A Proper Celebration
"Alright, let's go over the checklist," Lio said, looking at his clipboard. "Balloons?"
Lio looked over to where Lily was currently floating in the air, thanks to a couple of balloons tied to her waist.
"Check!" Lio said, marking one item off of his checklist before moving on to the next, "Cream pies?"
Catching Lily out of the air and placing her on his head, Lio wandered into the kitchen where Lynn Loud Sr was busy at the oven.
"How are the banana cream pies coming, Dad?" Lio asked him.
"They'll be ready in just five minutes," LS affirmed before asking "And you promise that doing this will spare us from any April Fools Retribution?"
"You have my word," Lio promised, "and as a gentleman, I make it a policy to never lie."
"But what if Luan-?" LS started to ask.
"Don't worry," Lio assured him, "She promised that much also and she swore by the Lady's Oath. She's not going to renege on our deal."
"And Lily?" LS asked.
"You're not going to ruin Oneechan's birthday by playing pranks, are you Lilypad?" Lio asked his baby sister, who replied with an emphatic "Nope! Lily swears!"
"See?" Lio responded. "We're all good."
"Alright, I'll take your word for it," Lynn Sr said.
"If something goes wrong and anyone plays any pranks, you and Mom can ground me until I'm 21," Lio said. "That's how much faith I have that nothing will go wrong."
"Okay, I believe you," Lynn Sr, "The pies will be ready soon."
"グレートだぜ" Lio said as he marked another item off of the checklist and moving on.
"Presents?" Lio asked himself as he walked into the living room to see thirteen gift boxes neatly wrapped and stacked up in a pile.
"Check!" Lily answered for him with a giggle.
"You have no idea how much trouble Blue and I had to go through to find Luan the perfect present," Lynn said.
"It was worth it though," Chris said, "We're 100% sure that Luan is going to love it."
"Awesome!" Lio said, giving the two of them a high five before checking off the list.
Lio looked up where he saw a banner hanging from the ceiling reading "Happy Birthday, Luan!", prompting him to mark that item off his checklist as well.
"Alright, the only thing that's left now is the big birthday cake," Lio said to himself, "A triple chocolate swirl cheesecake just for Oneechan."
"Skadoosh!" Lily cheered as Lio picked her up once again and hugged her.
Lio then turned towards the camera and said "Now, you might be wondering why I appear to be so frantic today. Let me explain. Today is April 1st, a date usually associated with wild pranks and out of control antics, usually pulled off by my older sister, Luan."
"However," Lio continued, "usually, Luan's birthday is forgotten because it falls two days after Lynn's and it falls on April Fools Day. This year is different, however. Last year, Oneechan and I got our family to finally remember her birthday and they promised that this year we'd be able to properly celebrate it."
Flashing a prideful smirk, Lio explained "I'm determined to make sure that Oneechan's Sweet Sixteen goes off without a hitch and that she finally gets the birthday that she deserves." Lio then held up Lily and explained "I even got a few helping hands to make sure all goes according to plan."
"Luan birthday!" Lily exclaimed merrily.
"Now all that's left is to wait for the big cake to get here," Lio said, "It should be delivered any second now."
"Yeah, about that," Lincoln said, interrupting his brother's monologue to the audience. "We kind of have a bit of a situation."
"Oh no," Lio muttered, sensing already that things were about to go horribly awry. "What happened Niisan?"
"So remember how we tasked Leni with ordering the cake?" Lincoln asked him.
"Yeah huh" Lio said.
"Yeah, well turns out there's been a bit of a mixup," Lincoln explained. "Turns out that Leni gave out the wrong address and the cake got delivered to the wrong house."
"Lincoln, please tell me that this is your version of an April Fools joke."
"I wish it was Bro," Lincoln said, "but I'm dead serious."
"Alright, alright," Lio said, "I can work with this. I'll just go over to the house it was delivered to, explain the mixup and bring it back here. Easy peasy."
"About that…" Lincoln said.
With a look of dread on his face, Lio sighed and said "Yare yare daze, whose house did it get delivered to?"
"So you know Chandler?" Lincoln asked, prompting Lio to let out a high pitched "WRYYYYYYY!"
"Ow, my ears!" Lily said, prompting Lio to apologize "Sorry Lilypad."
"What's wrong?" Chris asked, with Lynn asking "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Lio said, putting on his bike helmet while he handed Lily over to Lincoln. "Just have to go pick up something."
"Do you need us to come with?" Chris asked.
"I should be fine," Lio replied, "I need you guys to keep watch over everything and make sure it all goes over smoothly. I'll be back as soon as possible."
"But Lio, the party is set to start in 30 minutes," Lincoln pointed out, "Are you sure that you can make it back in time?"
"I'll be fine," Lio said, "I have a plan. If Luan arrives, try and get her to open her presents before it's time to blow out the candles, okay?"
"I'll try my best," Lincoln said.
"I'll try to get back here soon," Lio said, "Lynn, Chris, I trust you to make sure nothing else goes off the rails."
Lynn and Chris nodded as Lio head out the door. As he hopped on his and rode out, Lio made a quick phone call.
"Hello?" Maggie answered quickly, "this better be good, Giggles and I were in the middle of binging Panty and Stocking. And I guess Theatre Geek is here."
"Listen, Maggie," Lio said, "I'm going to need you and Benny to keep Oneechan occupied."
"Why?" Maggie asked. "What's wrong?"
"There was a bit of a mixup with the cake being delivered," Lio explained, "I need you and Benny to keep her stalled for time until I can pick up the cake and bring it back home."
"Who's that, Magpie?" Lio heard Luan ask in the background.
"No one Giggles," Maggie answered before telling Lio "Alright, theatre geek and I will do the best we can to stall her. Just let us know when it's safe to bring her home."
"Will do," Lio promised before hanging up and continuing on, a wagon tied to the back of the bike to transport the cake. "Okay Lio, last time Chandler gave you a problem, you kicked his butt. Maybe this time he'll be more agreeable."
Meanwhile, Maggie turned to Luan and asked "Say, Giggles. When we get finished watching this, what do you think about maybe watching Fullmetal Alchemist after this?"
"What?" Benny asked, "but the party is said to start in just a few minutes, why would we start a new-?"
"Plans have changed Beanhead," Maggie replied, "besides, there's still plenty of hours left in the day. We can afford to be a little late to the party. Besides, she's the birthday girl, everyone is supposed to wait on *her* hand and foot, not the other way around."
"Yeah, but I really don't want to be rude and keep everybody waiting," Luan argued. "This is my first proper birthday in 12 years and I don't want to take advantage of anyone."
"Consider it payback for them making *you* wait 12 years to properly celebrate your birthday," Maggie replied. "Please Giggles, just another hour or so, I really want you to check out this series."
"Mylady," Benny said, "surely, you aren't going to listen to her. Aren't you excited to celebrate for the first time?"
Maggie didn't want to resort to such methods, but felt that she had little other choice.
"Please Giggles, for me?" Maggie pleaded, breaking out the puppy dog eyes on Luan.
Luan couldn't resist the dreaded puppy dog eyes and conceded "Alright, I'll do this just for you."
"Hmph, how melodramatic," Benny muttered under his breath, prompting Maggie to shoot him a death glare.
Elsewhere, Lio was coming up on the McCann house. He was pleading that Chandler hadn't done something shitty such as trashed or eaten the cake. It was one of the most important parts of the day.
Sitting outside with the cake on a table was none other than Chandler and his two friends, Trent and Richie.
"Man, can you believe how fucking great this is?" Chandler laughed. "I don't know who messed up this badly that one of Lincuck's sisters cake showed up at my doorstep, but I'm not complaining."
"So what are we going to do with it, Chandler?" Trent asked.
"Good question," Chandler said, "I don't know whether we should eat this son of a bitch or blow it up and send the video to Lincuck and his little lapdog."
"Uhh, speaking of the lapdog," Richie said, pointing out Lio's presence.
"Well well well, look who it is," Chandler remarked with a smug grin. "What, did Lincoln send his lapdog to pick up the cake?"
"Look," Lio said, "today is a very special day for our family and I kind of really need that cake back.
"Oh yeah?" Chandler challenged him. "And what are you doing to do about it?"
Lio briefly wondered whether or not he could take on all three of them. He still abhorred violence, but he needed to get that cake back by any means necessary.
"I see that look in your eye," Chandler said as he picked up the cake and carelessly held it up with one hand, "so allow me to rephrase the question. What will you do for me to get this cake back?"
Forced into a humble position, Lio reluctantly said "I'll do anything to get that cake back."
"Did you hear that boys?" Chandler asked with a chuckle. "The lapdog said he'd do anything to get this cake back."
"Aww, the lengths he'll go to for his precious sister, Luan," Chandler said mockingly.
"Well let's put that to the test," Trent said with Richie saying "Let's see how far his devotion goes."
Chandler spotted a dog turd on the ground and got a wicked idea.
"You say you'll do anything for this cake, right?" Chandler asked, to which Lio nodded. "Then why don't you eat that piece of dog shit over there?"
"What?" Lio asked blankly, prompting Chandler to reply "You heard me lapdog. Eat the Crap."
"This is an April Fool's joke right?" Lio asked. "You can't be serious."
"Oh, I'm dead serious," Chandler replied. "If you want this cake back, you'll eat that piece of dog shit over there."
Lio was hesitant. He had promised Luan the best birthday of her life, but eating actually feces seemed a step too far. Still, as mentioned before, the cake was an essential part of Luan's party. Lio took a little too long to decide for Chandler's liking, prompting the bully to sic his friends on him.
"I think our friend needs a little help," Chandler said, "Trent, Richie, give him a helping hand, will you?"
Trent and Richie nodded as they grabbed Lio by his arms and dragged him over to where the dog poop lied. The two of them then held Lio down as Chandler walked over to him.
"Why can't something I plan go normal for once?" Lio thought to himself, trying to pull himself free to no avail.
"A growing boy needs his vitamins and minerals," Chandler said as he forced Lio's mouth open with one hand before picking up the poop with another. "Now open wide, lapdog."
Lio tried turning his head away only for Richie to hold it in place, allowing Chandler to force the dog poop into his mouth. Lio almost immediately gagged and began uncontrollably throwing up, puking all over Chandler's lawn.
"Now that's fucking funny!" Chandler laughed as Lio's misfortune as his friends let go of Lio and back away. Chandler placed the cake on the ground next to where Lio was violently retching. "Happy April Fools, Lapdog!" Chandler mocked him before beckoning to his friends "Come on guys, let's go play some Street Fighter."
Once Lio got ahold of himself, he loaded the cake into his wagon and rode back home, texting Maggie on the way back to let her know that the cake had been picked up and that it was safe to start escorting Luan to the Loud house. Upon arriving home, Lio placed the cake on the table and began heading upstairs.
"Woah, Lio, are you okay?" Lincoln asked him, sensing distress in his brother.
"It's a long story," Lio said, facing away from his twin, "but on the bright side I got the cake back."
"Well, what happened?" Lincoln asked, "how did you get it back?"
With a sigh, Lio reluctantly explained the process he had to go through in order to get the cake back from Chandler.
"He made you eat dog-?" Lincoln questioned as Lily said "Ew."
"Could you keep your voice down?" Lio asked. "I'd prefer if you didn't tell the entire house."
"But how could you just?" Lincoln asked. "All of that just for a stupid cake?"
"I didn't want to do it, I was forced to do it," Lio explained. "And besides, I promised Oneechan that I'd give her the best birthday ever and I intend to keep that promise."
"Dude, are you okay?" Lincoln asked.
"I'm fine," Lio insisted, "now if you don't mind, I'm going to go wash my mouth out with bleach."
Lio proceeded to the bathroom and spent the next half hour thoroughly brushing his teeth and washing his mouth out with mouthwash, using the entire 2 gallon bottle in the process. While he was doing this, Luan arrived just in time for her birthday party.
"SURPRISE!" The Louds greeted her as she walked through the door. "Happy birthday Luan!"
"You guys did all of this for me?" Luan blushed. "Oh, you really shouldn't have."
"Well it is your special day," Leni pointed out, "you deserve a day to yourself to celebrate."
Luan began unwrapping her presents and was pleasantly surprised by all of the gifts she received. However, she quickly noticed that one of her little brothers was missing.
"Hmm, that's odd," Luan thought to herself before asking "Hey, have any of you seen Lio?"
"I think he's upstairs," Lana answered, "specifically, I think he's in the bathroom."
"Is he okay?" Luan asked.
"I think so," Lynn answered before Lily answered Luan's question "Lio ate poop.", prompting a response of "WHAT‽" from everyone present.
"Way to keep a secret, Lily," Lincoln said half jokingly before explaining to Luan "There was a mixup with your cake and it ended up getting sent to Chandler's house instead of ours. So Lio went to retrieve and Chandler and his friends forced him to eat dog poop."
"Is he okay?" Luna asked.
"He said he was," Lincoln said, "but I don't know if I believe him."
"I'll go get him," Luan said, "I mean, I can't celebrate my birthday without my baby brother, can I?"
Upstairs in the bathroom, Lio had washed his mouth out as thoroughly as he could and was curled up on the floor, rocking back and forth as he'd changed out of his puke covered shirt into a white wifebeater and his pink hoodie. He still felt disgusted by what he had to do, but was proud that he had at least gotten Luan's cake back. The boy was trembling when he heard a knock at the door.
"Occupied!" Lio yelled.
"So you're really going to stand up your own sister on her birthday?" Luan asked, giggling and asking "Get it?"
"Sorry," Lio apologized. "I'll be down there in a minute."
"Are you going to be okay?" Luan asked him.
"I'll be fine," Lio answered, slowly sitting up from off of the floor.
"You do know that you didn't have to go through all of that just for a stupid cake, right?" Luan asked him.
"I had to," Lio said, "I wanted your birthday to be perfect."
"My birthday already is perfect," Luan said, "this has been one of the best days of my life. I don't need some silly cake to make it great, but there is one thing that is missing."
"What's that?" Lio asked.
"My baby brother," Luan said. "Especially after all the work you put into throwing this party."
"You really mean that?" Lio asked.
"Yep and that's no joke," Luan said.
Lio came out of the bathroom and asked "It's not too late to join you guys, is it?"
"Nope," Luan replied, "I was just getting ready to blow out the candles."
"Well who am I to keep you waiting?" Lio asked as he joined his siblings downstairs.
A few minutes later, the Loud Family and friends were gathered around Luan and singing her happy birthday.
"Happy birthday to you~, Happy birthday to you~, Happy birthday dear Luan~, Happy birthday to you!" They sang.
"Alright sweetie," Rita said, "time to blow out your candles and make a wish."
"Best birthday ever," Luan said, tearing up as she blew out her candles.
"So milady," Benny asked. "What'd you wish for?"
"Nothing," Luan replied, smiling and saying "My wish has already come true."
"And here's to many more in the future!" Lincoln said, raising a juicebox in the air for a toast.
For Luan, her sweet sixteen had been the best she could ever hope for. The first birthday in so long that she'd celebrated that didn't require any pranking. Luan truly had gotten her wish: a birthday where she didn't feel alone. It was the best thing that she could ask for.
END
It's a little late in the day, but I just couldn't let April Fools pass by without writing something for my favorite prankster.