Summary: [7x05] Psych's powers did much more damage to Barry.. and only Cecile knows the full extent of it.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Flash, the characters, the storylines. None of this is mine, not even the title. The title is the name of the episode of which this is from.
"We need to talk, Barry,"
Cecile could feel how uneasy the Scarlet Speedster was without even using her powers. Something had happened during the time that he was whammied for him to be seriously injured. They had all almost watched him bleed to death, they all needed answers. The two sat in silence for a moment. Barry kept fidgeting with his fingers in his lap whilst Cecile observed the man. If anyone who didn't know either them were to walk in they'd most likely think that this is a therapy session.
Taking a deep breath, Cecile allowed her powers to take over. As much as she wished that Barry would confide, she also knew he didn't want to burden anyone with his thoughts so he remained quiet and closed off. She felt everything. She could feel how bad his anxiety had increased and how bad he had been truly injured. Although the physical side left no scars, the mental pain ran deep, a lot deeper then she imagined. After she had had that nightmare in her home the previous night, she remembered feeling like the world around her was melting away but with Barry, his world wasn't just melting, it was burning, putting him in a constant state of panic.
"It must've been awful," She began, looking at him with concern, "I can feel how badly it's messed with you, Barry"
The fear on Barry's face as he finally made eye contact with her made her own chest ache. He was vulnerable, extremely vulnerable in this state. His eyes were glossed over, red rims along his eyes showed how badly he was struggling to hold it together. Then she noticed how badly he was shaking and biting his bottom lip to keep himself from sobbing openly. It broke her heart.
"You feel as if you've failed," Cecile continued, ignoring the way Barry turned his head away from her, his eyes closing, "As if everything you've ever done as The Flash will never be good enough"
"stop, please," Barry weakly said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Psych brought back all of the doubt and unworthiness you've ever felt back to the surface," She added, "He broke you"
"please.." Barry cried out softly, tears streaming down his face. Oliver was right. He was weak, and useless, and this was his fault.
Cecile knew she was making Barry worse for reminding him but it had to be done. They couldn't let him go back out onto the streets like this.
"you don't understand," He said softly, tears still streaming down his face, "you never will"
"Barry, do you know how many times I doubt myself whenever I lose a court battle?," She asked him, "Every time I argue in that court room, I have this nagging thought in the back of my head that I'm not trying my hardest or that it's all my fault if the defendant walks away innocent"
"I do know how it feels, Barry," She continued, sitting beside him, "I know how it feels to feel like a let down and that I'm a huge screw-up that people put their trust into only for it to not work out for them."
"This is a lonely path, one that deals with a lot of trials and triumphs," She placed her hand on his knee, rubbing softly, "You've just gotta' know that we will never change the way we think about you"
Barry took a deep breath and turned to face her, his eyes glistening from the tears building in his eyes.
"I saw Oliver," He began softly, closing his eyes again, "We-we were in the S-speed Lab..," He hesitated for a moment and Cecile thought he was backing down from telling her what he had seen, "I was so happy to see him. I thought that whatever those two guards were seeing must've been a way to simply scare them for pleasure but then he just started saying to me about how it is all my fault and how-"
"How you failed him; how you failed everyone in Central City.." Cecile cut him off, absorbing the information she had just been told.
Of course Psych would show him Oliver. Oliver was his mentor.. his best friend.. his brother. It would hurt a lot more hearing all of those things leave the mouth of someone who was held in such a high position in Barry's life.
Barry nodded sheepishly, sniffing lightly. He wiped his eyes with his hands, turning away from Cecile.
"What was Oliver like?" Cecile asked him, changing the subject slightly.
"What?" Barry asked, taken aback from the question.
"What was the 'Emerald Archer' like? What did a stone-cold killer like him do to have someone as bubbly and warm as you in his life?"
"He's not a 'stone-cold killer'," Barry said weakly, "He only killed people if they didn't take up his first offer of redemption"
A small smile appeared on Cecile's face as Barry defended Oliver.
"Oliver believed in me when no-one else did," He continued, missing Cecile's point, "He's the reason why I put my suit on now. This is his world and it needs to be protected so his sacrifice isn't for nothing"
After a moment of silence, realisation hit Barry. Tears flooded his eyes once more as he looked over at Cecile, seeing a gentle, caring smile on her face.
"You-"
"That vision you saw, that version of Oliver wasn't the real Oliver. He wasn't your best friend. He was simply a manifestation of your doubts and grief and once that had sparked something in your brain, it created the vision you saw. Psych can't manipulate your mind to think it's someplace else. No. Psych's powers are limited to opening up your fear and doubt just like Ramsey did when he took that trip into your brain. Your mind creates the setting based off of your mental reaction to the overwhelming fear. This whole situation is because of cause and effect"
Barry remained quiet, mulling over her words.
"You said it yourself. Oliver believed in you, Barry. How much trust did you have instilled in Oliver?"
"I trusted him with my life" Barry replied immediately.
"That goes both ways," She told him, "I once heard from Felicity at Iris' Bachelorette party that he would lay down his life for you. If that doesn't show how much trust he has in you then I don't know what does"
"Felicity explicitly said, 'The world needs more of Barry Allen and less of Oliver Queen', But you and I know that the world wouldn't be here if it weren't for Oliver so in order for you to protect this world, you need to carry Oliver Queen with you. The world needs you both"
Cecile stood up and walked out of the room, letting Barry have the room to himself. Tears fell down the Scarlet Speedster's face.
After beating Psych and throwing him somewhere he'd never hurt anyone, namely the Speed force, ever again.
He ran.
Ran until he reached his destination. Even then, his mind was still running. Running far into his mind, opening a locked door.
Crouching down in front of the grave, tears refused to even assemble in Barry's eyes.
Oliver Queen
1985-2019
"Beloved son, brother, husband and father"
Hero of Star City
The Green Arrow
His hands wandered to the grass in front of him, lightly grasping it in his finger tips, a tight smile gracing his face. The wind blew gently, almost stopping completely in random intervals.
Taking a deep breath, Barry close his eyes and let the flood gates open,
"I miss you," He began, "Y'know, I always wondered what you meant when you said you died for Kara and I. I knew you grew to care about us and that you always wanted the best for us, but I didn't realise that you were leaving this to us. I didn't voice my questions though because I knew at the end of the day, you trusted me, you trusted me with everything you had and I guess, knowing that eased a lot of my worries"
Barry let out a choked laugh before continuing,
"Hell, even when the Dominators attacked and everyone seemed to lose their trust in me, you were by my side, not even doubting me for a second even if you really wanted to. I mean, you had every right to. I ruined the timeline and yet, you didn't even keep me at arms distance, you kept me firmly at your side. You had so much faith in me that not only would this all get sorted but you were determined to make sure I got to see the other side of it. You were hellbent on making sure that I never saw the horrors of the real world and that if I ever saw it, you were crazy on making sure my 'light', as you called it, would never fade away. I can't thank you enough for that"
"God, I remember when I first met you," Barry let out another choked laugh, this time tears were building in his eyes, "You acted like you hated me. I mean, I was this young CSI from Central City who was obsessed with the Supernatural (which, by the way, Thea tells me that I influenced you to watch that show and re-watch it multiple times because you wanted to know why someone enjoyed researching this stuff). Even when you were battling your own demons, you still dropped everything to help me catch Harrison Wells, well, Eobard Thawne. You still helped train me, even if it involved you quite literally stabbing me in the back with two arrows"
Barry fell silent as his throat tightened, tears slowly leaking out of his eyes.
"You were there to be my best man at my wedding, "He said softly, "I miss you so so so much.. You're my best friend; My brother..," Barry sniffed and wiped his eyes, weakly smiling, "I promise I won't let you down. Even if I'm down on my knees, moments away from giving it up. I will not let you down"
"I trust you with every cell in my body" Barry whispered, sobbing quietly seconds later.
He'd continue spreading Oliver's legacy. He would help finish what Oliver started. He had to.
Before he had met Oliver, he was an innocent CSI, just curiously digging around and obsessing over his mother's murder. But, after Oliver, he was The Flash. Central City's protector and someone who was strong enough to continue this life.
Barry stood up from the headstone, taking one last glance at it before speeding off, towards his city.. towards his home. Oliver laid his life down so everyone he loved could live theirs. It was time Barry finally lived his.
I know I haven't uploaded in time. I have had so much to do at school and I've had a lot going on personally regarding my actual health. I am fine. I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did writing it and if anyone has any queries towards this and if anything doesn't make sense leave a review or PM me and I'll clear the air regarding it. I hope everyone is happy, healthy and all of your families are happy and healthy too :)