"...and I still don't know what became of Wind Rider, but I say good riddance! So after Rainbow Dash's spectacular performance, I went back to my suite and slept for a few hours, then exchanged farewells with Sassy in the morning. After that, I waited for Rainbow at the station, who, punctuality never being her strong suite, arrived seconds before the train departed." Rarity gave a soft sigh and reclined further into the ruffled pillows adorning her chaise lounge. "All she talked about on the ride home was how A. K. Yearling should write a mystery novel in which Daring Do and Shadow Spade join forces so they can," she held up her hooves in an air quotes gesture and tried to mimic Rainbow's raspy voice, "'Kick some crime fighting flank'."
Sweetie Belle, who had been silent ever since Rarity's captivating story began, giggled at her attempt at impersonating their friend. "Hee-hee. Wow, Rarity, it's like she's really here with us! It's so nice of you to join us, Rainbow!"
Rarity picked up on her sarcasm and joined in the laughter, a hint of embarrassment on her comely features. "Alright, dear, you've made your point. It was mediocre at best. Anyway, I suppose that sums up the-" She twirled her hoof in a circular motion, searching for the right word. "-escapades of the past few days. If you ask me, the real mystery of all this is why, aside from Sassy, I only received one compliment on my Femme Mystique Chic ensembles! Can you believe that, darling? Just one, and I don't even think it was genuine! And here I thought Canterlot ponies were renowned for having exquisite taste!" A few pillows bounced onto the floor as Rarity flopped down on the lounge in an exaggerated display of frustration.
Rolling her eyes, Sweetie Belle held a hoof to her mouth and quietly giggled at her friend's melodrama. This is almost as entertaining as that story, she thought. It was a tough act to follow, however. Rarity's sleuthing skills had been impressive enough, but the way she described it made Sweetie Belle feel like she'd been transported into a black-and-white noir film like the kind her Aunt had always insisted on watching with her.
Rarity's storytelling was certainly commendable, but Sweetie Belle knew that wasn't the type of compliment the fashionista wanted to hear at the moment. She got up from the upholstered chair she'd been sitting in and trotted over to Rarity, who now had a foreleg draped over her eyes like she couldn't bear to see the unjustness of her fabulous outfits being underappreciated.
The sight brought an amused smile to Sweetie Belle's lips. She treasured the uniqueness of each of her friends' personalities equally, but today, Rarity's little idiosyncrasies seemed to bring her an uncharacteristic amount of delight. All morning it hadn't occurred to her that the reason for this, along with why she was so eager to go to Carousel Boutique to welcome her home, was that she'd missed her, and a lot more than usual. She missed Rainbow Dash as well, but it was like Rarity's presence satisfied some sort of need she hadn't even been aware of.
Rarity had only been gone three days, there were trips that kept her away much longer, especially now that she'd opened a second boutique in Canterlot, and Sweetie Belle had always dealt with her absence no differently than the rest of her friends. It wasn't like Rarity's trips to Canterlot Carousel were the only time the six of them were ever apart. They were all still getting used to having to sit out a friendship problem when the Cutie Map called a select two from the group to travel somewhere in Equestria to solve it. Granted, Sweetie Belle was always thrilled to see them when they returned and felt relieved that they'd come back safe, but it never gave Sweetie Belle the sense of completion she was feeling now.
Maybe I'm just antsy from being cooped up in the cottage, she reasoned. Have I really been inside for three whole days? Didn't I go out right after Rarity and Rainbow left? When she thought back, the first traces of a memory ever-so-slightly tugged at her, but it eluded her grasp when she tried to bring it to the forefront of her mind.
After picking up the pillows that were strewn about the floor and placing them neatly back in their previous spots, Sweetie Belle hopped up next to her woebegone friend and patted her on the shoulder comfortingly. "Well, you certainly deserved more. I'm sure they were just as stunning as how you described them. Maybe you can show them off here in Chicago where they might be more well-received."
This seemed to pacify Rarity and she lifted the foreleg partially obscuring her muzzle to smile appreciatively. "Thank you, darling. Perhaps I will."
Rarity returned to a sitting position and moved a few pillows aside to allow Sweetie Belle more room before patting the space next to her. Sweetie Belle obliged and scooched over until they were sitting a few inches apart. "I still can't believe you solved a mystery all on your own! That must've been quite the endeavor. I don't know how many ponies could've done that, even with the background knowledge from reading mystery novels and such." Sweetie Belle said, quite impressed.
It was no secret that Rarity was a tenacious and resourceful girl, but she had never demonstrated those two attributes to this magnitude before. Not only was she able to keep a level head and use her wits in a crisis, but she also brought Wind Rider to justice and cleared Rainbow's name, thus protecting her position as a Wonderbolt reserve. The respect they had for each other was mutual, they were best friends after all, but Sweetie Belle couldn't help but feel like hers had grown just a bit more after this.
Rarity's alabaster cheeks flushed a shade of pink at the praise and she waved her hoof dismissively. "That's very kind of you to say but it was nothing really, any of you would have and could have done the same. I simply couldn't stand to see Rainbow suffer due to somegirl else's actions and do nothing about it. Besides, it wasn't all on my own, I did have some assistance." She rested her head against the velvet backing of the sofa and sighed, half in contentment and half in exhaustion. "I'm just relieved to be home at last. There's nothing like a quiet afternoon with splendid company to make you feel like yourself again."
Flattered by the compliment, Sweetie Belle left Rarity to her moment of respite and reached for the small teacup that sat steaming on the coffee table. She lifted the ornate china to her mouth and took a sip, feeling a twinge of disappointment when she saw it was almost completely emptied of the delicious chamomile Rarity had made her. She didn't want to be rude and ask Rarity to make more, so she made sure to savor what remained, holding the tea in her mouth for a second before swallowing.
The realization that a considerable amount of time had passed swept over Sweetie Belle and worry suddenly wormed it's way into her gut. She turned around to glance at the stately grandfather clock that sat in the corner of the parlor, softly ticking in time with the pendulum swinging back and forth. It was twelve-fifty-five, almost an hour had gone by since Sweetie Belle's arrival. Rarity probably has a million things to do today, the shop was closed while she was away after all, and I don't want to impose. But...I don't want to go home either. The thought that this wonderful afternoon may be coming to a close made her unusually dismayed.
Sweetie Belle turned to Rarity and was about to ask if she had any plans, but the words died on her lips when she saw that Rarity had fallen asleep. A look of sympathy settled on Sweetie Belle's face, not dissimilar to the one she gave her critters when they'd worn themselves out frolicking and playing in the fields all day and lay curled up in a peaceful slumber. An almost maternal affection warmed Sweetie Belle's heart at seeing somgirl always so confident and poised look so vulnerable. Poor thing, she must not have had a moment's rest between helping Rainbow and managing the boutique, Sweetie Belle thought with a melancholy smile and a light stroke of her hoof through Rarity's lustrous mane. This wasn't the first time Rarity had neglected her own needs for the sake of her friends, and it wouldn't be the last.
As she gazed at the slumbering Unicorn, it suddenly dawned on Sweetie Belle that something about her was different. Her false eyelashes were a little askew and now that her eyes were closed, Sweetie Belle could see her eyeshadow was smudged in places from having to do her makeup on the train ride home. There were small, dark circles under her eyes from having deprived herself of more than a few hours of sleep for three days. Despite this, Sweetie Belle couldn't help but marvel at how stunning she still looked. Sweetie Belle always found it astonishing that even in Rarity's most frazzled state, and she had seen her in far worse, she could still turn heads and drop jaws, be it stallion or mare. That must be nice.
It was only meant to be a casual observation with no ill-will or jealousy behind it whatsoever, but to the voice that had been lying dormant in the farthest depths of Sweetie Belle's mind, it was an invitation.
Don't you wish you could be that perfect? You'll never be beautiful like her.
It was a voice that spoke in the boisterous laughter of ever filly and colt at flight camp taunting and insulting her, pointing out her flaws as if they weren't already painfully obvious to her. In the aching sobs of every night she spent in her dorm looking in the mirror and wishing she could see anygirl but herself. And what frightened Sweetie Belle most, it spoke in her own voice, dulcet and breathy, but dripping with malice and deception. It was always there, feeding off her insecurity like a parasite, biding it's time until the perfect opportunity strike.
You'll never be beautiful at all. You don't deserve to be.
It's sole purpose was to torment her, to stomp her-self esteem even further into the ground. It had been relentless when she was a filly, but ever since the six of them had discovered the magic of friendship, the voice had become less and less frequent. It still lurked in the darkest corners of her subconscious, waiting to belittle her or twist admiration into jealousy whenever she appreciated somegirl else's beauty, but it hadn't truly made itself known in months.
Sweetie Belle had no idea why she was hearing it now, but by Celestia she wasn't going to let it ruin her afternoon. It didn't have as much power over her if she wasn't looking in a mirror, she so thought maybe she could make it go away, at least until she could be alone. She mustered up the most authoritative voice her very unintimidating one would allow and yelled into her mind, Hey, be quiet! I don't why you've suddenly decided to give me a hard time, but if you're going to make me feel terrible, at least wait until I get home. It isn't right to be jealous of my friends, especially Rarity. I've told you that a thousand times already, so leave me alone! The voice, to Sweetie Belle's relief and slight surprise, was silent. For now anyway.
The brass hands of the grandfather clock struck one and a resounding bong pierced silence, eliciting a small "Eep!" from Sweetie Belle as she was jarred out of her thoughts and nearly jumped a foot off the couch. Rarity's eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright, whipping around to look at the clock.
"My stars, is it one o'clock already?! Did I doze off? Forgive me, I hadn't meant to. No, no, I'm fine, I want to spend this time with you." Rarity added when Sweetie Belle suggested a nap. "Besides, we still have so much catching up to do!" Sweetie Belle took another drink from her teacup to settle her startled nerves and looked over the rim at Rarity who asked in a conversational tone, "So, what have you been up to? I've talked enough about myself today. Has anything particularly noteworthy happened since I was gone?"
The question, for some unknown reason, made Sweetie Belle pause, the teacup still poised on her lips in mid-sip. Just as before, something in her subconscious nagged at her. It was faint, almost imperceptible, but she knew that it was something significant, something she should be remembering but couldn't. Or didn't want to. It was like she had a word on the tip of her tongue; the phantom of the word was there, but she just couldn't visualize it, couldn't dredge it up from the recesses of her mind.
"Oh, um...n-nothing really. It was pretty quiet. Caramel's hamster was sick, so I treated him. It turns out it was just a bad cold and he was right as rain in no time! had her litter of kits. They're adorable but quite the handful. Then the latch to my chicken coop broke and Applejack came by to fix it."
"My, that was nice of her. You can always depend on Applejack to be there when you need her."
Rarity levitated her teacup to her mouth, then scrunched up her nose in displeasure when lukewarm liquid met her lips. The cup was still full to the brim since she hadn't had time to drink it while she was regaling Sweetie Belle with her story. Still, she didn't want to make a new batch so she drank another mouthful and shuddered at how cold it felt running down her throat.
Sweetie Belle nodded, remembering how grateful she was for AJ's assistance. "Yes. I was going to do it myself when I got the chance, but she said it was no problem. I'm glad it got done right away. With no place to sleep for the night, I kept having to bring the chickens into my cottage and with the new kits...well….I know they aren't big enough yet, but foxes are a natural predator to chickens."
"I see." said Rarity, choking down another mouthful of "tea".
There was a lull in conversation as the two reveled in the tranquility of the afternoon. Normally Sweetie Belle dreaded these awkward pauses. It made her feel like she was drowning, like the lack of sound was causing the air to grow thicker, slowly suffocating her. But this time, the silence wasn't oppressive, on the contrary in fact. She even found herself hoping it would continue so she could enjoy being in Rarity's presence without the burden of carrying on the conversation looming over her. They spent a good few minutes this way, relishing in each other's company.
"You know, I used to think Caramel was such a charming stallion." Rarity piped up, drawing Sweetie Belle's attention from admiring the striking plumage of a robin perched on a branch outside the window. "A true a gentlecolt, always complimenting me and trying to ask me out on dates."
At those simple words, Sweetie Belle froze. The shift in her demeanor was immediate: her eyes went wide, her pupils shrank down the size of pinpricks, and her mouth hung slightly open. She clutched the teacup that was still in her hooves so tightly it was a miracle it didn't shatter into a thousand pieces.
"I'm used to it, of course, but I was flattered nonetheless and I almost considered saying yes. That is, until I found out he was already in a relationship with Windwhistler, and then I was downright furious. I mean honestly, has he no decency? The poor dear probably had no idea that her coltfriend was out gallivanting around town trying to pick up other mares. Windwhistler is a delightful girl and I don't know why..."
Rarity's voice grew muffled in Sweetie Belle's ears as she and the rest of the boutique began to drift out of focus.
Trying to ask me out on dates.
That one sentence was all it took to open the floodgates, unleashing the torrent of memories that Sweetie Belle had been keeping at bay in one, overpowering wave. This was what had been pricking at the back of her mind. This was why that accursed voice had returned. It had happened just after Rarity's departure, as though her presence in Chicago had been preventing anything untoward from happening to Sweetie Belle.
It had been tormenting her the entire time Rarity was gone, and she'd been doing anything she could to forget about it, when all she really needed was one look into those sapphire eyes. Ever since Rarity had opened the door and invited her in that morning, it was the farthest thing from her mind, and she'd felt happy for the first time in days. Until now, that is. She should've anticipated Rarity asking about her, she always did after all, but she hadn't, and it left her woefully unprepared.
Alarmed at the sudden change in her friend, Rarity ceased her rant about Caramel's unfaithfulness and waved a hoof in front of Sweetie Belle's glossed-over eyes, her expression mirroring the concern in her voice.
"Sweetie Belle, what is it? Are you alright?"
Oh sweet Celestia, why did I have to go the market?! Why didn't I just stay home? I didn't need celery that badly! Tears began to sting at her eyes but she quickly blinked them away before Rarity could see. Those dumb colts, why did they have to be so mean!? Why did he have to tell me I was beautiful!? Couldn't he have just tripped me or something if he wanted to humiliate me? Why does Rarity have to be so beautiful? Why won't that voice just leave me alone? Why-
The tale-tale tingle of unicorn magic penetrated her mind and it suddenly went blank, severing her string of thoughts. It felt like her thoughts had been siphoned out of her and replaced with concrete, making her unable to form a single coherent one. With nothing to keep her tethered from reality, the world soon came rushing back. Rarity was the first thing her eyes focused on, her horn was aglow, her eyes glistening with worry and screwed up in concentration.
The minute Rarity saw Sweetie Belle look at her and not through her, her worried expression was replaced with that of great relief. "Oh, thank goodness! For a moment I thought I'd lost you."
The blue aura around Rarity's horn faded out and whatever had been obstructing Sweetie Belle's thoughts vanished so suddenly it made her lightheaded and the room spun like she was on a carousel. There was something wrong with her vision, as though she were looking through a kaleidoscope. "R-Rarity…" Sweetie Belle wasn't sure which Rarity she should be addressing as there were now three of them, so she went with the non-translucent one in the middle. "I feel s-strange. What was that?"
"I'm sorry, darling, I know it's a little disorienting but I didn't know what else to do. Don't worry, it only lasts a few seconds." The trio of Raritys assured in unison.
Sweetie Belle shook her head, trying to clear it. "I didn't even know you could cast spells like that. Have you been taking lessons from Twilight?"
"That's not important right now, dear. What in Celestia's name was all that about?!"
The dizziness was already subsiding and Sweetie Belle rubbed her eyes then blinked a few times, thankfully only finding a single Rarity giving her an expectant look, a bit of concern still lingering in her eyes.
Sweetie Belle's first instinct was to tell her, she knew it was wrong to keep secrets from her friends. But it wasn't fair to burden Rarity with her troubles so soon after coming home, she probably had many other things on her mind and this visit was supposed to be enjoyable for them both. However, her inner Applejack was saying that wasn't the true reason why she was so hesitant. Rarity was always empathetic when it came to other girl's problems, but Sweetie Belle knew that no matter how hard she would try to understand, she had no idea what it was like. Nogirl did, but especially not somegirl as gorgeous as Rarity.
That horrible voice was right about one thing. Rarity was perfect, and not just in Sweetie Belle's eyes. Everygirl in Chicago, maybe even beyond knew Rarity's beauty was unrivaled by any mare in Equestria. With a few flirtatious words and a flutter of her eyelashes, she was able to charm stallions into doing anything she desired. They were practically throwing themselves at her hooves. She would never know what it like to stare into a mirror and feel disappointment at what stared back. To have insecurities, and be teased and ridiculed for them, as if they were something you could control. To hear a mocking voice in your head, poisoning your thoughts and manipulating your emotions until you felt jealousy for everygirl and hatred only for yourself. To constantly be comparing yourself to everygirl and feeling more inadequate with each face you find that's more attractive than yours.
Sweetie Belle already considered herself unattractive, or least, that's what the voice kept telling her, but next to Rarity, she might as well have been a Diamond Dog. Telling her this would only only make her feel terrible, and that was something Sweetie Belle never wanted to do, not even if her life depended on it. Sweetie Belle knew how much Rarity cared for her, and how much pride she took in thinking that she had instilled a little more confidence in her each time she wore one of her creations that she toiled away the hours working on. Sweetie Belle never wanted her to know that her efforts were in vain all the times she had modeled for her and smiled as she looked in the mirror. On the outside, it was a smile; on the inside, it was a grimace. It was best to just pretend like nothing had happened, and cry in the privacy of her cottage later.
Rarity had been staring at her the entire time waiting for an answer, and Sweetie Belle scrambled for something, anything she could use as a convincing excuse.
"N-Nothing! I….just…" Think, Sweetie Belle! Let's see...I was thinking about Applejack earlier….isn't her birthday next week? Yes, that's it! "...I...remembered that Applejack's birthday is in a few days...and...I haven't gotten her anything!" She blurted out a little too quickly. Rarity eyed her suspiciously. Sweetie Belle gulped and held up her teacup to her mouth in an attempt to hide from that scrutinizing gaze, but it didn't do much to help her cause when she found her hooves were trembling so violently she could barely hold it. She knew she was a terrible liar, Applejack being the only girl who could compare, but whatever hope Sweetie Belle had of Rarity believing her before had now gone out the window. So much for convincing. "It was nothing. I-I'm fine."
"Yes, clearly." Rarity quipped with a roll of her eyes. Although she was careful not to show it, she felt a bit hurt that Sweetie Belle was still so reluctant to say what was bothering her. She knew it wasn't her fault, it was in Sweetie Belle's nature to be reserved, but they'd been through so much together, especially in the past year or so, and she'd hoped that the strengthening of their bond would dispel whatever fears still remained. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
With a soft sigh, Rarity placed her hoof on Sweetie Belle's own and said as gently as she could, "Sweetie Belle, darling, you can tell me anything, you know that. Friends shouldn't be afraid to share their feelings with one another, and if something's troubling you, I want to help in any way I can." She punctuated this by giving Sweetie Belle's hoof a squeeze.
Sweetie Belle was suddenly reminded of just how much she trusted Rarity, admittedly even more than the rest of her friends, if only because she was just so patient and sympathetic. She was always there with an ear ready to listen, and no problem of Sweetie Belle's was ever too trivial. Sweetie Belle had been foalish to think this time would be any exception, even if she didn't understand. Telling somegirl might make me feel better too, Sweetie Belle thought, and she slowly lifted her eyes to meet Rarity's. Usually Sweetie Belle would have to force herself to maintain eye contact with other ponies, but there was so much commiseration and empathy sparkling in Rarity's eyes, she found she couldn't look away. They were so inviting. It made her feel so secure, and under the warmth radiating from those pools of sapphire, she felt all of her apprehension melt away like snow on Winter Wrap Up Day.
With newfound courage now coursing through her, Sweetie Belle smiled and squeezed Rarity's hoof back. "I know. And….you're right. We know better than to keep secrets from each other." It was easier said than done, however, and icy dread began to seize Sweetie Belle when she realized she was going to have to take a very painful trip down memory lane. However, the warmth in Rarity's eyes kept it at bay, like a fire burning in the hearth on a cold winter night.
The words came pouring out of her before she had time to give it a second thought. "A stallion asked me on a date!"
Rarity had been polishing off the last of her tea and upon hearing this, the magic holding her cup aloft cut out and it fell to the floor. If Sweetie Belle's cup had been spared earlier, this one certainly wasn't, and it shattered into thousands of tiny porcelain shards. Rarity slapped a hoof over her mouth to avoid performing a spit-take and quickly swallowed her mouthful of tea.
"What!?"
"A stallion as-"
"No, no, I heard you...I just...sweet Celestia, why didn't you say something earlier?! I think that falls under that category of 'particularly noteworthy' don't you?" Rarity's shock immediately wore off and she was suddenly beside herself with elation. She clapped her hooves in a Twilight-esque fashion. "Oh, Sweetie Belle, I'm so happy for you!"
Now that she'd said it, Sweetie Belle could feel her composure crumbling. She tried to speak but the lump in her throat prevented the words from advancing any further.
It took every ounce of restraint Rarity had to keep from squealing like a filly and hugging Sweetie Belle as tightly as she could. She'd always known this day would come, how could it not? Somegirl as graceful and elegant as Sweetie Belle was bound to catch a stallion's eye, and now she had! She wanted to scoop Sweetie Belle up in her hooves, shower her with questions, beg for details. What did he look like? Where did they meet? What was his name? The design for the dress Sweetie Belle would wear on this date was already taking shape in Rarity's mind, and she was about to gallop out the door to reserve a table for two at the finest restaurant in Chicago, paid in full by her, of course. Heck, she was ready to put in an order at Sugarcube Corner for a wedding cake! She'd wanted this so badly for Sweetie Belle, she adored romance after all, and nogirl deserved it more than the Pegasus sitting before her.
But that flame of excitement and jubilation was extinguished the moment she was able to see Sweetie Belle clearly, without her perspective being obscured by the haze of cloud nine. She was hiding behind her long pink mane, ears folded back, staring downtrodden at her hooves, and looked to be fighting back tears. Equal parts shock, confusion, and concern raced through Rarity. This wasn't at all what somegirl in love looked like. Where was the giddiness reminiscent of a schoolfilly with a crush? Where was the dreamy, faraway look in her eyes? Rarity had expected this to be a moment of great celebration, but the look on Sweetie Belle's face was the opposite of celebratory.
She took Sweetie Belle's hoof again and asked in a voice as soft as Sweetie Belle's own, "What is it, darling?"
"I….I…" The dam that had been holding back Sweetie Belle's tears had been cracking bit by bit, and this small amount of contact was all Sweetie Belle needed to send her pitching over the edge. She buried her face in her foreleg and her shoulders shook as quiet sobs wracked her body.
Rarity was taken aback and quickly gathered Sweetie Belle into a tight embrace. This certainly wasn't the type of hug Rarity had hoped to give her upon receiving such wonderful news as this. "Sweetie Belle, whatever is the matter?! You've captured the heart of a stallion like I always knew you would! Shouldn't this be a joyous occasion?"
"No!" Sweetie Belle shouted, extracting herself from Rarity's hooves. Even though that "shout" only reached the volume of a regular ponies' speaking voice, Rarity was caught off guard by her outburst and recoiled slightly.
Regret added to the slurry of negative emotions already raging inside Sweetie Belle, and she peeked out through her mane, an apologetic look in her teary eyes. "I-I'm sorry...I didn't mean to yell. It's just...it wasn't real. He didn't mean it. It's always just a big joke to them."
Rarity cocked her head to the side in bewilderment. "Why in Equestria would you ever think that? Of course he meant it! Who could resist your allure, after all?"
Sweetie Belle had expected this, and braced herself for what was to come. She sniffled and took a few shaky breaths to calm herself, even though it was pointless since she knew she would be reduced to a sobbing pile of fur and feathers by the end of this.
She wiped away a few tears and swallowed hard before speaking. "W-When I was a filly in Cloudsdale...I was...teased a lot." The last part was barely above a whisper, and she looked up at Rarity as though she needed confirmation that she knew this fact as well, and it wasn't just her own secret slice of Tartarus.
Rarity, as much as it pained her, gave it to her with a nod, the heartache she felt apparent in her voice. "Yes, dear, I know. I wish I did then."
"It w-was mostly because I was such a weak flier...but also because I didn't look like other fillies my age. I was scrawny and my legs were too long, they never seemed to do what I wanted which made me a bit of a klutz. They would always make fun of my appearance...calling me mean names and things like that. It wasn't anything I wasn't already used to, and after Rainbow Dash and I became friends, a lot of the taunting stopped. But..." She shut her eyes as an onslaught of painful memories bombarded her. A tremor ran through her body and fresh tears threatened to spill from her eyes once more. She couldn't believe after all these years it still upset her this much.
The pleasant scent of lavender wafted into her nostrils, and she felt hooves wrap around her waist, pulling her close against soft, well-groomed fur. She didn't have to open her eyes to know Rarity had embraced her again. This time, she reciprocated and clung to her like a piece of driftwood in the rapids.
"...But there was one group of colts that weren't afraid of Rainbow. What they did...I-I would've prefered the name calling. One day, they stole the notebook I had been writing a poem about my crush in. There were a few of them in there, I'd been admiring him from afar for quite some time. He was so handsome and every filly at camped loved him. He was the first girl I'd ever loved."
In spite of herself, Sweetie Belle smiled, remembering how amazing it felt to be in love for the first time. If only she'd known then what she knew now, she could've saved herself the heartbreak.
"A few weeks later, the colt I had written the poem about approached me. It was the first time he had ever acknowledged my existence, and I couldn't believe that the colt of my dreams was talking to me instead of the popular and prettier fillies. It sounds cliche I know, like a bad romance novel, but I was so happy. He introduced himself but I was so nervous I couldn't even speak. It already felt like a dream, and it only seemed even more so when he took my hoof and asked me if I would go out with him. I can't really describe what I felt at that moment. It was like my heart exploded in pure bliss and nothing else in the world mattered but that colt. For the first time in my life, I felt like something more than a clumsy blank flank. I felt special, beautiful even. It was everything I had ever dreamed of and it seemed too good to be true, which, of course, it was."
Sweetie Belle buried her muzzle deeper into Rarity's neck and Rarity ran her hoof soothingly through Sweetie Belle's mane like she'd done so many times before. Sweetie Belle expected to be crying by this point, but she only felt numb and detached, like what she was talking about had happened to somegirl else and not her. Maybe she'd been trying to believe that for too long. "Just as I was about to say yes, that group of colts popped out from behind a trash can and started cracking up. One of them was holding my notebook and started reading my poems out loud. I was mortified but then….I saw my crush laughing right along with them. He laughed so hard he had tears in his eyes, like it was the funniest thing that ever happened to him."
Sweetie Belle could almost hear the ghostly echoes of their laughter from within the boutique. This was the day she'd started hearing that voice. It was spawned from their terrible, mocking laughter, and Sweetie Belle could feel the smug satisfaction emanating from it as it lay in wait. It wasn't going to interrupt her now; Sweetie Belle was just getting to its favorite part.
"He said 'Wow, Fluttercry, you should've seen the look on your face!' Then he hoof bumped one of the colts that had stepped out from the trash can and said, 'I can't believe you actually fell for it! Don't you know that nogirl would ever go out with you? I mean, just look at you!' My wings wouldn't carry me very far back then, so I ended up running back to my dorm, tripping a few times in the process. I stayed in my room and cried all night, and when I showed up for practice the next morning, everygirl knew about what had happened and every colt and filly at camp was laughing at me."
Now it was Rarity's turn to feel like crying, but she held back her tears lest it cause her mascara to run. Had she known what the day would bring, she would've opted for waterproof when given the chance. The pain she felt at seeing her friend have to go through something like that was unbearable, and and it only got worse as Sweetie Belle continued.
"Rainbow Dash did what she could, but the damage was already done. Ever since then, colts would always come up to me and ask me out as a joke. Most I didn't have a crush on or even like, but it still hurt all the same. Even when I moved to Chicago, stallions still kept doing it. It's been years since the last one, and for a while I thought I was finally free of it. Ever since Twilight came to town and we've all been, you know, saving the world together," Sweetie Belle allowed herself another smile, "I've been feeling so good. So happy. I thought maybe I could move on, start seeing myself differently, and this voice in my head would go away...but that stallion yesterday...oh, Rarity, I was so wrong. It's never going to stop." She pulled herself away from the safety of Rarity's neck to look up at her as a signal that she was done and awaited a response. There were many ticks from the grandfather clock before one came.
When Rarity was a filly, her father, as a birthday present, had taken her to Canterlot for the first time. It was her foalhood dream: to feast her eyes on the palatial buildings and high spires, to drink in the opulence and sophistication like a fine wine. Or in her case, grape juice. The train tickets back to Chicago were for that same night, so she could only bask in it's glory for a day, but nevertheless, she was ecstatic. All she wanted was to pretend like she was a part of high society, it didn't matter how long. To her, it was because her carriage would turn back into a pumpkin at midnight, and the crown jewel of Canterlot would return to her humble beginnings. She wasn't going to let them see through her ruse, to see an ignoble commoner from Chicago. She was a well-educated mare, even at that age, but only by Chicago standards. An extensive vocabulary was an indication that you were of the distinguished upper class, and Rarity poured over her dictionary, trying to build a repertoire. This had stuck with her through the years, and although she never wished to be at Twilight's caliber, she still prided herself in being able to find the right words for any situation. But right now, that ability was failing her, and all she could come up with was a measly, "I...I-I'm so sorry." Her voice sounded scratchy, like a mare that smoked three packs a day and she cleared her throat.
"It isn't your fault. You didn't even know me at the time." Sweetie Belle said, her voice hollow. She pulled away from Rarity and went back to staring forlornly at her hooves, shivering from the sudden lack of Rarity's body heat.
Now that Rarity could fully process Sweetie Belle's tale of woe, somewhere, through all the pain and heartache she felt, a flicker of rage began to burn inside her. The more she thought about the despicable actions of the colts, the quicker it grew until it became an inferno.
She wanted to ask Sweetie Belle what their names were so she could find them do things that her rational, ladylike self would greatly disapprove of, but she quickly cut herself off before her train of thought could send her barrelling into a mountainside. There was no changing the past, it had happened, and now Rarity had to do what she could to make things right. She composed herself and started analyzing what Sweetie Belle had said in detail. Her gut told her that this stallion had only good intentions, but before she started trying to convince Sweetie Belle of this, she wanted to be completely certain.
"What exactly did this stallion say to you?"
Sweetie Belle had been tracing her hoof along the stitching on one of the pillows Rarity had embroidered to try and distract herself. At Rarity's inquiry, she paused and tried to recall the details. "Um...he said his name was Garden Gold and that he worked at the market selling peaches...that's where I met him by the way. He said he knew I always came on Tuesdays and that he'd been trying to work up the courage to talk to me. Then he gave me a rose and….asked if I wanted to have dinner with him sometime."
That was just what Rarity was looking for. "He gave you a rose?"
"Yes."
"And did any of the other stallions or colts do this?"
Sweetie Belle pondered this a moment before responding, "Well….no."
"And did anygirl laugh at you?"
"No."
"Then why are you so convinced he was making fun of you like all the rest?"
This was it. This was what Sweetie Belle had hoped Rarity would never have to know. It wasn't something she would ever want to hear, and Sweetie Belle never wanted to hear it either, but it was something the voice had always told her, and she believed it. "Because he told me I was beautiful. Nogirl ever tells me that unless they're either making fun of me or only saying it to make me feel better, because it's not true." When Sweetie Belle spoke, it wasn't in her own voice. It sounded like her own, but it was dark and malevolent, villainous even, and about an octave lower. Hearing it in reality and not just in the confines of her mind only made Sweetie Belle realize just how much it had become a part of her. Thankfully, Sweetie Belle was the only one who could hear this unholy duet.
Rarity gaped at Sweetie Belle like she had just slapped her, in a way she had, and any thoughts of the stallion or anything else were all but insignificant now. As Rarity spoke, Sweetie Belle could hear her voice become gravely on certain words and she winced, knowing that it meant she was upset. "Don't you dare say that! It is true, I've heard ponies tell you you're beautiful all the time, including myself, and that's what I, er, we genuinely believe. You are beautiful! Do you really think I'm being insincere when I say that? Please tell me you don't think that."
To Rarity's utter dismay, Sweetie Belle said nothing, she only resumed tracing her hoof on the embroidery, refusing to meet her eyes. Silence permeated the air like heavy fog and this time it was Rarity who felt like she was drowning. Her chest felt tight like the weight of Sweetie Belle's words were threatening to crush her. The way Sweetie Belle had said it….so matter-of-fact like she was giving somegirl directions to a place she'd been a thousand times. Like it was something she'd come to accept and worse than anything, like it was something that was true.
But it couldn't be, it wasn't, not when there were so many times when Rarity had seen ponies marvel at her beauty just as much as they did hers. Rarity knew she was being hypocritical, but she she just couldn't accept the thought that Sweetie Belle had just as hard of a time seeing her own beauty as Rarity did hers. Rarity knew how awful it felt to feel dissatisfied with the way you looked, and she tried so hard to make sure that all of her friends were able to feel beautiful, it's why she poured her heart and soul into her dresses.
"But surely you hear the honesty in girl's voices when they compliment you? Why would they go out of their way to say those thing if they didn't mean it? There has to have been a moment in your life when you felt beautiful. Haven't you ever looked at yourself in one of my dresses and thought you looked pretty?"
Sweetie Belle kept quiet, but the sound of her heart breaking into pieces even more jagged and numerous than the teacup was almost audible. She wanted to say something, make up a lie, anything that would spare Rarity's feelings. But she just...couldn't. She had wanted to avoid this from the very beginning, but she was down the rabbit hole now, and her only choice was to see how far she would fall.
"What about when we went to the Gala? I've never seen you look so breathtaking."
More silence, but Rarity's tenacity was coming through, and she wasn't going to let guilt and sorrow creep in and snuff out her flame of hope just yet.