Most Characters (except the ones who aint) owned by Disney.
A lazy sunday afternoon in an undisclosed lair. Two young women have just finished watching the last episode of season 1 of the new Evil Eye For The Bad Guy...
"I still say the original was better." Kim announced, passing judgement and grabbing the remote.
"I liked it." Shego did like it. They were helping all kinds of people, not just the same tired old villains.
"Seriously?" The redhead exclaimed in disbelief. "Are these guys even villains? Whatshisname has never even been to jail!"
"Which one?"
"The fashion one. He just worked at a place that stole a bunch of other companies designs. He didn't even get supervised release." Kim crossed her arms and leaned back into the overstuffed couch they were both on. She'd decided she didn't like the show and wouldn't watch it again, until there were new episodes. So there!
"Well, I thought helping people other than just villains was a bold move. It could have blown up in their face."
"Literally." Kim admitted.
"But people really seemed to appreciate how they tried to help. Even though it didn't always work." Shego admitted.
"Yeah, I'd say getting picked up one day before the statute of limitations ran out was NOT what they were going for with Iron Issac." Kim chuckled.
"I can't believe you were never on the show." Kim gave the 'are-you-kidding-me' look. "Oh pardon me, Kimberly Anne Possible would never be on a show about villains."
"Oh? Well I was. You'd have remembered if you hadn't hit your head all those times. Hey!" Shego swiped the remote.
"Just for that it's not Agony County next. And when were you on? Did we skip an episode?"
"It was the old show. Back when we got zapped in the TV by that, transhyper transducing whatchamacallit."
"What? People couldn't see that! could they?" The only thing worse than being mopey would be the world watching you mope.
"They could, but since none of us were in the performers union or signed releases, they had to blur us out."
"Hmmm, they must have sent those to an lair that was destroyed. I never got one."
"Could be, there are a lot of those." Ignoring the growls, Kim continued. "Sitch was, Drakken had already sent in an application to be on the show, which had a release on it. And since EEFBG is not scripted, he didn't need to be in any actors union."
"Oh, I have GOT to see that. Have you got a copy?" Shego didn't bother to ask how Kim knew about the application. She seemed to know everything about D&S these days.
"Nope." Liar. "You'll have to ask Drakken." Shego promised herself to ask. "I'd bet money he does, on blue-ray even. Surprised he hasn't made you watch it every other day." Shego began to reconsider her promise. "The rest of us will be blurred out, though. Which is fine with me. Besides, I saw enough of you on TV when you were back in GO-City."
"Oh yeah, I guess you would have." Shego realized. They had been media darlins.
"Any time you were on the news, Mego would take the footage and mash it together to post on the VidWEB." Shego rolled her eyes, remembering those lame mashups, which were AMM. (always mostly Mego) "Too bad they all got taken down as fast as he could put em up. He never did figure out you couldn't use copyrighted music." But I saved each one, Kim remembered. Saved in a secret password protected invisible folder.
"Hard to believe I was part of a super hero team." the brunette mused.
"Guess they let anyone be a hero back then. You sure seemed to land on your heads a lot more than I ever did." Kim opined with a smirk to the brunette.
"Well, that's because the villains back then were much tougher than any you've had to fight." Shego rationalized right back.
"If you say so." Kim agreed with a grin.
Dammit. I walked right into that one, Shego had to admit. Hmm, come to think of it, I don't even know how she got started in the Hero game.
"You know, after we took care of Aviarius,"
"You mean when I took out five of you?"
"Yes. But what I wanted to-"
"Five of you that had all the Team GO glows?"
"Yessssssss." God, will she ever shut up about that? You know how sometimes, the question answers itself? "ANYhoo, I was thinking there were probably other villains we both fought. Like Electronique or the Mather."
Kim considered. "Hmmmmm. Probably, it's a small world."
"So who was your first?" Shego could narrow the list down if she know when the redhead started.
"That's kind of a, personal question."
"Your first villain. Doy! That you defeated, I mean. Really defeated, lair destroyed, take em away boys, the whole ball of wax."
"Oh." Kim considered the matter. "Oh, who cares." Kim answered, without actually answering. Which Shego hated.
"Tell me."
"I'm not here to talk about the past." Kim said in a forthright manner, looking straight ahead with her right hand raised.
"You're not running for office. You're not THAT much of a do-gooder."
"I dunno. My weekends constantly getting interrupted by a certain vilianess might push me over the edge. And missing the new Agony County will do it for sure. Hi-YAH!" A quick chop to the fold of the elbow and the remote flew to the Heroine.
"Hey! Oh, whatever." Shego flopped back on the couch and cursed the remaining dregs of broadcast television. Now we have to wait, check the clock, 17 minutes for that stupid show to start?! Too short to watch something else. To long to just sit here. To short to have any real, fun. To long to just wait. Hmmmmm.
"So who was it?" Shego asked.
"Who?" Is she still talking about...?
"Your first villain!" She was. "First miscreant, criminal, nemesis, foe, opponent, desperado, rival, you know."
"Weellllllll, there were three mean kids at pre-K. Ugly too. Although they weren't there long."
"That's not what I mean, Doy!" Shego flopped back against the sofa, drained already from the lack of visual stimulation.
"After all, a girl doesn't just go around talking about her 'first time'." Kim chuckled.
"The Doofus will tell me." Shego remarked, picking up her phone. Ron and Shego had been texting pretty regularly since Ron started working at Smarty-Mart. But that's another story...
"Ron used to know, but he gets hit on the head alot." I've got to get him to wear that helmet.
"Fine." Now moving from D to N in her contacts. "Wade will know."
"HA! He'll never give anything up on me. I know where he lives."
Shego hit the big button on her phone and snapped, "I bet I can guess!"
"Guess? Pffft! You'll never guess. Never." Kim said dismissively. That, was a mistake, Kim later admitted. For she knew that nothing enraged Shego more, than being looked down on.
"The Iron Goose, the Iron Turtle, Iron Issac?"
"Uh, I don't have anemia." Kim pointed out.
"Kite-Man, Zebra-Man, Hunts-man, Power-Man, Stilt-Man, Bat-Man, Wo-Man!"
"Now you're just, like, adding the word 'man' to everything, Green-Babe."
"Obake, Cipher, Krang, Councilor Chang, Bushroot, Mandark, Dementor, Megatron..."
"Wait, Kim interrupted, "did you say Mega-tron, or Magne-tron?"
"Mega." Then realizing what Kim had asked, "MAGNETRON!" she yelled triumphantly.
"NO!"
Damn it! Shego's fists involuntarily flared into green flame, that quickly dissipated.
"Give it up Firefly, you'll never get it." Kim declared, with a rare smirk. This vexes me so! Shego fumed. And using the F-word?! Wait, 'green-babe'? Oh, you are going to get yours, pumpkin, but first...
"Ludo Aviarius, Zane, Hamsterveal, the other Electroniqe, White Stripe..."
"White Stripe was an actor." Kim pointed out.
"Was he?" Shego wasn't sure. Her memories of that episode were spotty, at best.
"Dr. Doofensmirtz, Dr. Blight, Dr. Sivana, Dr. Zin, Dr. Claw..."
"...Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard!" Kim sing-songed back. Ugh, this is so not fun, and it does not seem to be stopping, she finally admitted, setting Agony County to record. She held the remote out, hoping Shego would take it. But Shego's hands were already busy flipping pages.
"Gemini, Nega-Duck, Sedusa, Vilgax, Eon, Don Karnage, Magica De Spell, Professor Nimnul, Hector Con-Carne, Baron Greenback..."
"Give me that!" She grabbed the Villains Digest "Hall of Infamy!" issue from Shego with her non-remote hand. Kim was getting a headache. She decided to end this by making the guesser an offer she couldn't refuse.
"Listen, If you ever guess it, I will tell you. But!" Kim held the rolled up magazine to the other woman's lips to stop her.
"You only get 3 guesses a day." Magazine withdrawn, after a quick bop to the top of the head.
"A hundred!" Shego demanded.
"Seriously? How bout 10? And when I say day, I mean day. Night Time, is Possible Time."
Ugh. Shego was so sick of that lame catchphrase. "75!"
"7." Kim said with a smile. Throwing her shoulders back and pulling down on her sweatshirt to smooth out the NT=PT logo. (Now only $49.95 at KimPossible dot com!)
"You can't go backwards!" Shego protested.
"PLUS, it has to be face to face. Emails or texts don't count, I can't have the Kimmunicator tied up for this kind of nonsense." That's when I have to deal with my suppliers in New Guinea.
"Then I want 50."
Fifty? Is she kidding? "6. And no reading out of a magazine." Shego growled as her limited edition collectors issue was waved literally under her nose and then snatched away.
I will find out who your first was, Shego swore. "45!"
"5. And no, are they still on the loose? are they in prison? I don't keep track of losers. That's Wade's job."
"Oh, so that's how you two met."
"Aaaaannnd now it's back to 3 guesses."
"DOY! Was it..." Shego held her tongue, a rare occurrence.
Kim waited. "What?"
"Oh, never mind." Idiot! Shego berated herself. I must be losing my grip, that's the one person I know it isn't. "Final offer, all conditions agreed, 10 guesses a day."
"5 guesses, final offer. And none when I'm a mission."
"But that's all the time!"
"My first, my rules. Take it, or leave it, in the next 20 seconds. Or I'll never tell you, not even at your last meal."
"What's makes you think you'll still be around?" Shego snarled.
"You think I'd miss it? 9 seconds, 8, 7, 6..."
"8 guesses."
"3 seconds."
"No!"
"2!" Kim's count was almost down.
"Ok, ok, ok." Shego agreed. "5 guesses! I'll take it! I'll take it!"
"Fine. Oh, and one last thing." Kim said as she dropped the no-longer-in-mint-condition magazine on the coffee table. "Since I've agreed to tell you if you DO guess it, you can't ask anybody else or go thru any old police records or, whatever."
"WHAT!? That's too much, you want me to bring the guy in hogtied as well?!"
"Who said it was a guy?"
Shego's eyes opened wide at that statement. Then closed as she dropped her head in frustration, at herself this time. Why couldn't Kim's first have been a girl, villain, that is. Dammit, she was just as bad as Hego, always assuming the villain was a...a...wait a minute. Shego's eyes narrowed.
"Were they human?"
"Huh?" That jarred the redhead.
"Was your first villain, human? Cuz if it was some wandering monster or messed up computer, I don't care. I also don't care about any purse snatchers, car jackers, shoplifters, industrial polluters, or jaywalkers."
"Really? You do know jaywalkers cause almost 23% of all fatal motor vehicle accidents." Kim claimed with only a trace of a smile. But Shego still saw it. She always did.
"Ha-ha. AND I don't care if you and Sailor Mook tried it on, cuz one of you thought the other one was a bad guy. Real Villains only, SUPER-villains. I'm not going to waste my guesses on any small timers."
Kim considered. "Ok, let's say it was a human. In that case, whom is a small timer?"
"Who is a small timer." Commence eye rolling. Does it really matter? The redhead thought, tweaked at being corrected while trying to sound sophistamicated.
Did either of them have an answer? As one, both turned their gaze to the coffee table, and the magazines theron: Villain's Digest, Villain's Weekly, World Dominationist, InTERRORnet: Year in Review. Plus a few more specialized ones about lairs, onesies, and other stuff losers care about.
"If the guy, or gal!" Shego held up Secret Island Monthly. "Is not in one of these, then I, don't, care...Princess." Kim frowned. She really did not like it when people called her that. She took it good naturedly, but not when it was delivered in that tone. Still, the offer had worked. And now, Shego had a hobby! Time to seal the deal.
"Alright. The person, has been in those kinds of magazines before."
"More than once?" Shego asked.
"Nice try." Both smiled clipped smiles. Both were trying to think of one more thing to get the advantage over the other. Same as they always did. Their relationship, changeable as it was, had always about competition. It always would be. Then Shego's smile was gone.
"As a villain?" Now it was Kim's turn to flop back on the couch in exasperation.
"I said they were human, I said they were in your stupid magazines, what more do you want? Seriously! If you guess, I will tell you. When have I ever lied to you?"
"The zoo animals are never in their enclosures after 9pm." Shego said in a flat even voice, as if she was quoting someone.
"Oh, well. THAT was on a mission." Kim tried to rationalize.
"You're ALWAYS ON A MISSION!"
"I'M NOT ON A MISSION RIGHT..." Kim's eyes caught the grappling gun on the coffee table. She took a deep breath and started again. "I'm not on a mission, at this moment."
Technically true, Ron was supposed to meet her at Frugal Lucres mom's house at 8. "And at this moment, I am telling you, that if you guess who it was, I will tell you. Previous agreed upon conditions having been met." She qualified. Shego was thinking. "So how bout it? I don't want to waste any more time on this." Kim's tone clearly implied the answer was to be made now, if she was going to make it by 8...
After another pause, Shego made her decision, and got up. Kim watched as she rummaged around in the boxes that were always under foot in the brunette's room. Shego never really completely unpacked anymore. When moving into a new apartment or a new lair, wherever she dropped something, was where it stayed.
"Ah-Ha!" Shego had found, whatever it was. It was a book, Kim deduced, after seeing it when Shego turned around. Plopping back on the couch, Shego held it out to the redhead. "Here." Kim took it, and saw it was...
"A bible? What are you doing with a bible?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Shego actually sounded insulted.
"I just, uh, just never found one in your room before."
"What do you mean found?" Shego's left eyebrow lowered.
"Uh, well, uh...I, I mean...Wasn't there something you wanted to ask me?" Kim said rather quickly.
Promising herself to look into this 'found' business later, Shego raised her eyebrow and tapped the book.
"Swear."
"Huh?"
"Swear. Your first villain was human, they're in the magazines and you'll tell me when I guess."
"Seriously?"
"It's this, or your mother's grave."
"Bitch." Kim spat. Shego did not flinch.
"That's a good start. Now the rest of it." The bitch had a truly evil smile.
Kim was silent. Shego began to recite, "No Shego, this bungee cord isn't too long for that drop..."
"I SWEAR, on this bible, that I will tell you WHO, the first human, SUPER-villain I truly defeated was IF you guess."
Not seeing any flames, green or otherwise, Shego took the bible, old testament btw, out of the redhead's hands and placed it on top of the fall issue of Catsuit Quarterly. The light in Kim's eyes slowly dimmed and she felt the tension that had been building, just drain away. They both slumped back on the sofa, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Kim closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. What was it Hego had said, a cranky smart mouth prone to excessive violence? Hoo-boy.
Cranky smart mouths always have to have the last word. "At least I know some of who it's not."
"No you don't."
"You said!"
"Previous conditions having been met." Kim pointed to something Shego did not usually have in a lair, a window. Which revealed the darkness that showed the sun had set some time ago. Probably just before Agony County had started. Kim reached for her grappling gun and stood up.
"I will beat you on this." Shego muttered as the redhead got ready to leave.
Kim smiled. "First time for everything."
Shego, would never guess, that in a temporal manner of speaking, the first (and last) Super Villain that Kimberly Anne Possible truly defeated, was a time traveller called...The Supreme One.
doy.
First Posted April 1st, 2020