again and her parents weren't there to hurt them. That was the only thing worth remembering.
The door to the room opened slowly and Karen shifted her eyes to see her older brother peeking in.
He surveyed the plain room obviously intended as a guest space before inching in quietly and closing the door behind himself. He was dressed in a slightly too tight set of airplane pajamas. It must have been an extra pair the couple they were placed with had in their home. Kenny didn't own any pajamas, but this family thought it would be too strange to let him sleep in his underwear.
"Hey," Kenny whispered as he approached her in bed.
"What are you doin' in here?" Karen slowly sat up to face her brother still able to see the smack across his face. "Didn't you get your own room?"
Kenny shrugged, not interested in talking about their placement at the moment.
"I'm sorry for this afternoon. I bet it was . . . weird." The limited light made it hard to read Kenny's expression for a moment, but he quickly smiled again. "This place has a jacuzzi tub; I can't wait to try it."
"That sounds, cool." Karen frowned.
Kenny blew out through pursed lips before climbing onto the edge of his sister's loaned bed.
"Are you thinkin' about them, or . . ?"
Kenny waited for Karen to respond. She paused, watching the dull bulb of the night light on the opposite wall for a moment. She wasn't certain what she wanted to think.
"I," she sighed. "I'm happy it's quiet."
"Yeah, me too," Kenny beamed. "Everyone on the northside of town don't know how good they got it. Nothing out here but quiet neighbors and a few deer."
Karen nodded not knowing how to explain she wasn't happy about the calmness of the neighborhood, but a part of her knew Kenny already knew what she meant and was just avoiding the conversation.
"I'm really thankful for the quiet." Karen got to her knees and hugged her brother from the side, him patting her with his free arm.
"Good to hear ya appreciate it." He said before changing the conversation again. "We get to skip school tomorrow 'cause of trauma and stuff. Sweet, huh?"
"Yeah," Karen offered.
"It's kinda nice we got a foster in South Park too," Kenny pointed for Karen to lay back down where he lifted the blankets to tuck her in. "We really lucked out this time."
Karen knew luck had little to do with it. None of this peace would be possible if he hadn't done what he did. Kenny had promised to get her out and he did. Their parents had always been mean, but Kenny pushed their father to a new level of anger and it had somehow ended with both siblings being somewhere safe. They had run away and somehow ended up safe.
"Why'd you do it, Kenny?" Karen still had a few tears left to shed.
Kenny ignored her question acting as if he hadn't heard it. He climbed in next to his sister with a big grin.
"Let's have a sleepover, okay?" He scrambled under the sheets and made himself comfortable.
"They said boys and girls can't share a room, remember?" Karen glanced to the door worrying. "It's against their rules."
"They aren't gonna hurt us, Karen," Kenny sighed. "That's just a rule all foster parents have to say they enforce, but these people ain't like the Weatherheads."
Karen swallowed hard remembering their first foster care placement about three years ago. She had felt so scared to be away from her parents, but that had changed now. Her parents had only gotten worse and this placement felt better than that first one. There was food, warmth, calm, and Kenny.
"Can we stay here then?" Karen dared to ask almost dreading whatever answer Kenny might offer if any.
"Doncha remember what the social worker said?" Kenny turned his face away from his sister. "Mom gets us back after she completes her parenting classes."
"I don't want to go back to them," Karen whined slightly.
"Don't cry, okay?" Kenny heaved, shrinking in on himself a small bit. "Dad's gone. He ain't coming back this time, not for years anyway and we'll get out of there by then."
Karen wished Kenny hadn't suddenly felt so far away. He didn't like the subject of the conversation and while he wasn't physically going to leave the room, he was mentally distancing himself. Karen didn't blame him, she didn't want to think about the afternoon either, but it was necessary.
Their father had hit Kenny and it had left a mark the police had seen. Karen wasn't sure what that all meant, but she trusted Kenny's words when he said their father wouldn't be back for a while. If that would change things Karen couldn't know, but she could tell Kenny wasn't particularly proud of that moment in his life.
Karen didn't want this to hurt her brother anymore tonight. He deserved to smile.
"Kenny?" Karen spoke softly hoping he could hear the difference in the topic. "Since we don't have school tomorrow; can we go to Stan's house to ask for my new jacket when he gets off?"
Kenny rolled over with a fake scowl on his face, but his smile was still evident in the glow of the nightlight.
"Is that really the only reason you want to go to Stan's?" He teased lifting a fist in the air. "I'm not letting him near you, Karen."
Karen giggled and Kenny joined her; both doing their best not to get too loud.
"You're too late," Karen joked, watching Kenny's eyes shoot open in surprise at her words. "He hung out with us goth kids this morning already and he helped me with my mascara."
Kenny relaxed hearing the encounter hadn't been as scandalous as Karen knew his imagination could make it sound.
The two chatted lightly until they were tired. Silence fell over the room as Kenny's breathing slowed. Karen could admit she was sleepy, but her mind had one more loose end to tackle before finally drifting off.
Karen saw the images of the house mouse from that morning racing across her mind. Was it possible that the mouse had escaped the hawk's grasp and was free? Maybe he had run into a bad situation but it had turned out good somehow.
Karen looked over to her brother who had managed to fall asleep.
Yes, she had been captured by the hawk's talons, but unlike that poor mouse, Karen had Kenny. He'd freed them, somehow he'd managed to get them out of the impossible and they had made it back to each other; they made it back home.
Karen couldn't get Kevin back; she couldn't hope to run that fast, but she didn't want to. She'd never run from Kenny and she knew he'd never run from her.
(A/N) I'm not a die-hard SP fan, but I must say I love Kenny and relate to his childhood situation. I felt I needed to write this and originally was only going to post it on Ao3, but I think it needs to be here too. I'm happy with it overall and hope you've enjoyed it.