A/N: So, uhh... This happened. It's basically a micro-story shitpost I wrote a while ago for the SAO Fanfiction Central Discord server based on the premise that SAO is a Korean MMO with an egregious cash shop. Simple as that.

Depending on how well this mini-story is received, I may write more for it in the future. There's a lot of potential for funny scenarios here, and I have lots of ideas lol. All future chapters will be super short though, as none of this is supposed to be taken seriously.

Enjoy!

Kirigaya Kazuto, going by the moniker of "Kirito" in this world, couldn't help but chuckle as he watched his avatar's body materialize into existence in the Teleport Gate Plaza on the First Floor of Aincrad.

He was back. Finally, after months of waiting, he was back!

And yet, there was little time for sentimentality. Swiping downwards in the air with two of his fingers, he called forth the system menu with ease, marveling at its simplistic yet elegant design. There were many options to choose between here, but his mind only sought one thing.

Scanning through the menu, he came to an abrupt stop as his eyes finally landed on those beautiful words he had been waiting 3 months to read:

CASH SHOP.

Ahhh… Marvelous. The Cash Shop. It hadn't been implemented yet in the Beta Test, so he hadn't had the opportunity to check it out before now, but today… the time of reckoning had finally arrived.

Clicking on the button caused a separate window to pop up in front of him, containing a massive wall with the text "FEATURED ITEMS" written on it. Attached to it was a full list of submenus to go through. It only took him about 5 minutes to scan through all of it, but everything he saw there caused the toothy grin on his face to grow just a bit wider.

Everything he could have ever dreamed of was here. EXP boosters, Drop Chance boosters, lootboxes, avatar customization tickets, inventory expansion upgrades, auto-fishing equipment, chests containing rare crafting materials, rare outfits with special attributes… It was all here. And just like God's creation, it was beautiful.

He had already linked his mom's credit card to his Argus account before he logged in to SAO. All he had to do was click on the items he wanted to purchase, and they would be transferred to his account within seconds. It was simplistic, intuitive, and most importantly: without restrictions.

"Perfection…" he muttered to himself, clicking on the EXP boosters icon and setting the purchase amount to 50. If he remembered correctly, these sumbitches were supposed to stack, meaning he could go from earning EXP at a 1x rate to a 50x rate within seconds.

He pushed the "Purchase" button without remorse, completely ignoring the 300$ imbursement sent to his mom's credit card as the items arrived in his inventory.

Finally… it is my time to shine!

/====00====\

"Yahoo! I did it, Kirito! I finally did it!" the red-haired player who had introduced himself as Klein yelled. "I killed the Boar!"

"Hey, good work!" Kirito responded, sending the man a weak smile. The two of them had teamed up after running into one another in the Town of Beginnings just a couple of minutes prior, and Kirito was now busy trying to teach the guy how to play. He had apparently never tried a VRMMO before, and as such, was a little confused as to how combat worked. "How much EXP did you get?"

"Hmm… It says I got 93 EXP! So that means… I only have to kill 14 more Boars to level up!"

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Kirito nodded, wandering over to his impromptu party member. "That's not half bad, you know!"

"How many do you have left to kill before you level up?" Klein asked, sheathing his sword with a satisfying clang.

"Oh, you know…" Kirito responded, walking up to a nearby Boar and giving it a slice with the strange black knife he was holding. The creature died instantly, and the sound of trumpets filled the clearing as it broke off into polygons.

"Oh wow, you levelled up!" Klein smiled, running over to him to take a look at the Rewards window that had popped up. His smile instantly disappeared as his eyes read the number written on it.

4650 EXP gained.

"W-W-W-W-WHAT?!"

"Is there a problem?" Kirito asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Y-You just got over 4000 EXP for killing a Level 1 Boar!"

"Oh, yeah, I have a couple of EXP boosters from the Cash Shop active."

"A COUPLE?!"

"Yup. Only like, 50 though, so it really isn't too much."

"A-And what about that knife? You one-shotted that Boar with a simple slice! You didn't even use a Sword Skill!" Klein waved, eyes wild with surprise.

"Ah, the knife? I got it from a lootbox, also purchased in the Cash Shop."

"Is it any good? My starter weapon does around 40 points of damage, I think," Klein stammered, opening up his menu to check on his equipment.

"Nah, it's not really all that good. It only does roughly 350 points of damage so it could definitely stand to be improved."

"ONLY 350 POINTS OF DAMAGE?! THAT THING IS LIKE EIGHT TIMES STRONGER THAN MY WEAPON!"

"Yeah, but it's not gonna be good enough to one-shot the Floor Boss, Illfang the Kobold Lord, now is it?"

Needless to say, Klein nearly fainted at the young man's words.

/====00====\

"OH FUCK! It's him! We gotta run!" the Laughing Coffin member screamed out as he spotted the black-haired swordsman coming towards them, his arms and legs nearly giving out at the sight of him.

"Wait, why? It's only one guy, we can easily take him!" another member responded, clearly confused.

"No, you don't get it, that's HIM! The Black Whale! They say he's bought everything in the Cash Shop a hundred times over, granting him power unrivalled by even Kayaba himself!"

"SERIOUSLY?!"

"Yeah, there's no way we can kill that guy! He's probably well over Level 200 at this point!"

"BUT WE'RE ONLY ON FLOOR 20?!"

"EXACTLY! RUUUUUUN!"

A/N: Read and review!