Author's Note: This will be Pin's POV. I tried so hard to balance out his real manga persona mixed in with my own (biased) perspective, but I hope you enjoy. Thanks!
The Trouble with Wanting
Chapter 2
"Excuse me, sir. Would you like me to start you off with an appetizer?"
Kazuichi Arai looked up at the waiter who had been checking up on him constantly. Around him, people were enjoying their meals, looking all sparkly and merry with their dates. He meanwhile, sat somberly alone and only had a glass of water on his table.
He then glanced at his watch—one hour and thirty minutes have passed. But he had been sitting here for what felt like a century.
Damn you, Kyou. Pin fumed silently, his fingers twitching to reach for his phone, ready to curse his friend out.
"Give me a couple more minutes to decide" he replied, opening the menu and pretending to look again. Internally, he was sweating. This place was too fancy, even for a man with impeccable taste and style like him.
Pin tried to read the menu, then scoffed. What a pretentious menu full of French words!
His friend—former friend now, because he was dead to him—Kyou, set him up for a date with a family friend of his.
Kyou gave him her contact information. Her name was Shizuru Hina
"You'll like her, Pin! She's a successful businesswoman, but she's your age and she's very cute" was Kyou's selling line. However, Pin didn't need to hear more convincing. It was the holidays and he didn't want to be alone, drinking by himself again.
Frankly, he didn't listen much to his friend after he heard the words: you'll like her.
He liked women. He liked talking to women, and loved the idea that someday the person he was destined with was somebody he would randomly meet on the street all along. It may sound a little juvenile, but that was how his parents met and it would be great if he could continue that tradition.
When Pin reached out to Shizuru yesterday through text, she sounded polite and wary. But it was better than the rejections he'd received from all the women he showed interest in. He asked her which restaurant they should meet, offering to pay for their dinner.
Shizuru-san then decided that they meet in a fancy French restaurant near the Tokyo Tower.
Pin would have naturally opposed the idea. He was a teacher, not a CEO. He can rarely afford such lavish things. But he decided to give it a shot, optimistic at the opportunity that he was given. It was such a rare occasion, finally landing a date after being single for so long. And he didn't want to mess it up.
Kyou made fun of him for it earlier, much to his chagrin.
"You look like this is your first date in ages, Pin" was what Kyou said when Pin stopped by his place earlier "What are you? A middle schooler?" This was followed by a huge belly laugh.
"Shut it, idiot! It's not like that at all!" was all Pin could muster. Kyou was right, this was his first date in ages. How embarrassing.
He even bought Shizuru a bouquet of flowers so that he could woo her like a proper gentleman. But even that effort was made fun of by his friend. What the hell was wrong with giving flowers to a lady, anyway? Isn't that what people do? Or is he seriously getting behind the times?
He crossed his arms and cursed under his breath now. The bouquet sat miserably on the table while people around him continued their merry conversations inside the restaurant.
Where was this beautiful woman that Kyou was talking about? He was getting more and more anxious, and he was rarely like this.
His phone pinged.
It was Shizuru Hina
"Hey, I'm sorry I can't make it. I'm going to be working late tonight. Let's postpone, and meet up some other time alright? Happy New Year, Anyway!"
"The nerve of this businesswoman!" he said, his nostrils flaring "How dare she make me wait when I could be out in the streets picking up other women by now?"
Secretly, he was relieved. The place she picked was too expensive anyway and he was severely underdressed. He stood up to leave, abandoning the bouquet of flowers on the table.
He walked out of the restaurant whistling merrily, waving goodbye at the waiter who gave him a cold look for keeping the table for so long without ordering anything.
It has been a while since he visited such a big city. Even if it was such a stark contrast to everything back home, he was trying to enjoy the beauty of the lights and the buildings that towered over everything around him. He was curious how Tokyo looked during the New Year because he knew the city had a fantastic night life.
As soon as he was out on the tall building's entry way, Pin surveyed the crowded area where a lot of families and couples congregated. It was snowing harder than yesterday, but despite the cold, it just made everything look more other-worldly.
Pin looked up at the night sky—which had stars that looked distant yet pristine—and felt the snow land on his face, feeling the cold prick his skin then melting away. It was such a lovely night in such a big, bustling city.
Yet, he was alone.
"Hey ladies!" he said, when he encountered a group of pretty women, looking like they were about to go out and celebrate. "Mind tagging this cute guy along with you? I promise you'll have a good time"
"Eh?! No thanks!" they all said unanimously then hurried away, whispering to themselves "What a weirdo…"
Pin sighed, as he continued down the street.
Toru told him to let his hair down if he wanted to pick up chicks. Well for his date tonight, he decided to do just that. Even then, no one was giving him the time of day.
Toru, you liar. He fumed.
He smelled something heavenly. When he looked up, he noticed that the smell came from a fast-food chain selling a bucket of chicken which had a special promo for the holidays. Without second thoughts, he made a beeline towards it.
"Stupid business woman and stupid fancy French restaurant…" he mumbled, as he now held his newly bought bucket of chicken which was still hot against its container.
He also made a beeline towards a convenience store.
"Stupid Kyou and Toru for having babies…" he mumbled again, as he held his newly purchased six-pack beer. He tucked them under his arm, protecting them from the cold. He already knew how tonight would end, just like all the other nights during a holiday.
He'd be all alone drunk but with a belly full of chicken.
It was three hours until the New Year, and he knew that everyone back home would be visiting the shrine. Shouta and Ryu were probably with Yoshida and Kuronuma, drinking Amazake as he was thinking it. Toru and his family wouldn't be visiting until tomorrow morning.
Yoshida had invited him to go with them to the shrine, and he would have likely gone with them if Kyou hadn't invited him here. Even so, he knew he'd be back home tomorrow anyway and he decided to make use of the time that he's here.
Instead of heading back to his hotel alone, he decided that it was best to see the city. After all, despite how unfamiliar and big it was, the streets were beautiful and decorated festively. He can head to a park or a viewing deck and enjoy his food.
How miserable! Pin remarked at himself, his face distorted into a scowl. If his students could see him now, they would definitely make fun of him.
His hand twitched with an impulse to call Kyou. Yet, he didn't want to impose on his friend who was spending the New Year with his in-laws. That would be worse than being alone.
"Huh?"
He stopped walking when he saw that his feet led him to J University's humongous gate. Of course, it was closed but the school's façade was enormous even from where he was standing. He stood there frozen, his thoughts suddenly leading him to someone.
Maybe…
He snorted, dissipating his train of thought.
Even if he never saw her back home for the last three years, he knew Yano would be home for the holidays.
He was constantly loitering around the ramen shop where Yoshida was working, hoping to hear news—well, gossip—about his former students. Joe, to everyone's surprise, finally had a girlfriend. Ryu won several base ball matches for his University. Sawako and Kurumizawa were the top students in theirs.
Yet he never heard anything about Yano.
It's funny but it almost felt as if she was avoiding him…
He wondered how she was doing. Being out here studying alone in Tokyo must not be easy but he believed in her. He knew she had what it takes to be here.
He continued walking and passed by a series of apartment complexes, no doubt occupied by students and young couples. Then, he noticed a well-lit café up ahead, with inviting posters of various cakes and desserts plastered on the glass walls.
"Stupid holiday and stupid big city, making me buy stupid things…" he mumbled as he made way to buy himself a cake.
Pin wasn't pathetic. He was a great man. Women were just too intimidated to date him. Tokyo women were the same. Admittedly, and he already knew this—it would probably take a great woman to handle a great man like him.
That was it.
He whistled merrily once again as he entered the shop, now back in high spirits at the thought of himself being a great man.
"Excuse me?" he asked the cashier, noticing the display was empty "Do you still have any cakes left?"
"Gomenasai!" the cashier bowed apologetically, "The last cake was bought by this costumer—"
He let his gaze fall towards the customer (more like the cake swiper), ready to mumble angry complaints at nabbing the last one when he realized it was a petite woman.
She had her back turned, but she looked cute from where he was standing. She had black, thigh high boots, with her cream coat resting above her knees, revealing a slim figure. Her fingers that held the cake box were thin and dainty, manicured a soft pink.
Immediately, he couldn't resist himself.
"You're very lucky aren't you, buying that last one and all that?" he said in his cool voice "How about we celebrate the New Year together? Surely a cute girl like you and a handsome guy like me can share that cake? Hahaha!"
She was still ignoring him, but he told her that it was probably destiny that they met here tonight. He felt pretty good saying it. Who could resist such a fantastic pick-up line?
The girl suddenly turned—
"WAHHHHHH"
"AHHHHHHH—YOU!" The girl he hit on was Yano. And her face was full of irritation.
"AYANE YANO!" he said, hating how she was suddenly here when he was just thinking about her a few minutes ago "What—What the hell are you doing here?!"
"I should ask you the same question!" she bit back "And why are you even here, of all places?! Are you here in Tokyo to terrorize women into going out with you—?"
She was droning on at complaining about his lousy pickup line but Pin was just looking at her, realizing this was the first time he actually saw her again.
For starters, she smelled good. She was wearing a gray beanie atop her long curly hair, but what surprised him the most was that Yano looked vastly different from what he remembered when he taught her in high school.
He quickly recalled a girl with low self-esteem, trying hard to validate herself by the affection of men who didn't really love her, and whom she didn't really like. She wore her skirts too short, applied her make up too much and had too many piercings.
She was definitely smart and kind back then, too. But she didn't have the confidence to extend them to others.
The Yano in front of him was wearing less make-up and had only a pair of small, silver earrings. She just looked better—more refined, like a fine woman.
Not that Pin would ever admit it out loud to his former student.
He self-consciously tried to hide the embarrassing chicken and beer under his arm—afraid she would make fun of him. Here she was changing, getting to know herself better and yet he, the person she looked up to, was pathetic and alone.
"I'm here because I was visiting a friend that I used to play baseball with back in high school" he said, clearing things up.
Pin could see the disappointment in her eyes in that instant, and he knew Yano was hoping for a different answer.
He pretended not to notice.
They exchanged a few more banters as she told him she stayed back to get ready for the next semester. His heart swelled with pride when he heard that. He never saw her this serious in her studies before.
As they continued to talk, something that bugged him for a while now appeared in his thoughts. He knew that if he didn't ask her now, there was no way he would know the truth.
"You're avoiding me, aren't you Yano?" Pin said, looking her square in the eyes.
Yano's cheeks flushed even more, despite the cold. She looked down at her boots and Pin watched as few strands of her hair fell to the sides of her face. Pin looked away quickly.
"Well?" he prodded
"Yeah, I was" she finally said in a small voice
He immediately demanded why, claiming that it was weird that she was avoiding him.
But Pin fell silent when she leveled him with a look that says, don't be stupid.
"Pin…" she said in a voice that made the hairs at the back of his neck stand "I think you know"
He did.
He recalled her confession: he had been waiting for her in school all day, worried whether she passed her entrance exam. When she didn't come at all, he took the hint and went home, thinking she failed and was too ashamed to show her face to him.
He was surprised when she came to his apartment later. She looked distressed, her cheeks were pink from the cold and her eyes were puffy. His heart sank when he saw her looking like this. He immediately concluded the worst.
After a series of consoling words, doing the best that he could to make her feel better, she told him it was a misunderstanding and that she, in fact, actually passed.
That riled him up quickly "DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WAITED FOR YOU?" he blurted out back then, sounding angrier than he intended to be.
He wasn't supposed to tell her that he waited just for her. It was a weakness, an unfair favoritism. If other students or teachers heard him, he would be questioned for sure. But when Yano heard him say that, he saw her face glimmer with something he didn't want to name.
He immediately felt relieved and happy that she finally secured her future by getting in a prestigious university in Tokyo.
And then, she confessed.
He knew Yano was the type to let other men confess to her and not the other way around. So, he was taken aback when out of everyone she could confess to, she bothered with an old man like him.
There were many signs a teacher can pick up over the years, over which student could potentially have good or bad grades, a student who had traits to be a leader, or a student who might be good at sports.
He in particular had a talent for sniffing out students who were bad news. and he had developed this keen sense after many years of teaching. Ayane Yano had been bad news the moment he saw her that first year in homeroom. She just always had that glint in her eyes that told him she knew about things more than she let on.
He later discovered that she was definitely mature for her age.
He didn't know how to receive her affection because he was a teacher, and he knew it would be inappropriate.
They had different realities back then.
"Yano" he said, not caring about their realities any longer "I would like it if you won't avoid me anymore from this point on"
He'd like to think that they were now becoming friends. As they walked along the street side by side, he told her about how he got stood up, and she laughed in his face, much to his irritation. He would have wanted to hear a Poor you! Or a what?! That sucks, Pin!
But she just laughed, and she looked so carefree as he watched her throw her head back. Her footing almost slipped from the slickness of the snow from laughing so much, and his hand immediately tried to reach for her waist.
He withdrew his hand before it touched her when he realized she regained her balance all on her own. She didn't even notice.
He hated to admit it, but for once, he was having fun.
After a while of talking, Pin noticed that Yano was looking at a couple walking a few feet ahead of them. They looked too happy and in-love and his former student looked torn between feeling happy for someone else, and feeling like she wanted to be in that position, too.
"What a showy couple!" he remarked. Many couples were like this back home too and it definitely nauseated him. The youth were so showy about their feelings. Feelings that don't even last long.
"You're just jealous" she remarked, looking at him from the corner of her eyes.
Of course, he was. He loved the idea of having someone to walk the street with, looking all happy. Then, he paused. Wait—is he and Yano? His thoughts were fucking hilarious.
"ME? Why would I? Being showy is such an embarrassing thing to do!"
"You're so old fashioned" she pointed out, more as a fact than a defect.
At once, Pin imagined a cool looking guy sweeping Yano off her feet. They would be holdings hands and laughing out in these streets, looking like a couple. He hated to admit it, but this image didn't really sit well with him.
"So that's what you and your boyfriend do, then?" he asked, even if he immediately regretted it. He really didn't want to know. He was bored of this topic already "Holding hands, looking all lovey-dovey outside?"
When she revealed that she didn't have a boyfriend, he noticed the snow around them immediately looked more pristine and glowing. Everything appeared brighter, somehow. He genuinely didn't know why that was, but it is what it is.
As soon as they arrived in her apartment building, he didn't know what the right words were for saying goodbye. He supposed it was much harder to say them when the moment presented itself.
Yano was standing before him, looking suddenly somber. Pin watched her like this, even as the carton of the six-pack beer he was holding were sure to leave line dents against his fingers. He felt the air getting heavy around them. He breathed, the air smoky and white.
He wanted to make his goodbyes quick so that she can go back in. He'd hate for her to get a cold.
"I didn't expect to bump into you like this" he started "But I'm glad we got to catch up, Yano"
"Yeah…me too" she said "Happy New Year, Pin"
"Happy New Year" he said, giving her a smile "I believe that you can ace next semester since you worked so hard for it. Just believe in yourself, alright? I believe in you too!"
He was proud of her for braving through such a prestigious university. He really did believe in her, no matter what. His fingers twitched, as it suddenly had the urge to pat her head, or to give her a hug, he didn't know which one. It was his teacher complex, and it was over the roof with pride.
Yano's eyes started to glisten, a sure sign that she was on the verge of tears.
But then, she decided to hide her feelings with a joke as she teased him one last time about being alone and drunk again on a holiday. She was seeking comfort by making fun of him again.
He graciously let her.
But then—
"Pin, do you want to come in and celebrate the New Year with me?"
He froze.
Yano was looking at him nervously, her cheeks redder than ever. The hands that were holding the cake box were shaking, but he had a feeling it wasn't from the cold.
He was about to answer her, when his phone rang.
Pin looked at who was calling.
It was Shizuru Hina.