The sirens seemed so far off and even when other people arrived he refused to let her go. Until the paramedics arrived he needed to feel her breathing in his arms. If she was clinging to life, he needed to hold her and make sure it didn't slip away.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "Ruzek." The voice was calm and quiet. "You can let her go now." Suddenly she was taken from his arms and he stayed, on his knees, his bloodied hands shaking as he ran them up and down his thighs.

"Help her please." He begged, his voice catching in this throat as the tears spilled down his cheeks while he watched her being placed on the gurney. The hand was still on his back and he felt it dig into his shoulder as they faded into the murky dark. The rattle of the gurney was like nails on a blackboard as they retreated, it reverberated through him and it was all he could hear.

"Come on." He looked up at his boss who had shone his light around, resting it on the victim for a moment. "You need to run through with me what happened and then we'll get you to Med."

"She was already on the ground, I took fire, I returned fire. It was a clean shoot. I feared for my life, I feared for her life." Adam spat out. "I had no choice."

"Okay, okay." Voight nodded at Atwater. "Take him to Med." He told him. "I'll deal with the street deputy but they will need to talk to you. You realise who you've shot?"

"World's a better place." Adam snarled.

Voight stepped closer. "Shut your mouth. I never want to hear that again. You hear me?" He pushed him away to follow Atwater.

It was a silent trip to the hospital. Adam didn't want to talk and Kevin had no idea what to say. "She's tough." He offered. "She's our girl."

Adam closed his eyes. "Yeah." He wrenched at the side of his vest and it was the first indication that he was hurt too but he ignored it. When they got out of the car, Kevin popped the trunk so they could dump their vests. They were uncomfortable at the best of times, sitting around in a hospital for god knows how long would be excruciating. Not to mention that Ruzek's was covered in blood and it wasn't his.

He tossed it into the trunk with ferocity and the pain in his side almost cut him in half. He pulled his shirt up and saw the bruise and quickly tucked it back in. Kevin's back had been to him, he was looking up at the building in front of them so he didn't see it. Too much shit had gone down here.

Kim was already being treated when they arrived and they were shown through to a waiting room and told that someone would be out to see them in a minute. The clock on the wall ticked past 6pm, and then thirty minutes later they were still waiting. The room had filled up a little more. Platt had arrived and made a beeline straight for Adam who was crouched against the wall with his head hung low. It made her heart stop, she'd seen him in this position before.

Resting her hand on the back of his head she stood quietly to let it sink in that she was here. "How is she?"

"I don't know."

"She's tough…"

"Yeah, yeah, is that it? She's tough." He was sick of hearing it, is that all anyone could say? It felt like lip service right now. Nobody knew, nobody held her in their arms and felt her pain or felt the life draining from her. He'd felt both and he couldn't breathe.

Platt leant down and kissed the top of his head and stayed there for a moment. "She loves you Adam, and Makayla. This is just the start of your family. That's going to keep her here with us, with you."

Adam reached up and squeezed her hand. "Thanks."

He struggled to stand up when the door opened and the Doctor walked in. "Kim Burgess?" He had his stethoscope clutched in his hands. "Who do I speak too?" He was very abrupt and it just about knocked Adam off his feet.

"Me." Adam exhaled. His hands hung loosely by his side and he almost looked defeated. Life was draining out of him as the adrenaline dissipated.

"She's just about to go into surgery." He started. "She suffered a severe blow to the head. Most probably from landing on a hard surface, we need to relieve some pressure that's building up inside her skull. We've already drilled one burr hole. She is critical but stable. The burr hole did what is was supposed to do. She's also got some other bruising and defensive wounds to her arms and some scratches and bruising to her legs. One of her arms is broken and we will re-set that in surgery." Adam only took in half of what he said.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"We'll know more in the morning. Surgery first and then she'll be transferred to ICU." He nodded. "Okay, you can head up to the surgical floor, they have a waiting room up there. It will be a few hours." He left just as quickly as he arrived.

Adam just stood there, watching the door until Trudy pulled him back into reality. "Let's go upstairs and wait."

"I just need to make a call." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and bolted from the room. Kevin went to follow him and Trudy put her hand on his arm.

"Let him catch his breath. He'll be back." She was sure of it. He looked like he was going to vomit and the fresh air would do him the world of good.

The fresh cold air was just what he needed. The room they'd been in was stuffy, with no windows and the low rumble of people talking but not really knowing what to say. He sent his message then shoved his hands in his pockets and leant back against wall and closed his eyes.

"Adam?" Voight's raspy voice bought him back. "How's Kim?"

"In surgery. She's got a broken arm."

"Is that all?"

"Huh" he looked at him strangely. "No, head injury." He honestly couldn't remember much right now. "Critical."

Voight ran his hand over his face. "And you?"

"Still here." He muttered. "You know, if we'd done the right thing last year, this wouldn't have happened?" His voice took a harder edge.

"Did you know? What was she doing there?"

Adam narrowed his eyes. "Because she got a message asking for help and then he tried to kill her and now Kim is lying in there." He waved his arms wildly. "with a fucking drill hole in her skull."

"Adam." Voight interrupted him. "Who fired the first shot?"

Adam lifted up his shirt and showed him the bruise from the bullet he took to the vest. "He did. It was a good shoot."

"Of course it was. They'll be asking you that, you know that right?"

"I'm ready when they are."

"I'm glad you're still here." Voight patted his cheek lightly and smiled a little. "He could've killed you, he almost killed Kim. Cut and dried in my book."

They walked back inside together, neither speaking and joined everyone else in the eternal state of wait. Waiting for the best or for the worst. Voight talked to Platt and got a better idea of what was going on, Adam had been vague with the details. Not deliberately, he just had so much going on in his head right now that everything came out scrambled.

Adam didn't want to talk to anyone, he just wanted to sit and wait, then he stood and waited and stared out the window, at least this room had one. He checked his phone every few minutes but ignored most of the messages. The only ones he responded to were the ones from the babysitter.

From the corner of his eye he saw Jay and Hailey talking intently and looking at him until Hailey approached him slowly. "Adam, what do you want to do about Makayla?"

"What about her?" He raised one eyebrow. It was the first time she had showed any interest in Makayla. So much so they often joked that nobody remembered that Kim had adopted her.

"Do you want us to go pick her up?"

"No." Adam was adamant. "No. Kim wouldn't want her here. Not until I know…."

"I think she would like to see her when she wakes up."

"No….what part of no isn't sinking in." Adam snapped. "I've asked the baby sitter to stay until I get there."

"We can go sit with her?"

"No, please. Just leave it alone. I know what I am doing." He argued and it was the last thing he wanted to argue about. They'd done this before. When Kim had been out on a stake-out recently the baby-sitter stayed until he could get there and take over. Makayla would be in bed, it was better if she didn't know what was happening. Adam would be there in the morning, then he could decide what to do. Once he knew that Kim was going to be okay.

He was conscious of not traumatising Makayla. She had only just started settling down again after a few weeks of night terrors. If she woke up and either Kim or Adam weren't there she would freak out. Having people she barely knew try and comfort her or bring her here would've been the worst thing they could do. He didn't know much about being a parent, he wasn't even her parent but he was trying to learn and listen and understand what she was going through.

Hours later he was again asked if they wanted someone to go and get Makayla. He didn't get the obsession and Platt tried to explain to him that people were just trying to help and they didn't know what else to do.

It didn't stop them asking again and trying to get him to do what they wanted, not what he wanted. "It's not like she's working, what if…."

"She's not dying." He had seriously been pushed too far. "Stop fucking saying that. For Fuck's sake."

"Adam…" She started again. She'd barely spoken to him for more than a year, so he was confused as to why Hailey was so determined to lecture him now.

He had to do what he thought was right. "It's no place for a child." Adam turned on his heel and left. Each step breaking one half of his heart, yet the other knew it was the right thing to do.

At some point just before dawn he'd drifted off to sleep and was woken by the feeling of something on his chest and peeled one eye open to see a sparkly echidna on his chest. "Good Morning Ed."

"Good morning Adam." He couldn't help but smile at Makayla's beaming face.

He touched her cheek. "You had a good sleep."

"Where's Kim?"

"She got caught up at work." He lied smoothly and hated himself for doing it. He was just buying himself time.

"Will she be home for breakfast?"

"Probably not, so I thought maybe we'll go out for breakfast on the way to school. Get like that huge pancake stack that Kim never lets us have?" Makayla was happy for that and scrambled from the bed to use the bathroom while Adam checked his phone.

He read all the messages but didn't reply and turned his focus to the task at hand. Getting Makayla dressed, hair done, lunch made and ready for school.

It took every single little bit of energy he had.

Should I, could I, will I?