Jo had been standing between the NICU incubators as she waited for Heyes to get out of surgery with Luna. She rubbed her hands together so hard that she had broken the gloves she was wearing and had to grab a new pair. The second she saw Hayes with the incubator Jo went to Luna's side and watched her every move. The little bit of relief that she felt hearing that the surgery went well and that Luna was doing good, was overshadowed by the grief she felt for losing Val.
Val's words replayed in her head. All she wanted was for her daughter to be held. It hit so close to home because Jo was Luna. She was the baby left in a stroller at a fire station with no mother to hold her. All babies need to be held, especially motherless babies.
Jo stripped off her gloves and rubbed the hand sanitizer over her fingers before she opened the little window in the incubator. She pulled back the blanket that Luna was swaddled in. Her tiny arm was barely the size of Jo's finger. She reached in to hold Luna's tiny hand as it barely wraps around the tip of her finger.
Most newborns have a grasp reflex. It's a death grip where they just grab onto your finger and won't let go. Luna's fingers touch Jo's in the lightest grip she had ever seen in a preemie. Luna doesn't have the grasp reflex, she's too young to have any reflexes, but Jo still held her hand because Val's last wish was that her daughter be held and although Jo can't pick her up, she held her hand.
She sees Luna's eyes open, although she still squints at the bright lights of the NICU. Jo grabbed the blanket and put it over the warmer to shield her eyes. Luna had just reached 29 weeks gestation making her three weeks old and her awake periods were getting longer. Especially since she gained half a pound since she was born.
"Hi Luna," Jo whispered to her as she watched Luna react to her voice.
Luna stretched out her arms and let go of Jo's finger. She always reacted to Jo's voice whenever Jo talked to her. She would kick or move her arms even turning her head towards her. Jo captured Luna's finger again and gently hung on to her.
"I've got you, Luna, I know your Mommy is gone, but I've got you."
Jo knew the protocol for NICU babies whose parents died or gave them up from her days on Peds as a resident. She knew that a CPS worker would come in soon, but because of the pandemic things had been slow and Luna's not going anywhere. Any CPS issues would be handled over the phone, but Luna would need a guardian immediately. Jo looked up to see Hayes at the nurse's station on the phone and she could faintly hear him talking with the CPS worker.
She knew that Luna would become a foster kid like she was. Maybe she would get adopted, maybe she would have a good life, but Jo knew from experience that that wasn't always the case. Luna could bounce around from home to home because nobody wanted a baby with health issues. Jo had to fight for Luna. She didn't know how but Luna needed somebody and Jo was there. She could fight for Luna like she couldn't fight for Val. She could protect Val's daughter, now that she was gone. Jo could be there for Luna and advocate for her like somebody should have for her when Jo was a baby.
Jo wasn't sure how to protect Luna, but there were people close to her who would know what to do. She hated to have to leave Luna's side, but luckily she didn't have to. Jo pulled out her phone and dialed Amelia's number. Amelia didn't pick up right away and the phone rang a few times before she picked up.
"Hey Jo, now's not really a good time can I call you back?" Amelia said, and Jo could hear the stress in her voice.
"Yeah, no problem I just have a couple of questions for you about your fostering process with Leo. I'm still at the hospital so no rush. Just call whenever you're available," Jo said with a nod as she looked down at Luna again.
"Thanks, you know, why don't you try Owen. He's the one who applied to foster Leo in the first place."
"Okay, yeah, thank you," Jo said before she and Amelia quickly hung up.
Jo looked down at Luna again, she had calmed back down and closed her eyes. Jo called Owen, but unfortunately, he didn't pick up. Jo put her phone away and figured she would try again later. She ran through a mental list of other people she thought she could call, there was Meredith, but she was on a vent. Bailey who although technically didn't foster Joey, she still had the experience. Yet, Jo didn't want to bother the chief, especially as the last time Jo checked, she was still asleep and Meredith's room.
The one thing Jo hated about the pandemic was how far away everyone seemed. The only person she took her mask off around was Levi or Jackson and because Scout was still a newborn she hadn't even held him since before the shutdown. She hadn't seen Link in weeks and even then it was with a mask and six feet apart.
She wanted to get things moving as quickly as possible, but she knew from experience that this process would take time. Luckily for her, Luna would still need to be in the NICU for a number of weeks, so instead Jo looked down at her and held her hand.
"I've got you, Luna, okay. You're not going anywhere and neither am I. You're going to stay right here and everything's going to be okay, I promise."
Luna's eyes opened as she heard Jo's voice and Jo smiled down at her as the tears collected in her eyes again. She was going to stay there and hold Luna's hand until Hayes kicked her out at the NICU, but as she looked up and caught his eyes across the room she knew he wouldn't. Jo looked around and grabbed one of the extra stools before she sat down and stared at Luna still holding her hand. Jo wasn't going anywhere.