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Desert Fox

Chapter 1: Begging for a Mission

Fox threw himself at General Pepper's feet, hands clasped and pleading—a difficult task considering he sat behind a large, polished-oak desk.

"Please General, you just gotta have a mission for me! I'll take anything! Need a bodyguard? A bounty turned in? A safe escort somewhere? Experimental craft tested? Anything!"

Pepper stood up from his seat, peering over the top of the desk, but all he could see was Fox's white-tipped tail.

"Er, where are you, Fox? I can't see you."

"Down here," his muffled voice emerged from below.

Pepper sat back down and peeked under his desk, discovering Fox crouching beneath it, prostrated before him.

"Oh, there you are! Good heavens, get off the floor, it's not sanitary, and I can't see you down there."

Disappointed his gesture of piety went unappreciated, Fox rose up—immediately banging his head on the underside of the desk. He emerged rubbing his skull tenderly, wincing as he sat down in the seat across from Pepper.

The general looked more comfortable now that he could see him easily. He clasped his hands and addressed Fox.

"I'm sorry Fox, there just isn't anything left for you to do in the system," he said, breaking the news as gently as he could. "Each and every threat Lylat faced has been neutralized—all thanks to you and the Star Fox team! But I will say this though…"

Fox raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Did anyone ever tell you, you might be doing your job too well?"

"Whaddya mean?"

"Well Fox, if you hunt down all the bad guys, there won't be any left. If there aren't any left, you're out of a job! You can't rid the Lylat of all evil, or there will be nothing for you to clean up afterwards. You have to be more business savvy, Fox! Next time you capture some pirates or escaped convicts, you should… accidentally let a few of them escape." He winked at Fox.

"Why General!"

He held up his hands placatingly. "I'm only thinking of what's best for you and your business, Fox. But the next time you save Lylat from an evil force… leave some to grow back and start a new one, okay? Let me put this into terminology your generation can understand. It's like pigs in Minecraft. If you turn them all into porkchops, you won't have any left to breed, now will you? And then you'll be out of pigs and porkchops!"

Fox sighed, the analogy finally hitting home.

Pepper narrowed his eyes suddenly. "By the way Fox, how did you lose all that reward money so soon? I made sure you were paid handsomely for the last time you saved Lylat, and that was just a few months ago. Where did all that reward money go?"

Fox blushed and began wringing his hands. He couldn't look the general in the eye.

"Um, well, I made some rather… risky investment choices with it."

"Investment choices?!" Pepper exclaimed. "Fox, don't tell me you bet your entire reward money on the stock of a failing brick-and-mortar video game retailer?!"

"It was a surefire scheme! Everyone else on Ribbit was in on it!"

"Fox, when's the last time you went out to a store and bought a physical video game?"

"Video games can be physical?"

Pepper slapped a paw over his face. "I guess that proves my point. I can't believe this; you bet all 120,000,000 credits on that stock, didn't you?"

"No! …Well, not all of it," Fox admitted. "I converted a good portion to crypto."

The general stared at him cynically. "Let me guess… Doogiecoin?"

Fox slapped his hands on the desk. "It was taking off! It was going to the moon!"

"Well there's your first problem, Fox: Corneria doesn't even have a moon."

"Look, I know Doogiecoin has halved in value since I invested, but it can literally only go up from here! You just watch; one day I'll be rolling in dough, and I'll never have to bother you about another mission again! But until then…"

Fox clasped his hands and flopped over Pepper's desk, pleading with him. "Can't you give me just one more job? I'll do literally anything!"

Pepper sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry Fox, if I had one I'd jump at the chance to give it to you! You are my favorite mercenary team, and we're still in your debt."

Fox's face lit up like a beacon at the last word.

"Figuratively!" he clarified, shooting his hopes down. He turned his computer screen around to face Fox, showing an old-fashioned cork board with a variety of pins stuck in it. "This is what the military's job posting board looks like. All the other generals stationed around Corneria and Lylat post missions for mercenaries here. As you can see, it's entirely empty! Now stop bugging me about jobs, I'm very busy figuring out how to accommodate pregnant women in Arwings." He flipped the screen around and began typing away furiously. "I'll notify you at the first job I see posted. Now good day, Fox."

Fox's shoulders slumped. Welp, back to the drawing board…

Defeated, he slid off the general's desk, straightened his tie, and turned to leave… but just when he was passing through the office door, he heard a tiny blip chime from Pepper's computer.

"Oh dear…"

Fox's ears shot up like satellite dishes. Faster than a plasma bolt he swung around, charging back into the room.

"What's the matter, General?" he asked, hyperactively. "Trouble somewhere? Something go wrong? That would be terrible!" He almost couldn't contain his glee.

"Well Fox, it seems this job came in at just the right time! You see—"

"I ACCEPT!"

Pepper laughed. "Steady now, Fox! I haven't even told you the details yet!"

"I literally don't care. Just sign me the hell up!" he said exuberantly.

"Of course, of course. But first it is my duty to warn you of some risks associated with this mission. You see, it's been around for quite some time, yet no one has been able to accomplish. The same general on Titania keeps posting and reposting it, and cocky, lesser mercenaries accept it, but every one of them ends up failing. It seems they all quit partway through due to extreme psychological stress." His face darkened, and he lowered his voice. "Some even went insane."

Fox snapped his fingers. "Hot dog! This sounds like a job for Fox McCloud!" He leaned an elbow on the general's desk, pulling out his blaster and spinning it confidently. "Titania, you say? What's it for? Clearing leftover Venomian minefields? Taking out an ancient alien superweapon stalking the planet? A division of rogue Cornerian scientists bent on cloning Andross at a secret base?"

Pepper lifted an eyebrow. "Oddly specific, but no. I'm afraid it's a simple transport mission, completable in a single day using the Landmaster."

Fox scratched his chin. "A transport mission, huh? With dangerous cargo that makes those around it go insane? Interesting…"

"Unfortunately, the actual cargo is highly secretive; even I don't know what it is! It's too dangerous to even transmit such information over the web. I'm afraid due to the top-secret nature of this mission, I can divulge no more details pertaining to it. If you wish to accept, you must go to the Cornerian military outpost stationed on Titania. There you will receive further instructions. Do you accept?"

Fox was already halfway out the door. He paused briefly, counting off on his fingers. "Titania, Cornerian military outpost, Landmaster mission. Got it!"

Pepper waved to him as he disappeared. "Best of luck Fox, and remember, be careful! This mission looks deceptively easy at first, so stay on your toes!"

Titania was not Fox's first choice for a planet to visit. In fact, on his list of most coveted mission locations, it was his second or third most hated, depending on whether he counted Solar as a planet – he could never make up his mind.

The desertic world was entirely covered in muddy-red sand. There may be a spiky-ball cactus here, an ancient ruin there, but for the most part it was completely barren and uninteresting. Dangerous ion storms tore through the sky, rendering flight above a certain limit impossible, and atmospheric entry a tricky feat. Of course the Great Fox was able to penetrate the storm to get to the surface, but flying any great distance in the storm wasn't an option; thus the Landmaster requirement.

Fox broke through the clouds almost directly above the Cornerian military outpost; a run-down, dump of a base with tin-can-looking aircraft hangars and weather-beaten personnel quarters. Everywhere the station had been eaten away by coarse red dust and years of exposure to the harsh winds.

Fox dropped himself off in the Landmaster on the main road in front of the base; he had ROB land the Great Fox on the runway in the meantime. The tank fell a few feet before he jammed on the VTOL thrusters and hovered the rest of the way down. The engines stirred up a cloud of red dust, making it impossible to see three feet in front of the viewscreen. Finally he hit the ground, and the Landmaster lurched on its suspension.

"Welcome to Titania, Star Fox. General Gables will be out to see you shortly," a voice from the control tower informed him.

"Roger that," Fox answered.

After a few minutes of waiting, Fox was startled by a fist knocking against the glass. He looked out to see a goat wearing a camo-green uniform standing on the Landmaster's hill outside the cockpit, staring in. Fox popped open the canopy, letting it rise up. He stood in his seat.

"General Gables, in your debt," the goat told him, greeting him with a handshake.

"Fox McCloud, at your service. I've been kept in the dark about this whole thing, so I'm eager to hear the full details. What exactly am I transporting, and where?"

General Gables reached for something on Fox's fuselage and lifted it up with a grunt, setting it down on the lip of the cockpit. It was a nondescript-looking, flimsy, cardboard box; the contents of which remained concealed within.

"The 'what' must remain secret, I'm afraid. Do not, under any circumstances, open this case—even when you reach your destination. If you do, I will not be responsible for whatever fate befalls you."

Fox's eyes widened, staring at the package with newfound awe. Gingerly he accepted it from the general and carefully placed it in a small storage space beneath his seat.

"As for the 'where', that much I can tell you. Right now we're in a small town named Sima."

Fox raised an eyebrow expectantly, but when Gables didn't add anything else he prodded, "Sima…?"

"Sima balls." The general kept a stone-straight face.

The todd rolled his eyes. "Um, alright. I guess it doesn't matter where I am now; what matters more is, where am I headed?"

"Chogun."

"And Chogun is…?"

"Chogun deez nuts!"

"WHERE IS IT LOCATED?!" Fox burst out.

The general simply pointed down the road. "Directly that-a-way, at the end of the road. No exits or turns, just 672 straight miles. At an average speed of 85 miles per hour, you should be able to make it in about, oh… eight hours if you don't stop to dilly-dally. And as long as nothing goes… wrong…"

Fox lifted his eyebrows. "'Wrong'?"

"You'll see. Just don't let it get to ya."

"'It'?" he repeated again.

"Hey, you're the great Fox McCloud! If anyone can complete this mission, it's you! But all the same, I'd like you to keep the following safety precautions in mind:

1) Save a life; don't text and drive! It may be tempting to pass the time on your phone, but mobile devices cause crashes! The life you save may be your own. Desktop mode is mandatory.

2) Night driving is also dangerous. Drive during the day! The sights are much more scenic in light contrast.

3) For safety reasons, please adjust your mirror till you can fit this on one line before proceeding:

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4) Again, under no circumstances are you to open that box. Ever. Its contents are for the eyes of my fellow general in Chogun only. Do not skip ahead to the third chapter and see its contents; you will regret it. Understood?

Fox rolled his eyes. "Okay, Moooooom! Like that'll ever happen. I can keep a secret and be perfectly fine never knowing what's in there." He gunned the engine on the Landmaster, and the general took that as his cue to disembark. He slid down the tank's sleek hull, joining his ranks of men to watch from the sidelines.

"Good luck, Fox!" Gables shouted up to him. Then it looked like he turned to one of his officers and mouthed, he's gonna need it, but Fox couldn't be sure.

After Fox closed the windscreen, he waved once to the general and his men, then set off.