Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination.

A/N: Alright so first of all, last night's episode left me rattled. I went in having one thought with a nice story idea to go with it but as the episode progressed, I started feeling something else. Tears when Adam pleaded with Voight to save his dad's badge, Anger at Bob Ruzek for what he did to Adam, and a realization that Adam's love for Kim was like nothing I had ever seen before but the hurt that her doubt in his character created, I understood why he finally stood up for her. It took me some time to come up with this idea and I'm pretty sure it won't go the way most of you would want, but Adam's growth made me need to write it this way.

Adam's definition of betrayal is black and white. He's been betrayed before but this one, hers, is the one that hurts the most. He closed the door on her, didn't give her a chance to explain because it hurt too much. He knows he's been impulsive in the past, disregarded rules to get results but he thought she saw through that, that she saw the man he was, but tonight, he was wrong. He poured himself a fresh glass of Whiskey and sat back down on his chair in the middle of his dimly lit living room. His heart was hurting but his head kept turning. First it was Kevin in that warehouse. Black vs white. It wasn't the first time that they had that discussion but Adam thought Kevin knew him. He thought that after all that time, after every hard case they worked together, Kevin knew he had his back. He had his back the way brothers have each other's backs and the colour of Kevin's skin had nothing to do with it He was his brother from another mother and he would lay down his life the same way he would have for his father, for Voight, for his unit. Because that is the kind of man Adam is. His one code is family, to protect it at cost but lately, that family wasn't protecting him back. The Whiskey went down his throat with ease, his thought was to numb out the sense of betrayal and loneliness he was feeling tonight but it only fueled the anger he had in his heart. He had forgiven Kevin in that bar after the day was over, a good glass of liquor and a talk with his best friend and Sargent doing the trick.

The last couple of days he had feared for his dad. He wasn't perfect but he was his blood and the thought of having him hurt in any way had twisted his insides but that night, in the hospital room, an anger towards him had flowed through his veins that he'd never felt before. He had done everything to protect his reputation, his legacy as a cop and what did he do to repay that favour? He sold him out. How could he sell him out like that? His own flesh and blood. He showed up at that retirement party for show, but inside, he was a mess. He stayed long enough for his father to celebrate with old buddies, Adam saying a few words but he didn't mean any of it, not anymore. He had been burnt by his father one too many time for him. He betrayed him the way a father should never betray his own flesh and blood, the way he would never betray his own. He downed another glass and stood. He was done trying to please him, trying to keep him out of trouble. He drove through the familiar streets of Canaryville. He had lived all his life there and it had made him into the man he was today. He cut the engine when he made it to his dad's house. The wave of dread he felt when they found the house trashed, but it was quickly replaced with anger. He knocked but waited this time. He was done letting himself in as if he knew the owner of the place. After last night, he no longer did.

"Adam?" He looked on each side of the porch before opening the door wider. "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"And it couldn't wait until a more decent hour?"

"No pops, it can't." He closed the door behind him.

"Can I get you a glass of Bourbon?" Adam could hear the game was on in the background.

"I won't stay long enough for that."

"Something wrong son?" Bob Ruzek was a clever enough man to see this wasn't a social visit.

"I wanted to tell you that I'm done."

"Done with what Adam? You're making no sense."

"I'm done bailing you out. I'm done running to help as soon as something goes sideways, I'm done."

"Come on Adam, what's this about?"

"YOU SOLD ME OUT!" Bob jumped at the anger in his son's voice. He knew he was angry when he was still in the hospital, it was in his eyes then and the anger was there now too. "The first sign of trouble and you sold me out."

"I knew you could help me son, you were my only way out."

"If you hadn't made questionable choices, you never would have needed me to bail you out, AGAIN. I gave you the benefit of the doubt after you worked with Spyro. Voight made sure you didn't go down, that you were working with us when you were off book and look what you did with that chance. You threw it right back out the window and went back to the exact same crap you've been pulling, except this time you dug yourself in a hole so deep that you couldn't get out on your own. Voight saved your badge yet again, he did the right thing by you for me."

"Voight, that's rich." Bob spat. "He's the biggest hypocrite and he shouldn't even carry a badge and gun."

"He did what was best for ME." Adam was starting to get agitated again. "He had my back since day one, which is more than I can say for you." His dad was ready to answer back but he didn't give him time to. "So, I'm telling you that I am done, for good. Don't call me again." He put his hand on the doorknob and turned, but his father placed a hand on his shoulder, applying pressure for him to turn around.

"Don't do this Adam."

"You don't get to make a speech telling me how you'll change." He faced him again, anger and deception on his features. "I gave you chance over chance to change and you proved to me that you can't so that's it, I'm done. Bye dad." Adam's heart clenched as he closed the door but it's a decision that he had no choice to make. He made it back into his jeep and pulled his phone out to find a message from Kevin and Voight but he ignored them both and instead pulled out his contact list. He knew that erasing it wouldn't change anything, he knew the damn number by heart but when he pressed on the garbage and said yes, it felt like that chapter was closed.

He drove aimlessly through the streets, his mind still in turmoil. He knew he had made the right decision but stepping away from a toxic situation was his only option. When he realised where he was about thirty minutes later, he pulled over after making a right and turned the ignition off. He thought he had told her everything, had unloaded the pain he felt to her but coming from his dad, closing that door, made Adam realise that he hadn't told her everything. He told her that he thought she would have known his heart because he knew hers. He knew hers and it was the only one he wanted but her lack of faith in him had shifted what her heart stood for. He knew it was late and he wasn't sure if she would still be awake, but he couldn't let bother him. He needed to tell her what was in his heart and then everything would be in her hands. He went up the stairs to clear his head a bit before he knocked on her door softly and waited. It took a few minutes before he heard the locks turn and a very surprised Kim to answer.

"Adam? What are you doing here? It's late."

"I'm sorry, I had to do this tonight." He watched Kim look behind her, making sure Makayla wasn't awake she let him in. He closed the door behind himself and leaned his back against it.

"Listen Adam." She tightened the robe around herself, crossing her arms over her chest. She met Adam's eyes as he looked up to look at her and she could still see the hurt in them.

"I need to say this, Kim." She nodded, let him continue. "I know you're sorry Kim, I do. But tonight, I made a decision, and I think that I need to choose again right now." He didn't know how to tell her, didn't know how she would react but right now, he needed to get the pain off of his chest. I love you, with all my heart I do, but I don't think you don't love me the same way that I do."

"Adam, don't do this." She knew he was hurt, that the hurt was her fault, but she didn't think she was ready for the decision that he had made.

"I have to Kim." He closed his eyes so he wouldn't see the tears starting to form in hers. "I've made mistakes in my life. Some I could walk back and some that I couldn't but made the way for who I am today. When you gave me the engagement ring back, it hurt like hell. I didn't know if I could live a life without you in it, but I did. I hated it when you started dating Roman, but I never blamed you for that. Even when I found out in the middle of that courtroom that you were sleeping with him, my heart broke a little more, but it made me think hard about what went wrong but I still didn't blame you. When I found out you were dating Matt Miller, I hated it, but he made you happy and I was going through something big with Woods, so I simply backed you up. Then I started sleeping with Hailey, it was so I could try to forget you. No matter how much I tried investing myself in that relationship, I wasn't able to forget you. But in the end, the two of us not working was obvious and it was the right thing to do. When the outbreak hit, I saw Hailey in there, thought how I would feel if it had been you and I couldn't stomach the thought, so I sought you out. That connection gave me the one thing that was giving me real purpose and then we lost it and I didn't think that my heart could take more pain, so I drowned it the only way I knew how. It wasn't the right way to do it, but it was my coping mechanism until I was honest with me, honest with you."

"It was the first time we were admitting that we were what each other needed." She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"And it's been good since, great even." They finally looked into each other's eyes. "I thought we were going in the right direction, finally talking. I know you have your doubts about my commitment to you but I'm telling you now that I wanted all of it too." He sighed. "Spending time with you, with Makayla, it only proved to me that we could have it but after tonight I'm not so sure anymore." He took the few steps separating them, coming in her personal space.

"What are you saying Adam?"

"I'm saying that I'm taking a step back. We can't go back to the way it was before because I'm not sure that's what you want, and I'm done chasing after what I want if it's only one sided. I know it's not being fair to Makayla that I won't be there as much, but my decision is made and until you think hard about what you want and that you decide what that is, we can't be friends. I'm sorry." He cupped her cheeks, kissed her forehead and took in the smell that was purely Kim one last time before turning around and leaving Kim in her darkened kitchen.

A/N: So to all the Burzek fans out there...I'm still a captain of that ship and I don't think I will ever stop being one. I know everyone is hurting after watching last night's episode but I chose to believe that this latest setback (and god knows there's been too many) will be an opportunity for Kim to reflect on her own mistakes and shortcomings so she can fight for them and prove to him that he's the one that she wants. I really hope you guys like it and please take a few seconds to review before you go, I always love reading your thoughts. Until the next chapter - Sarra